Dear Dominic,
If spending more time with you has shown me anything, it’s that you are incredibly resourceful — when you really want something. Specifically something you are not supposed to have.
If you don’t? You’re as helpless as Mr. Krabs molting.
Por ejemplo:
Your regular schoolwork dipshittery earned you a week without Wi-Fi for your various apparatus.
Though you pretend to be a Luddite, you certainly MacGyvered your way into connectivity. (I didn’t even know you knew what an Ethernet cable was or that we had one.)
But then you called for backup to find the lunch meat.
Lunch meat, Dominic.
Remember this conversation?
You (banging around in the refrigerator): There’s no meat!
Me: Yes, there is.
You (getting loud): No, there’s not!
Me (shockingly calm in the face of teenage attitude): Look in the drawer on the bottom left.
You (louder): I’m looking! All I see is a cabbage.
Me (sighing): Move the cabbage.
You: Oh.
“Move the cabbage.” It’s like the Coronacation version of “Who Moved My Cheese.”
I really hope this is just typical teenager behavior, and you’ll grow out of it. I am not a helicopter parent. I don’t plan to have you live with me forever.
You must learn to move the cabbage on your own.
Love,
Mama
Thanks for the (much-needed) laugh! I could *hear* you having that conversation. Also love the smirk on Eddie’s face in the photo. 🙂
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I laugh to keep from crying.
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It’s a long story but I have a “son” who still calls me (he’s 46 and lives 3 hours away) when he can’t find his car keys. I’m not sure they all outgrow this… But at least he’s not standing in front of my fridge. He has his own and has to move his own cabbage. 😀
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Oh no! You mean there might not be any hope? 😉
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😀
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YES, Betty, yes. Numerous times, every day: MOVE THE FRICKIN’ CABBAGE!
This “I don’t see it” behavior is perhaps topped only by the infamous, “Hey, we’re out of _____”. ‘Cause how would I know since you put the EMPTY package/carton/container back in the refrigerator/cupboard. Lord, help us.
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Oh. My. GOD. YES! Tell me we are now out of milk because you DRANK IT ALL IN ONE SITTING.
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