Dear Adam,
I know we broke up in September 2019. I moved on.
I never forgot you, though.
When I heard you would be traveling through Salem, I decided to go see you for old times’ sake.
Our relationship has had its ups (2013) and downs (2012 and 2019)
I see you haven’t changed at all in the past five years.
I mean AT ALL. You might not have even been out of those clothes in all this time. I have no idea.
You’re even still wearing that stupid hat. Whyyyy?!
And you are peddling all the same merch. With new tour dates, sure.
There is one new thing about you:
Your voice sounds great, and you’ve remained trim.
But I don’t understand the little stage hops. You moved like your pants were too tight.
I know you are almost 70. I understand that you are not in your prime.
But this is your only job. And many fans are still paying to see you perform.
You have no kicks to give.
Frankly, I’m concerned. Your eyes looked dead.
When you were introducing the band, you paused for so long, I thought about calling 911.
Were you smelling burnt toast?
Seriously, I am worried about you.
Take some time off. Regroup. See your barber (and a stylist). Maybe consider retirement. You’ve worked hard. You’ve given the world some great music. Fans appreciate you. Don’t repay their loyalty by dying on stage in front of them.
Love always,
Beth
* The dandy highwayman himself
Observe and report 
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