Posted in Friends, Random, Travel, tagged Beer and wine, Chickens, Food, Friends, Out of the house, St. Louis, Travel, Writing on April 23, 2023| Leave a Comment »
Dear Readers,
I know I haven’t posted in a while. There’s plenty going on, but I’m not processing it through writing at the moment.
I DID want to share a bit of my day today, though.
A former work friend was in town, and we went to a place I had never been before:
Naturally, I loved it. I’ve been meaning to go, and I finally got the chance.
I’ll be back in writing action again soon, I hope.
Love,
Beth
Posted in Friends, tagged Advice, Atlanta, Bright ideas, Disorders, Fear, Food, Friends, Out of the house, Parasites, Travel on January 26, 2023| Leave a Comment »
Dear Bob,
Listen, friend: We need to have a talk.
You were one of my favorite teachers in high school, and I’m thrilled we reconnected when I lived in Atlanta.
But you have scared the bejesus out of everyone with your recent emergency.
I realize that taking a group of students to the Galápagos Islands — a trip that included snorkeling — was too appealing to be denied.
However, when loads of people in the group got a stomach virus, did you HAVE to be an overachiever and get an extreme case? Of course you did.
This was your lovely wife Susan’s status update over the weekend.
Emergency surgery, scary-low oxygen levels, infection attack on numerous organs — that’s just a fraction of the issues you faced.
The good news is that you are awake and asking for sweet tea from Chick-fil-A.
So that means you are on the mend.
It’s about time.
Keep up the great work!
Love,
Beth
* Thanks, Toy Story.
Posted in Friends, tagged Bright ideas, Death, Fear, Friends, Holidays, Out of the house, St. Louis, Students, Travel on October 23, 2022| 4 Comments »
Dear Victoria,
Thanks for going with me to the Haunted Mine at our university (aka place of business).
I know we are coworkers who barely know each other, but you came through. People I knew better begged off (because haunted, because mine, because both).
Even though I’m an Explosives Technology student, I had not yet been to the experimental mine. I read all about the prep, though.
Too bad I live 1.5 hours away and couldn’t get in some hours.
We got the safety briefing (“It’s a mine. The walls are made of rock. If you hurt yourself, let a scarer know immediately.”). Then it was time.
It was genuinely terrifying, especially the bit with the clown with the chainsaw.
NO, THANK YOU.
I had to remind myself that the scarers were not allowed to touch me. (And I was not allowed to touch them either. Consent goes both ways.)
Huddled together, we screamed/laughed our way through it.
Well, the screaming/laughing was me. You were mostly laughing. At me. For good reason.
Anyway, it was great, and I appreciate you going with me. Thanks again!
Happy Halloween!
Beth
*A great Duran Duran song and a terrible pun for this post
Posted in Friends, Travel, tagged Beer and wine, Food, Friends, Music, Out of the house, Pop Music, St. Louis, Travel on August 21, 2022| 2 Comments »
Dear Jennifer,
Thanks for visiting! You gave me an excuse to go to Grant’s Farm. I had heard about it, but never gone.
The main reason to go? CLYDESDALES.
There also are elk, deer, giant rabbits, goats, zebras, donkeys, peacocks, llamas, water buffalo and camels (seriously) to admire.
And as it is the Busch Family estate, two free samples of beer.
What’s not great is the tram system. I did not realize you had to take a tram from the parking lot to the main attraction area, then wait for a tram to take you back.
This would be a fine plan if the retirees in charge filled the trams each. They did not. You and I were both annoyed by the lengthy wait times in the broiling sun.
Anyway, I’m glad we went. I’m also glad we enjoyed the many other lovely things this city has to offer:
We hit some major St. Louis highlights.
And we even saw a rainbow.
It was such a fun weekend, but now I’m exhausted!
Next time, I promise we will squeeze in Broadway Oyster Bar.
Safe travels, and come back soon!
Love,
Beth
*Thanks, Randy.
Posted in Friends, tagged Beer and wine, Bright ideas, Food, Friends, Holidays, Music, Out of the house, Pop Music, Sports, St. Louis, Travel, White people on February 27, 2022| 2 Comments »
Dear Goat Yoga Lisa:
Thanks for being my first non-family visitor to test out the guest room! I’m glad it was during the ramp-up to Mardi Gras, but sorry there was still snow and ice all over. (Especially sorry for the Missouri drivers and the shards of ice flying off their cars.)
Having you in town was a great excuse to visit the Gateway Arch — the iconic monument I hadn’t explored since moving here.
Tiny Terror that you are, we had to explore my neighborhood bar too.
And also my neighbor’s ice-cream shop.
And Taste of Soulard — my neighborhood’s neighbor.
That’s where we saw interesting people like this guy.
And a goat who is the GOAT.
And racing weiners.
I promise a more comfortable sleeper sofa the next time you visit. And that I will have become a regular, “Cheers” style at the local bar.
Love and kisses!
Your fren,
Beth
Posted in Friends, Music, tagged 1980s, Adam Ant, Country music, Courtship, Crushes, Facebook, Facilities crew, Family, Friends, Kids, Marriage, Music, Pop Music, Savannah, The Brits on August 19, 2021| 5 Comments »
Dear Friends,
If you’ve spent any time at all reading this blog, you know how much I love all kinds of music. Well, almost all.
Two of you (Logan and Julia) wrote music-related Facebook posts recently.
I’ve done a take on the “10 albums” challenge, but this is different: These are songs that you associate with a time or a person.
Here are 15 songs indelibly linked to a certain someone.
“Tusk,” Fleetwood Mac and “Escape,” Rupert Holmes: These were the first two 45s I bought at my friend Michele’s suggestion. Solid choices.
“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” Wham: Michele again. We played tennis rackets and sang this at 2 in the morning during a sleepover. A videotape exists somewhere.
“9 to 5,” Dolly Parton: I dressed up as Dolly and performed this for a talent show at church. I think of my dad because he made me do it. I mean that in the very best way. I had not yet fully discovered my ham gene yet.
“Coat of Many Colors,” Dolly Parton: At the church talent show the next year, I sang this while my dad played guitar. We were huge Dolly fans. Clearly.
“Beat My Guest,” Adam Ant: This is not a song that is appropriate for ninth graders, but there Julia and I were — titillated at the lyrics and salivating over Stuart.
“1999,” Prince: Julia again. See screenshot above.
“I Melt With You,” Modern English: High-school boyfriend Tom. It was “our” song.
“It Takes Two,” Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock: My Chi Omega sisters and I changed the words and sang this during Greek Week. I STILL remember most of our lyrics (“The situation that Delta Sig is in … “).
“No Sex,” Alex Chilton: Mike put this on a mix tape. I had never heard of Alex Chilton. Mind blown.
“Friday I’m in Love,” The Cure: Post-college boyfriend Rob. “Our” song because that’s what was playing when our friend Harry caught us kissing on the Malone’s steps. Oops.
“Mr. Vain,” Culture Beat: Eggy “watermelon” lipsynced to this while Sophia danced on a box for a music video Eddie had to do for a class. Alex debuted some dance moves. James too.
“I Swear,” John Michael Montgomery: Eddie and I danced to this for our first dance at our wedding.
“Si Tuvieras Tus Ojos,” Edgar Joel: This was on a Salsa Mix CD our friend Billy gave me. I’ll never forget him dancing to this. For a husky guy, he is shockingly graceful. (Billy, that is. I have no idea about Joel’s physique.)
“Take On Me,” a-ha: This is my song with Gideon. We sing it with gusto. Sometimes we can hit that high note. Sometimes not.
I feel like this is a Part 1 post. As soon as I put it up, I know I’ll think of others.
What are yours? Tell me in the comments.
Happy trip down memory lane!
Beth
Posted in Friends, tagged Aging, Apartment life, Atlanta, Atlanta events, Beer and wine, Family, Food, Friends, Kids, Out of the house, Parenting, TV, White people on July 18, 2021| 3 Comments »
Dear Chandler, Joey, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel and Ross,
We’ve been together for more than 25 years. I know some people don’t like you, but I do. (Yes, I know some parts of your lives are problematic.)
It took me a while to start hanging out with you. But after Episode 6 of Season 1 (“The One with the Butt”) in Fall 1994, I couldn’t ignore you any longer. We have my friend Heidi to thank.
Heidi: Do you watch “FRIENDS?”
Me: No. Should I?
Heidi: Yes. You are Monica. Monica is you.
That is the episode with the shoes.
Heidi isn’t the only one who has made the connection over the years.
In my defense, I lived with a complete pig my first year of college. She was the kind of person who would spill milk and just leave it. She wore my clothes, got beer all over them, and put them back in the closet.
Shudder.
The worse she got, the more I cleaned. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I don’t like to clean, though. I just hate clutter. If everything is put away, it doesn’t LOOK dirty.
But I digress.
Artifacts from your lives arrived in Atlanta, so I had to go see them. I took the family. I’m definitely the biggest fan in the group as I met you when I was at the same stage in my life as you.
And yes, I do see myself in Monica. I also like to cook.
Anyway, thanks for the memories.
Your friend,Regina Phalange Beth
Posted in Friends, Travel, tagged Aging, Beer and wine, Coronacation, Family, Food, Friends, Games, Holidays, Hormones, Kids, Out of the house, Pandemic, Parenting, Travel on July 11, 2021| Leave a Comment »
Dear 36-hour Tina,
Thank you for always choosing time with me as your birthday present. I can assure you that I love the annual family trip to Cape Cod for the Fourth of July.
This year was rough for everyone. We ALL needed the long weekend.
I haven’t laughed so much in a while.
It started on the way there.
The airline staff made the announcement about early boarding for parents traveling with children in car seats.
Me to Dominic: What if you were your size, but you still had to sit in a car
seat?
Dominic: (Snorts)
Me: Safety first!
Dominic: His bones are brittle!
We got there expecting nice weather so we could hang out on the beach. I don’t know why. Even a cursory glance at the forecast would have told me to expect indoor activities. And I’m a meteorologist! Yes, I’m suitably embarrassed. Like I said, I packed aspirationally, not realistically.
Thankfully, you had Cards Against Humanity, Family Version.
It started with this:
What killed Old Joe?
Stuff.
Continued with these:
Soon, you were laughing as hard as I was.
And don’t forget the saga of the stick wine (aka Baboon Wine). (I still don’t remember how that name came to be. It’s because I had too much of the stick wine, I know.)
And wearing a “comfy” for an evening stumble walk on the beach.
I enjoyed all of it.
It was great to see you and hang out with Matt and the kids. I’m totally cool with Elsa and Gideon getting married. 🙂
Hope to see you in March!
Love,
LaBethya
Posted in Friends, Parenting, tagged Aging, Apartment life, Beer and wine, Death, Family, Food, Friends, Holidays, Hormones, Kids, Movies, Music, Out of the house, Parenting, Pool, Pop Music, Rednecks, Signs, Sunburn, Travel on June 1, 2021| Leave a Comment »
Dear Friends of My Sons,
I feel lucky. You are all really good kids. I like you, and your parents seem great too.
I spent loads of time with you over the weekend as it was Gideon’s birthday. I laughed so much.
Let’s recap:
Friday night, I took Roscoe and Gideon to meet Trent to see “A Quiet Place 2.”
Gideon: I forgot my debit card.
Roscoe: I have $2.
All: [pause]
Roscoe: I’m ballin’
Me: [howling] Big pimpin’
Saturday, on the way to Six Flags, I discovered Cole is not a fan of roller coasters. He must really like Gideon to agree to go to a theme park with him.
We drive up to the entrance and see a coaster.
Me: That’s the Georgia Scorcher. You stand up on it.
Cole: [blanching]
Me: Are your hands clammy now?
Cole: My whole body is clammy.
Y’all are at that age where you don’t really want parents around, so Eddie and I peeled off.
You found us at Macho Nacho.
Me: Where’s Dominic?
Gideon: He wanted a turkey leg, so we left him.
Me: Dang. That’s cold.
Eddie and I felt sorry for Dominic, so we went to find him.
Me, calling Dominic: Where are you?
Dominic, sounding annoyed: I’m getting a turkey leg.
Me: Where?
Dominic: At the Sky Screamer Drinks and Eats. It’s across from the Sky Screamer.
Me: We’ll be right there.
We get there, and Dominic tells me he has had the exact same conversation with Josh, Gideon twice, me, then Roscoe. I started laughing, because he repeated the conversation each time for my benefit.
An hour in line (no exaggeration), he finally had his leg.
We had to leave Six Flags. It was just too crowded. Clearly there’s no COVID in Georgia. 🙄
Trent chatted amiably with me on the way back to the car. I learned all about his job search. And other things.
Trent: I just need about a thousand dollars for equipment.
Me: When you get your job, that will happen soon. What kind of music do you do?
Trent: I rap for Jesus.
Me: Oh! Ok. You have a rap name?
Trent: It’s Trent Truth.
Me: That’s great!
We decided to resume Gideon’s birthday at the pool.
The next day, we took Dominic and HIS friends whitewater rafting. I’m eternally shocked at Dominic and Gideon’s choice of music for car rides.
Dominic: Green Day to Bee Gees to Taylor Swift
Gideon: Neil Diamond to Doom
And then there’s Adem’s choice of footwear. I was surprised to learn Crocs are hella trendy again.
Adem: I’ve got my Crocs in support mode.
That meant he used the back straps. Dylan could have taken a page out of Adem’s book.
I feel fortunate. I do. My children have chosen wisely.
See you for plenty of adventures this summer.
Love,
Dominic and Gideon’s mom
*Dionne FTW.
Posted in Friends, Guest post, tagged Advice, Atlanta, Bright ideas, Complaints, Coronacation, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Fear, Friends, Government, Holidays, Obsessions, Pandemic, Peeves, Personal essay, Pets, Politicians, Politics, Rage, Taxidermy, The Gays, White people, Writing on January 3, 2021| Leave a Comment »
Dear Readers,
You all know how I love a good guest post. Well, my friend Revell — you know, my taxidermy partner in crime — wrote a doozy. Here is his end-of-year rant that he is permitting me to share. He echoes many of my same sentiments and is nothing if not authentic (edited slightly for format and references that might get him into trouble). You might agree with him, you might not, but it is a wild ride full of the F word (be warned). Enjoy!
Beth
Just a Yearly Update
By Revell
2020 … What the actual fuck? What even happened this year besides complete. Utter. CHAOS???
I don’t think I have ever been tested and pushed to this extent in my entire life, and I don’t doubt for a second the same for you! This may have been the most growth I’ve ever had in a single year or maybe as a human being in general.
This pandemic has had me question every aspect of my journey. Here’s a few key points I learned:
Observe and report 