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Archive for July, 2014

Vacation, all I ever wanted

Posted in Parenting, Random, tagged , , , on July 13, 2014| 2 Comments »

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Dear Vacation:

I’m going to miss you. We had such a great time together last week. How will I live without you?

I can’t wait to see you again. Next time, though, I need some rules for my behavior.

I must not:

  • Think about work
  • Worry about work
  • Bring my computer to do work
  • Actually work

I also must not:

  • Stay at the beach then bemoan sand everywhere. (Everywhere!)
  • Try to keep the boys from climbing every rock formation and tree.
  • Go for a walk on the beach in regular clothes and expect not to get attacked by a wave.
  • Bring a curling iron to do my hair. (Really, now, what was I thinking?)
  • Eat my body weight in tostones every day.

Hope to see you soon!

Love,
Beth

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Happy Fourth!

Posted in Politics, tagged , , , on July 4, 2014| Leave a Comment »

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Traveling etiquette for the self-centered

Posted in Advice, tagged , on July 2, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Dear Those of You Who Believe the World Revolves Around You:

You’re so vain, you probably think this post is about you. OK, it is.

Break out of your “me” zone and take this advice when you travel:

1. If you are standing in line and your nose touches my shoulder, you are standing too close to me. Back the eff up!

2. If it is clear that people in front of you are part of a family traveling together, please do not insert yourself into the group because you are anxious to get on the plane. Please wait just a hot second. I assure you that you will be able to get on the plane before it leaves.

3. Do not leap into the airplane aisles as soon as you hear that special ding. Again, just wait. You will get off the plane, I promise. Your decision to wait can save others from getting their feet stomped on and experiencing a face full of butt.

4. Learn the rules of walking. I can help with that. Read this.

5. Stand back from the baggage carousel. When you see your bag, you can move forward and claim it. If you huddle around the carousel, you impede egress and cause a jam. You also are likely to get whacked with a bag. (A consequence you would richly deserve.)

Let’s work together to make the world a better place.

Thank you for your attention in this matter,
Beth

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