Dear People of the World:
Some of you clearly are not aware that there are rules for walking in public — especially when the area is crowded. Please let me help you help everyone:
1. Standard procedure is to walk on the right, pass on the left. (Hey, it’s like driving! Yes.)
2. If you are walking with someone else, try not to take up the entire path. If you are walking with many someones, DO NOT walk side by side. Walk two and two if you must, just like animals headed into the ark.
3. As Joe told Cody repeatedly on “Dual Survival,” “Move with a purpose!” Please do not amble aimlessly. (My friends Heidi and John call violators of this rule “Meanderthals.”)
4. Do not stop suddenly to take a selfie (or any picture, really).
5. If you whack someone with your big-assed bag, common courtesy dictates that you should issue an apology (even if it is just “Sorry!” tossed over your shoulder as you blow past).
6. If you need to have a conversation, move to the side and out of the way. Do not have this conversation in the middle of the path, thus blocking passage for others.
I know the world is a fascinating place. You should indeed stop to smell the roses. Just make sure you aren’t in the middle of a sidewalk when you do it.
Thanks for your attention,
Beth