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Dear Music Fans,

I’ve been on a roll lately — getting out of the house and saying yes to live music. I have thoughts about performances and venues, because of course I do.

And you’re here, because I guess you want to read them.

Acts: The Breeders with Team Dresch
Venue: Pioneer Courthouse Square
Highlight: “Cannonball” by The Breeders

I’m an OG fan of The Pixies. Kim Deal was the key ingredient for their early success. Black Francis needs her, even though his ego thinks he doesn’t. When she started The Breeders, I knew there was room in my heart for both bands.

But like The Pixies, The Breeders can be hit or miss. For every “Cannonball,” there’s a “Hag.” (For every “Wave of Mutilation,” there’s a “Hey.”)

As for the venue, I was concerned about an outdoor space in downtown Portland at the end of summer. I was worried for nothing. It was the perfect temp and size. There were places to stand and places to sit (on steps, until some jackass spilled his entire beer). The acoustics were top-notch. Ravens flew overhead. The stars were out.

The people watching was spectacular. Young and old turned out. I did not realize this, but The Breeders fan base skews lesbian — a fact Team Dresch, also out and proud, noted repeatedly.

They were great, by the way. Never heard of them, but they are from Washington and have been around a while apparently.

The Breeders put on a fun show and had plenty of energy. Kim sounded fantastic, and we all got out of there at 9:30 p.m. on a school night.

Team Dresch: B+
The Breeders: A-

Acts: Squeeze with Adam Ant and Haircut 100
Venue: Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall
Highlight: “Goodbye Girl” by Squeeze

I know what you are going to say: “You said you’d never see Adam Ant again.”

I know.

But he was sandwiched between a band I had seen before and loved (Squeeze) and one I hadn’t and wanted to (Haircut 100).

I figured I could go get a drink if it was that bad.

It wasn’t so bad that I had to escape to the lobby, but it wasn’t great. Adam was more ambulatory than the last time, but his voice was … um … not where one might want it to be for paying customers. And he’s still wearing the same stupid outfit he’s been wearing for seven years — down to Aunt Maude’s best Sunday church hat.

Please stop.

On the other end of the spectrum, Haircut 100 had plenty of energy and put on a great show. Squeeze did too. Difford and Tilbrook have still got it. They sounded the same, and played all the hits.

They also played “Trixies,” a concept album they wrote in 1974 when concept albums were de rigueur.

They played this album right in the middle of their set.

You know how a mattress sags in the middle in a cheap motel?

Yeah.

Everyone just sat down — which is frankly what I thought the middle-aged audience would be doing the whole time anyway. I mean, Arlene is a bougie old gal. We all had plush assigned seats.

After the shock wore off, boredom set in. I might have taken a nap. My concert-mate Jason got antsy and warm (Arlene had a hot flash) and roamed off.

Finally, they pulled up the Trixies sign and kicked back off with “Hourglass.” Everyone got back up and started dancing again as if the last 40 minutes had never happened.

Jason and I never want to hear about loose women at Trixies again.

Haircut 100: B+
Adam Ant: D
Squeeze: A- (without Trixies); C (with Trixies factored in)

Acts: Rob Zombie with Orgy, The Hu and Marilyn Manson
Venue: Cascades Amphitheater
Highlight: “This is Mongol” by The Hu

Sometimes you have to say “Yes” to adventures. Jason and I were last-minute tagalongs on Gerard and Jesse’s date to see this lineup. Marilyn Manson is a trash person, but I was interested in the rest.

As it turns out, the singer for Orgy might be trash too — so much so that sources say they got kicked off the tour before the prior show.

Lawn seats at the amphitheater were reasonable, but we nearly needed to take out personal loans for the rest. Want a beer? That’s $25. A Rob Zombie tank top? $50. A burger, fries and soft drink? Also $50.

I would have paid more to see The Hu, though. They are REMARKABLE. I don’t even have the words to describe their sound or energy. They use a horse head electric fiddle played upright, for God’s sake!

Next was Manson. The music is good, not gonna lie. I hate that I like it. But I wasn’t there for him … and his dead swan.

In addition to pissing off birds everywhere, he angered the crowd by screaming “Portland” after every song. The amphitheater is in Ridgefield, Washington.

I also wasn’t there for his nightmare-inducing bassist.

Liza Minnelli Manson and whatever that is

I killed time by discussing the Clancy case via text with Dominic and also convincing him to start listening to The Hu immediately.

Rob was next, but there was a significant set change. There also was a significant temperature drop. Though I had been mocked by someone I will not name for bringing a jacket, I was glad to have it.

Rob started off strong with “F.T.W. 84” and “Tarantula.” The set was indeed elaborate. He was very funny, but said something alarming: Rob said there were 17,000 people in attendance.

Um.

That meant 17,000 people leaving at the same time if we all stayed to the end.

Spoiler: We did not hear “Dragula” live.

We skedaddled during “Feel So Numb.” To be honest, he sounded out of breath. He is 61 after all.

At least we weren’t from running to the car to beat the rush. And we made it back to actual Portland in no time.

Orgy: 0
The Hu: A+
Marilyn Manson: B (for sound); F (for the person delivering it)
Rob Zombie: B (partial credit)

What’s next? What’s left of the Sex Pistols in Denver. I’m sure I’ll have opinions (because of course I do.)

Love and kisses,
Beth

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Dear Friends and Family,

This time last week, I was on a cruise. I didn’t pay the exorbitant fee for ship WiFi, and I was thus blissfully unaware of Leon and his band of Hitler youth interns hijacking the Treasury. Among other things. 🙄

Oh those halcyon days!

Anyway.

What kind of cruise?

Chris Jericho’s Rock ‘n’ Wrestling Rager at Sea.

Listen: I grew up in Georgia. Y’all know I’m a redneck.

Wrestling was a part of my childhood. Dusty Rhodes, the American Dream, was like kin. One of my first crushes was Robert Fuller, whose tag-team partner was Ted DiBiase, the Million Dollar Man.

All Elite Wrestling is the best. It’s far superior in storylines to World Wrestling Entertainment. It’s like a soap opera featuring sweaty men. And one of the best characters is Chris Jericho. He understands the assignment.

Jericho is on the right wearing a onesie featuring cats and tacos.

Jericho also fronts one of my favorite bands: Fozzy. Fozzy performed on the cruise, along with a bunch of other bands.

Wrestling AND rock music? It’s the perfect combo for me. I’ve been wanting to go on this cruise for years.

Pre-trip, people would ask where the ship was going. I answered, “I don’t know. I don’t care.” Turns out: Puerto Plata, DR. Fine. I was there for what was happening on the Norwegian Gem.

In addition to Fozzy, the lineup featured the return of Great White. Yes, THAT Great White. They have a new singer. He’s very talented and VERY young. Was DEF not alive during the band’s first go ‘round.

The singer bears a striking resemblance to 20-hour Tina’s daughter Elsa.

Others: Kuarantine (another Jericho-fronted band, this one focused on KISS covers of the no-makeup years), Guardians of the Jukebox (all covers), Excitable (a Def Leppard tribute band), Nocturnal Affair (a screamy metal band), and — another favorite of mine — The Hot Damn!

Love them. Listen to “I Didn’t Like You Anyway” or “Automatic.”

And then there was the wrestling.

Ricochet and Komander put on an acrobatic show. This isn’t your dad’s wrestling extravaganza.

There was at least one show per day along with photo opps, autograph sessions, podcasts and random other events — events like a belly-flop contest.

Here’s Will Ospreay with his stellar attempt.

As you are all on a boat together, you could find yourself riding the elevator with Toni Storm.

Or passing Turbo Floyd of the Outrunners in a hallway.

He’s right out of the ‘80s all the time!

Or standing in line at the bar with Jesus.

What was hilarious later is that Fozzy has a song called, “Drinking with Jesus.” The crowd was SO EXCITED and lifted this man up to the front. Sadly, Jericho didn’t even notice. Missed opportunity, I say.

As for drinking, I started the cruise still doing Dry January. Friends, that is a rough choice. ROUGH. Especially when I hear fellow passengers say things like this about their own drinks:

“I’m drunk, and I can tell that’s strong. Got DAMN, that’s strong!”*

But I made it.

And I didn’t get crazy on the trip, either. Unlike others. Look at Will Ospreay’s face after a night of drunken karaoke:

Let me tell you: Cruises are GREAT for people watching.

On the last day at sea, my traveling friend and I sat and watched people for hours. I asked him if he was going to get a chair massage like the dude next to us.

He said, “Absolutely not.”

I said, “Why not? You liked the last massage you got.”

He said, “That was in a nice relaxing cave. This is on a ship surrounded by weird people with Great White doing a sound check in the background.”

Fair enough.

Five days, four nights of events tailored to my interests? Yes, please.

I mean, JUST LOOK!

I’ll tell you this: It was the first time on this cruise, but it won’t be the last.

Who is coming with me next time?

Let’s go!
Beth

*Yes, “got damn” with a “t.”

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Dear Billie Joe, Tré and Mike,

Thanks so much for taking the Saviors Tour to Portland. Because of you, I got to share a special evening with my son.

I’m a Green Day fan — perhaps not a super fan, but a fan nonetheless. I love live music of any sort. Gideon is a Green Day fan. I’ve been trying to steal his Green Day shirt for a year now. And his girlfriend loves Smashing Pumpkins, one of the openers.

It seemed like a no-brainer for us to go.

So we did.

Heavy rain (yay, Oregon!) and traffic (yay, Portland!) and difficulty parking (yay, Providence Park!) meant that we missed the Linda Lindas and Rancid, which made me very sad. We did arrive in time for Billy and the gang, though, which made Mikayla happy.

Typically the home stadium for the Portland Thorns, Providence Park is a great music venue with fantastic acoustics.

Sadly, our open-air floor seats meant we needed our rain ponchos at times.

Didn’t matter. Totally worth it.

When you played “Longview” (Gideon’s favorite), he said, “I’m so happy, I think I might cry.”

And I thought I might cry too.

It was only Gideon’s second concert, if you can believe it.

His first also was with me.

He was not even a year old. I was wearing him in one of those baby Bjorns at the Police reunion tour stop in New Orleans in 2007. (Long story for another time. Going to the concert with kids wasn’t part of the plan, and a friendship ended over it.)

You sounded AMAZING! As good if not better than the recordings. And you’ve been at it for 37 years. Fitting then that it was a 37-song set list.

37 songs!

All of “Dookie.” All of “American Idiot.” Plus a few more classics.

Billie Joe, you seemed choked up too.

Maybe it was because it was the second-to-last night of a very long tour. Maybe because it was a great night. Maybe we were all sharing something special.

So thanks. From the bottom of my jaded little heart.

❤️,
Beth

*”Good Riddance”

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Dear Rick Coffey:

I had never heard of you before a month ago when my work friend Yu-Shan asked if I wanted to go to one of your events.

I often say “yes” to plans because I know I need to get out of the house (and I do like to try new things).

Then in true introvert-in-training style, I have regrets when the day arrives.

Anyway, I went.

Sir, you’ve created a cult.

I was immediately horrified that I was going to have to try dance fitness with all these people — people who were stretching!

I’m still scarred from Zumba.

Fun fact: I’m not super coordinated.

I do love line dancing, but that only involves two appendages. If I have to involve my arms, that’s a problem.

It’s why I didn’t make drill team or the cheerleading squad.

I expected you to go through the steps, and I would enter a period of self loathing.

But it was a free-for-all in the very best way. There were 100+ people there, and no one was looking at anyone but you and your squad.

And you aren’t what I expected to look at. For someone who now makes a living leading dance fitness classes, I was surprised to see your dad bod.

And thrilled, if I’m honest.

Fitness comes in all sizes, and there was no shame on display. It was fantastic.

I kept up with the moves to hits like “Country Grammar,” “Thong Song” and “Lady Marmalade.”

By “kept up,” I mean “remained alive and upright.”

My Apple watch gave up. The shock of me doing cardio was too much.

My phone, which was in my pocket, refused to record my efforts.

EIGHT MINUTES?!? Try 75.

Even my underboob sweat had sweat.

Still damp 30 minutes later when I got to a shower.

You have a catch phrase — “evolve unapologetically” — and were selling merch emblazoned with it. But it was this one that caught my eye.

I was a solo artist, for sure.

Was it good for me? Yes.

Did I enjoy it? As much as I could.

Will I go back? Maybe.

You know who did love it? My cute, energetic, fit friend.

Ultimately, I’m impressed by you and your operation. Totally worth the $25.

My padded hide and I thank you.

Sincerely,
Beth

*Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

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Dear Drunk Students From Last Night:

I hope your hangover is not too bad. Perhaps you are still mad at me, but I’m betting you forgot our entire interaction.

I’m sorry I had to be the bad guy.

My volunteer job at the concert’s beer garden required me to enforce just three rules:

  1. Must have a pink wristband to enter.
  2. No beer outside of the beer garden.
  3. No passing beer over the beer-garden barrier.

I stopped one of you from violating No. 2 and had this exchange:

Me: Sorry, you can’t leave this area with those [gesturing to his two cups of beer].
Him: Am I supposed to chug them?
Me: I’m not recommending that, but you can.
Him: But I want to go hear the music.
Me: Great! You can do that right here.

Another one of you tried to be slick by putting the cup close to your body and walking out while turned away from me.

Listen, girl: I was young once too. I know ALL the tricks.

Rule No. 3 was — by far — the one that caused you the most dismay.

To be fair, the setup wasn’t great. There should have been a fence for the fence.

But policing that line with you was rough.

Beer makes some of you very bad-tempered. I almost had to call security. (That would have meant breaking up the officers’ coffee klatch though.)

Luckily, only a handful of you acted the fool. Most of you were well behaved.

Also, I was thrilled that the beer ran out quickly, and I was relieved of my duties.

Y’all seemed to have a great time overall and enjoyed the concert. That’s good.

Fairly well-attended concert for an artist whose name escapes me.

I did NOT have the greatest time, but that’s ok. I performed a necessary service by reducing liability.

Take some Tylenol. Drink water. Eat a bagel. You’ll be fine.

Maybe I’ll see you next year!
Beth

*Billy Currington, who had his own substance issues.

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Dear Adam,

I know we broke up in September 2019. I moved on.

I never forgot you, though.

When I heard you would be traveling through Salem, I decided to go see you for old times’ sake.

Our relationship has had its ups (2013) and downs (2012 and 2019)

I see you haven’t changed at all in the past five years.

Left: 2019; Right: 2024

I mean AT ALL. You might not have even been out of those clothes in all this time. I have no idea.

You’re even still wearing that stupid hat. Whyyyy?!

And you are peddling all the same merch. With new tour dates, sure.

I have all these shirts.

There is one new thing about you:

What is this, Adam? One single dreadlock? Gross.

Your voice sounds great, and you’ve remained trim.

But I don’t understand the little stage hops. You moved like your pants were too tight.

I know you are almost 70. I understand that you are not in your prime.

But this is your only job. And many fans are still paying to see you perform.

You have no kicks to give.

Frankly, I’m concerned. Your eyes looked dead.

When you were introducing the band, you paused for so long, I thought about calling 911.

Were you smelling burnt toast?

Seriously, I am worried about you.

Take some time off. Regroup. See your barber (and a stylist). Maybe consider retirement. You’ve worked hard. You’ve given the world some great music. Fans appreciate you. Don’t repay their loyalty by dying on stage in front of them.

Love always,
Beth

* The dandy highwayman himself

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Dear Oregon,

I think we are going to be ok together. I’m feeling optimistic.

It’s probably because the sun is back.

Or the fact that I realized I’ve had nearly two full weeks of social activities, including:

Line dancing with Henry, a friend from college who was passing through.
Karaoke with coworkers and friends old and new.
Games with long-time friends from my Savannah days.
A huge wine-tasting event I was able to attend for free with another coworker.
Line dancing at a new-to-me club in Salem: Silver Spur.

About that club …

It was packed with folks aged 25-35.

Hence, not folks like me. 😂

I enjoyed the people-watching.

But then this happened:

I have thoughts.

  • This is LINE DANCING, not a sporting event. No need for the national anthem. (I would argue that we don’t even need it at sporting events.)
  • This is HOURS into the night. Why play it THEN?
  • Is this girl signing the anthem? If so, is that RIGHT? It looks made up. Like this lady. (Based on this, I think she’s full of it.)

In addition to the fascinating fauna people, the flora is pretty great too.

Double-flowering plum trees are everywhere.
They are lovely until a stiff wind comes by.

In general, I’m happy. Everything is going to be ok.

Thanks for being patient with me.

Your new friend,
Beth

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Dear New Friend Sarah,

Thanks for inviting me to Boots & Bottles last night.

Dry January was easy until the last week. It was nice to hang out with you and Mindy, and finally enjoy a glass of wine.

I had fun, but I will say that it felt very much like a high-school dance when I arrived.

But unlike a high-school dance, people there were ready to hit the dance floor immediately.

I feel like I got some cardio in, so that’s good.

I had no idea when I moved here that line dancing was SO POPULAR. I would never have guessed. I mean … in OREGON!

Anyway, thanks again, and I’ll see you next weekend for Diva Drag Brunch.

Your friend,
Beth

*Dua Lipa. Love her.

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Dear Friends and Family,

Remember that promise I made to get out more? Well, sometimes that leads to questionable decisions. Like last night’s.

My neighbor Amy and I went to MicroMania in Salem.

I’m going to pause here to let you follow that link.

Yeah.

It seemed like a great idea, then I had regrets. So many regrets before the show started.

The merch made me cringe.

One of the biggest regrets was not reading the show poster correctly.

It CLEARLY says doors open at 7. But Amy and I got it in our heads that the show STARTED at 7. So we got there there 2.5 hours early.

As a result, we got second-row seats. But we also had to kill time. As I’m doing Dry January, drinking wasn’t it.

So we played homemade Bingo.

And listened to BAD jokes by the emcee.

What’s the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Very little.

Terrible.

I seriously contemplated leaving. I was afraid I was participating in one of those awful shows from the late 19th century.

But then the show started. The performers were spectacular. In on and pushing the joke.

I mean, they came out to a medley of songs such as “It’s a Small World” and “Follow the Yellow Brick Road.”

And the crowd was loving it. Not in a mean, weird way.

I also did the math and realized how much the performers were potentially banking. It’s not a small amount. (Sorry. I got caught up.)

The ring was set up where the line dancing happens.

The man in front of us was LOSING HIS MIND with joy. He recorded every moment of every match.

This wrestler’s stage name is 25 Cent.

There also was a significant amount of audience interaction.

It had so many moments you would expect wrestling matches to have.

I know you know what will happen next.

A guy behind me shouted “Bring out the tables!”

So, you know, standard wrestling.

It turned out to be a fun night. Not sure I would go again, though. I need to find a new hobby to keep me occupied.

Don’t judge me.

With a little love from Oregon,
Beth

*Yes, they played that song too.

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Dear Savannah Friends,

Many of you expressed concern about my social well-being when I saw you over the holidays.

Fair.

I do need to get out more. Try to meet more non-work people.

So this week, I did two things in two different places with two different sets of people:

Line dancing in Salem and a drag show in Portland.

How is that for running the gamut?

Those of you who have known me a while know that I haunted Stetsons in Savannah for line-dancing nights back in the day.

Salem, Oregon, is apparently a hotspot for line dancing. (Who knew?)

The colleague who told me about this event did provide some additional information.

It was great! I had fun and got some exercise. People were very welcoming.

That was Thursday night. I went to Darcelle XV in Portland on Friday night.

It was not like any other drag show I’ve seen. I’m used to acrobatic, can-pass-as performers working the crowd. This show was more like a cabaret stocked with Joan Crawford/Bette Davis clones in evening gowns. To tip, you threw your money in a bowl at center stage.

It was a good evening with friends, but I probably wouldn’t go back to the regular show. There’s an “open mic”-style drag show on Tuesdays that looks more interesting.

Still, I could have had a terrible time at either or both of these places and been happy to be out.

My next big event out should be a doozy:

Stay tuned.

Love,
Beth

*Love me some Miley.

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