Dear Mike:
You absolutely did NOT find something that would interest me. In fact, if you knew me, you would know that is the LAST job that would interest me. Also, unless mini golf counts, I am completely unqualified.
How did you get my email address? I don’t know you. What profile? Linked In? If so, it STILL doesn’t match up.
Take me off whatever list you have.
Kthxbyeeee,
Beth
Posted in Random | Tagged Complaints, Customer service, Job search, Media, Peeves, Technology | 3 Comments »
Dear Savannah:
Mardi Gras in St. Louis reminded me of you.
It’s definitely like St. Patrick’s Day on River Street.
The only thing different is that St. Louis had a parade with actual floats (not politicians in convertibles).
Though I won’t be able to experience St. Pat’s with you this year, you clearly are in my thoughts.
Love always,
Beth
Posted in Home Sweet Home | Tagged Aging, Beer and wine, Bright ideas, Complaints, Out of the house, Peeves, Politicians, Rednecks, St. Louis | 2 Comments »
Dear Bob,
Listen, friend: We need to have a talk.
You were one of my favorite teachers in high school, and I’m thrilled we reconnected when I lived in Atlanta.
But you have scared the bejesus out of everyone with your recent emergency.
I realize that taking a group of students to the Galápagos Islands — a trip that included snorkeling — was too appealing to be denied.
However, when loads of people in the group got a stomach virus, did you HAVE to be an overachiever and get an extreme case? Of course you did.
This was your lovely wife Susan’s status update over the weekend.
Emergency surgery, scary-low oxygen levels, infection attack on numerous organs — that’s just a fraction of the issues you faced.
The good news is that you are awake and asking for sweet tea from Chick-fil-A.
So that means you are on the mend.
It’s about time.
Keep up the great work!
Love,
Beth
* Thanks, Toy Story.
Posted in Friends | Tagged Advice, Atlanta, Bright ideas, Disorders, Fear, Food, Friends, Out of the house, Parasites, Travel | Leave a Comment »
Dear Rep. Ann Kelley,
What — and I mean this sincerely — the f*** are you doing?
WHY would you propose a change to the Missouri House of Representatives rules that forces women to cover their arms?
And you are a woman. What the heck?!
Let me get this straight: You lost your mind over requiring people to wear masks a couple of years ago to stop the spread of COVID, but now you are forcing women to wear sleeves?
You claim it was to clarify language to be “equal” to men. (By the way, you really should hire a PR person or copy editor or SOMEONE to help you with your writing skills.)
Sure it was.
I can’t believe it was adopted 105-51. (Note that the House is made up of 116 men and 43 women. Party affiliation for reference: 111 R, 52 D.)
I can’t believe you wasted any time on this at all. Have you seen the state rankings? Just look!
30th in Education
42nd in Public Safety
42nd in Healthcare
I swear to God — you are affecting my healthcare: my mental health!
I really don’t know why I’m surprised at either of the things above. It’s so much easier to control women and what they do and wear rather than tackle big issues in all people’s lives. Right, Ann?
What an embarrassment this is for the state. You want to be in the international consciousness with this foolishness?
I’m so glad my representative didn’t vote for this nonsense. (Granted, I think he was absent that day.)
Pull yourself together, please. Focus on important issues.
Sincerely,
Beth, a Missouri resident with sense
Posted in Politics | Tagged Advice, Bright ideas, Bureaucrats, Complaints, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Customer service, Disorders, Fear, Government, Media, Nudity, Obsessions, Outfits, Parasites, Pecking order, Peeves, Politicians, Politics, Rage, Rednecks, St. Louis, White people | 3 Comments »
Dear Neighbors,
Y’all be out here WILDIN’ (as the kids say). That is, if the Next Door app is any indication.
I live a quiet life. I mind my own business. I’m not out trying to be the stereotype of Angry White Woman (i.e., Karen or BBQ Becky).
Some of you are LIVING for the drama. And bringing it.
For example, Laurie and Claralyn woke up and chose violence.
And then there are posts like the following that have me shaking my head, for a variety of reasons.
My guilty pleasure is following the Best of Next Door on Twitter.
I mean, LOOK:
How could I resist?
But in the words of the late, great Rodney King, “Can’t we all get along?”
Despite the inauspicious start, I get along with both my next-door neighbors, and I’m close with about a dozen of you in our neighborhood. And some of you must like me a little as you voted me into a leadership role. I also took on the task of editing the neighborhood newspaper. Because of course I did.
As I have free rein with the paper, I want to start an advice column to help resolve minor conflicts. Like alley clippings. Neighbor friends Kathy and Marlane have agreed to help.
I think it could be fun. Also, it may raise everyone’s self awareness and tolerance.
But probably not. 😬😉
Anyway, I’m just trying to help. No need to get knickers in a twist over Christmas lights and weeds, when there is the VERY REAL problem of holiday creep.
My friend Jude sent me evidence of Valentine’s Day merch in a store on Dec. 27.
THAT’S a problem.
Your neighbor,
Beth
*RIP Bob McGrath.
Posted in Advice, Home Sweet Home | Tagged Advice, Complaints, Disorders, Food, Friends, Media, Obsessions, Peeves, St. Louis, Technology, White people | Leave a Comment »
Dear Friends and Family,
This is it: the last part of this origin story.
It’s been quite a journey (Here are parts 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5.)
Here are the takeaways:
Me: That’s why I was careful to explain in my letter that I’m a normal, stable person.
Alaina (my niece): That’s exactly what a crazy person would say.
Another takeaway? I can expel water from my face holes. (Thanks for the term, Heather!)
So many of you have contacted me with your own stories and messages of encouragement. Thank you. My goal in writing this series was twofold:
If my story helps any other adoptees or adoptive families navigate these strange waters, then I will have done some good.
With any luck, they will get a message from a birth parent that’s as welcome and touching as this one:
Thanks for reading.
XO,
Beth
*Mission Impossible. Of course.
**I think that person just needs a little more time to process. I’m certainly not going to force it.
Posted in Advice, Parenting | Tagged Adoption, Advice, Aging, Family, Friends, Kids, Movies, Parenting, Personal essay, St. Louis | 2 Comments »
Dear Friends and Family,
(You know the drill: Part 1, 2, 3 and 4.)
During my conversation with my father, he told me that he didn’t actually live at the address where I sent the letter. His ex-wife, Jan, still lives there with her son, my half-brother Brad. (They also have a daughter, Erin, my half sister.) Jan opened the letter, shared it with Brad, and he shared with David.
(After I asked Jan* about this part of the story, she said that when Brad called David, David talked about his crazy day. Brad said, “Dad, it’s about to get a whole lot crazier.”)
David now lives in Long Island in an apartment off my uncle’s house. (The apartment used to be my uncle’s dental office.)
Y’all. I mean. Can you IMAGINE Jan’s reaction? Brad’s? David’s?
I might have had to take some time to process, but David called me within 24 hours.
The call consisted of high-level catch-up, as you might expect. He seemed happy to know about me.
And Jan reached out to me on Facebook to welcome me to the family.
And Brad texted me to start a conversation.
How lovely is that?
David and I started talking regularly, and we decided we would meet when I visited New York for my annual birthday trip in December.
I flew into La Guardia and rented a car as the LIRR train schedule did not cooperate.
Brad: Have a good time!
Me: Thanks. I'm on my way. Nervous.
Brad: So is he!
David was waiting on his porch when I pulled up. He said he felt like a kid at Christmas. I did too. (Add some flop sweat that Santa doesn’t usually get.)
He had a present for me:
I suddenly became very aware of my nasolacrimal ducts. Why? When I met Kathy, she gave me a present.
It was a gift David had given to her for her birthday when they were dating. She kept it all these years because it was the one thing that connected the three of us. And I had told him about it.
Oh Lord: There’s something in my eye. Hang on.
OK. Proceeding.
He took me to the main house to meet my Uncle Terry and Aunt Rosemary.
As it turns out, they and their family and David spent plenty of time in Savannah because they have a place in Hilton Head. Again, I could have run into them AT ANY POINT and not known about our connection.
Also, I would be staying the night in Uncle Terry and Aunt Rosemary’s house.
Y’ALL. These people JUST met me. I am a stranger. So this tells you a little something about how my existence was received.
The four of us went out to dinner and had a wonderful time. When we got back, David brought out a cake for my birthday.
I lost it (but tried not to).
He got me an ice cream cake (Carvel FTW!) without even KNOWING I am not a fan of regular cake.
It was … a lot. (I know I keep saying it, but cut me some slack. It IS a lot!)
The next day, we went on a drive to key places of interest for him and the family.
We laughed. We argued good naturedly. We got to know each other.
We went to the Long Island Aquarium.
As we were watching the sea lion show, I thought about how completely bizarre it was to be there with him. This is the kind of things dads do with their daughters when daughters are children. But here we were, making up for lost time.
Oh look: My lacrimal sac is acting up again. One moment.
I’m back.
It was bone-chillingly cold. My father doesn’t have any body fat (one area where I did NOT get his genes), so we didn’t linger at the lions.
We went back to his place to continue chatting. Before long, it was time for me to head into the city for the rest of the birthday trip.
I had plenty of thoughts to keep me occupied on the drive, along with a debrief phone call from a blogger friend.
I TOLD YOU it was a wild ride.
Just a little bit more to go if you want to join me. The final part is coming soon.
XO,
Beth
* Yes, I talk to Jan. Another weird and wonderful part of the story.
Posted in Parenting, Travel | Tagged Adoption, Aging, Family, Fear, Food, Holidays, Kids, Out of the house, Parenting, Personal essay, Politics, Savannah, Travel | 4 Comments »
Dear Friends and Family,
Buckle up: Mr. Toad has nothing on Auntie Beth’s wild ride.
(Here’s Part 1, 2 and 3 to get you up to speed.)
The next logical step was to contact my birth father.
Folks, this was easier said than done.
Not that he was hard to find. As soon as I had his name, I put my reporter experience to work and tracked down his address.
It was more that I wasn’t sure how to make this connection. The problem? He didn’t know about me. At all.
For a variety of reasons (including the fact that they had broken up), Kathy didn’t tell him she was pregnant.
So.
Do I call him? Show up at his house? Contact another relative I found (à la Cousin Laura for Kathy)? Eeesh.
I decided to go with the snail-mail route. It had worked before, so maybe it would work again.
But how do I start THAT letter?
Y’all, I’m a writer, but that was THE HARDEST LETTER to write. How do you announce your existence to someone who helped make you? That’s a big deal.
Kathy was worried about me and my plan. She told me she wasn’t sure how he would react.
Yeah.
For TWO FULL YEARS, I agonized over what to say, how to write that damn letter.
My friend Tyler (who cuts my hair) told me, “Don’t come back unless you have an update.” She was kidding. I think.
That was in March 2022. I pulled myself together.
The good stationery and penmanship came out again.
I chose the “rip off the Band-Aid” method:
I've wanted to write this letter for a while, but I didn't know exactly what to say or how to begin. I'm still not sure this is the right way, but I have to start somewhere.
You don't know me or know about me, but I'm your daughter.
I planned for it to arrive by Father’s Day. 😬😉 The tracking indicated it took FOUR DAYS to leave the St. Louis post office. I was dying.
Then on June 23, 2022, I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize. It showed up as Columbia, MD, but I didn’t have my glasses on. I thought it said, “Columbia, MO,” so I assumed it was a work call. I answered.
“This is Beth.”
“Hi Beth, this is David.”
My people, I cannot express just how many emotions were vying for the top spot: happiness, surprise, nervousness, etc.
Gideon and Eddie saw my face. They were curious and concerned.
I mouthed, “My father.” Their eyes nearly sprung out of their sockets.
I went into another room so I could focus.
It was, in a word, unreal.
And clearly too much to explain in this one post. Get ready for Part 5 and 6. Thanks for joining me on this journey.
XO,
Beth
Posted in Parenting | Tagged Adoption, Advice, Aging, Family, Fear, Friends, Kids, Parenting, St. Louis, Writing | 4 Comments »
Dear Friends and Family,
The story continues, as promised. (If you are new here and need a recap, read Part 1 and Part 2.)
My birth mother Kathy and I started chatting weekly on the phone. And as you know, that’s a big deal for me. (Why do I hate talking on the phone so much?)
Topics? Large: I learned my birth father’s full name. Small: I learned we like our eggs the same way. (So that’s where I got it!)
She told me about all the family I had in the St. Louis area. You’ll remember I mentioned my mom Jeanne was from Missouri. Well, I spent my childhood visiting relatives all over the state: Kansas City, Jefferson City and also St. Louis. My favorite aunt and uncle lived in Hazelwood, Missouri — 25 minutes from my current home and 15 minutes from where Kathy lives.
It’s bizarre to think that I could have passed a member of my birth family in the grocery store.
Weird and wonderful, to say the least.
On one of our calls, I mentioned I had a dream that I had driven to St. Louis to see her. She said she did want to meet me. We started planning for Memorial Day weekend.
Y’all, this was … something. Talking on the phone was one thing. Actually meeting her was another.
She picked me up at the St. Louis airport. Her first words to me were these:
I haven't seen you in ___** years!
So yes, we have a similar sense of humor.
I’ve written about this part of the story before.
But here’s the important thing:
It was so easy. It felt right. I fit in. No awkwardness.
As George Bailey said, “What do you know about that?!“
We all set about building relationships — relationships helped by my move to St. Louis.
It’s gone better than I had any right to want.
The next step? Contacting my birth father. You know: One step at time.
That’s the fourth and final part. Also the most recent. As in past six months.
Don’t touch that dial!
XO,
Beth
*Yes, I know I’m being silly. But I’ll do it again for Part 4.
**Listen, a lady doesn’t share her age — even for the sake of a story. 😉
Posted in Parenting, Travel | Tagged Adoption, Aging, Coronacation, Family, Holidays, Out of the house, Pandemic, Parenting, Personal essay, St. Louis, Travel | 6 Comments »
Dear Friends and Family,
So let’s recap quickly:
Howard and Jeanne adopted me and loved me fully.
I loved them and didn’t dwell on the thought of my birth family.
However, I will cop to entertaining fantasies of being surprise royalty. You know, “Princess Diaries” style.
We were the only ones in Atlanta. Dad’s family was in Pennsylvania/New Jersey and Mom’s in Missouri. (This becomes important in the next installment.)
We visited each family roughly every other year. I read books in the back of the car and alternately wanted a sibling and was glad I didn’t have one.
I grew up. Went to college. Graduated. Worked in journalism. Got the letter. Put the letter away. Started dating Eddie. Got married. Had kids. Searched their faces for any scrap of me. Found very little. (Eddie’s genes are strong.)
But sometimes it was there.
My parents were always there. Rock solid.
But they didn’t take care of themselves. Their health declined. Mom passed in 2009, Dad in 2017.
For Christmas 2017, Eddie got me the best gift ever — a gift that keeps on giving.
It was an Ancestry DNA kit.
I swabbed and sent.
The results came back in the middle of a family tragedy. It was a much-needed bright spot to find a second cousin (Laura) with genealogy as a hobby.
I sent her that letter.
Not only did Laura know who my mother was, but she was going to see her the following month. I learned I had a half brother and sister.
So that was … a lot.
Laura met up with Kathleen and gave her photos of me and my family, along with my contact information.
For her it was … a lot.
Time passed as we both adjusted to the idea.
On this exact day (New Year’s Eve) in 2019, I decided my New Year’s resolution would be to write to my birth mother. I used my good stationery and employed my best handwriting. Sent it off once the holidays died down.
A few days later — Jan. 15, 2020 to be exact — I got a call from a Missouri number I didn’t recognize. I didn’t answer it for three reasons:
I let it go to voice mail. Then I took a look at the transcript (Visual Voice Mail).
"Hi Beth, this is Kathy, your birth mother ..."
You know that falling scene in “Vertigo?” Yeah.
Scary!
But it was also exciting.
I called back (because of course I did). We set up a time to talk properly.
And that brings us to Part 3 of this journey.
Until next time …
XO,
Beth
Posted in Parenting, Technology | Tagged Adoption, Aging, Atlanta, Death, Family, Holidays, Marriage, Parenting, Technology | 2 Comments »
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