Archive for May, 2021

Dear Coworkers,

It’s been an interesting year, right? We’ve made work work. And most of us did it from home, with all corresponding challenges/distractions.

I don’t know about you, but my space is not ideal.

My friend Tammy came to visit this past weekend. She HOWLED when she saw my setup.

I can’t believe you haven’t written about THAT yet!

I haven’t. It’s a little … embarrassing. I’ve had to carve out a corner of the living room.

Here’s a peek behind the curtain — the room behind the Zoom:

The other night, I walked over there to put something down on my way to the couch. Eddie said:

Oh, you just had to stop by work for a minute?



For the first six months of the pandemic, I still got dressed in my professional lady clothes (including heels) and went to work during regular business hours. But when my university welcomed back a designated number of students in the fall, the number of faculty/staff allowed on campus had to be limited.

So I set up operations at home and made the best of it.

I still dress up for work (at least on top) but I wear slippers now.

I’d love to get a look at your Zoom room. Please share!

Looking forward to seeing you in human form.

Best wishes for the return to normal,

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Dear Dominic,

Do not use the washer as a dirty-clothes hamper.

I have told you this no fewer than 10 times in the past couple of weeks.

Put your dirty clothes in your hamper until you decide to do your laundry.

I’m sick of wanting to do a load of clothes and finding it already full of yours — just hanging out in there. Not washed.

Last night, you looked at me while you threw in your uniform. You were smiling in a very evil way, so I know you know exactly what you were doing.

So I did this:

And I will do it again.

For the 11th time: Do not use the washer as a hamper.

Your mother

* Thanks, Don.

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Dear Coach S.,

I am sure you are a lovely person. I appreciate your commitment to football. I am impressed by your communication skills.


I am not as committed to football as you are. I never wanted to be a sports mom. But now that I am one, I want to remind you that my son is in school to get an education.

Practices five afternoons a week and three mornings is a bit much, don’t you think?

You don’t?


Have you seen No. 27’s grades? Granted, they were on the downhill slide before football entered the picture.

But now he’s really got an excuse to be behind.

And for what? So he can stand around for a few hours on a Friday night?

Yes, yes, I know. He needs to learn. To pay his dues. To wait his turn.

I guess it will help him learn teamwork and time-management skills.

And there are worse places than a stadium to be on a pleasant Friday night.

And our team is winning.



See you next game.

Dominic’s mom

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Dear Dominic,

Thank you for sharing with me the link to the car you want.

I regret to inform you that we are not going to get you a car at this time.

There are three very good reasons for this decision:

  1. You do not yet have your license. You only have a permit until September.
  2. You haven’t saved up enough money.
  3. You are failing four out of seven classes.

Also, a MUSTANG? As a teenaged boy? A teenaged boy with terrible grades? You will not be able to afford the insurance. We will not be able to afford the insurance.

You said you wanted a car to be able to drive yourself to football practice, thus making it easier for us.

Thank you for your concern.

What I can offer you is my bus pass. The No. 25 goes right to your school.



*Thanks, Tracy Chapman. (Now try to get that song out of your head.)

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Dear Skin,

I need you to calm the F down right now. I’m not sure why you feel the need to clamor for my attention, but perioral dermatitis is not a good look for me.

I guess I should be happy I can hide it behind a mask right now.

But I’ve been dealing with you on and off for three years.

These are all the options I’ve had over the past three years to fix you.

The latest dermatologist said that this flare up was NOT due to my nickel allergy, but to the ointment the prior dermatologist told me to use.

She was horrified when I told her I was using it twice a day every time the rash popped up again. As instructed.


I’m on a new antibiotic and have a new cream to get you to settle. But she said you would get much worse before you got better.

She was right.

I can’t even wear makeup right now. #nofilter Clearly.

Dear GOD.

So please start behaving.

Kthxbyeee, Beth

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