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Archive for the ‘Random’ Category

Underbutt and more: A visual assault

Posted in Random, tagged , on April 25, 2012| Leave a Comment »

The best part of the Vegas trip was people-watching. Folks like to let it all hang out, sometimes literally. Allow me to elucidate:

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Up next: Fun things to do in Vegas

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Goin’ to the chapel

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on April 22, 2012| 5 Comments »

It’s been two weeks (two weeks!) since my last post. I have one word as an excuse: Vegas. Here are two more: Vegas recovery.

The city is known as the adult Disney World for a reason. And I can’t really discuss that reason, because, well, you know.

I will share a little, though: I was there to present a paper and attend a conference. I flew out a couple of days early with Eddie and our friends Royce and Sarah.

The first thing we did? Renew our vows, of course. Our wedding 16.5 years ago was a tasteful, lovely affair in Forsyth Park in Savannah.

So naturally, we went with something tacky for the renewal: The Little White Wedding Chapel. It was the chapel of choice for such esteemed celebrities as Britney Spears and Sinéad O’Connor, so it was good enough for us.

In the back of a pink Cadillac in the Tunnel of Love, we promised to love each other in sickness and health, and all the rest of that stuff.

The way the minister performed the ceremony, however, makes us think we are now all married to each other.

I’m OK with that. These are the people we spend the most time with anyway, so why not?

Up next: bizarre behavior (not mine).

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Password protected

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , on April 9, 2012| 5 Comments »

In the business writing class I teach, I conduct mock interviews with students. To prepare them adequately, I ask questions that take three forms:

  • “Normal” (“Where do you see yourself in five years?”)
  • Inappropriate (“Do you have children?”)
  • Kooky (“If you were a tree, what tree would you be?”)

Now there’s a new screwy question they have to consider:  “What is your Facebook password?”

It is a disturbing trend on the job interview circuit.

Businesses want it for two reasons:

  1. To make sure the candidate doesn’t do anything in his private life that may embarrass the company or affect work productivity.
  2. To get to know the candidate better to see if she would be a good fit with the rest of the employees.

Regardless of the reason, it is a bad idea for candidates because it (obviously) could cost the person the job. If the person does get the job, the interviewer could still have some preconceived notions that would affect how he or she treats the new hire.

No one would ever get a job if potential employers had an all-access pass into a candidate’s personal life. As Orin Kerr, a George Washington University law professor, puts it in the above linked article, “It’s akin to requiring someone’s house keys.”

I can’t imagine what someone would say about the books on the shelves in my house, for example. Meteorology textbooks, scholarly journals, qualitative research books make me look educated. Travel books show I’m globally minded. David Sedaris, Tom Wolfe, D.H. Lawrence, Flannery O’Connor — I think I’m still OK.

And then things go downhill. What does “The Modern Witch’s Spellbook” say about me? Or “Linda Goodman’s Love Signs?” Must I explain that I went through “a phase” in high school and don’t like to get rid of books?

Some might say not to put anything on your Facebook profile you don’t want the world to see. They have a point, and I do that to a certain extent, but I still want to have interesting, unvarnished interactions with my friends and family. So I just monitor my privacy settings.

Even with that, I can’t control some things. My friend Julia (of the New Orleans extravaganza) took a trip down memory lane on Facebook with embarrassing results for me.

She posted pages of the diary I kept for us during our ninth grade trip with my parents to Myrtle Beach.

I’m mortified.

I take pains to make sure my FB life and work life are separate. What would my current employer (or future ones) say about “prose” like this?

Shudder.

“Eyelashes” was the nickname we gave to the T-shirt shop employee we thought was hot. And here’s a picture of what I thought was hot back then:

Shudder, again.

Yes, that’s a Polaroid. Yes, I’m suitably humiliated. So I guess I was wrong in my last post. I do have shame. I didn’t even tag myself in her posts.

So I say “nay” to businesses asking for snooping rights into Facebook. A business that asks for entrance is not the kind of business I’d want to work for anyway.

Mashable has some tips in case you find yourself in that situation.

And please don’t judge me too harshly. Puberty is a bitch.

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Blessed are the weirdos

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , on April 6, 2012| 9 Comments »

The MPAA finally caved to pressure regarding the film “Bully,” and lowered the rating to PG-13 from R. That makes it easier for target audiences to see it.

Good.

I don’t really understand why bad language and nudity is not OK, but people getting peppered with gunfire is just fine. (I should ask my mother-in-law. She once fled the room when a Victoria’s Secret commercial came on and told my brother-in-law we were watching porn. This is the same woman who sat through all of the über-violent “Battle Royale.”)

Bullying mystifies me. We’re all freaky in our own way. We should embrace that, right?

“Be yourself.” I guess it’s a trite phrase that is easier said than done. The older I get, the easier it is. I am who I am, for better or worse.

I have no shame. For example, I freely admit to:

  • Loving Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup” and Luke Bryan’s “Country Girl (Shake It For Me).”
  • And loving Hanson’s “MMMbop” and Britney Spears’ “Toxic.”
  • And also loving the Ramones’ “Blitzkrieg Bop” and Hüsker Dü’s “In a Free Land.”
  • While in high school, sneaking out of the house to see the Butthole Surfers at the Metroplex in Atlanta. (Apologies to my dad who reads my blog and may not know this.) They almost burned down the stage = best night ever.
  • Ogling men. (Look, before you say, “Poor Eddie,” let me assure you he knows, rolls his eyes, and let’s me carry on. We’re married, not dead.)
  • Being willing to break my marriage vows for Johnny Depp. (Eddie knows this too.)
  • Being as fascinated by Christina Aguilera’s rack as Eddie is.
  • Wanting a monster truck. (I used to drive a red pickup. I miss it.)
  • Preferring raunchy comedies and D-grade horror movies over any of the crap I’m supposed to like. (“English Patient” and “Lord of the Rings,” I’m talking about you.)
  • Sometimes telling my kids they are driving me batshit crazy.
  • Having tickets to see Adam Ant in concert Sept. 29.
  • Nursing an addiction to “Words With Friends” and “Draw Something.”
  • Liking beer and wine more than fancy mixed drinks.
  • Being a little bit of a hillbilly.
  • Adoring the F word and its big sister, M— F—.
  • Wanting to put bacon in everything.
  • Thinking some plastic surgery might be a good thing. (A little Botox here and there …)
  • Wanting desperately to go noodling.

Express yourself. Let your freak flag fly. I won’t judge. Instead, I’ll think you are awesome.

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Into the wild

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , on April 1, 2012| 8 Comments »

Camping seems like a great idea until you find yourself coated in mosquito bites, sleeping on a rapidly deflating air mattress, and lathering your children in calamine lotion because of a mysterious rash.

Why do people in first-world countries see the need to schlep their belongings out to the woods to sleep on the ground? Isn’t one of the benefits of being citizens of a developed nation the fact that we have beds, shelter, etc.?

I didn’t think about any of this as I happily agreed to go camping with two other families at Edisto Island State Park this weekend. Roaring fire? S’mores? Getting back to nature? Sign me up.

But these should have been my first and second clues that this was a bad idea:

Uh oh.

The creatures were out in full force. Worms were rappelling out of the trees like Tom Cruise in “Mission Impossible.”

This worm took up residence in my hair.

And that suited Dominic and Gideon just fine.

Dominic shows off his worm habitat.

To be fair, the campsite was equipped with water and electricity, so it is not like we were truly roughing it.

Camp, sweet camp

But as soon as we put up the tent, it rained. And rained. And rained. We stayed inside and watched superhero cartoons.

The rain finally moved on, leaving everything dirty and muddy. Nate’s shoes were destroyed, so he borrowed Charlotte’s as he went to get a drink (and grab Charlotte’s purse).

Nate brings sexy back.

Despite the monsoon, we did have the requisite cookout, fire and s’mores.

And Nate’s sexy look worked on someone: a friendly Southern toad.

The next day we hit the beach.

This is one way to keep him still.

Gideon can't stand to be left out.

Dominic finds some kind of crab.

New media and old media happily coexist on the beach.

Good company, lots of laughs, and some relaxation almost made up for the critters, dirt and back pain.

However, as Eddie groused the whole time he was loading and unloading the car, I’m going to guess that is the last time he strays from the comfort of his own habitat.

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Cut loose in the Crescent City

Posted in Grammar, etc., Random, tagged , , , on March 26, 2012| 2 Comments »

It’s good to have friends you’ve known for decades. You can be your unvarnished self and they still like you. My unvarnished self spent the weekend in New Orleans with my friend Julia, whom I’ve known since eighth grade. She was there for a conference* so I used frequent flier miles to join her. My cost for transportation and hotel: $10.

Savannah has been called a small New Orleans. It’s more like this: Savannah is the girl with “a reputation” who still dresses up every day and goes to church on Sundays. New Orleans is her trashy older sister who whores herself out to buy heroin.

To report everything that we did and saw will take more than one post (and I’m not sure I want to incriminate myself or Julia). I’ll just share with you some visual highlights.

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* This is what happens when people get older and have jobs and mortgages. When they are desperate to get out of town, they join up with friends who are going to conferences for work (read: free hotel room).

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“Belly of the Beast”

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , on March 18, 2012| 1 Comment »

Lured by the media’s suggestion that the Savannah St. Patrick’s day crowd could be the largest ever, I left my family and the quiet comfort of our home and headed downtown.

Why?

Because if there’s going to be insanity on display, then I want to see it.

The first time I witnessed the St. Pat’s festivities in Savannah, I was a sophomore in college. The fraternity for which I was a little sister was part of the parade. I spent my time in a fetal position in the back seat of the “float” (which was a van with signs on it). Green beer was not what took me down; it was a tainted hamburger.

Anyway, I arrived downtown just as the parade finished. My mistake. The cops directing traffic were already irritated, and the day was young. I found a parking place without too much trouble (what a shock!), met up with Royce (a frequent partner in crime), and headed to River Street.

As we walked down the Factors Walk steps, Royce said, “Here we go into the belly of the beast.” Then the drunk guy behind us repeated it, adding “That’s about right.”

So, without further ado, here is what you missed if you didn’t heed the beast’s call to “GET IT MAH BELLY!”

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Let’s talk about sex, baby

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2012| 2 Comments »

I get it. I do.

Rush Limbaugh makes his living by making outrageous statements and polarizing people. He thrives on controversy because that drives an increase in listeners. His livelihood depends on him being a jerk.

So no one should be surprised at his latest antics, and that it took three days for him to apologize to Sandra Fluke. He had to make sure that people were good and outraged. He had to make sure people were paying attention to him.

It’s all part of his shtick. I doubt he even believes all the things he says. I worry more about the people who actually listen to him, believe him, agree with him, and use his words to get fired up in their own lives and voting booths.

But let’s look at the controversy. I don’t mean birth control pills or whether it is actually used for contraception (in many cases, it is not). I don’t mean Limbaugh’s crazy assumption that you need to have a pill each time you have sex. I mean the issue of women having sex in the first place (something that frightens Rick Santorum very much).

Limbaugh said about Fluke, “She’s having so much sex, it’s amazing she can still walk.” That wasn’t the point of her congressional committee testimony, and I have no idea whether she is getting it on regularly or not. But what if she is? So what?

Why is it still OK, in 2012, to brand a woman as a “slut” for enjoying herself? Men have been doing it for years, and earning acclaim (see Warren Beatty, Hugh Hefner, Gene Simmons, Gerard Butler, etc.). Note the difference between the terms “ladies man” and “whore.”

Why are we still rooted in the 1950s idea of what a woman should do and be? I should ask my mother-in-law. She’s still pissed that I’m not home all day with the kids. (It doesn’t impress her a bit that I have a Ph.D., great job, and I make it home in time to cook dinner for Eddie every day.)

Why aren’t there more women in positions of power in the United States? According to the 2010 Census, woman outnumber men 157 million to 151.8 million.

I’ll tell you why: Women often have a hard time getting along with other women. You need proof? Watch this season of “Survivor.” (Or don’t. It is embarrassing.) This season’s twist is that all the contestants are in the same camp, but they are on teams by gender.

Instead of using their collective skills and knowledge to work together and build a shelter, make fire, etc., they’ve been racing over to the men’s shelter to “get warm for five minutes.” (If you know you are going to be on “Survivor,” wouldn’t you practice making fire?)

They lost an easy challenge because they could not figure out how to work together.

I want these smart, strong women to start supporting and relying on each other. Men are often dismissive of women; women shouldn’t do it too.

I know, I know: Aggressive men are “go-getters” while aggressive women are “bitches.” But the fact that women outnumber men means that we can change that image, as long as we aren’t doing the name-calling also.

March is Women’s History Month. Women, now is the time to speak up, speak out, make a difference.

And if you want to get it on with hundreds of people, Sandra Fluke, do it. I won’t judge you. Limbaugh can kiss my butt as it walks away to help foster true equality.

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Three kinds of meat? Yes, please.

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , on March 2, 2012| 3 Comments »

Lately, I’ve been interested in food wrapped in other food (see Scotch quail eggs). Tonight I made Triple Meat Surprise.

Is it a surprise because it involves three meats? Not when one of those is bacon. (You know my relationship with bacon.)

Is it a surprise because it is stuffed with roasted sweet peppers? No, although they are so very yummy.

Is it a surprise that Newt Gingrich is still in the race for the Republican presidential nomination? Yes, but that is the topic of a different post.

It is a surprise because I came up with it on my own. I had Italian sausage and ground turkey in the refrigerator that were seeking willing bellies. I was going to make meatballs, then I thought to do this:

Here are the (easy) instructions:

Take sausage out of casings and spread out on wax paper. Place roasted red peppers in the center. Lift one side of wax paper to help make a roll with the peppers inside.

Mix ground turkey with an egg, 1/4 cup of ketchup, 1 tablespoon of basil, 1 tablespoon of Adobo, 1 tablespoon of water, 1/4 cup of Italian bread crumbs. If the mixture is a little too sloppy, add more bread crumbs.

Spread out the mixture on another piece of wax paper. Place the sausage roll on top. Brush with a little beaten egg and dust with more bread crumbs.

Using wax paper, roll up meat mixture around sausage roll. Place bacon strips next to each other on wax paper. Place meat log on bacon strips. Using wax paper, wrap bacon around meat log.

Place on some kind of rack that allows drainage on a cookie sheet covered in foil. Cook in 375-degree oven for an hour and a half.

Take photo of first-born and the skink he found. Clean wound from skink bite, lather on Neosporin, and top off with a Batman Band-Aid. (This part of the directions may just apply in my house, though.)

Eddie came home and immediately got excited by the smell (the smell of the food, not the skink or the skink bite). Here’s the finished product:

It was a big hit. Clean plates all around!

Enjoy!

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Reader discretion warning

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , on February 28, 2012| 10 Comments »

Warning: This post contains graphic images and text that may be disturbing to sensitive readers.

(Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

I don’t usually talk about politics in this blog, but I’m concerned about the Republican Party. They’ve had four years to get their act together and this is what they’ve come up with:

How are these guys the best the party can offer?

I can’t address all the craziness these folks have perpetrated over the past few months. Here are a few of the tastiest tidbits.

Mitt Romney

During an economic policy address at Ford Field in Detroit, he mentioned that his wife “drives a couple of Cadillacs.” Later, he explained that they were parked at their different houses. You know, for convenience. Oh. OK. Of course. He must not have learned anything from poor John McCain in 2008.

Romney is like the uptight, nerdy dad trying desperately to “get real” with the cool teenage son. Think Phil Dunphy.

Rick Santorum

At a speech at an Americans for Prosperity forum in Michigan, he derided Obama as a “snob” for suggesting that Americans should go to college. Hmmm … I guess he knows a thing or two about college. He has three degrees: a B.A., M.B.A. and J.D. I suppose he was indoctrinated by those “liberal college professors.” Quelle horreur!

And, by the way, look at the priority other countries place on higher education. The United States is slipping further behind. Do we really want to be the Patrick Star of the globe?

With his sweater vest, he reminds me of the teenaged son’s irritating, know-it-all best friend: Eddie Haskell.

Newt Gingrich

How is he a viable candidate? Let’s give credit to the flux capacitor that transported us back to the 1990s. It was a more innocent time. He was able to squall freely about Bill Clinton’s sexcapades while carrying on a hot and heavy affair with Whitehall Barbie. And he’s trying to represent a party that espouses family values such as preserving the sanctity of marriage. OK. Oh, and he wants to colonize the moon.

He’s like the drunk uncle who passes out on the couch during the family meal. Or like an older Arthur.

Ron Paul

It is amazing that he is running as a Republican in 2012, considering his Libertarianesque leaning (that is actually more like the Republican Party of old). I guess he thinks the Republicans are his best chance (according to him, “parties are pretty irrelevant”). He’s clearly not considered a contender. The debates were tough to watch. Even though the man was speaking some sense, his opponents looked at him patronizingly.

In the family dynamic, Paul is the senile grandpa allowed at the dinner table until he pinches the daughter-in-law’s backside when she goes for more rolls. Then it’s back to the nursing home for Old Man Simpson.

So this is what we’ve got:

Lest you think I’m a “liberal college professor” or part of the “left-wing media,” I’m not giving Democrats a pass. They’ve just (wisely) kept their collective mouths shut and let the crazies duke it out.

In the interest of full disclosure, I do have to unveil a skeleton in my closet. (Remember, I warned you about graphic images.) Here it is in all its tattered, bony glory:

I was Newt’s press intern during the Jim Wright scandal. So glad the days of “mindless cannibalism” are over. Oh … wait.

(Notice my hand is in my OWN pocket.)

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