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Peeping at Tom

September 16, 2011 by Beth

Eddie and I visited Lacoste in 2006. I found out Tom Stoppard lived here. I took pictures of his garden. I hoped to casually run into him on Rue Saint Trophime. I went home disappointed.

Five years later, Tom has moved on. One of Lacoste’s local characters has a connection to Tom’s place, though, and I got to go inside. I saw what he saw and where he sat.

The starstruck aspiring screenwriter in me squealed at this: the desk where he wrote “Shakespeare in Love.”

I imagined him taking writing breaks to walk through his garden or lounge in his pool.

I imagined him eating brie on a baguette while sitting on his terrace.

That's not Tom.

I imagined him gazing up at the Marquis de Sade’s chateau, seeking inspiration.

I imagined myself writing this blog post as an ode to a former Lacoste resident whose work I appreciate. Sadly, this post won’t lead to any Oscars.

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Foyer, doux foyer

September 13, 2011 by Beth

Home, sweet home.

This is my temporary home in Lacoste, France:

My street and apartment

I left my real home on Sunday with tissues stuffed in my bra to help me through the emotional experience of leaving Eddie and the kids. After many hours breathing recycled airplane air (three planes), wrangling suitcases (one large, three small), and enduring the wrath of Sue Sylvester serving as flight attendant on the longest flight, I made it to my final destination in the south of France.

It has been an action-packed 20 hours since I arrived. I’ll spare you the play-by-play. Here are the highlights:

  1. I live 10 feet away from the clock tower. It chimes twice per hour.
  2. It is scorpion mating season. Here’s one that won’t mate again.
  3. It is harvest season. Carl, another professor here, shows off the goods.
  4. The village’s hills will be assets as I whip my own assets into shape.
  5. The place has interesting little cubbies everywhere. Here’s a cool hobbit potty, for example.

One of the best parts of the town tour today was an impromptu peek into Tom Stoppard‘s former residence. I’ll share the photos later.

For now, though, je suis fatigué!

À bientôt!

 

Posted in Random | Tagged , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Here a fail, there a fail, everywhere a fail, fail

September 10, 2011 by Beth

It’s been a busy week for me as I prepare for my Provençal adventure, and it has been a busy week for this blog’s eagle-eyed contributors.

Apparently, it has been a tough week for those who write for public view.

For example, Max found a syntax mistake made by a WTOC Web writer.

“[This] has me imagining 81 ambulances lined up in front of the McDonalds in Pooler,” Max wrote. And then do they snap the victim into nine pieces so they can each get a part?

Aileen wants to know what “homous” is. I don’t know, but I don’t think the Tea Party would approve.

Daniel wrote of this sign, “Do they want us to kill our garbage instead?” Good question. Perhaps that will make it easier to be “procesed.”

Cheryl noticed this headline:

That must be one large ensemble if they can lay off 30,000 and still have members. It gives new meaning to the term “big band” (or Band Aid, even).

Finally, Aimee spotted this sign at All-American Gymnastics:

At least someone had the decency to cross out the offending word. Adding the correct one would have been a bonus.

Thank you to this week’s contributors! (And I really hope I didn’t make any mistakes in this post … )

Posted in Grammar, etc. | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments »

Parlez-vous anglais?

September 5, 2011 by Beth

In one week, this village will be my new home:

It’s only temporary, though.

The university that employs me has a study-abroad campus in the South of France. I was lucky enough to be selected to teach writing courses there in the fall.

Here are the answers to the Top Five questions I’m asked:

  1. No, Eddie is not going. He and the kids will join me later in the quarter.
  2. Because the boys have school and he has work events planned.
  3. Yes, of course I will miss them. Skype will save us.
  4. Yes, I’m excited, mainly for the chance to gorge myself on wine and cheese and a variety of other treats for which the Luberon Valley is known.
  5. No, I don’t speak French fluently. I will be able to carry on conversations with French toddlers based on what I remember from two years of the language in high school. And I can inquire as to the whereabouts of my sunglasses.

Although I’ll still post images of grammar mistakes in the wild, this blog will change focus a bit.

Perhaps a temporary blog title is appropriate.

Perhaps “A Redneck in Provence.”

 

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Hello, dollface

August 31, 2011 by Beth

When my mom died, my dad was in rough shape. Eddie and I thought he had one foot in the grave. Every time I talked to him, it was like talking to Eeyore. And suddenly, six months later, he was a different person. Chipper, even.

Her name is Katherine. She moved in, cheered him up, and whipped him into shape. She speaks in that Old South syrupy drawl and he just oozes contentment. I can’t help but like her. She’s almost perfect. Almost.

Katherine likes dolls, and lots of them. She has taken the first step, though, in admitting she has a problem. (“Hi, my name is Katherine, and I’m a doll collector.”) She and my dad talk about an eBay purging, but nothing has happened yet. So a thousand pairs of eyes greet me when I visit.

The formation taking up prime living room real estate is this Native American tableau. They are taller than my oldest son.

There's a horse in there too.

Here are some of the others:

Cupids? Rejects from "Toddlers and Tiaras?"

Runaway bride? She looks afraid of something. Maybe it's the others in the room.

The Victorian medley awaits the slumber of the guest.

Princess Di stars in "Little House on the Prairie."

This is part of a carousel of horrors.

Chucky and his (her?) pet deer. Same creepy eyes.

Katherine shows off "Rosemary's baby."

Not even the kitchen is immune.

The dolls reside in a garden of silk flowers and plants. Every cranny is a diorama of disturbing elements.

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, Eddie can't sleep tonight ...

Dad reads this blog and will show this post to Katherine. Katherine, I want you to know that our taste in interior design might be different, but I wouldn’t trade you for anything. I’m happy to have you in our lives, even if that means I put up with weird little figures (the ones who are not my children).

(On a side note, anyone in the market for some dolls?)

Posted in Random | Tagged , | 1 Comment »

A fowl day

August 24, 2011 by Beth

I guess we are not meant to have chickens.

Jeanne has gone to that great coop in the sky.

It appears something attacked her in the coop (not Maggie this time, as Maggie passed away last October). Perhaps a possum or raccoon. Jeanne put up a fight, but didn’t make it.

Once again, Eddie is the one who found the carnage. (Hmmm … there seems to be a theme emerging.) He called me on my way to work, while I was already upset about something else:

That’s some jury-rigging right there. Not pretty. This is what happens when you are driving a Volkswagen and can’t swerve to miss a piece of truck tire in the road. And why Eddie hates my car. (He was driving.)

Eddie also hit a deer a couple of months ago. So Progressive loves us, I’m sure.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day for me. Worse for Jeanne, of course. RIP.

Eddie says that’s it for chickens. Yeah, well. He’s said that before.

I’ll bide my time until March, which is the start of chicken season.

 

Posted in Chickens | Tagged , , | 7 Comments »

Signs of the week (weak?)

August 22, 2011 by Beth

This person needs a "tutor" for English too. Or maybe he DOES want a member of 16th-century English royalty.

I'd rather have an "omelet" or an "omelette."

"Eat of it," meaning the animals will just sample whatever someone tosses in? They are more likely to eat the whole darn thing.

Belk's sign maker needs a crash course in possessives.

No mistake here. I just want to let you know that Zumba is apparently not allowed.

Posted in Grammar, etc. | Tagged , , , | Leave a Comment »

I am posting?

August 12, 2011 by Beth

I have been woefully slack at creating new content for this blog. I apologize.

I’m overwhelmed with possible topics:

  • My doctoral hooding ceremony, for which my chair wore jeans and paint-covered sandals
  • The AEJMC conference I am attending that is making me feel like a James Franco-style slacker
  • The fact that tapas places don’t seem to really understand the concept of tapas
  • That chickens do indeed like the taste of chicken

And the ever popular topic

  • War, what is is good for?

My head is exploding with the possibilities. So, I’ll make it interesting and entertaining by posting images of signs and notices sent to me by my fabulous friends.

From Chad:

For your convenience, software programs offer spell check.

From Kevin:

Please experience a moment with a dictionary.

From Royce:

So is the pro shop apologizing or not? Perhaps they should apologize for mistaking the question mark key for the period.

Posted in Grammar, etc. | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment »

Signs of the times

August 3, 2011 by Beth

Mike Judge is starting to look more and more like Nostradamus; his “Idiocracy” is akin to “The Prophecies.”

You need evidence that we live in a society that is shunning intellectual curiosity and social responsibility? You must not have watched any of the debt debates.

There are other signs all around of our declining intellectual ability. Literally.

Here’s one offered by my friend Lisa, who was mortified to find this at her son’s school:

God forbid the "parnet's" forget eggs on "Wesdnesday." That might be the day they also learn about spelling and apostrophe usage.

Royce provided this selection from the Savannah Morning News:

Maybe a "cachier" is a new term for someone who helps with a cache of coupons.

I saw this during my recent jaunt to Jacksonville:

I wonder if the new ownership will extend care to people of other faiths too.

Karla was amused by this entry in a cabin’s guest book:

It's clear they don't quite have a handle on our "human words." Ah, the intricacies of adverbs, adjectives and verbs.

And finally, from Elyse, here is evidence of a desperate attempt to sound important — an attempt office workers see on a regular basis:

Somewhere the word "use" is weeping quietly.

Sigh.

Posted in Grammar, etc. | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments »

That’s what friends are for

July 30, 2011 by Beth

Facebook is a fascinating petri dish. Where else can you find people from all aspects of your life hanging out, sharing information and ribbing each other?

Facebook makes it possible for people to have exchanges like this:

Granted, as evidenced above, typed words and computer protection can make people say things they might not say in person, but the positives outweigh the negatives, I think.

By having friends across the spectrum, it helps ward off news insulation where you are only exposed to that with which you agree. It only works, though, if you don’t censor your news feed.

Here’s a sample of the interesting and varied people I am friends with on Facebook:

  • The guy who punched me in the stomach in sixth grade
  • My maid of honor’s baby daddy (and the baby too)
  • An author I met at a book signing/reading
  • My husband’s main gay whom I have never met in person (neither has he*)
  • A woman who “met” me through this blog
  • A mascot for the local Single A baseball team
  • A friend’s pet bird
  • A former colleague on whom I had a girl crush
  • A former student who nearly drove me batshit crazy
  • A drag queen
  • A guy I met during jury duty selection
  • My boss from my first retail job
  • The girl who peed in the back of the truck on the way back from Camp Toccoa
  • A fake person created by students in my Writing for the Web class
  • The guy who sold me my car
  • The perpetually drunk roommate of my first college boyfriend
  • A woman I call “Eeyore” because of her depressing posts
  • My high school French teacher
  • The woman who regularly kicks my butt in Words with Friends
  • The late chicken pictured in this blog’s header
  • An actor friend starring in Golden Corral commercials (“Ten bucks? Bam!”)

I love these people. I love all my Facebook friends. I am constantly amused, amazed and informed by what they post.

Sure, there are a couple of people on there who also drive me crazy with their passive-aggressive or alarmist status updates. And though I try to be a little selective about the people I connect with on Facebook, there are a couple of people on my friends list whom I don’t think I actually know.

That would be OK with one woman I know. This person is some kind of friend collector. Are you friends with both my husband and me? Expect a friend request. Have you breathed in her vicinity? Friend request. Breathing in general? A request is on the way.

That seems weird to me, but maybe I’m the weird one. Thoughts?

* This is an odd little story I’ll save for another time.

Posted in Grammar, etc. | Tagged , , , , , | 8 Comments »

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