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Redneck roundup

March 12, 2011 by Beth

After Trish and I went to the Redneck Games last July, I knew I had to mark my calendar for the Claxton Rattlesnake Roundup. This marvelous event, held the second weekend in March, began in 1968 in an effort to reduce the rattlesnake population in the city. Now I think they have to truck in the snakes to round them up.

Sadly, Trish had to beg out to host a basketball tournament with the Savannah Storm. My friend Royce agreed to make the trek with me.

We got there early (9 a.m.) for the “3-D archery tournament.” It seemed promising, but the two of us made up 66.6 percent of the audience. The other spectator was an archer’s significant other, and I swear she was wearing pajama jeans.

While looking for the snake handling demonstrations, we ran across the entrance to the “birds of prey” area, which also doubled as home base for the gun raffle …

… and taxidermy expo.

We meandered outside and found the namesake snakes.

They were angry.

Around the corner, we spotted our first (and only) snake handler of the day. She was showing off a yellow rat snake.

Of course, we had to join in.

This is also where we spotted our first mullet. And what a glorious mullet it was (made even better by the Spiderman face paint).

We went back to the car to gather the energy (found in the cooler in my trunk) to continue. It was a good thing we did. We needed sustenance for the things we would see:

A coonskin cap

A coonskin snake

A many-skinned truck

A fish in a truck

Some knobbly butts

Rattlesnake queen

Stuffed acid-washed jeans

Stuffed coiled-up snake

Cantilevered waist

Human hamster balls

Massive overalls

A country fair is never complete without fried alligator and spiral potatoes.

That’s it. That’s all we could take. Royce is trying to talk me into going to the Warrior Dash. Maybe …

Posted in Random | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments »

Open letter to homophobes

March 8, 2011 by Beth

Dear Straight Brethren (or Closeted Brethren Pretending to be Straight) Who Oppose Gay Marriage:

I want to talk to you about something very important. I’d like to think that we’re all reasonable adults, and I hope you can open your mind to the points I am about to make.

We both know that it really isn’t our business whom gay people marry or if they marry at all.  Their desire and ability to marry have no effect on my marriage or yours any more than Charlie Sheen’s “marriages” have.

Before you bring up the so-called “sanctity of marriage,” let me remind you about Larry King, who is on his seventh wife. You don’t seem to care about him (or Tiger and his traveling tool), but you seem to be squawking loudly about the Defense of Marriage Act. Defense of Marriage? Really? We need a defense for an institution that is all about individual choice? People are going to choose it or not choose it, be happy or unhappy, make a mess of it or not make a mess, and no legislation can do anything about that.

So what we are talking about here is discrimination. Let me remind you that gay people pay taxes. They’ve essentially paid for legislation that discriminates against them. That sucks. We’re talking about human beings who have just as much right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as we do. If they aren’t treated equally under the (tax-funded) law, maybe they shouldn’t have to pay taxes. Uh oh.

Please don’t talk to me about the Bible. You can’t use the Bible for two reasons:

  1. If you are going to adhere to one passage, you have to adhere to the whole thing. Should we start stoning adulterers? Maybe we can start with Newt Gingrich. (You know the Bible also says divorce is wrong.) Don’t get me started on why literal interpretations of the Bible are a bad thing in general. Even the Vatican doesn’t advocate a literal interpretation, and you know how I feel about the pope.
  2. There’s this crazy thing we have here in America called “separation of church and state.” I know it isn’t very convenient sometimes, but there it is. So don’t allow gay people marry each other in your church if you think homosexuality is a sin. That’s fine. But civil unions should be available to give same-sex couples access to state-created rights. You know, the states they pay to operate through tax dollars.

The choices any people make in their personal lives do not affect me at all — unless, of course, they choose to attack me or my family physically, or rob us, or something like that. And that’s when the law should get involved.

You know what does affect me, affect us? Misuse of tax money. Cuts in education. Poor road maintenance. National dependence on oil. I could go on, but I won’t. You are reasonable. You get my point.

Can we please focus on legislation that truly affects how we live our lives?

Let’s be reasonable.

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A little help from my friends

March 6, 2011 by Beth

I’m working on my dissertation today (!), but I wanted to take a moment to thank my correspondents for reporting back to me with photos of things they’ve spotted in the wild.

Charlotte noted this creative dish on a menu:

And Royce has been busy on my behalf. Yesterday, he found this lovely sign (first contributed by Austin) in an antique store:

Today, he found that the devil really is in the details:

Thank you, Charlotte and Royce. And SIGH.

Posted in Grammar, etc. | Tagged , , , | Leave a Comment »

Dreaming of past tense and pronunciation

March 2, 2011 by Beth

The following tweet and resulting class discussion prompted today’s post:

The discussion concerned the use of “dreamt.” Should he have used “dreamed” instead?

Both are correct, but “dreamed” is standard American, while “dreamt” is a British thing. So #Ross can use “dreamt” without raising an eyebrow, along with “regards,” “towards,” “spilt” and “learnt.” Americans drop that “s” in the former two and use the “ed” form in the latter two.

And that brings me to other “ed” issues.

  • The correct past tense of the verb “to plead” is “pleaded” (at least according to AP Style). Sorry “pled” lovers.
  • The preferred pronunciation of “striped” is “strEYEpt.” Fortunately for Claire, Merriam-Webster also allows “strEYE-ped.”
  • The most common pronunciation of “blessed” is “BLESS-ed,” but Merriam allows the one syllable variant as well. It depends on how you use it. One syllable for “I’ve been blessed with a generally even-keeled demeanor, even in the face of perceived classroom disrespect” and two for a use such as “I never get one blessed moment of peace at home.”

And by the way, I have never brought any Starburst candy for class — laced with drugs or not.

Posted in Grammar, etc. | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Spring flavor

February 28, 2011 by Beth

What I have not been doing lately:

  • Working on my dissertation. (Explanation needs to be a separate post.)
  • Posting new content to this blog. (Clearly. It’s been 10 days!)
  • Worrying about anything. (Very much a good thing.)

What I have been doing:

  • Enjoying the “incubation” period where I consider how to continue with my dissertation.
  • Taking a break from the computer (e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, etc.).
  • Battling early-onset spring fever.

My spring fever manifests itself in strange ways. For example, I decided last week that I really wanted to make ravioli. From scratch. Filled with fresh lobster meat.

“What the f—?!” Eddie said. (But not in a negative way, of course.)

I bought a pasta maker and commenced pasta making.

Step 1: Make dough, knead and let it rest for 30 minutes.

Step 2: Cook lobster. Chop tail (below). Mix with chopped mushrooms, salt, pepper and light cream.

Step 3: Roll out dough in pasta maker.

Step 4: Use ravioli press to create pockets of joy. Repeat many times.

Step 5: Let ravioli dry for an hour on each side.

Step 6: Boil for eight minutes.

Step 7. Make garlic cream sauce in which to immerse ravioli.

Step 8: Top with chopped basil for that impressive restaurant flair.

Step 9: Gorge until you have to go lie down.

Family and friends = fat and happy (and totally impressed).

After that experience, I decided to experiment. I made spinach dough, which I turned into ground turkey and mushroom ravioli and also linguine.

And it’s only February.

 

Posted in Random | Tagged , | 4 Comments »

Rednecks, Cheetos and Glenn Beck

February 18, 2011 by Beth

I love that WordPress lets me know how people find my blog via search engines. For example:

My posts about the annual Redneck Games, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, and rhetorical devices get the most visitors from search engines. Interesting.

I talked to Trish yesterday about following up our Redneck Games extravaganza with the annual Claxton Rattlesnake Roundup next month. She claimed she put it on her calendar. Hmmm. I suspect I’ll have to hound her into submission.

I’ve got nothing to say today about the Cheetos. I have a pantry packed with Flamin’ goodness.

I’m not sure I’ve got much left to say about rhetorical devices. And that’s a device right there. Aporia (“Uh-POHR-ee-uh”) is the act of expressing real or simulated doubt.

Another one comes to mind because some friends and I have been talking about the musical “Hair.” (It has been 10 years since we — yes, I was in it — performed it at SCAD.)

“Ain’t Got No” is an example of anaphora (“Uh-NAF-er-uh”) because each line begins with the same words.

Finally (for today), dialysis refers to weighing two arguments as a choice: either/or, this/not that, no/yes, etc. For example, I had a Twitter spat with some woman in Atlanta who objected to what I said about Glenn Beck:

 

So, according to nautilus55, EITHER I like Glenn Beck, OR I am a liberal. No room for anything else there, I guess. And that’s a false dilemma, my friends, which is a logical fallacy. More about those some other time …

 

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Chicken run

February 15, 2011 by Beth

Jeanne is doing fine; thank you to those who asked about her well-being. She has been laying about five eggs per week. Jeanne and I have formed a close bond, and she comes running when I call her (like Trish used to). She likes me. Right now, she likes me!

Eddie? Not so much.

Jeanne has been pecking at the window screen on the side of our house, making Eddie angry. I asked him to feed her this morning, and this is the text message I received:

Yes, my 6-foot-4-inch tall husband ran from the chicken. Ha!

Posted in Chickens | Tagged , , | 1 Comment »

Post-conference stress disorder

February 10, 2011 by Beth

You could say I was shell-shocked by the AWP conference I attended. I felt incapable of explaining my dismay. Hence the reason for such silence on this blog.

I’ve been back for four days, so here is my attempt.

If you want to party like it is 1989, then the conference is your kind of place.

  1. Some of the clothing, hairstyles and self-promotional styles were reminiscent of the “Me Decade.”
  2. Some of the music at the opening night reception came from the ’80s, as did the dancing style. (This video shows lots of white people dancing, but fails to capture some of their attempts at breakdancing. I’m very sorry I couldn’t get that on video.)
  3. Finally — and this is the really frightening aspect — out of about 350 panel discussions and workshops, fewer than 10 had anything — anything at all — to do with the magical world that is the Internet.

Really? I couldn’t believe it. I left the conference feeling like I had just met a herd of ostriches busy burying their heads in the sand. (Note: Ostriches do not actually bury their heads in the sand. I’m using the common metaphor.)

Print is not dead, but many writers are too busy lamenting the decline of the traditional medium to embrace the opportunities inherent in our digital age.

During a break from the conference, I also read a blog post by Nicholas Carr wherein he groused about the state of our collective attention span.

We’re shrinking our definition of long-form writing to fit the limits of our ever more distracted reading habits. What would have once been considered a remark is now considered a “short take”; what would once have been considered a “short take” is now a “middle take”; and what once would have been considered a “middle take” is now seen as a “long take.”

Yes,  in the “old days,” rich, white, middle-aged men would curl up by the fire and read Charles Darwin’s latest tome in preparation for a lively discussion with their rich, white, middle-aged male friends. (Those were pretty much the only people who were educated back then.)

Things are different now. Different expectations, realities, opportunities. There is a time and a place and a need for “long form” work, just as there is for “short form.” Accept it and move on. Bellyaching is not going to make the Internet go away.

Maybe that will be the title of the panel discussion I will propose to present at the AWP conference in 2012.

Wish me luck!

Posted in Technology | 10 Comments »

Keep calm and carry on

February 2, 2011 by Beth

Ironically, when I am under the most stress, that is when I feel the most charitable toward fellow humans. I’m a kinder, gentler Beth (or “Betty,” as I am called by Dominic’s classmate’s mom).

Evidence:

  • I did not mentally resolve to fail the student who asked me (via Twitter) if we were having class today, despite the fact that I told him in person and via the syllabus that there was no class today.
  • I did not launch a well-placed kick at the nut sack of the idiot whose meandering while chatting on his cell phone nearly made us miss the train from the airport.
  • I did not body-slam the intellectual giant who thought it was a good idea to drag her suitcase — in which one could hide at least two corpulent corpses — onto said train, banging into everyone in sight and running over countless toes.

See?! I am calm. I. Am. Calm.

For those who wish to know, I am in Washington, D.C., attending the Association of Writers and Writing Programs annual conference.

Posted in Random | 1 Comment »

Words for the week (weak?)

January 28, 2011 by Beth

Writing a dissertation is a marathon, not a sprint. For me, it is a marathon that also includes deviations off the path to experience some waterboarding, flaying and pillorying.

There is a special place in hell reserved for the people who devise the rules, regulations and procedures governing thesis projects and dissertations at state universities.

But enough about that. I have plenty of time to complain about the dissertation process over the next three months. Let’s talk about something fun — like words that I love.

Hobo
This is a great word I’ve managed to use twice this week. I imagine plenty of stubble, patches, and a stick holding belongings tied in a kerchief — the whole nine yards.

Raggedy
Straight up to’ up. I also like “rickety.”

Ghastly
I use it when “horrible” just won’t do.

Barf
Succinct and illustrative.

Sycophant
It says so much more than “brown-noser” or “flatterer” could. I’ve only used this once this week, but there’s still time.

Hmmm … I see a theme emerging. Must be my general mental state. See first two sentences.

Posted in Grammar, etc. | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

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