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Posts Tagged ‘Advice’

(No) Poker Face* #WednesdayWomen

Posted in Politics, Random, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 11, 2024| 6 Comments »

Ladies, do you suffer from FAFO Face like VP Harris?

I know I do.

If you try to stop your face from moving, your thoughts come out through your eyes.

Trust me. I nearly killed a coworker last week, Homelander style.

In its mildest form, it manifests as RBF.

So what can we do?

Not a damn thing. Folks need to get over it. (Or stop doing stupid stuff to cause the face. 😄)

Here’s a handy decoder:

“Oh you think so, do you? FAFO.”
“Let me get this straight.”
“Bitch, please.”
“I’m laughing at you, not with you.”
“Come on, now.”
“This MFer.”
“Do tell.”
“I’m just going to look down at my notes, because my face has nothing nice to say.”
“Oh, honey. I actually feel sorry for you.”

Now let’s test your knowledge. What is my face saying to you?

A. This bar is great.
B. The decor is unique.
C. I found love in a hopeless place.
D. I want to murder this man who sat four inches from me despite the fact that there were 10 empty seats at the bar.

If you said D, then winner, winner, chicken dinner!

Whatever you do, don’t be this guy:

It’s misogynistic and akin to “you should smile more.” Frank, how ’bout you train yourself to STFU.

If you need it, here’s a dude saying roughly the same thing:

It’s an extra layer of communication. Useful, I’d say.

I mean, just think about how moms operate. All you needed was THE LOOK from your mom, and you stopped your buffoonery immediately.

In retrospect, I should amend my first line. I do not “suffer” from FAFO Face. I actually celebrate it! I have the ability to communicate effectively without words.

But here are three:

Bite me, Frank. 😉

*Lady Gaga gives good face. That arched eyebrow!

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I diD mY oWn rEseArcH! #TuesdayTip

Posted in Advice, Politics, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 20, 2024| 4 Comments »

Dear People Who Like to Share Wrong Information:

In the age of social media, I know it is hard not to share a chart or a meme that fits in with your world view/personal bias. I know it seems great in the moment, but I really encourage you to check your facts.

As we are in an election year, and people are foaming at the mouth, sharing misinformation is a real problem.

A couple of far-right friends shared a chart I found interesting:

It’s interesting to me because it looks great for your cause if you are a Trump supporter.

(Quick personal bias check: I am a Never Trumper. I’m sure most of y’all know that.)

BUT THIS CHART IS WRONG. I know it is wrong because I had recently done some research on gas prices.

(That people think the President of the United States controls the price of gas is insane to me.)

Anyway, I was motivated to get the real numbers, and I had some spare time.

I put together a spreadsheet. I hate Excel, so I need everyone to understand that this is a big deal.

In addition to providing the real data for the categories in the chart above, I added some other key info such as the global inflation rate, deficit and GDP. I also added the numbers for the last four years Obama was in office to give context.

I’m presenting it here without comment. These are real numbers, and I can provide sources for this data (non-media sources). Let me know if you want me to send you the spreadsheet with source links.

The bottom line: Educate yourself. Decide what is important to you. Vote accordingly.

Also, don’t share stupid inflammatory shit that is wrong. There is enough misinformation in the world without you adding to it.

Kthxbyeeee,
Beth

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Please Stand and Deliver* #SundayStories #Antmusic

Posted in Music, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2024| Leave a Comment »

Dear Adam,

I know we broke up in September 2019. I moved on.

I never forgot you, though.

When I heard you would be traveling through Salem, I decided to go see you for old times’ sake.

Our relationship has had its ups (2013) and downs (2012 and 2019)

I see you haven’t changed at all in the past five years.

Left: 2019; Right: 2024

I mean AT ALL. You might not have even been out of those clothes in all this time. I have no idea.

You’re even still wearing that stupid hat. Whyyyy?!

And you are peddling all the same merch. With new tour dates, sure.

I have all these shirts.

There is one new thing about you:

What is this, Adam? One single dreadlock? Gross.

Your voice sounds great, and you’ve remained trim.

But I don’t understand the little stage hops. You moved like your pants were too tight.

I know you are almost 70. I understand that you are not in your prime.

But this is your only job. And many fans are still paying to see you perform.

You have no kicks to give.

Frankly, I’m concerned. Your eyes looked dead.

When you were introducing the band, you paused for so long, I thought about calling 911.

Were you smelling burnt toast?

Seriously, I am worried about you.

Take some time off. Regroup. See your barber (and a stylist). Maybe consider retirement. You’ve worked hard. You’ve given the world some great music. Fans appreciate you. Don’t repay their loyalty by dying on stage in front of them.

Love always,
Beth

* The dandy highwayman himself

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Rock down to Electric Avenue* #TuesdayTrouble

Posted in Advice, Travel, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2023| Leave a Comment »

Dear Thrifty Car Rental:

Do not rent out electric vehicles. Seriously.

I’m a fan of them, in general, but they are not suited for the rental market for two main reasons:

  1. Miles possible on a charge.
  2. Availability of charging stations.
  3. Time to charge.

Ok, so let’s discuss No. 1. I was told at the JFK rental counter that the Chevy Volt that was forced on me** would get 250 miles per charge.

Perhaps that’s true if the owner takes care of the car. But this Volt was a rental. I was told it was fully charged when the rental fellow turned over the keys.

It didn’t look charged to me:

It looks like it has just over half a charge, but what do I know?

So I went on my way to visit my father on Long Island.

That brings us to No. 2. Random charging stations are available here and there, but there are only a few plugs at a time. With more and more people driving electric vehicles, sometimes there is a wait to charge. There’s also the No. 3 issue. I’ll get to that in a moment.

I found a charging station six miles from my father’s house. It was in a parking lot near a fire station. Luckily, he was able to go with me to set the car on charge, then we drove around and had lunch.

What if that hadn’t been an option?

And here’s the biggest problem: Time to charge (No. 3).

We left the car charging for 2.5 hours. And that wasn’t enough to get it fully charged from a 65-mile drive.

2.5 HOURS!

I had to find another charging station on the way back. (Why? To avoid the $60 fee for bringing it back on less than 100 percent charged. Seems like you REALLY like that dollar figure.)

This time, I managed to find a fast-charge place by a mall. There were five charging units, but only three were working. I had to wait to get one.

I plugged in the car, and waited. Tethered like a teenager to TikTok.

The charging unit said one hour to 80 percent charge. The Volt said 34 minutes to full charge.

Can you guess the Volt’s problem?

My guess is battery health.

It’s not like these cars are cheaper or cooler to drive. And you still have to pay for charging, so there’s no major saving over gas.

Home use is a great idea. I borrowed my friend Marlane’s Kia EV over Thanksgiving, and it was fantastic. I set it on charge in the garage overnight once it got low.

But for a rental? No thanks. Bad idea.

If you won’t take my advice, please just make a note in my file that I never want to rent one again.

Thanks,
Beth

*A classic.

**I got the manager’s special rate with the best available car. The Volt is what was offered. I asked (read: begged) for a regular car. No, ma’am, unless I wanted to pay $60 extra.

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Playing nice #SundayStories

Posted in Home Sweet Home, Random, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on August 6, 2023| Leave a Comment »

Hi everyone!

My first week went well. Everyone has been very kind, very welcoming.

I’ve also been a bit overwhelmed at the scope of the work to do. I stayed late every night this week trying to get a handle on my role. But my instincts have proven to be sound, and I’ll be fine.

The view from my desk

I have discovered that Oregonians are a particular kind of nice.

They are lovely people, but don’t seem to go out of their way to help. High school friend Aileen, who lives in Salem, warned me about that.

You have to ask explicitly for what you want.

For example, I locked myself out of my house for the first time in my life the week before I started work. The doorknob of the door leading into the garage has a thumb lock you really have to work at to pop out. I thought I had done that.

When I returned from taking out the trash, I realized I had not.

I had only the clothes on my back. No phone. And I was filthy because I had been painting and unboxing and trying to get the place in order.

Ruh, roh, Raggy.

I didn’t even know where campus security was to get help. (I live on campus.) I walked to my soon-to-be office building to call campus security. One of my direct reports was working late. I materialized in her doorway. She and I were both horrified at the state of me. She barely recognized me.

Beth?!

Yeah.

She called security and handed me the phone.

Security officer: I don’t know that we even have keys to that place.

Me: If you don’t, do you know a locksmith?

Him: I’m not from here. I don’t know a locksmith.

Me: Could I use your phone to call one?

Him: Sure. I’ll meet you at your house in 10 minutes.

We arrive at the same time. He tried the keys. No luck. I use his phone to call a locksmith. The dude has to come from Salem, which is 45+minutes. He asks me what kind of lock it is. I tell him it’s heavy duty because it’s campus housing. He says he might have to drill it out. We hang up.

Me: I don’t think the facilities group is going to like that.

Security officer: No. I don’t think the campus locksmith will either.

Me (incredulous): THERE’S A CAMPUS LOCKSMITH?!

Him: Oh yes.

Me: Well, can we call him?

Him: Yes, I’ll call the facilities manager on call.

Me: THERE’S A FACILITIES MANAGER ON CALL?!?

Darrell the Campus Locksmith got there in five minutes and let me in.

See what I mean? Nice but not forthcoming.

It’s different from Southern nice, where people WILL go out of their way but talk smack about you when the screen door shuts.

And different from Midwest nice, where people will go out of their way with no expectation of return favors and no gossip.

So now I know. I can work with that.

I’ll keep you posted on the adventures I expect to have.

Beth

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“I’m WALKIN’ here!”* #SundayStories

Posted in Advice, Travel, tagged , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2023| Leave a Comment »

Hey Y’all!

Auntie Beth is back with more tips on how to live in a world with OTHER HUMAN BEINGS.

(Auntie Beth was in New York briefly for a conference and witnessed some very disturbing behavior.)

1. DON’T stand directly in front of elevator doors. It’s surprising this has to be said, but people likely are ON that elevator and need to get off. If you are standing there, you are making it difficult. The same goes for train doors.

2. DON’T stop at the top or bottom of an escalator to check your phone. Again, there are other people using the escalator and would like to keep moving once they are off.

3. DON’T walk three abreast on a sidewalk. AGAIN, there are other people in the world who would like to walk on the sidewalk.

Don’t be like these people.

4. DON’T leave COVID-time space between yourself and your companion while walking. For the fourth time, other people would like to get past you.

Please walk WITH your friend.

5. DON’T clump on the sidewalk to have a conversation. I mean … reread 1-4 for why.

Auntie Beth audibly sighed as she managed to hustle by these people taking up the whole sidewalk.

What do all these scenarios have in common?

The inability for the offenders to recognize there are other people in their orbit.

In other words, Main Character Syndrome.

Please — for the love of all that is good in this world — pay attention to people around you. Have some social/spatial awareness.

Auntie Beth (and many others) will thank you!

*Of course that’s from this movie.

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The Graduate #SundayStories

Posted in Parenting, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 28, 2023| 7 Comments »

Hi everyone!

It may or may not be a surprise, but Dominic made it to and through graduation.

During COVID, he just checked out of school. (Let’s be honest: He wasn’t exactly a star student before COVID either.) He just wouldn’t turn things in. He’d procrastinate until the very end then scrape by.

“So what are his plans now?”

Many, many people have asked. If I had a dollar for every time … well, you know.

I understand that it comes from a place of genuine curiosity, but I really am tired of saying, “I don’t know.”

I don’t know because Dominic doesn’t know.

He’s in teenage limbo where he has not yet found his passion and purpose.

I always knew what I wanted to do. I’ve always had a plan. I am not the kind of person who drifts through life.

But some people are, and that’s fine. He’s one of them. I’m not trying to impose my will on him.

He might work for a year.

He might go to college.

He might go into the military.

His friends know what they are going to do, and that adds pressure.

He’ll figure it out. The frontal lobe is still developing.

In the meantime, at least he’s passed this milestone. I’m proud of him.

And I’m as interested as everyone else in what’s next.

Beth

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It’s a CATastrophe over on Next Door #WhiningWednesday

Posted in Advice, Random, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2023| 8 Comments »

Y’all.

I’ve mentioned before how much I love the Next Door app.

I cannot get enough of the petty drama. Just look:

Lord have mercy. These PEOPLE.

But I am HERE for it.

And for what it is worth, I’m Team Heather.

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You’ve got a friend in me* #ThursdayThoughts(andprayers)

Posted in Friends, tagged , , , , , , , , , on January 26, 2023| Leave a Comment »

Dear Bob,

Listen, friend: We need to have a talk.

You were one of my favorite teachers in high school, and I’m thrilled we reconnected when I lived in Atlanta.

But you have scared the bejesus out of everyone with your recent emergency.

I realize that taking a group of students to the Galápagos Islands — a trip that included snorkeling — was too appealing to be denied.

However, when loads of people in the group got a stomach virus, did you HAVE to be an overachiever and get an extreme case? Of course you did.

This was your lovely wife Susan’s status update over the weekend.

Emergency surgery, scary-low oxygen levels, infection attack on numerous organs — that’s just a fraction of the issues you faced.

The good news is that you are awake and asking for sweet tea from Chick-fil-A.

So that means you are on the mend.

It’s about time.

Keep up the great work!

Love,
Beth

* Thanks, Toy Story.

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The Show Me (Something Stupid) State #WednesdayWacko

Posted in Politics, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 18, 2023| 3 Comments »

Dear Rep. Ann Kelley,

What — and I mean this sincerely — the f*** are you doing?

WHY would you propose a change to the Missouri House of Representatives rules that forces women to cover their arms?

And you are a woman. What the heck?!

Let me get this straight: You lost your mind over requiring people to wear masks a couple of years ago to stop the spread of COVID, but now you are forcing women to wear sleeves?

You claim it was to clarify language to be “equal” to men. (By the way, you really should hire a PR person or copy editor or SOMEONE to help you with your writing skills.)

Sure it was.

I can’t believe it was adopted 105-51. (Note that the House is made up of 116 men and 43 women. Party affiliation for reference: 111 R, 52 D.)

I can’t believe you wasted any time on this at all. Have you seen the state rankings? Just look!

30th in Education

42nd in Public Safety

42nd in Healthcare

I swear to God — you are affecting my healthcare: my mental health!

I really don’t know why I’m surprised at either of the things above. It’s so much easier to control women and what they do and wear rather than tackle big issues in all people’s lives. Right, Ann?

What an embarrassment this is for the state. You want to be in the international consciousness with this foolishness?

I’m so glad my representative didn’t vote for this nonsense. (Granted, I think he was absent that day.)

Pull yourself together, please. Focus on important issues.

Sincerely,
Beth, a Missouri resident with sense

Bare arms vs. bear arms (God forbid she wears a mask.) Photo credit here.

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