Dear Satan,
Well, you’ve outdone yourself: Getting “Christians” to criticize someone espousing the teachings of the Bible AND to accept two Nazi salutes in one day?
Impressive.
I would have said Hell would have frozen over before I saw these two things.
It did snow in Florida, so I guess that’s close enough.
Trump sold his soul to you, didn’t he? That is really the only way to explain his rise to power and the loyalty to and love for him.
Trump fans: “Back the blue! We are the party of law and order!”
Trump pardons people who killed and injured police officers.
Trump fans: “I didn’t see it.” “Are we making a big deal about the pardons that Biden put in place? That’d be worse.”
Trump fans: “Gas is too expensive. I can’t afford eggs! Trump is going to help the regular folks.”
Trump nominates billionaires to cabinet positions and invites others to his inauguration while — quite literally — leaving regular folks out in the cold.
Trump fans: “Sounds great! They will put America first.”
Trump fans: “Trump knows what he is doing. Musk is intelligent. He’s innovative.”
Musk gives what appears to be the Nazi salute not once, but twice.
Trump fans: “Oh, he’s autistic.” “It was just awkward.” But also from the actual Nazis: “We are so back.”
Musk is really smart but not smart enough not to do what looks just like a Nazi salute? And I know many autistic people who don’t run around doing that gesture. Make it make sense. Satan, is this your idea of Hell on Earth for me outside of Florida?
There’s an excuse for every damn thing. No one ever says, “Yep. That was wrong. I don’t agree with it.” It’s always, “But Biden did this thing … “ or “I work for Trump.” No, you work for the American people.
Trump signed 42 executive orders and 115 personnel actions on the first day (many of which sound a whole heck of a lot like Project 2025 — not that Trump had any knowledge of that at all, of course).
Among them are these winners:
- Requiring all federal workers to return to in-person work, as well as a directive to address the cost-of-living crisis. I’m sure that order is going over well with workers. And I’m no genius like Musk, but I’m thinking that the cost of living is much lower in rural areas instead of cities where federal workers might have to be in the office. If they could work from home from these areas, it might kill two birds with one stone. But what do I know?
- Ending birthright citizenship protected by the 14th Amendment. Nice try, but Trump can’t change the U.S. Constitution with an Executive Order. Both chambers of Congress would have to pass the amendment with a two-thirds majority, plus at least 38 states would have to approve. Not so easy peasy. Fun fact: People have said that four of his five kids won’t be citizens anymore, but that isn’t true: One parent had to be a U.S. citizen at the time of the child’s birth. But guess who WOULDN’T be considered a citizen anymore? Kamala Harris (probably why petty Mr. Trump is so keen on getting rid of the protection). You know who else? Vivek Ramaswamy. Oh, and new Secretary of State Marco Rubio. C’est la vie!
- Withdrawing from the Paris Agreement. Why? Because it doesn’t hold everyone accountable like it should? Ooookkkayyy. The reality is that climate change is fast making this planet unbearable. I’m not understanding how people can say that humans can control the weather and are responsible for the L.A. wildfires but NOT for climate change in general.
- Withdrawing from the World Health Organization. Why? Because they hurt Trump’s fee fees during the COVID pandemic for how he handled it? If the United States is out, it’s likely China will step up. That would give them more worldwide influence. Is that a good idea?
- Renaming Gulf of Mexico and Denali to Gulf of America and Mount McKinley respectively. Regarding the first, GTFO. ARE YOU SERIOUS? I mean, fine. I guess Trump can make the United States do what he wants, but he can’t make the world call it that. Regarding the second, there is some ridiculousness at play here. Just look at this from the White House website:
I genuinely think Trump does and says crazy things every day so that he keeps the focus and also so that no one has time to really give any of these things full attention. Nothing gets even one full news cycle. Not that the national news is doing any kind of real news reporting. (And I say that as someone who was an actual news reporter.)
Anyway, back to the beginning.
“But mah eggs!”
Listen, kitten, eggs are not going to get cheaper. First, there’s the H5 bird flu — now found in a Georgia commerical poultry plant (fun!).
Second, Trump has rich friends he wants to please (see above).
A 50-page plan from the House Ways and Means Committee outlines exciting ways to give tax breaks to wealthy people and corporations and all the things they can cut to pay for it:
Handouts include removing the estate tax for millionaires, lowering the corporate tax rate to 15 percent, and repealing the corporate profit minimum tax of 15 percent. Cost? $1.2 trillion.
Ways to pay for it? Well, they aren’t going to turn around and tax those same people. Guess who pays? I’ll take “working families” for $100, Alex.**
How? By removing the mortgage interest deduction, raising taxes on single parents, raising taxes on college students, eliminating the tax credit for child care. Oh right, and the tariff on imports, which will be passed along to consumers because THAT IS HOW TARIFFS WORK.
Satan, you have really done a number here. You convinced so many people to vote against their own best interests. Congratulations! Really, good job! During the election, there was one candidate promising $25K toward a down payment for a house. Now the one who won — your buddy! — is taking away a tax credit for people who somehow manage to actually own a house. Delightful!
Really spectacular work. You’ve gone above and beyond.
I’m SO EXCITED to be living in this timeline, Satan. Thanks so much for your machinations.
(Maybe I should have added a trigger warning for extreme sarcasm.)
Sigh.
At least this train wreck can’t go on indefinitely. For you to get a soul, the person has to … expire. No one lives forever.
Not that I’m wishing death on anyone or anything. Of course not.
Maybe good ultimately will win.
Maybe some people in power will discover they have spines.
Maybe you’ll get distracted by a Georgia kid named Johnny or something.
Who knows?!
One can only hope.
Anyway, congrats! You’re winning. #tigerblood
Beth
*It’s only Van Halen if David Lee Roth is singing. Otherwise, it’s Van Hagar.
**Don’t believe me? Read the pdf.
Observe and report 