Dear Family,
Thanks for one particular Christmas gift:
I’ve never had a Chia Pet (though I always wanted one).
I love that my first one is a Chia Child.
But actually, as we know, his name really is Grogu Craig.**
Despite the fact that I read and followed the instructions — and even bought a plant mister — I could not get the damn seeds to sprout and keep growing.
I tried and failed twice.
I was determined that the third time would be the charm, so I soaked Craig a little longer — much to your dismay.
Look. Listen. It had to be done.
And you know what? It worked.
I’m disappointed that the seeds I put on his head didn’t sprout.
So y’all can get off my back.
I did what needed to be done. If you don’t have the stomach for it, look away.
But seriously, thanks for the gift that keeps on giving.
Love,
The Gardener
*Remember this commercial?
**We thought it would be hilarious if the Star Wars folks would have named him a regular dude name like Kevin. Or Craig.
Observe and report 