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Posts Tagged ‘Courtship’

Goin’ to the chapel

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on April 22, 2012| 5 Comments »

It’s been two weeks (two weeks!) since my last post. I have one word as an excuse: Vegas. Here are two more: Vegas recovery.

The city is known as the adult Disney World for a reason. And I can’t really discuss that reason, because, well, you know.

I will share a little, though: I was there to present a paper and attend a conference. I flew out a couple of days early with Eddie and our friends Royce and Sarah.

The first thing we did? Renew our vows, of course. Our wedding 16.5 years ago was a tasteful, lovely affair in Forsyth Park in Savannah.

So naturally, we went with something tacky for the renewal: The Little White Wedding Chapel. It was the chapel of choice for such esteemed celebrities as Britney Spears and Sinéad O’Connor, so it was good enough for us.

In the back of a pink Cadillac in the Tunnel of Love, we promised to love each other in sickness and health, and all the rest of that stuff.

The way the minister performed the ceremony, however, makes us think we are now all married to each other.

I’m OK with that. These are the people we spend the most time with anyway, so why not?

Up next: bizarre behavior (not mine).

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Another ruined chestnut (sorry, everyone!)

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on December 25, 2010| 2 Comments »

While we were in Seattle for my birthday (only a partial week this year, instead of a full week), Eddie found himself a Christmas gift: A remote-controlled helicopter. While trying to justify the expense, we came up with many ways we could use it.

Here’s one:

And speaking of Christmas, the boys’ present attack lasted all of 20 minutes. After the Superhero Overload of 2009, we went a more educational route this year. For example, here are 12 gifts of Christmas 2010:

12 unattached pieces (this spider is missing four legs and will probably end up in the fire)

11 bags of fossils (including a trilobite -- exciting!)

10 twisting crayons (no messy wrappers!)

Nine lumps of coal (to remind them that they barely got off the naughty list)

Eight lengths of race track (Hot Wheels, of course)

Seven-segment eagle (there's also a bear and an alligator in the "morph" kit)

Six microscope slides (to go with the microscope Grandma Dad got Dominic)

Five gold coins (love that chocolate candy)

Four things to paint (nightmare to come)

Three science kits (for Daddy to deal with)

Two sticker books (all dinosaur, all the time)

And a hermit crab habitat (yes, we'll have crabs tomorrow)

As for me, the best present I received was that Eddie had his wedding ring resized to fit. (He hadn’t been able to wear it since his bicep reattachment surgery a year and a half ago.) I put it on him like I did when we got married. I’d post the video, but I’m a little weepy in it.

Yes, even this Grinch has a heart. (And I also have some pride.)

Merry Christmas!

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“Wuv, twu wuv”

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , on September 12, 2010| 9 Comments »

So sayeth the “Impressive Clergyman” from “The Princess Bride.”

Eddie and I celebrated 15 years of “mawwage” on Thursday. We chose an easy-to-remember date — 9.9.95 — because neither of us has a good memory for important dates. (Charlotte, you can attest to that.)

A marriage that lasts this long is, sadly, rare among people our age. However, we are fortunate to know plenty of couples who are still married after many years. And then there’s Al Gore. Why would he and Tipper divorce after 40 years? That makes me sad.

We were at a wedding last weekend (congrats Deanna and Chris!) and the DJ asked married folks to dance together while he noted total years married. Couples were supposed to leave the dance floor when he passed their total. Most of the couples left the dance floor after he said, “Five years.” After “10 years,” we were the only ones left of our generation. Everyone else had a good 15 years on us.

An anniversary is a good time to reflect on the good times and the bad. Eddie and I have had our share of both. Our trip around the world was a good time. Watching my mom die was bad. So bad.

Some of our friends are going through a rough patch, and some are planning a wedding. If any of these friends asked us for words of wisdom, here’s what we’d say:

  1. Real life is not Hollywood. You don’t ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. You can be happy, but it takes work.
  2. It is the hardest, but most rewarding work you’ll ever do.
  3. Make sure you know how to work together and how to argue constructively before you have kids.
  4. Kids do not help a relationship, so don’t have them trying to “fix” it. (We didn’t do this, but we know plenty of people who did.)
  5. You can’t change the other person, you can only change how you react to him/her. (And you can gently point out some modifications you’d like to see.)
  6. A marriage is not only a love relationship, but a roommate situation as well. You are not always going to get along, but you need to learn to pick your battles. Argue about the things that really matter, and argue to compromise, not to win. (And if you say you do always get along and never argue, then you are either lying, or one of you has stopped caring enough to argue.)
  7. Some days you will not like the person you married. You will love him/her, but you will also want him/her to get the F out of your face. That’s OK, because you’ll feel differently the next day. Or the day after that.
  8. Trust is crucial. Live your life as if your partner is there at all times. If you wouldn’t do something (or say something) in front of your partner, then you shouldn’t do it at all.
  9. Because he/she is not there all the time, you have to be honest, especially if there is any potential weirdness. (For example, if I went out of town for a conference, and went to dinner with an old friend who happened to be male, I’d tell Eddie in advance. Like this: “Eddie, I’m going to LA at the end of October and I’m going to hang out with Matt.” See, that was easy.)
  10. Take time to cultivate. Especially when children are involved, life can turn into one big “to do” list, and conversations more often start with “Can you …?” or “Did you remember to …?” Remember why you married this person in the first place, and spend some alone time doing fun and/or romantic things.

Remember to always “tweasure your wuv.”

So sayeth The Rev.

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A letter to me

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , on June 27, 2010| 11 Comments »

A former student, Elyse, suggested that I take on a particular challenge: Write a letter to my 20-something self. (She got the idea from blogger Cassie Boorn.)

OK.

The only thing is, I’m not much for regrets. All experiences — especially the bad ones — shape us and make us the people we are. I have a decent self-esteem, so I’m fine with how I turned out. If anything in my history changed, I might now be living alone in a van down by the river.

But anyway, here goes the exercise:

Dear Self:

First, the good news: You are going to turn out fine, and you’ll end up having a great job, fun husband, smart kids and good friends. Now the bad news: It won’t be an easy path to get there.

Here’s some advice:

1. Send tapes — VHS, not Betamax — out everywhere, not just stations within a four-hour radius of your boyfriend.

2. Speaking of the boyfriend, break up with him soon. Yes, he’s hilarious and treats you well, but he’s not “the one.” Make an effort to keep him as a friend. If you let the relationship limp along to the end, he’ll be hurt and never want to speak to you again. And you’ll miss his friendship.

3. Don’t date the guy who comes next. Just don’t. And because you are stubborn and won’t listen to that advice, at least listen to this: Break up after your first argument. That really is the real him and that really is how he feels. Save yourself pages and pages of journal angst.

4. Thanks for trying to be a good girl (and thank you so much for not loading us up with STDs or an unplanned pregnancy), but you really should date more people. Don’t be in a hurry to settle down into monogamy. You’ll have plenty of that later. But don’t date the stick figure or the rodeo clown. Stick figure causes more journal angst, and the rodeo clown will make you fear for your life.

5. Only have one credit card and pay off the balance each month. For the love of God, please do this. You’ll add years to our life.

6. Stop going to antique stores. You really don’t need freaky old-lady doilies, mismatched china, and costume jewelry that leaves a greenish tinge on you when you wear it. Save your money for important stuff like traveling.

7. Travel extensively. Take the summer off after college and go to Europe or Botswana or wherever. Just go. You will never be that unencumbered again. And then, when you are older and in that great job, you will try desperately to make a student named Travis heed this advice. He will look at you skeptically, and then squander his own opportunity.

8. Don’t cut your hair short. Or if you do, go to someone who knows what he/she is doing. Otherwise, you’ll look like you are wearing a wig, and you’ll want to burn every picture from this period. The only palatable one looks like this (and that hair is still really bad):

9. Wear clothes that fit. Stop wearing men’s shorts, fat-girl tunic shirts, and anything with pleats. Walk around naked more and stop being so self-conscious. You will miss that body later when you have kids and more closely resemble the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

10. Forget French. Learn Spanish.

11. Don’t let the lack of outdoor space and the two fixer-upper basement apartments scare you away from buying that townhouse on Jones Street. It’s a steal. Trust me.

12. Spend more time with your parents.

13. Practice saying “no” to people who want you to adopt strays. If you don’t, you’ll end up with four cats and four dogs, and everyone thinking you are weird/deranged/stinky.

14. Don’t mix beer with all those Wet Willie’s drinks on St. Patrick’s Day 1993. Seriously.

15. Pay more attention to the cute Puerto Rican in facilities. You’ll be happy you did.

Sincerely,

Self Plus 20

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When duty calls

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on June 1, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Warning: This post is fairly long, and without benefit of lots of links, images, videos, bullet points or any other means to break up the text. Just preparing you for the  story of my day in court.

Court. Right. So, I had jury duty today. Unlike the other dozens of times that I got the card and the court folks never got to my number, this time I had to go. I filed into a room with about 100 other people. I was Juror 7, seated between an Armstrong cop and an oldish bodybuilder.

The lady in charge told us that we were being considered for two civil cases and a mélange of criminal cases. Oh goody!

Background: I used to cover the cop and court beat for the station I worked for and I LOVED IT. I must have been weaned to a diet of “Perry Mason.” I commune with Judge Mathis every chance I get.

I think it is because I’m nosy. You’ve got some issues? I want to hear all about them.

That’s why I became a reporter in the first place.

Civil Case No. 1

Anyway, the first case was a car accident — a rear-ender with extenuating circumstances. The plaintiff and defendant (and their lawyers) came into the courtroom, and they looked angry. If I were either of them, I’d be all smiley and friendly looking. You know, to try to get the jury on my side.

Not these two. The plaintiff was an older woman wearing lots of makeup to hide what looked like many lunch dates with the plastic surgeon. And there was the boob job. All that work still couldn’t hide the haughty.

The defendant was barely out of the womb and looked very tightly wound. Maybe she was just scared out of her mind of the plastic lady at the other table.

The plaintiff’s lawyer asked us a number of questions, such as if we were State Farm policy holders (!) or were related to a policy holder. (As if I would know! It isn’t like I talk insurance with the in-laws.). He also asked us if we knew or were related to the defendant or her lawyer.

The defendant’s lawyer asked us if we knew the plaintiff, her lawyer or the plaintiff’s ex-husband [name redacted]. Or the plaintiff’s other ex-husband. Or the other one. Or that other one. Bodybuilder lady turned to me and said, “Is that four?” “Yep,” I replied. “Plus the one she’s got now” (evidenced by the different last name). And then the lawyer asked about one more. So Unpleasant Plaintiff was up to Husband Six. Wow.

The defendant’s lawyer then asked if we knew a particular doctor, one who specializes in TMJ. So the accident caused TMJ in the plaintiff? Not the stress of being an angry harpy who can’t keep a husband? Oooookaaay.

I was not chosen as a juror for this case. Maybe it was because I kind of laughed about the sixth husband.

Civil Case No. 2

The next case featured Redneck No. 1 and Redneck No. 2, who wanted the court to sort out their tangled love life, and decide whether they were indeed married in a common law union. And if so, could the court please grant them a divorce, divide the property, and allow the woman to have child support and alimony?

Georgia hasn’t recognized common law marriages since Jan. 1, 1997, but that doesn’t matter because Ms. Plunging Neckline and Mr. Jeans and a Polo have been together for 20 years and have two children.

She says they are married, because she wants the money and the stuff. He says they aren’t, because he wants his money and stuff.

And Jeans’ lawyer noted that if it is a marriage, then the jury can’t award alimony if the wife committed adultery. Oh, and do we know Neckline’s “new friend,” Mr. So-and-So? He’s seated in the back, sporting a deep, dark tanning bed glow and frosty tips.

How could Neckline’s lawyer let this pass? He was probably thinking about cookies and milk and a nap. I doubt he was out of Pampers. I have underwear older than he is.

I wasn’t chosen as a juror for this trial either. I think it is because I didn’t stand up when Pampers asked who believed the husband should always take care of the wife, and the wife should not work outside the home. Um, I’m not quitting my job, Dude.

Criminal docket

After a two-hour lunch (a two-hour lunch), we cooled our jets in the courtroom for another hour while the judge tried to get the criminal defendants to plea out and avoid a trial. It worked, and we were released at 3 p.m. I am a whopping $25 richer, and I have this lovely story to tell.

I have to admit I was a little hurt that no one chose me for jury duty. The cop tried to make me feel better by saying it was because I put “professor” as my occupation. He said they don’t like educated people on the jury because educated people are more likely to be able to see through the bullshit.

I don’t know about that. Maybe I just looked happily married.

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“Right now, you like me!”

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on May 19, 2010| 12 Comments »

I genuinely love my job, and I love the students who take my classes. (I don’t want to call folks “my students” because I don’t own them.) They are bright, inquisitive and funny, and make me glad I get to hang out with them for a living.

I’ve been surprised and honored by their generosity as well. When my mom died, Kristina gave me chocolates and told me that’s what helped her get through her own tragedy. When Trish the Chicken died, Kristina, Claire and Jason gave me a chocolate muffin and a latte to show that they were sorry for my loss. Today, Becca gave me a Snuggie (a Snuggie!) monogrammed with my initials because I once said I needed one because the classroom was so freakin’ cold.

And just moments after that awesome gift, Charlotte — who isn’t even taking a class with me this quarter — brought me red velvet cupcakes from Back in the Day Bakery (the best kind of cupcakes).

So it’s been a pretty awesome day, filled with surprises.

Jenny, of the rabid weasels, asked me once if I actually liked all “my” students. I think she was surprised to learn that the answer is “Yes.” (Disclaimer: Jenny once gave me a latte and a muffin because I helped her help a friend with her résumé).

The qualifier is that some are more high-maintenance than others. Also, some students don’t like other students, and that makes for tough times in class discussions.

I can group many of the students into a few categories:

The Overachiever
This student already has an A, but is always looking for extra credit. She will redo a project if you let her, even if she got an A the first time around. (Yes, Deanne, I’m talking about you.)

The Shocker
This kind of student defies any preconceived notions. It may appear that he doesn’t care, and isn’t paying attention, but then he turns in the best work in the class. (Yes, A.D., this is you.)

The Tester
This student is suspicious of you from the get-go, but you will slowly win her over if you do, in fact, know what you are talking about. And then she will try to push you to see how far she can go. (Hello, Amber!)

The Hater
This student may appear to hate your guts during the class, but he will surprise you later on when he tells you that he learned so much from you. It is an unexpected, but joyful moment. (Whit, do you still read my blog?)

The Liquid Center
This student sometimes seems confrontational, but that behavior masks a deep-seated vulnerability. This student just needs some reassurance that she really does have talent. (No names here; no need for that exposure.)

The Personality
This student often is the most challenging because she has created a particular persona, and may resist your efforts to get her to think about anything/anyone other than herself. The trick is to help her figure out how to make assignments interesting enough to her so that she will enjoy doing them. (I think we all know whom I’m talking about here.)

The Lifer
That’s not a great title for this type of student, but it will have to do. With this student, you know early on that he/she will be in your life forever — and that is a good thing. You “get” them, they “get” you, and it is a lovely, symbiotic relationship. You start out as professor/student, and morph into colleagues and friends later on. Some people in the aforementioned categories will end up in this one, and that is a lovely thing too. (I’d like to name names here, but I have a little bit of a liquid center, and I worry if my feelings are reciprocated.)

So, to all my past and present students, I’d like to say this:

Yes, I really do like you.

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Love is in the air

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on March 27, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Arranged marriages are not an American thing, but Eddie and I are considering it for our boys. We have a coterie of long-time friends who all have pretty little girls: Patrick and Petra have Mia, Billy and Miwa have Niina and Mana, and Eggy and Sophia have Ava. Gideon has already chosen Mana with no nudging from us.

Gideon and Mana, his future wife

Dominic informed us that he was going to marry Niina. But now I think he is exploring his options. He seems to be smitten by Baby Ava.

Dominic and Baby Ava

Interesting. Very interesting.

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Part V: Happily ever after

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on January 20, 2010| 6 Comments »

… crickets … crickets … crickets …

Yes, I know the silence here has been deafening. I’ve got a good excuse: dissertation proposal. That is the cause of the many gray hairs I’ve found over the past few days. Seriously. My doctoral work is causing gray hair.

But back to the story.

SHE SAID:

Eddie and I officially started dating Sept. 27, 1994. Three months later, on Dec. 31, 1994, Eddie and I and our two friends, Alex and Brenon, headed to City Market to ring in the new year with a dropping peach and dropping drunks.

A few minutes to midnight, Alex and Brenon cleared a little spot in the melee and Eddie dropped to one knee and proposed. I was a little stunned, and was uncharacteristically quiet. Eddie said, “You have just a couple of minutes to say yes!” I did, of course.

HE SAID:

I thought she was going to begin another waiting game! Beth is never one to be short on words, but this day she did not say much. Dare I say, she was speechless.

SHE SAID:

While our families thought it was very sudden, our friends were not surprised at all and just wondered why it took so long. (Heidi, I’m talking about you.)

HE SAID:

Yeah, her friends were all on my side.

SHE SAID:

We got married in Forsyth Park Sept. 9, 1995. We deliberately chose an easy date to remember (9.9.95) because neither of us is good with remembering dates. This is why I have a journal.

HE SAID:

I loved having a rainbow wedding party.  All those guys have remained good friends through all these years. I can remember hugging Dad (Beth’s Dad) and we both had tears. I said, “I’ve always wanted a Dad.” He said, “I always wanted a son.” Dad has really been the dad I never had. He is an awesome person.

SHE SAID:

Ten years and many adventures later, we added Dominic to our family, followed by Gideon.

HE SAID:

It’s crazy how little things — such as writing about  how you met — can make you think about how great your partner is. This has been fun, and I can’t come close to telling everyone how Beth has changed my life. She took a character like me and made me a much better person. Now she gave me two awesome boys, and I can’t get enough of them. She is a great mom, which is number one on the list of her many great traits.

SHE SAID:

Our life together so far has been pretty great. And that’s an understatement.

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Part IV: The jig is up

Posted in Random, tagged , , on January 13, 2010| 1 Comment »

SHE SAID

During my six-month sentence, I dated a cowboy, a lawyer, an air conditioning repairman, a Hunter Army Air Field pilot, a hotel owner, two photographers and a police officer. There may have been others. (Lest you think I was ‘ho-ing it up, these were not those kind of dates.) I just went out with whoever asked. If it wasn’t fun, we didn’t go out again. It was kind of nice to be free.

It was also unfulfilling. After a night line-dancing at Stetson’s, a country bar (yes, bring on the jokes), I wrote this line in my journal: “Sometimes boys are just so yucky.”

HE SAID

I will make some comments later about some of these lads. Much to their dismay, we meet later on.

SHE SAID

The revelation finally came at a ZZ Top concert Sept. 27, 1994. I was there with the air conditioning repairman. I thought to myself, “Self, I would rather be at the dump with Eddie than here with this dude.” The repairman and I left, immediately had the “It’s not you; it’s me” talk, and then I dialed the hotline to Eddie. And that was that.

HE SAID

When Beth flashed the bat signal, I remember thinking “It’s about damn time!” However, I said “I’ll be right over.”

Beth and I did many fun things, even line dance (I got skills, yo!), once we got together. Bowling was one of those things (she is way better than I am). It just so happens that this was one of AC Man’s favorite hangouts. I did not call him AC Man, though. I called him Lat Man. “Why?” you may ask. This guy postured around the bowling alley as if he could not possibly put his arms to his sides. But it is hard to parade around when you’re only as tall as the person’s chest. He never made any moves toward Beth while I was there, so everything was cool. The kid was a good bowler, though.

I did not like the police officer at all. He was a slime ball. I think he knew I did not like him ’cause Beth and I went dancing one day and ended up at the  same place that he was. He skedaddled. He seemed like the kind of guy who liked to say he was a cop so that he could get the girls.

SHE SAID

But none of them mattered anymore. Three months later, we were engaged.

Up next: Happily ever after

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Part III: This is getting ridiculous

Posted in Random, tagged , , on January 11, 2010| 3 Comments »

When last we saw Beth and Eddie, Eddie had asked for permission from the president of the college to date Beth. Beth had said she would go out with him if he got permission. He did, and she didn’t.

SHE SAID

Yes, it was stupid. I know. I could have saved myself plenty of angst. The relationship with the reporter continued its death spiral until April 1994. He had moved out of town by this point and I was thinking of joining him. I even found a job. At the very last moment possible, the small voice of reason inside finally broke free (think Jojo’s “yop” from “Horton Hears a Who”). I backed out of the job, and the “relationship,” such as it was, dissolved.

This is where Beth gets her groove back, thanks to Eddie.

I switched from PR at SCAD to reporting at a local television station. Like a true multitasker, I also started doing weather on Sundays, and serving as a DJ for the country station connected to the TV station. Free concert tickets — woohoo! I hadn’t previously been a country music fan, but that all changed during my tenure as K.C. Quinn. (I couldn’t use my real name, of course, because I was a reporter and that would be weird. I wanted to be called Moonpie Jones, but they wouldn’t let me.)

After the breakup, I quickly took up with another reporter in town, but was considering other options.

HE SAID

I am not sure, but I think she is talking here about the man with the concaved chest I referred to as “Stick Figure.”

SHE SAID

I had a chance to go to the Sawyer Brown/Tim McGraw/Diamond Rio concert, and I decided to take Eddie. We had begun chatting quite regularly at this point, but it was all strictly platonic.

HE SAID

I couldn’t believe she finally called me to ask for a date. “A country concert? I’m sure I’ll find lots of lively Puerto Ricans there,” I thought. But undeterred, I saw my chance and took it. I’d never been to a country concert. Sawyer who? Wasn’t he in a book? But it was Beth, so I went. I like all kinds of music, and I did have a good time.

SHE SAID

It was this night that Eddie informed me that I should lay off the dudes for six months, just date casually, and figure out what I really wanted. Bold, no?

HE SAID

It was all part of my master plan. The friend in me wanted her to stop trying to date people seriously for a while. The guy in me wanted her to continue her behavior and date me next. But she was never going to be happy until she figured out what she really wanted. And I was hoping it was me. You know, that whole “letting the bird go” thing.

SHE SAID

After the concert, I drove him home. If you are wondering why he never drove, it is because he had a craptastic Civic that barely fit one person, and it was always broken down. Sexy.

HE SAID

That’s why I walked a lot.

SHE SAID

In the parking lot of his apartment, we had our first kiss.

HE SAID

The kiss was very nice.

SHE SAID

But it was very short and sweet. He broke it off, and I said, “That’s it? I waited years for that?”

He said, “You played hard to get, and now it is my turn.”

I was hooked.

But I did what he said. For once.

Up next: The jig is up

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