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Posts Tagged ‘Kids’

Webs, wings and “WTF?!”

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on January 7, 2011| 4 Comments »

Information taken out of context can be quite interesting and illustrative. Also embarrassing.

My friend Tina (36-hour Tina) mentioned a movie I hadn’t yet seen (“Saving Grace”), so I visited Netflix to add it to my queue.

This is what I found:

Hmmm. A superhero story, a documentary about birds, and “Zombie Strippers.” What does that say about me?

Let me explain.

“Spider-Man, Vol. 1: Interactions”

Eddie selected this for the boys to keep them from destroying the house. Yes, we occasionally use the TV as a babysitter and anesthetic. Don’t call DFCS on me.

“The Life of Birds: Episode 1”

I picked this for Dominic because he has developed an overwhelming interest in birds. Gideon was having none of it, though, and tried so hard to distract his brother that Dominic finally gave up on the (very interesting) documentary. It’s too bad. We almost made it to the end.

“Zombie Strippers”

Sigh. This is the one you really want to know about, don’t you? It was an Eddie choice after we had finished watching “Breakdown” (How is it possible that I had not seen this classic with Kurt Russell as the vengeful, driven husband and J.T. Walsh as the leader of the bad guys [as usual]?). I like ridiculous, campy movies very much, but I guess I just wasn’t in the mood for “Zombie Strippers.” And it was way past my bedtime. I gave up on it, much like I gave up on “A Prairie Home Companion.”

Perhaps we’ll return to the movie at some point. I’m not a particularly discerning viewer. After all, I sat through all of “Not Your Typical Bigfoot Movie” and “Sherman’s March.” (Eddie still hasn’t forgiven me for that.)

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Non-resolutions

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , on January 5, 2011| 15 Comments »

I always ask one question of students on the first day of class. This helps me get to know them a little better, and makes it easier to start class discussions.

Today’s question was this:

Around Jan. 1, most people resolve to start or stop doing something. What is one resolution you would never make?

Think of it as a non-resolution.

Here are 10 things I thought of today that I would never (willingly) give up:

  1. Cheese (my response in the Promotional Writing class)
  2. KISS (my response in the News Writing and Editing class)
  3. Bacon (a discussion topic in the above class)
  4. My MacBook Air that facilitates my Facebook and Twitter habits
  5. My iPhone (also an enabler)
  6. Watching Will Ferrell movies
  7. Reading David Sedaris’ work
  8. Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Puffs
  9. Coffee
  10. Shrimp

And my family, of course. (I hear the collective “awww.”)

What are yours?

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Laughter turns to tears

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , on January 3, 2011| 3 Comments »

I’ve been working very hard on my dissertation. I know that may come as a shock, but it’s true.

According to what I wrote in my proposal and IRB application, I am trying to determine what television news reporters in small markets perceive as influences on their daily newsgathering and decision-making processes. And, just to make it extra fun, I chose a qualitative research method: in-depth interviews.

It has been challenging to find participants, then schedule and conduct the interviews — all of which have been phone interviews. Many of these have happened after dinner, before the kids go to bed.

You can sense a disaster about to happen, can’t you?

Tonight, I had two interviews in a row. Eddie was supposed to keep the boys quiet.

For whatever unfathomable reason, he decided to stage some kind of freaky dance party in our living room instead — with predictably disastrous results.

Meanwhile, just a few steps away, I was in my office, trying to conduct an interview.

Hear the disaster here.

I can’t imagine what that poor reporter thinks.

(And don’t worry — both boys are just fine.)

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Another ruined chestnut (sorry, everyone!)

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on December 25, 2010| 2 Comments »

While we were in Seattle for my birthday (only a partial week this year, instead of a full week), Eddie found himself a Christmas gift: A remote-controlled helicopter. While trying to justify the expense, we came up with many ways we could use it.

Here’s one:

And speaking of Christmas, the boys’ present attack lasted all of 20 minutes. After the Superhero Overload of 2009, we went a more educational route this year. For example, here are 12 gifts of Christmas 2010:

12 unattached pieces (this spider is missing four legs and will probably end up in the fire)

11 bags of fossils (including a trilobite -- exciting!)

10 twisting crayons (no messy wrappers!)

Nine lumps of coal (to remind them that they barely got off the naughty list)

Eight lengths of race track (Hot Wheels, of course)

Seven-segment eagle (there's also a bear and an alligator in the "morph" kit)

Six microscope slides (to go with the microscope Grandma Dad got Dominic)

Five gold coins (love that chocolate candy)

Four things to paint (nightmare to come)

Three science kits (for Daddy to deal with)

Two sticker books (all dinosaur, all the time)

And a hermit crab habitat (yes, we'll have crabs tomorrow)

As for me, the best present I received was that Eddie had his wedding ring resized to fit. (He hadn’t been able to wear it since his bicep reattachment surgery a year and a half ago.) I put it on him like I did when we got married. I’d post the video, but I’m a little weepy in it.

Yes, even this Grinch has a heart. (And I also have some pride.)

Merry Christmas!

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Apologies to Clement C. Moore

Posted in Chickens, Grammar, etc., tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2010| 1 Comment »

‘Twas five days before Christmas when all through our house,
All creatures were stirring, except for a mouse.

In Naveen’s belly* it rested, all squeezed to a pulp.
(The boys loved watching the snake grab it and gulp.)

The children denied attempts to put them to bed —
Optimus, Bumblebee filling their heads.

And I with my chicken and Eddie with his dog
Had just settled down with some spiked eggnog

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.

Away to the front door we flew like a flash.
In our bare feet, we looked like white trash.

Out on the driveway something made our eyes hurt:
The guy next door again wasn’t wearing a shirt.

Then what to our watering eyes did appear,
But a strange being — just whom was not clear.

What this being was bearing gave me pause:
Poorly written signs? Must be Santa Clause!

More rapid than Bob Ross, these signs he produced,
And shouted the many mistakes he deduced:

“No comma! No period! And what’s with the quotes?
A misspelling here – Just see what they wrote!”

To the step of the porch he came with his haul.
“Let’s slash away, slash away, slash away all.”

“Get me your stylebook, and Strunk and White too.
They must learn the difference between whom and who.”

Eddie looked at us and in a manner quite snide,
Said, “You two have at it, I’m going inside.”

And then in a twinkling, I fetched my Mac Air
And my iPhone as a camera to capture signs there.

As I drew closer to my mysterious guest,
I noticed something odd: He was kind of a mess.

He was dressed all in things that I write about
From snack food to rednecks – how’d he find out?

A bundle of Utz chips he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a vendor, just opening his pack.

A mask – just like Batman! His shoes? Birkenstocks!
His jeans were jacked up, Dixie flag as a top!

His mouth was covered in hot cheeto dust
And the beard of his chin was colored like rust.

The stump of a Sharpie he held tight in his yap,
To give to the kids for their skin art crap.

He had a broad face, around which headphones
Blasting some KISS – thank God — not the Stones!

He was chubby and plump – hadn’t been to the gym.
So I suggested that later I’d go there with him.

He winked with his eye, then his head he did nod,
And I knew right then he’d been reading my blog!

We spoke not a word, but went straight to our work.
“If we fix all these signs, does that make us two jerks?”

Laying his writing hand aside of his knee,
He nodded his head, and we laughed with glee!

It took us a while; we edited with passion.
Then he left – but I have loads of blog rations!

I heard him exclaim ‘fore he strode out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good write!”

* Naveen is the ball python we are snake-sitting for the break

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Sad state of affairs

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2010| 2 Comments »

After reading some of the things people post on Facebook and Twitter and then having an e-mail argument with my sons’ barely literate soccer coach*, I’m even more concerned about the sad state of education in the United States.

Even John Cusack needs help.

I asked the students in my Business and Professional Writing class if they ever had to diagram a sentence. I was happy to see that most of them had, and they had done it in middle school.

Clearly some teachers are paying attention to fundamentals.

So can anyone explain this?

Or this?

I’d better not watch “Waiting for Superman” if I want to stay out of a fetal position.

 

*The apostrophe placement is correct; my sons play on the same team.

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For those about to mock (I salute you)

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on November 14, 2010| 5 Comments »

Gideon has been very interested in music lately, and I’ve been playing all sorts of music for him. I try to give him a little history of the song and the artist as we’re listening.

I’ve been feeling very Jack Black from “School of Rock” (which I watched again today).

My musical taste is all over the place — everything except rap and classical. Yet I’m afraid my favorite songs can be classified as white girl music.

To illustrate this, and to make a cheap ploy to get comments on my blog (even if they mock me), here is the list of songs I listen to in hell (ie. The Gym).

I refuse to be ashamed that Britney Spears and Hanson are on this list. Let the mocking begin.

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Egg-citing news!

Posted in Chickens, tagged , , , , on November 6, 2010| Leave a Comment »

There is an imposter in our midst. Jeanne is not what the feed store said she was. She is not an Araucana. She does not really have ear tufts but she does have a rump.

And, as we found out on Tuesday, she lays pinky-beige eggs, not blue ones.

Jeanne was two months behind Trish on egg production. Maybe she heard Eddie’s threats. At any rate, we were excited!

 

Her first effort was a little small, but the next day’s was bigger.

Jeanne's products compared with store-bought. Her first egg is pictured at the bottom right. The second effort is on the bottom left.

We are so proud of Jeanne, Araucana or not! (And now Eddie can stop threatening her life.)

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Behind the smiles

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , on November 3, 2010| 6 Comments »

We all look so happy in the Halloween photos, but we were hiding some supreme sadness. I felt like Mr. Roarke from “Fantasy Island,” who used to command, “Smiles, Everyone. Smiles!”

Maggie the Dog, Beloved Boxer and Killer of Chickens, died peacefully on the operating table at the vet’s office Saturday afternoon.

It was very unexpected.

Over the past week, Eddie and I were finding little pee spots on the carpet. It wasn’t like either Mona or Maggie to pee in the house, and we weren’t sure who was the culprit. During a costume dress rehearsal, I found a new spot, leading to this Facebook post:

Later that day, we found another fresh spot, but Mona was outside. So we knew it was Maggie. I figured she had a bladder infection, so I made an appointment with the vet for Saturday morning.

During the exam, the vet noticed something off in Maggie’s abdomen, and recommended an X-ray. This is what she found:

See that football-shaped mass? Yeah, that’s not good. And whatever it was grew to that size over just four months — since June when Maggie got the cancer all-clear after the removal of  lumps she had on her leg and side.

The vet thought it was either a splenic hematoma or hemangiosarcoma and recommended emergency surgery. With the hematoma, the vet could remove it and the prognosis was good. With the other, she could remove it and the prognosis was not good — likely a few months to live. Either way, I thought I’d have time left with Maggie.

I got the call during the boys’ soccer game that afternoon. The mass was a cancerous lymph node. A lymph node had grown to that size! There was nothing the vet could do.

Maggie passed peacefully while under anesthesia. I hate that I didn’t say goodbye, but it probably would have stressed her out to see me so upset.

We buried her Sunday next to her friends Tommy and Stanley.

Rest in Peace, Mag-a-Pie.

2002 (?) - Oct. 30, 2010

 

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Glinda and Elphaba’s double date

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on November 1, 2010| 6 Comments »

I love Halloween. Fortunately for me, I have family and friends who like it too. Before the kids arrived on the scene, Eddie and I hosted a big party every year (Frankenparty). Now we just put our energy into costumes.

This year, we teamed up with two other families and went as the cast of the “Wizard of Oz.” It took more than a month of construction for Eddie, the Tin Man.

It took an hour and a half to get Eddie into the costume, and there was tape involved.

The end result was worth it:

Here’s the cast list:

Us:
Tin Man: Eddie
Toto: Dominic
Lion: Gideon
Glinda: Me

Friends:
Scarecrow: Eggy
Wicked Witch: Sophia
Dorothy: Ava

Family:
Munchkin: Carmen
Flying Monkey: Daniel

We were a big hit in the neighborhood.

We lost track of how many people asked to take pictures of us.

After trick or treating, it was time for four of the adults to enjoy some treats of their own. Carmen and Daniel, Eddie’s sister and brother-in-law, agreed to watch the kids so we could go to my friend Terri’s party.

Getting there was … interesting. We couldn’t use ruby slippers or a broom, so the Element had to do.

It took about 15 minutes for us all to reassemble ourselves once we got to Terri’s house.

But the night didn’t end there. Oh no. We were so happy to be out that we even went to see a movie: “Paranormal Activity 2.” The witches definitely needed a break!

Witches’ Night Out

After all, Glinda and Elphaba hadn’t been able to spend much time together since college.

Next year: Sesame Street. Oh, it’s on!

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