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Posts Tagged ‘Kids’

Parenting 101

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , on October 11, 2010| 7 Comments »

Perhaps I’m too strict. Or perhaps I had kids late enough in life that I remember that people without kids don’t usually like to be bothered by kids. And sometimes even people with kids don’t like to be bothered by kids.

Eddie and I do not let our children run amok in restaurants. We refuse to be that family with the ring of detritus around the dinner table. I don’t need extra napkins because my children WILL NOT make a mess.

Yes, maybe I’m too strict. Or maybe I’m considerate.

I certainly would not allow Dominic and Gideon to amuse themselves by turning deck lights at Tubby’s Tank House off and on, off and on, etc. The mother of young Artemis and Arcadian (yes, those were their unfortunate names) had no such qualms.

My friend Pam and I were trying to have a nice quiet evening. Thank you, idiot mother, for ruining that plan. It will not scar your children for life for you to tell them to “cut that out right now.” You can correct them. That’s your job. Artemis and Arcadian will have plenty of friends in their lives (well, maybe). They only have one mother. Show them how to act!

And if you are unable to make them behave in public, stay home.

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Murder, she wrote

Posted in Chickens, tagged , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2010| 6 Comments »

Convicted serial killer accused of fifth slaying

From Staff Reports

BLOOMINGDALE, Ga. — Convicted serial killer Maggie The Dog is the only suspect in the murder of Shelly The Chicken. Shelly’s father, Eddie Concepción, found the bird’s body Sunday night in the back yard of the family home. Maggie’s younger sister, Mona The Dog is listed as an accomplice.

“I knew the dogs were a little too anxious to go outside,” he said. “Mona was not returning to the house, so I got the flashlight and started shining it around. I saw the two legs and knew.”

Warning: Graphic image

Concepción reported that Shelly must have left the side yard while the family was at a birthday party at Monkey Joe’s. When the family came home, it was dark. According to Concepción, they did not know of Shelly’s escape when they let Maggie and Mona outside.

Shelly’s mother, Beth Concepción, was clearly distressed. “We had a breakthrough yesterday,” she said. “She finally came up to me and wanted to be petted. We were making such progress on her socialization!”

According to the family, neither Shelly nor her sister Jeanne had ever left the side yard. However, sources close to the investigation reveal that Beth had said both chickens were about due for a wing clipping.

Beth reports that Jeanne, who shared a coop with Shelly, is holding up well under the circumstances.

“She just seems really sad and lonely,” she said. “I’m afraid this tragedy also will push back egg production.” Neither chicken had produced an egg yet.

Maggie had been convicted of the March 2010 murder of Trish La Gallina and the April 2009 murders of Trish’s three sisters. She had done time inside the house and outside on a leash before being released on parole.

On behalf of his delinquent dogs, Eddie is asking for understanding and forgiveness.

“I don’t think we should have chickens. Either train them to be guard chickens or get rid of the dogs. Chickens and dogs cannot coexist,” he said. “Apparently, there is some kind of code we don’t know about that Maggie is forced to enforce.”

Eddie’s son Dominic took additional steps to ensure peace in the Concepción household.

“Dominic had a talk with Maggie and he said that she’s not going to [kill] again,” Eddie said.

The family held a private service in conjunction with trash pickup.

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Hookups in the animal kingdom

Posted in Random, tagged , on October 1, 2010| 4 Comments »

I’m in trouble. Dominic is following in my footsteps. He wrote and illustrated a story I’d like to share.

Disclosure: His teacher wrote most of the words from his dictation.

"The Happy Little Snake," written and illustrated by Dominic

It was a hot day. He woke up and slithered through the forest.

Then he saw a big tree. The bush looked like an ostrich.

He slithered over a grass hill and saw a ladybug. He slithered some more. The ladybug followed him to his home. They slept together.

So. The snake is happy because of some ‘ho ladybug.

Great.

(To those who read my stories in grade school: Do you see why I’m worried?)

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“She works hard for the money”

Posted in Random, tagged , , on September 18, 2010| Leave a Comment »

I went to the gym today.

Anyone who knows me knows that’s a big deal.

I haven’t set foot in a gym (with the intention of working out) in about 15 years.

It wasn’t concern for my padded hide that drove me there. It was concern for my slender wallet.

We joined the YMCA this summer so that Dominic and Gideon could take swimming lessons. On the tour, I saw the weight room and the class schedule, and became optimistic that I could actually start going to the gym. When they said they provided childcare, I almost shouted, “Sold!”

Well, you can guess what happened: Life intervened.

I got the renewal notice in the mail this week, and told Eddie that two weeks of swimming lessons set us back about $500.

Before I renew anything, I decided I really needed to feel the burn — and not just the burn of lost money.

The girl at the Y’s front desk had to help me get in because I couldn’t even remember our member number.

This is not me. I don't even own clothes like this.

Once inside, I dropped the kids off at “kid fit,” and I introduced myself to the elliptical machine. I managed to hang on for 45 minutes without barfing. It wasn’t the exertion, but the smell of Gramps next to me.

When I first got a whiff, I was afraid it was me. I was suitably horrified. Then Gramps sped up and moved around the air a little more. I got another snootful of the aromatic blend of sobaco and culo, with a bit of aged shirt stink for extra flavor.

And anyone who knows me knows that if I could smell it, it had to be bad.

So I fled. I rinsed off, picked up the boys, and we went swimming for a while. As we left the Y, I smiled at the girl at the front desk. Maybe she won’t have to help me next time. Yes, next time.

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“Wuv, twu wuv”

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , on September 12, 2010| 9 Comments »

So sayeth the “Impressive Clergyman” from “The Princess Bride.”

Eddie and I celebrated 15 years of “mawwage” on Thursday. We chose an easy-to-remember date — 9.9.95 — because neither of us has a good memory for important dates. (Charlotte, you can attest to that.)

A marriage that lasts this long is, sadly, rare among people our age. However, we are fortunate to know plenty of couples who are still married after many years. And then there’s Al Gore. Why would he and Tipper divorce after 40 years? That makes me sad.

We were at a wedding last weekend (congrats Deanna and Chris!) and the DJ asked married folks to dance together while he noted total years married. Couples were supposed to leave the dance floor when he passed their total. Most of the couples left the dance floor after he said, “Five years.” After “10 years,” we were the only ones left of our generation. Everyone else had a good 15 years on us.

An anniversary is a good time to reflect on the good times and the bad. Eddie and I have had our share of both. Our trip around the world was a good time. Watching my mom die was bad. So bad.

Some of our friends are going through a rough patch, and some are planning a wedding. If any of these friends asked us for words of wisdom, here’s what we’d say:

  1. Real life is not Hollywood. You don’t ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. You can be happy, but it takes work.
  2. It is the hardest, but most rewarding work you’ll ever do.
  3. Make sure you know how to work together and how to argue constructively before you have kids.
  4. Kids do not help a relationship, so don’t have them trying to “fix” it. (We didn’t do this, but we know plenty of people who did.)
  5. You can’t change the other person, you can only change how you react to him/her. (And you can gently point out some modifications you’d like to see.)
  6. A marriage is not only a love relationship, but a roommate situation as well. You are not always going to get along, but you need to learn to pick your battles. Argue about the things that really matter, and argue to compromise, not to win. (And if you say you do always get along and never argue, then you are either lying, or one of you has stopped caring enough to argue.)
  7. Some days you will not like the person you married. You will love him/her, but you will also want him/her to get the F out of your face. That’s OK, because you’ll feel differently the next day. Or the day after that.
  8. Trust is crucial. Live your life as if your partner is there at all times. If you wouldn’t do something (or say something) in front of your partner, then you shouldn’t do it at all.
  9. Because he/she is not there all the time, you have to be honest, especially if there is any potential weirdness. (For example, if I went out of town for a conference, and went to dinner with an old friend who happened to be male, I’d tell Eddie in advance. Like this: “Eddie, I’m going to LA at the end of October and I’m going to hang out with Matt.” See, that was easy.)
  10. Take time to cultivate. Especially when children are involved, life can turn into one big “to do” list, and conversations more often start with “Can you …?” or “Did you remember to …?” Remember why you married this person in the first place, and spend some alone time doing fun and/or romantic things.

Remember to always “tweasure your wuv.”

So sayeth The Rev.

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My Puff daddy

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , on August 20, 2010| 9 Comments »

Frito Lay is a Puff tease. Just like they did years ago, they got me hooked on the Flamin’ Hot Puffs, then took them away.

You may remember my addiction. If not, here’s my confessional.

I was down to my last bag, so I checked the “Where to Buy” section of the Frito Lay site. I was near two of the stores, so I went in. Both of them. Nothing.

Then I checked a couple more that were not as close.

Then it became an obsession. Dominic asked if we were going to keep “exploring.”

Yes, yes we were.

I finally scored two bags at Store No. 9. Crazed, I checked at two more stores on the way home. Again, nothing.

Store No. 12, the Ridhi Food Mart in Pooler, had one bag and a hookup: A manager said he would get more for me from one of their other stores.

Great. Now I have a dealer. I really do have an addiction.

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Avatar: The Last Sharpie

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , on August 12, 2010| 6 Comments »

Dominic and Gideon wake up before Eddie and I do. We’ve been strongly encouraging them to stay in their rooms and play quietly.

This morning, Eddie left very early to open the gym. Usually, the kids are up when he leaves at 6:30. Not this morning. I was pleased, thinking they were playing quietly or still sleeping.

I should have been worried.

About an hour later, I woke up again — this time to Dominic yelling, “Mama! I made Gideon look like Aang!”

Aang is the main character in “Avatar: The Last Airbender.”

And here is Gideon as Aang.

Yes, that is Sharpie permanent marker all over him (it was in Gideon’s room to mark his height chart). Here is the back view for your enjoyment:

(I promise we feed him. He’s going through a massive growth spurt.)

So cute. So awful.

The "artiste," "Aang" and Mona (who doesn't care what kind of crap anyone has on his face)

Dominic realized he had made a mistake when he saw the look on my face. He started saying he was sorry, but what could I do? I laughed. I laughed to keep from crying.

I guess I should be happy he has artistic talent.

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Around Atlanta in 60 hours

Posted in Grammar, etc., Random, tagged , , , , , , , , on July 29, 2010| 6 Comments »

Some friends of ours returned from Abu Dhabi for the summer, and wanted to take a family trip to Atlanta.

It was an opportunity we could not refuse.

We stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn because of its proximity to the places we wanted to visit, and because Hilton was offering a package called “The Great Getaway” that offered free breakfast. Sign us up!

Here are the places we visited:

In addition to all the wonderful beasts of the waterways, the aquarium also has a whale slide. Billy, who is not a small man, decided he would try it out. Dominic said, “The whale’s gonna choke!”

Gideon and Mana enjoy some alone time.

It’s less a museum and more an educational Monkey Joe’s. Lots of screaming, running, banging, etc. And the kids made noise too (ba-dum-dum). Let’s just call it “collaborative learning.”

Gideon plays with the moon sand.

That place seemed so much bigger (and cooler) when I was an elementary school kid on a field trip. We saw the Galaxy Gameshow at the planetarium. I think the kids enjoyed it, but I don’t really know. I was asleep. And so were the other three adults. In fact, Eddie said as we left, “So we paid $12 for a nap?” Yes, yes we did.

Fernbank is to the American Museum of Natural History as CitiTrends is to Henri Bendel.

It’s my favorite mall in Atlanta, and I used to work in one of the clothing stores when I was in college. (I won’t say which store because it is just too embarrassing, even for me). We weren’t really there to shop, though. I had to get the hinge on my MacBook Air fixed. While I was doing that, everyone else ate ice cream.

The screaming stopped when they got ice cream.

This is my favorite hotel in the world, and I love this restaurant. It’s a little pricey, but it is worth it for the view.

Lunch over Atlanta

On the way there, I noticed this sign.

Only in the South, y’all.

No visit to Atlanta is complete without a naked dog with cheese, fries and an FO (Frosted Orange). Of course, then I slip into a grease-induced coma, but I don’t care.

The plan was to go to The Old Spaghetti Factory (cheesy but yummy and cheap) but it was closed. (For those of you keeping count, that’s the fourth of my favorite restaurants that has closed in the past year. Am I bad luck?) So we went across the street to Mary Mac’s. Despite it being an Atlanta landmark, I had never eaten there. It is Mrs. Wilkes’ Dining Room and The Lady & Sons restaurant in a larger environment. A butter-induced coma ensued.

  • The hotel pools

There were two pools — one outdoor, one indoor — and a jacuzzi. With five kids in the party, though, there are bound to be time-outs, even at the pool. The award for Best Actor in a Dramatic Role goes to my son Gideon for his role in “Pool Party, Pity Party.”

Time-out, party of four

I found another lovely sign here also.

Does the “mangement” handle identifying the “persons with communicable diseases” using the pool?

Overall, it was a fun trip, but also very exhausting. I think Dominic would agree.

All tuckered out

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Snakes on a Plane! (um … patio, that is)

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , on July 24, 2010| 1 Comment »

When I let the dogs out this morning, I decided to go out also to check on my (rather pathetic excuse for a) garden. It is a good thing I did. Look what I found:

“COPPERHEAD!” my inner girly voice shrieked. The mom, independent woman and rational voices immediately gave that other one the smackdown.

Eddie was taking his Saturday morning constitutional with the SCAD Bike Club, so I was left to my own devices. Ordinarily, I’d leave a snake alone. This one was on my patio, though. I have kids to protect.

So, I looked in the shed for our hoe or shovel, but they were nowhere to be found. Plan C was the post hole digger.

I calmly approached the interloper with my chosen weapon (which was freakin’ heavy, by the way). It saw me coming and slithered under the carcass of the blow-up water slide that has been on our patio for weeks (a sore subject for another time). I beat the snot out of that section of the slide with the post hole digger.

Slowly, I lifted the corner. The snake was not there. I lifted the corner a little more and saw it. My flailing had delivered only a flesh wound.

It coiled and tried to strike. I went berserk.

I think it's dead now.

I turned around and Dominic was looking at me through the window. His eyes were very wide. I couldn’t tell if he thought it was cool, funny or frightening.

Great. He’s probably scarred for life.

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“Works every time”

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on July 20, 2010| 4 Comments »

On the way back from Splash in the Boro (again!), we, our party of 11 (!), stopped at a convenience store for overpriced drinks. When I got back in the truck, Eddie said, “I got you some material for your blog.”

Naturally, I have some remarks. Well, questions really.

1. This is a selling point for the convenience store?

2. What would make anyone buy anything Billy Dee Williams is selling? He hasn’t been relevant since 1980.

3. Colt 45? Really? This is what the great Lando Calrissian is reduced to hawking? (Maybe his quote from “Empire Strikes Back” explains it: “I’ve done all I can. I’m sorry I couldn’t do better, but I got my own problems.”)

I took an informal survey of the four adults in the vehicle and none of us had tried this beverage. One had tried Mad Dog 20/20 (Ida, I’m still amazed!).

I’m not above purchasing and consuming Colt 45 in the name of science, but I want to know what I should expect. Anyone care to give me a preview?

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