I’m very sorry my public reply to your public question to AITA on Twitter upset you so much that you blocked me.
I’ve never been blocked before — not to my knowledge, anyway.
Maybe you block people regularly, so you don’t remember our exchange.
(And if you do block people regularly, perhaps you should stay off Twitter. Or stop commenting on tweets from popular accounts.)
To remind you, @AITA_reddit posted a selection involving a grown woman whose teenaged boys were mortified by her One Direction decor in one of the bathrooms.
As a mother of teenaged boys, and as someone who loves One Direction, I was interested in the post and fully on her side (as most people were).
But there’s always one person who wants to make it awkward.
That person was you.
It seemed like quite a leap from liking a band to being a pedophile. I’m shocked 584 people implied they agreed with you.
I was compelled to respond. (Because of course I was.) But I wasn’t the only one.
1. Target sold these candles.
2. I guarantee you that most moms of teenaged boys are not into thinking sexually about teenaged boys. They are gross.
3. Yes, I know some women do. That’s gross too. And, thankfully, not that common.
I think you are too sensitive to be on a public forum. You also seem to be projecting.
I am a middle-aged woman who thinks Harry Styles is very cute. He does not meet the age requirement (half my age plus seven) for naughtiness, and also, HE’S A CELEBRITY I’LL NEVER MEET.
Harry IS dating an older woman in the age-gap allowance (Olivia Wilde), so good for her.
(Side note on the age thing: I’m very excited to know that I can date all those hot middle-aged men when I’m 80. Cougaring FTW!)
When my aforementioned teenaged boys were young, they liked to watch iCarly. So I watched too. I thought Freddie Benson was adorable, but I did not want to sleep with him.
Now?
Hello, Freddie!
But no. Still not in the acceptable range. (Also, I’m married. Hi, Eddie!)
My point?
You can think someone is cute and not want to groom them for sex.
Just because a grown woman likes a boy band does not mean she is a pedophile.
I’m sorry if that’s hard for you to believe. And that, sadly, says more about your life.
I’m sorry my response upset you enough for you to block me. You didn’t need to worry, though: I had not planned on having any subsequent interaction with you.
May your future responses to @AITA_reddit bring you more peace, joy and solidarity than this one.
Any other year, this SNL sketch really would have resonated with me.
But this year is different. All my whiningbitchingcomplaininggentle nudging finally paid off.
Eddie and the boys did something great for Mother’s Day AND my birthday.
Not only did I get a balloon and presents to open (this is a big deal), but Eddie also apparently was paying attention when I said this to Gideon:
When you get further along in your guitar lessons, I’ll start playing drums again. We’ll start a band.
Eddie got me a drum kit for my birthday.
He didn’t really knew how to set it up, but BY GOD HE TRIED!
š³
It’s great, but we live in an apartment. His rationale was that if the leaf blower guy can do his thing every day, so can I.
Yeah, no.
Now I am looking for studio space.
Still, it’s a thoughtful, fun gift. Hella impractical, but appreciated.
This year, I feel certain my family will come through for me on good Christmas gifts. So I’m going to ask for more altruistic things:
COVID vaccines for normal people. (Certainly not for asshat politicians who spent months denying COVID, organizing super-spreader events and not wearing masks.)
Though this year has sucked in ways large and small, I’m thankful for all of you. I have big emotions regarding a few of you, but I’ll save that for a later post.
On this day of Thanksgiving (glossing over the actual horrific origins of this celebration), I’m thankful for small things (in no particular order):
Today we have been married longer than many of my students have been alive.
Yikes.
One of your friends wrote on Facebook about her parents being married 58 years. She said, “It has never been perfect, but it has always been interesting.”
Yeah. What she said.
The last couple of years have been TOUGH for us. Hormonal teenagers, a big move, new jobs, a PANDEMIC — many factors have made it difficult.
I try to remember why we’ve lasted this long.
It can be summed up in two photos:
This is actually when my obsession with bad taxidermy began: Eddie and I were replicating specimens while waiting for a kids field trip to begin.
Clearly the same sense of humor.
In fact, this time five years ago, we were in Italy. One of the highlights of the trip was taking photos with a man sleeping next to us at a restaurant.
We ended up seeing our new friend the next day. He was looking a bit worse for wear.
Interestingly, later in the trip we became somewhat of a zoo exhibit ourselves.
Yes, those are the fish that eat dead skin.
In addition to the funny factor, you also are willing to go along with my crazy plans.
Halloween 2012: I handled the costumes and makeup. I’m crafty once a year.
We also find the same things horrifying. Like a house full of dolls and tchotchkes. Shudder.
Your face says it all.
Thank you for two great kids and many years of good memories. Hope we can keep on laughing!
And it was then, 30 minutes in, that someone finally explained why religious folks would support Trump:
It’s not about four more years. It’s about 37 more years. It’s about two more Supreme Court justices who are pro-life, pro-Israel, freedom of religion and freedom of speech.
Without that, according to him, “We won’t have the freedoms we grew up with.”
“What freedoms are those?” I was wondering when the dude brought out his saxophone.
I’m not kidding.
Jentezen Franklin plays āAmerica the Beautiful.ā He didnāt follow with āBaker Street,ā sadly.
I guess he didn’t want Cain to upstage him.
This was getting a talent show kind of vibe, so I was excited to see what Bishop Harry Jackson would do.
But he just promoted his new book and explained racism to a room of mostly white people. Y’all were polite, but unenthusiastic.
Bishop Harry Jackson didnāt show off his musical talents.
Interestingly, he was the first person to mention the president by name: 45 minutes into the event.
Pro-life: Just unborn babies, apparently
Pro-marriage: Only between a man and a woman
Pro-freedom: Religious freedom to discriminate
Pro-constitution: A Tea Party battle cry regarding the expansion of the federal government (maybe)
She talked about squash plants and chipmunks. I was a little confused. But then she said:
Some things never change. Some things do change. There was a change of the guard in 2016.
And then she said something about Planned Parenthood “ripping little babies up.”
I see. Abortion. That’s the main driver.
OK, then. Let me say this about that:
No one is hyped to get an abortion. It’s a last resort. Also, no one is “pro abortion.” So let’s agree on one thing: The goal is to reduce abortions. How do we do that?
As we’ve seen with prohibition and the “war on drugs,” making them illegal won’t work. People will find a way, but it makes it very dangerous for women. So to me, the solution is to put more money into sex education, healthcare and contraception.
If you are pro-life (and really, aren’t we all?) then you should be supporting organizations like Planned Parenthood that actively help women with the above needs.
Alright.
Moving on to the next speaker, Richard Lee, who is as orange as the evening’s celebrant: the Cheeto in Chief.
He didn’t address abortion like everyone else. His main beef seemed to be with what is being taught in school: “garbage.”
Oh, and the Antichrist in the form of Democrats.
The Democratic Party has been taken over by the Antichrist. It’s an evil party.
I thank God that he sent Donald J. Trump to us. He is a gift to the church of Jesus Christ.
As much as you seemed to like this statement, I could tell you were restless. He willfully went over his allotted time and joked about it.
You were ready for the final act: Pastor Paula White. I found out later she is married to Jonathan Cain. Ah. He’s her third husband. With overlaps in relationships. So she’s truly taking those commandments seriously.
Some days, the only thing keeping me going, joy-wise, is AITA on Reddit via Twitter.
Lingo to know: AITA=Am I the Asshole? OP=Original Poster NTA=Not the Asshole YTA=You’re the Asshole TA=The Asshole (duh!) ESH=Everyone Sucks Here NAH=No Assholes Here INFO=Not Enough Information
I go for the posts and stay for the comments. (Hats off to @WholeManDispose EVERY TIME!)
Anyway, let’s play a Coronacation game.
Here’s a multiple-choice quiz based on recent submissions. One rule: Make your guesses before checking out the feed. Answers below.
1. An OP complained about his wife sticking her hands down her pants at the dinner table. What was she doing?
A. Fixing her underwear.
B. Trying to be sexy.
C. Checking to see if it was her time of the month.
2. Are any of these appropriate at the dinner table?
A. Yes, OP is TA.
B. No, OP is NTA.
3. In a post just two days later, a different OP complained about his girlfriend bleeding all over their sheets during her time of the month. Why did this happen?
A. She didn’t realize she could still have periods.
B. He refused to buy her sanitary products at the store.
C. She didn’t feel like getting up to get a pad.
4. An OP complained about her husband refusing to name their soon-to-be-born son a family name (first-born son tradition for more than 100 years) so she wouldn’t be disinherited. What was the name?
A. Adolph
B. Gaylord
C. Stacey
5. In No. 4, the community determined what?
A. OP is TA and will scar her child for life.
B. OP is NTA and family traditions are important. Also, money.
C. ESH.
6. There is a follow-up post to No. 4 from the OP regarding the impending divorce.*
A. True
B. False
7. An OP, a nurse who leaves the house to work, complained that her husband, a lawyer who works from home, didn’t help her 8-year-old son find his dog while she was at work. What was he doing?
A. Cheating on her.
B. Taking care of their six-month-old daughter.
C. Playing Xbox.
8. An OP is mad that his girlfriend didn’t do what during the pandemic?
A. Organize her bedroom just like his.
B. Text him back after he texted her 31 times.
C. Come live with him instead of her parents.
9. An OP asked if he is TA for secretly getting a paternity test on his son. Why?
A. OP is white and his wife is black. His son is darker than his daughter.
B. OP thinks his wife cheated on him.
C. OP had a vasectomy, so therefore knows B.
10. An OP wants to know if she is TA for telling her stepdaughter not to switch out the food for OP’s cat, Mango, for what?
A. Human food.
B. Generic dry cat food.
C. A vegan diet.
Bonus point!
11. An OP is bewildered that the community determined that he is TA for what behavior?
A. Trashing his son and daughter-in-law on Facebook for lying about going to the in-laws’ house for Mother’s Day.
B. Being such a jerk that his son felt he had to lie about his whereabouts.
C. Doubling down on his actions in the post after the community weighed in.
D. All of the above
Julia and I have been friends since we were kids. We had a shared interest in harassing our other friends. (Like the time we wore togas down a busy road to bother visit Taft, Cindy and Carleton.) Our mothers’ curses came true: We ended up with children just like us. Here are some stories about her middle child, Ainsley.
Enjoy!
Beth
Happy times for Julia and Ainsley
Dear Beth,
As one of your oldest and dearest friends, I have thoroughly enjoyed your stories about parenting your two amazing and handsome boys. But having two boys myself, I would like to introduce you to the unique joys of parenting a girl – particularly my girl – Ainsley Nora.
After coming into the world with severe colic (which I had no idea could fully re-emerge from age 11 -17!), she has kept us on our toes. I am not half the writer you are (sorry, Mrs. Reagan and Mrs. Wise) so I’ve decided to offer you the best Ainsley Nora stories in Top 10 format.
The time she insulted a friend. When Ainsley was 2 or 3, my dear friend Diane came to visit from San Diego. While Diane and I were enjoying a glass of wine and a chat, Ainsley came over and in her best stage (aka “Irish”) whisper announced, “I don’t like that girl!” She then proceeded to fly upstairs and rifle through Diane’s luggage. Diane subsequently discovered that her book was missing. We went into Ainsley’s room and discovered her lounging in bed, legs crossed, immersed in “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” even though it was upside down.
The second time she insulted a friend. When Ainsley was 3 or 4, I invited over Jennifer, my new friend from work. Ainsley had recently received a large makeup case as a gift. She proceeded to wander by Jennifer multiple times with her makeup case as if she were a “Price is Right” model showcasing her wares. At the point Jennifer expressed interest, Ainsley snapped the case shut practically amputating Jennifer’s hand in the process and then stormed off in a huff.
The third time she insulted a friend. When Ainsley was 5 or 6, my friend brought her daughter Mia over. Mia, who was around 2, was playing on the front porch, while Ann and I enjoyed a cocktail (seeing a theme here) while watching her from the front window. Ainsley came in the house from playing with friends, and, nodding her head toward the front porch, said “Hello! Stolen???” as if we were the most inept adults in the world.
ONE of the times she insulted her brothers. The first time I let my youngest son Elias (our favorite per Ainsley) take a shower, I was downstairs and heard a huge clu-clunk and crying. I rushed upstairs to find him lying face down on the shower floor with Ainsley (and Cullen, my oldest) observing, “Look how hairy his back is – so gross.” Note that she also had a history of yelling, “Bring it on freckle face!” when she is the most freckled of the three.
The time she got in a fight with her cousin. Ainsley and her cousin Mairead are the same age. One day after preschool, I had them at a little play table eating lunch. I don’t know what Mairead said to Ains, but I see Ainsley get up, walk around the play table and say, “You don’t want to be my best friend, Mairead? You don’t want to be my best cousin? YOU’RE GOING DOWN, MAIREAD!”
The time she insulted a civic group. This is partly my husband’s fault as his family’s motto is “Nobody standing still is up to any good.” My kids are not allowed to loiter anywhere. On the way home from school, Ainsley sees a gang of no-gooders and screams, “Look at that bunch of vagrants!” It was a group of Boy Scouts standing on the church lawn.
The time she insulted the elderly. OK, this one is actually funny. One time we were driving past an old-folks home, and Ainsley announced to her friends, “Look, that’s where they keep all the grandmas!”
The time Ainsley threw me under the bus. As a working mom, I never felt like I did my share but I always tried to volunteer for at least one or two events a year to keep the guilt at bay. After several sucky assignments, they were looking for yoga teachers for fitness day. Sign me up! Unfortunately all the other moms had signed up for yoga, so I was asked to do the neighborhood walk with Ainsley’s class, a bunch of dads and the teacher, Mrs. Marshalka. Unfortunately the walk went right by our house, so Mrs. Marshalka paused and said, “And this is Ainsley Nora’s house!” With the entire crowd looking at her, Ainsley decided to deflect with, “My mom cries when she doesn’t get her way.” Those who know me know I DO NOT CRY!
The time she “accidentally” swallowed a quarter. The school nurse called to tell me that Ainsley swallowed a quarter during class. “Mom, I really had to cough, and I was trying to be polite and cover my mouth and forgot I had a quarter in my hand,” she told me. After my husband took her to the ER, our babysitter, Danielle, told us that Ainsley had been asking her for weeks what would happen if she swallowed a quarter and would she get an X-ray (she did). (She and Mairead were also known to crank call 911. Why Danielle stayed with us all those years is beyond me!)
The time she said she would rather have Coronavirus than be stuck “in this house with you people!” Also, “Mom, can I take a gap year if I get on ‘Survivor?'” Yes, yes you can, Ainsley.
One of the things you have forced us all to do is to spend more time with the people in our house — for better or worse. I like to look on the bright side, so I’m trying to focus on the things I’ve enjoyed.
1. Playing board games with the family. Even the arguments have been fun.
We played Payday. The miser (aka Gideon) climbed to the top of the paper-money ladder.
Dominic played Monopoly for the first time and landed on Park Place his first trip around the board. Then he rolled snake eyes. Before long I was out on a corner with a cardboard sign (virtually, of course).
2. Playing video games with the family.
Mortal Kombat 10 doesn’t have Sindel? I’m out.
3. Playing games with friends via Houseparty.
This is (supposedly) a jaguar. Look: I know. Take it up with Royce. He drew it.
4. Harassing Dominic regularly.
“Lord, MAN! Please sit up straight. You are KILLING me.”
“Stop guzzling the orange juice. And shut the refrigerator door!”
Many of you know someone who has or had the ‘Rona. I do too: Simon, lead singer and guitarist for Jesse’s Divide (a band I’ve mentioned too many times to count). He is finally on the mend, and he agreed to write about his experience (you know I love a good guest post). He thinks he got it during a visit to the grocery store. Here’s his story.
Stay healthy and active, Beth
Simon (top right) chats with Rob (top left) and Nick (bottom) ā the other members of Jesseās Divide ā while all are in captivity, and Simon is on the mend.
Hi Beth!
You asked me to describe to you my recent setback, as though you take a great interest in my pain. (Note from Beth to Simon: I wouldn’t say I’m interested in your pain. I’m interested in your story. I’m a journalist!)
I woke on Monday (April 6) feeling okay, but as the day went on, I started to develop hangover-type symptoms: light headache and a pain behind the eyes. Thought nothing more of it, and carried on as normal. That evening was when things took a turn. I started with a high temperature. My head was hot, my body was cold, and I was sweating and shaking constantly. I had no idea what was going on because I thought ā āI donāt get ill; Iām too healthy.ā (Note from Beth: Simon is vegan but could live on Oreos, apparently.)
Tuesday morning, I woke up looking as though Iād just stepped out of a swimming pool. Again, hot head, cold body, dripping in sweat. Decide to have a shower. As I clean the assets, I go lightheaded, lose my breath and collapse. I have to bang on the bath for someone; I canāt shout because I canāt catch my breath. My chest is tight and Iām like Miles Dyson during his death scene in “Terminator 2,” only holding a showerhead, not a detonator. Fortunately, my wife Aimee hears me and helps me out.
The day continues with an unbelievable headache (the worst I have ever had; it was like someone had inflated my head to bursting point, and people were screaming behind my eyes), shortness of breath, intermittent cough, and hot and cold sweats.
These symptoms didnāt ease off until Sunday, when I started to breathe normally again. Around Thursday I was forced to take some paracetamol. My wife, my mother and a doctor friend all insisted I had to. Iām stubborn when it comes to medication, but this really helped me to get back on my feet, and I should have listened to them sooner. (Note from Beth to Simon: YES. Remember this later.)
Now, the added bonuses: My dreams were messed up. I was in the “Tiger King” documentary at least twice, and a reccurring dream was of me situated in a familiar black void next to a house-sized steel-pressing machine. The machine would press and laser-cut bits of steel and throw them out to me. All these pieces would mould (Note from Beth: “Mold” for the Americans.) into each other through a portal containing a world of jigsaw-style steel parts. This happened every night.
Another joy of this was that I couldnāt keep down large quantities of water. If I had more than half a small glass, Iād have the runs! (Note from Beth: Delightful!)
ANNNNNNND, aside from my head, do you know what was the most painful part of my body through all this? My hips. MY HIPS! I mean ā how?!?! I had to rub tiger balm on them every night. (Note from Beth: Tiger balm = Tiger King dreams.)
With a family around me and two young kids, I had to isolate from everyone and Aimee was following me around with disinfectant spray! (Note from Beth: I totally get it.) I couldn’t hold or go near my wife and kids for 12 days. That was unbelievably difficult.
So thatās my fight with the virus. By far the most debilitating thing Iāve been through. Iām on something like Day 13 now, and Iām still dizzy with a tight chest. The headache has gone, and I can walk about again!
I consider myself healthy, and I very rarely get ill, so I thought, Iām very unlikely to be affected by this.
Boy, was I wrong! Itās not something Iād wish on someone, but Iām grateful now that perhaps Iām somewhat immune. I have felt how it impacts the body, and for those in a more vulnerable physical position than me, itās clear to see how it can take lives.
Observe and report 
So many people who are TA. Join me to read/comment/marvel. @AITA_reddit #ThursdayThoughts #ThursdayTantrums
Posted in Advice, tagged Advice, AITA, Bright ideas, Comments, Complaints, Coronacation, Disorders, Family, Marriage, Media, Obsessions, Pandemic, Parenting, Peeves, Rage, Reddit, Twitter, White people on May 13, 2020| 3 Comments »
Hey Everybody!
Some days, the only thing keeping me going, joy-wise, is AITA on Reddit via Twitter.
Lingo to know:
AITA=Am I the Asshole?
OP=Original Poster
NTA=Not the Asshole
YTA=You’re the Asshole
TA=The Asshole (duh!)
ESH=Everyone Sucks Here
NAH=No Assholes Here
INFO=Not Enough Information
I go for the posts and stay for the comments. (Hats off to @WholeManDispose EVERY TIME!)
Anyway, let’s play a Coronacation game.
Here’s a multiple-choice quiz based on recent submissions. One rule: Make your guesses before checking out the feed. Answers below.
1. An OP complained about his wife sticking her hands down her pants at the dinner table. What was she doing?
A. Fixing her underwear.
B. Trying to be sexy.
C. Checking to see if it was her time of the month.
2. Are any of these appropriate at the dinner table?
A. Yes, OP is TA.
B. No, OP is NTA.
3. In a post just two days later, a different OP complained about his girlfriend bleeding all over their sheets during her time of the month. Why did this happen?
A. She didn’t realize she could still have periods.
B. He refused to buy her sanitary products at the store.
C. She didn’t feel like getting up to get a pad.
4. An OP complained about her husband refusing to name their soon-to-be-born son a family name (first-born son tradition for more than 100 years) so she wouldn’t be disinherited. What was the name?
A. Adolph
B. Gaylord
C. Stacey
5. In No. 4, the community determined what?
A. OP is TA and will scar her child for life.
B. OP is NTA and family traditions are important. Also, money.
C. ESH.
6. There is a follow-up post to No. 4 from the OP regarding the impending divorce.*
A. True
B. False
7. An OP, a nurse who leaves the house to work, complained that her husband, a lawyer who works from home, didn’t help her 8-year-old son find his dog while she was at work. What was he doing?
A. Cheating on her.
B. Taking care of their six-month-old daughter.
C. Playing Xbox.
8. An OP is mad that his girlfriend didn’t do what during the pandemic?
A. Organize her bedroom just like his.
B. Text him back after he texted her 31 times.
C. Come live with him instead of her parents.
9. An OP asked if he is TA for secretly getting a paternity test on his son. Why?
A. OP is white and his wife is black. His son is darker than his daughter.
B. OP thinks his wife cheated on him.
C. OP had a vasectomy, so therefore knows B.
10. An OP wants to know if she is TA for telling her stepdaughter not to switch out the food for OP’s cat, Mango, for what?
A. Human food.
B. Generic dry cat food.
C. A vegan diet.
Bonus point!
11. An OP is bewildered that the community determined that he is TA for what behavior?
A. Trashing his son and daughter-in-law on Facebook for lying about going to the in-laws’ house for Mother’s Day.
B. Being such a jerk that his son felt he had to lie about his whereabouts.
C. Doubling down on his actions in the post after the community weighed in.
D. All of the above
Answers:
1-C
2-B
3-C
4-B
5-A
6-A
7-C
8-A
9-A
10-C
11-D
* An update to the update: OP now claims it was all made up. Eh. Who cares? We’re all bored.
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