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Posts Tagged ‘Pain’

House of Pain* (aka physical therapy) #ThursdayTorture

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , on February 11, 2021| 6 Comments »

Dear Jhamna**,

You are an absolute bitch, and I hate your guts.

But I mean that in the nicest way.

Thanks to my last post, I now know of many people who have experienced frozen shoulder. All of them said that physical therapy is the only thing that expedites healing.

So I know you are doing your job, but you are so MEAN. So mean.

Within 10 minutes of meeting you, you pulled my arm way above my head, and counted to 10. Twice. Despite me squirming in pain.

I wanted to yell:

My arm doesn’t bend that way right now, lady. Stop trying to wrench it off!

But instead, I wept quietly.

You said:

I should give you to Michelle (the other therapist). She doesn’t care about tears. I’m the nice one.

You are the nice one? Shudder.

To be honest, the physical therapist I had before my insurance changed (join me for a future TED Talk on that nightmare) was too nice. I didn’t see any improvement in range of motion. But I chalked that up to being in the “freezing” stage.

I do see an improvement in just a couple of days with you. Part of it could be that I’m religiously doing the exercises because I am scared of you.

I know you’ve seen your share of people with my condition.
I know you know what you are doing.
I know this is what I need.

I also know that I don’t want to ever see you again.

But I’ll see you Monday.

Your terrified victim respectful client,
Beth

*If you don’t immediately start singing “Jump Around,” something is wrong with you.

**This is her name. She’s Brazilian. She is merciless.

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Houston, we have a problem. #humpday (for real)

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on May 15, 2019| Leave a Comment »

Dear Biofreeze:

I just want to say thanks. You are the only thing keeping me going at the moment.

Every year, I get a pinched nerve in my neck. Just once a year. It’s weird, I know, but it has been happening like clockwork since I was in college.

And for a couple of days, I walk around like Quasimodo.

Felt cute. Might delete later.

My former go-to remedy was this amazing balm I bought in France. But when I opened it up this time, I discovered it had liquefied. Ick.

Sometimes my pinched nerve resolves itself in a day or so. When it doesn’t, my next step is massage therapy.

“Houston” (really) tried to help me yesterday. During the massage, he shared with me all of his knowledge about the various muscle groups and trigger points and fascia and the arm bone connected to the blah blah blah. The guy would not shut up.

(Seriously, though: Please don’t try to chat during my massage. I’m not paying you to talk.)

It didn’t help. Biofreeze, you got me through the night.

I finally cried “Uncle!” and went to the the chiropractor.

Dr. Eric practically wrung me out like a dishrag accompanied by sounds like a pine log on a fire.

I assume I’ll feel better soon.

In the meantime, you are making movement manageable.

Gratefully,
Beth

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