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Posts Tagged ‘Rage’

I’m talking to you, 27B

Posted in Random, tagged , , on April 7, 2010| 7 Comments »

You, madam, are a bitch. There is no other way to put it. You pushed your way down the aisle to get to your seat as if someone had plans to snatch it. You didn’t want to let me into my seat, which was, unfortunately, 27A.

You read the paper with your spidery hand extended very near my face. You sighed loudly at the things you read, made clucking noises, and laughed loudly — all without acknowledging there were other humans near you. You ignored me, which was fine because I am not a flight chatter, but I sensed contempt.

I tried not to touch your leathery, chapped elbow as you took up more than your share of armrest. I pretended I was on a recliner in first class. Alone.

When we landed, you leaped into the aisle like you were Maurren Higa Maggi. I never expected that someone of your advanced age could be so spry.

But you still had to wait to get off the plane, just like everyone else. And you are still a bitch.

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Concept vs. reality

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , on April 5, 2010| Leave a Comment »

It seems so idyllic: A mother helps her young children color eggs for Easter. And this is a happy-looking scene:

The reality is that this was one of the only peaceful moments. For 95 percent of the afternoon, it was a cacophony.

“Mama! He’s got my crayon!”

“I wanted the blue!”

“Get your egg out of there!”

“Stop slinging the dye!” (OK, that was me.)

And I also had to explain what the Easter Bunny has to do with Jesus. Like Christmas, Easter is a holiday of mixed messages: “Eat candy and think about Jesus.” Kids are right: It doesn’t make any sense. But as adults, we kind of go along with it.

I wasn’t going to give them Easter baskets because my kids don’t need candy. Don’t say, “Aww, that’s mean,” unless you know them. And if you know them, you wouldn’t say it. I caved and made small ones for them. Shortly after they hunted those slimy eggs and tore into the baskets, I regretted my decision. Their shrieks nearly made my ears bleed and their playroom looked like a Toys R Us had exploded.

I may have gone a little berserk. I may have smashed one of their toy guitars like I was Pete Townshend. I may not invite the Easter Bunny over again.

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The real April fool

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on April 1, 2010| Leave a Comment »

I’m not a fan of April Fool’s Day. I think I have a good sense of humor, but I don’t think pranks are funny.

If someone is going to be a fool, then I hope there is a camera around to capture it (I am the target audience for America’s Funniest Home Videos and the like).  But I don’t like pranks because I feel sorry for the victim, and it is really the prankster who looks the fool.

Maybe it is the role of the prankster to put life in perspective with humor, but this party pooper thinks there are better ways. Harumph.

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Nearly out to pasture

Posted in Random, tagged , , on March 19, 2010| 5 Comments »

Eddie looks like the picture of health: a tall, brawny, handsome rascal.

The truth is that he is a wreck. In the past five years, he’s had surgery on both his knees, his left shoulder, has endured bouts of plantar fasciitis, and had his nose fixed twice.

Then there’s his heart. Two years ago, he felt short of breath and went to the hospital. The doctor said, “atrial flutter,” got his heart back in rhythm and sent him on his merry way. Little did we know that was the beginning of a long road. Atrial fibrillation, then a couple of cardiac ablations, yada yada yada, and he’s back in the hospital.

Yep, I just “yadayada’d” over a couple of years of a lovely relationship with Dr. Jenkins, the cardiologist. Let’s put it this way: After each ablation, the doctor said Eddie wouldn’t have any more problems.

Last night, after basketball at open gym, Eddie was back at Memorial. And his third ablation is scheduled for Tuesday. Fun.

He’s going to be discharged soon. In the meantime, he’s having a fabulous time with his favorite adjudicator, Judge Mathis.

Here is my theory:

While he doesn’t experience atrial extravaganzas every time he plays basketball, every time the atrial business happens, it is after basketball. And all his ailments detailed above are basketball-related. So, I’m thinking he needs to limit his basketball intake to watching March Madness. Anyone with me?


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Youth = gone

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , , on March 11, 2010| 4 Comments »

My transformation is now complete. I am now part of the “Mom” species. Yes, I know I have two kids and have been a mom for a while. But this week, I became a Mom with a capital M.

One of my students said about me, “She is like the cool mom.” And that aged me 10 years.

Then Dominic started soccer practice. And that added 10 more. I’m a freakin’ Soccer Mom. Feeling middle-aged and frumpy. How did this happen?

Soon, I’ll be shopping at JCPenney for Mom jeans. Thanks to SNL, I can show you what I mean.

The good news is that the boys love soccer. I’m happy because they’ll learn teamwork and get some exercise. Too bad the sand gnats like soccer practice too.

Dominic (blue shorts) learns fundamentals

Gideon's got mad skillz

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Chicken laid to rest

Posted in Chickens, tagged , , , , , , , on March 3, 2010| 8 Comments »

Trish La Gallina was laid to rest in a private funeral service held Wednesday morning

Funeral service held for murder victim
From Staff Reports

Distraught family members stood solemnly at Trish La Gallina’s graveside as Beth Concepción, La Gallina’s mother, delivered the eulogy.

“We’ll miss you so much,” she said, her voice cracking. “No other chicken can replace you.”

La Gallina, 1, died Monday after an altercation with her sister, Maggie The Dog, 8, in the family’s back yard. Their father, Eddie Concepción, found the body Tuesday morning. Maggie is in custody, and has confessed to the murder. She is represented by their brother, attorney Vince The Dog, who said he plans to enter a plea of temporary insanity.

The family held a private, side yard service Wednesday morning. In addition to Beth and Eddie Concepción, La Gallina’s older brothers Dominic, 5, and Gideon, 3, were in attendance.

“We love you, Trish,” Dominic said as their father threw the first shovel-full of dirt into the hole he dug next to La Gallina’s coop.

The family banned both Maggie and Vince from the ceremony. There is no date scheduled yet for Maggie’s trial.

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Murder in the ‘ham

Posted in Chickens, tagged , , , , , on March 2, 2010| 6 Comments »

Domestic dispute leads to murder

From Staff Reports

A apparent domestic dispute led to murder in Effingham County Monday afternoon. Trish La Gallina, 1, was reportedly killed by her sister, Maggie The Dog, 8, after an altercation in the family’s back yard. Their father, Eddie C., found Trish’s broken body Tuesday morning.

“I looked out the back door and thought, ‘Oh shit! Those are chicken legs!'” he said. “I was like, ‘Oh no. I really don’t want to tell [their mother].'”

Warning: Graphic images

 

The pair’s mother, Beth C., appeared to be in a state of shock, and refused numerous interview requests.

This is not the first incident between Maggie and Trish. Eddie C. reported that Trish was the lone survivor of an attack by Maggie one year ago. That attack resulted in the deaths of three other poultry siblings. Maggie was convicted of those murders, and was sentenced to life in the detention facility of the gated back yard or inside the house. She also was ordered to stay at least 10 feet from Trish for the rest of her life.

Maggie apparently disregarded that restraining order when the side gate was left open by Eddie himself.

“I was working on the back door, and was going back and forth to the garage,” he said. “I didn’t know I had left it open. I felt horrible because I realized it was my fault.”

Murder suspect: Maggie The Dog

Unwitting accomplice: Eddie C.

Maggie was arrested Tuesday morning and charged with first-degree murder. Her brother, attorney Vince The Dog, said that Maggie will enter a plea of temporary insanity.

“Trish kept taunting her, clucking in that way of hers,” he said. “When Maggie saw that the gate was open, she just couldn’t help herself.”

Eddie said that his wife wants to adopt more chickens, but that it is too soon to make any concrete plans.

“There’s not going to be another chicken that smart,” he said.

A funeral service will be held at the family’s house March 3.

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Support the troops. Here’s why.

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , on February 19, 2010| 8 Comments »

This post has nothing to do with chickens, grammar, superheroes, or any of my usual topics. I won’t even talk about my dissertation proposal defense right now. All that stuff pales in comparison to this:

http://www.fotoglif.com/f/3ec1v4zmvtfh

Searching an empty house Feb. 18 in Marja, Afghanistan

The Marine on the right is my nephew, Lt. Mark Greenlief (my husband’s brother’s daughter’s husband, if you can follow the dancing apostrophes). He is executive officer of Bravo Company, part of the 1st Battalion of the 6th Marine Regiment.

Mark and his troops are dealing with a new edict in the war in Afghanistan: no airstrikes unless troops are about to be overrun, or they can prove that there are no civilians around. The reason for the edict is that the Afghan people were starting to withdraw support for the fight against the Taliban because of the civilian casualties. For more information, read this article.

Fine. But that is scary shit (if I can be so crass) for the Marines who are on the front lines.

I don’t care who you voted for or what your political leanings are; there are good people laying their lives on the line because some elected officials told them they had to. No, they didn’t have to join in the first place, but they did because they thought it was the right thing for them to do. And we should be thankful for what they are doing, regardless if we think they should be there in the first place.

Thank you, Mark, and everyone in the armed forces.

Thanks also to the families they left behind. How would you like to have one toddler and be seven months pregnant with the second son, and your husband is off in a sandbox being shot at for who knows how long for people who don’t even seem to know or care about the war? That’s my niece’s life in Camp Lejeune — far away from all her family and his. She’s got her act together enough to manage this Facebook group, which is pretty impressive.

Thank you, Nina, and all the families of the troops.

If all that doesn’t give you a knot in your stomach, then I don’t know what will.

Semper Fi.

Photo credit: http://www.fotoglif.com/f/3ec1v4zmvtfh

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My husband made me do it

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2010| 6 Comments »

In 2005, when SCAD was considering offering a writing major, I thought to myself, “Self, it would be great to teach in that department.” Though I had oodles of work experience, I knew that SCAD’s accrediting body prefers terminal degrees in the field of instruction. So I had two choices: Get another M.F.A. (the one I have is in performing arts) or get a Ph.D. I chose the latter.

I had three criteria in mind as I researched programs: areas of study offered (journalism or communications), proximity and reputation. The one that fulfilled all these requirements was University of South Carolina.

Eddie badgered me to apply. “But that would require taking the GRE!” I whined. “And I’m pregnant!”

“So?” he said, with very little compassion, I might add.

Lest you think he is heartless, his philosophy was that I might as well get on it while the kids were very young. That way I would be done when they got old enough to start extracurricular activities that I wouldn’t want to miss.

I knew he was right. I forced myself to take the GRE and apply to the doctoral program in the USC School of Journalism and Mass Communications. I was accepted, and began coursework Fall 2006. The total courses involved for most folks: 16 (48 semester hours). For me: 18 (because my master’s is not in the specific area).

I finished the coursework in April 2009. I spent the summer procrastinating on my dissertation proposal, and dreading the comprehensive exams (four days, three hours a day of answering questions in four areas: theory, methods, ethics and rhetoric, which is my outside area). I passed the foreign language proficiency test in October (see related post). The comps dread continued.

The time came, though, for me to put up or shut up. I studied my haunches off in preparation for the comps, which I stupidly scheduled for the week after Thanksgiving. The 19 people in my house for the holiday might not have fully understood why I was so stressed out.

Along with the written comps, there is an oral defense. That happened today. After my committee slowly roasted me over an open fire for two hours, they decreed that I had passed. To be honest, the first 20 minutes were horrendous, but then the rest was fine. The discussion will help me hone my dissertation proposal, for sure.

And that is the next step. I defend said proposal in front of my committee Feb. 19. Once I pass (the power of positive thinking), I will work exclusively on my own research for my dissertation. Then I will have to defend my dissertation in front of the same committee. Thumbs up, and my hooding awaits. Thumbs down, and … well, that’s really not an option for me.

So if I look a little frazzled in February (and over the summer), you’ll know why.

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Top 10 recent quotes

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , on January 5, 2010| 5 Comments »

Two readers (!) asked for the story of how Eddie and I met. I will get to that later this week. Today, though, I want to list 10 of the things I have said this week that I never thought, never planned and never wanted to say:

1. Get your Wolverine claws off the coffee table.

2. Pick your Wolverine claw off of the floor.

3. Stop harassing the dog.

4. Leave your wiener alone.

5. Did you wipe your butt?

6. Stop messing with each other.

7. Get off the back of the couch.

8. No one is going to be killing anybody.

9. No, the chicken cannot come inside the house.

10. Because I said so. (That’s the worst one of all.)

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