Posted in Random, tagged Bright ideas, Kids, Parenting, Peeves, Trish (the human) on April 20, 2010| 4 Comments »
I’m about to take Gideon to soccer practice. I always feel like an elephant at the rhino watering hole when I go to soccer practice. I just don’t fit in.
But I do like to watch my kids having fun.
Trish the Human took this picture of Dominic in his first game. Notice the concentration.
Also notice something else. It’s on the left. What is this?
Does this woman not own a mirror? Make sure to look at the back view, people!
Posted in Chickens, tagged Bright ideas, Chickens, Death, Kids, Loneliness, Pets, Trish (the chicken), Trish (the human) on April 12, 2010| 6 Comments »
I hadn’t planned on it when I woke up, or even thought about it during most of the day. But at 4:30 this afternoon, I decided I needed to get new chickens.
Jeanne and Shelly are Araucanas (blue eggs!) and came from Economy Feed and Seed on Carolan Street. Originally, Shelly was going to be named “Patty,” as a nod to Patricia (otherwise known as Trish the Chicken’s namesake), and Gideon wanted the other to be named “Mike.” (Why? I don’t know.) But “Patty and Mike” just didn’t sound right. And naming one “Mike” would ensure we would end up with an unexpected rooster.
I named our previous chickens after live people, and they ended up dead. So this time, I named them after dead people in the hope that the chickens will stay alive. Shelly was Trish’s mom, and Jeanne was mine.
The boys and I are excited.
Eddie has registered his concern and dismay. Noted. And obviously ignored. (Sorry, Sweetie!)
Posted in Random, tagged Beer and wine, Bright ideas, Trish (the human) on December 31, 2009| 1 Comment »
I resolve not to make any New Year’s resolutions. If you are going to do something, you should just do it and not wait for a particular date. That’s why I loathe Valentine’s Day. Shouldn’t you love someone all year, instead of just one particular day? (Eddie must love this point of view; it keeps him off the Hallmark treadmill.)
That being said, 1.1.10 seems like a very good date to begin projects I’ve been putting off, such as organizing photos, my home office, the checkbook, etc. I also plan to de-lard my haunches. Not all crazy-like, just some trimming of the padding I put on with Trish the Human on the dock this summer.
I’m looking forward to 2010. Except for my new job, fantastic students and boss, and some fun times with Eddie, the kids and our friends, 2009 sucked ass. Deaths and health problems galore. We’re ending the year dealing with hateful, trash-talking relatives. SIGH.
So, welcome to you, 2010. I’m resolved and ready!
Posted in Random, tagged Beer and wine, Bright ideas, Food, Kids, Peeves, Travel, Trish (the human) on December 13, 2009| 3 Comments »
Hello Blog. It has been a while.
I’ve been busy — a good kind of busy. I’ve been enjoying my first “birthday week.”
It is a concept that Trish introduced to us. It sounds silly and self-centered until you realize that some people have had historically terrible birthdays, and need to get some make-up action later in life. Trish’s stepmother is a Jehovah’s Witness, which means Trish’s family does not celebrate holidays such as Christmas, Easter and birthdays because of their alleged pagan origins. But Trish is on her own now. Enter the birthday week.
My birthday is 10 days before Christmas, and therefore sucks. I never had a birthday party (waaa!) because my parents were not party people, and because all my friends were always off visiting family or whatever.
So Eddie decided this year to take a cue from Trish and make up for past craptastic birthdays.
The birthday week began Thursday with teasers of the week to come. Friday consisted of beer at the Distillery, a massage, wine tasting at the Shannon Vineyards outpost, dinner at Vic’s, and an overnight stay at AVIA. Fantastic!
Room at the inn (AVIA)
Room with a view
Saturday began with a huge breakfast. Lox, cream cheese and capers on a bagel! Shrimp and grits! Fresh fruit!
A morning gorge? Don't mind if I do!
After some Christmas shopping and the movie “Precious,” we came home to Trish, Ed and the boys singing “Happy Birthday” around a cake they made. That was my first cake in years and years (waaa! again). John and Heidi arrived a few minutes later for game night, and there was much rejoicing.
I can’t wait to see what else is in store. Thanks, Eddie. It’s the best birthday ever!
Posted in Chickens, Random, tagged Beer and wine, Brussels sprouts, Food, Kids, KISS, Media, Peeves, Politicians, Trish (the chicken), Trish (the human) on November 27, 2009| 2 Comments »
Can I please whine for a moment? I’m exhausted and my back is killing me. We had 19 people for Thanksgiving yesterday — an interesting mixture of friends, family and acquaintances, and the most we’ve ever hosted for a meal. Every year, Eddie handles the turkey, and I take care of everything else (including my Brussels sprouts!). This year, Trish the Human was kind enough to take over macaroni and cheese duty, along with adding a lovely sweet, sweet potato souffle (others brought an assortment of desserts and drinks — yum!). And Trish the Chicken amused everyone by knocking on the front door during our enjoyment of her fowl-weather friend.
We gave the boys’ bedrooms to some family members spending the night, and I took the boys into our room to sleep. Because I had to work at the station this morning, I went to bed at the same time they did. Gideon is the worst sleeper, though. He made noise, kicked and pushed all night.
So thanks to Gideon and the stress of the feast-making process, I am dragging today. DRAGGING.
However, I am always entertained on my drive in to the station on Black Friday, because I can marvel at the people standing in line at Best Buy. There is nothing in there that would be worth it to me to camp out. It’s not like camping out for KISS concert tickets or something.
Anyway, this is me this morning, doing my thing on the green screen.
The magic of television
And here I am with Lyndy Brannen on The Morning Show set.
With Lyndy on set
When we’re not on the air, Lyndy likes to talk about rednecks and politics, and how he thinks it is stupid to recycle. He’s usually got some cockamamie mantra, such as this one from yesterday: “Reagan saved the world.” I have no idea what he really believes, but I believe he likes to say things that will get people riled up.
And I also believe I need a nap.
Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged Definitions, Trish (the human) on October 16, 2009| Leave a Comment »
I just used that word in a text message to Trish the Human. I was typing it before I realized I had even thought of it. This is how I work.
The Urban Dictionary defines it as “an expression of disdain, disbelief, protest, or dismissal; a huff, grunt, or snort.” The site defines the word in other, less savory ways as well, but I’m not going to go into that.
It’s a good, useful word, and it conveys plenty of meaning in just seven letters. In case you are curious, I harumphed at Trish because she has been sick for two weeks but won’t go see a doctor. I said she was like my third child. She replied, “Fourth.” I said, “Yes. Fourth. Harumph,” which says a lot.
"Harumph" by kXXchan
Posted in Random, tagged Bright ideas, Football, Jacksonville, Media, Passive vs. active voice, Tailgating, Trish (the human) on October 4, 2009| Leave a Comment »
My friend Ed is the publisher of a sports publication. During football season, he and Trish the Human spend many weekends covering the Jaguars. I’m not sure how it transpired, but it was decided* that I would come with him today and cover the Jaguars/Titans game from behind the scenes. I think what led to it was the fact that I was intrigued by their tales of all the weirdo press people who cover the games.
So, Ed and I drove to Jacksonville this morning, listening to the B-52s (mine) and Ringo Starr (his). We arrived in record time, then paid a blistering $30 for parking — $30!! WTF? We parked and walked the trail of tailgating to the media entry. I would have been happy to stay in the parking lot. Fat Floridians were grilling burgers, drinking beer, and listening to live music. (I got out of the car to the tune of “What I Like About You.”) Yet we pressed on.
Clearly he knows how to grill something tasty
On the Tailgate Trail
Ed and I went through the security cavity search, then headed to the press area to get food. On the menu: sandwiches, some meat product in goo, and over-oiled potatoes. Savory.
He showed me to my seat in the air-conditioned press box and he headed to the sidelines to shoot the game. I looked for him, but I realized I might never see him again.
That's me, working hard (hardly working) in the press box
It is a sea of teal Jones-Drew jerseys with shots of pink for breast cancer awareness. In the press box, I am painfully aware of my deceit. Everyone here lives for football, and can discuss the nuances of the game. I am only here to observe and pass judgment.
And here is one call now:
What is the deal with radio and TV folks and their “broadcast” voices? It is ridiculous. There is no need to switch into some extra loud, hyper-enunciated vocalization as the guy a few seats down is doing.
Within the first few moments of the game, it becomes clear that it will be a good day for the Jaguars. No. 32 — a look at the media guide tells me that it is Maurice Jones-Drew of fan jersey fame — scored a touchdown. I was browsing the Museum of Bad Art’s Web site, but I sensed anticipation from my press cohorts. I looked up just in time to see him jog into the end zone.
More touchdowns follow. The mood in the box is jubilant, and I wonder what happened to journalistic objectivity.
View from the box
It is halftime now, and my butt hurts. I think I’ll go get popcorn.
Stay tuned: more coverage to come!
* deliberate use of passive voice
Posted in Random, tagged Bright ideas, Loneliness, Pecking order, Trish (the human) on September 26, 2009| 2 Comments »
My mother always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then I want to hear it.” No, she didn’t say that. But I do.
My friend Ed is stunted. He has lived his life without watching important, life-changing movies. Movies such as “Rear Window,” “Napoleon Dynamite” “Blair Witch Project,” “Seven,” “To Kill a Mockingbird,” anything Bond, anything with Clint Eastwood, any horror movie, etc. What stopped me in mid sentence tonight was his revelation that he has not seen “Tommy Boy.” Oh the shame.
To harass him further, I made him go through AFI’s list of the top 100 movies. Ed had not seen 38 of the first 50, so I had to stop. He was suitably heckled by the rest of the people over for Human Trish’s birthday, yet claims he would do better with the bottom 50. Sure, Ed.
Posted in Chickens, tagged Bright ideas, Chicken coop, Chickens, Death, Loneliness, Pecking order, Trish (the chicken), Trish (the human) on September 20, 2009| 1 Comment »
I woke up one morning and wanted chickens. I don’t know why. I just did. I mentioned it to my long-suffering husband Eddie, who said, “You’re kidding, right?”
I gave it a week. I still wanted chickens. So I asked Eddie to make a coop (he’s handy). He ignored me. I think he thought I would forget about it. I didn’t.
I went to a feed store and took a picture of a coop. I researched coop designs. I drew the plan and gave it to Eddie. He sighed and went into the garage.
The coop is a fancy, two-story affair with a covered run. The back is chicken wire and we put it up against one of our sunroom windows so that we could check on the chickens and egg production from the comfort of our home.
I made friends at the feed store. They called me when a new batch of chicks arrived. Eddie and I picked out two Araucanas, a Rhode Island Red and a Sex Link. I named them Heidi, Terri, Trish and Linda after four good friends.
All was well for almost a month. We kept them inside until it was time for them to move into the coop. 
The weekend after the big move-in, we went out of town and left the neighbor girl in charge of checking on them. Her dad called us on Saturday night to report there had been a mishap.
We returned home to find an unpleasant scene. Only Trish was still alive. We called her namesake. Human Trish said, “Of course she was the smartest one.” Human Terri was very sad. Human Heidi wanted a forensics expert called in. Human Linda couldn’t be reached for comment at the time.
We had a dilemma: We didn’t want Trish to be lonely, but we couldn’t add an adult chicken in with her, or more chicks because of pecking order issues. We decided to wait until she was full-grown, then add a friend.
Posted in Chickens, tagged Chicken coop, Death, Pets, Trish (the chicken), Trish (the human) on September 19, 2009| Leave a Comment »
Photo by Elizabeth Raley Osterberger
Meet Trish, a Rhode Island Red who lives in our side yard. She was one of four chicks who came home with me in March. While we were out of town in April, they escaped from the coop, and Trish was the only one wily enough to escape Maggie the Boxer. We came home to carnage: Little bird bodies scattered everywhere. And that was the end of Linda, Heidi and Terri.
Trish has the personality of her namesake. She is smart and chatty, but definitely has an attitude. She laid her first egg, appropriately, on Labor Day, and every day since. Well, every day except Sunday. Trish observes the Sabbath.
She tends to lay eggs at 10 a.m. I looked in the coop just before the magic time this morning and there was no egg, and Trish was nowhere to be found. I went back inside the garage to get her more water, and when I came back, there was an egg in the coop. It was like a drive-by laying.
I collected it and was a little weirded out: The egg was warm. I knew it would be, but it was still a little gross.
Up next: I’ll explain why I wanted chickens in the first place.
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Observe and report 