The University of South Carolina requires proficiency in a “foreign” language for those who wish to pursue a Ph.D. It isn’t like we have to use it in our research, but it exists among the many requirements for the doctoral degree.
In April, I decided to get the language proficiency exam out of the way. I speak Spanish with Eddie and his family, so I wasn’t particularly worried. That attitude cost me dearly.
What I assumed would be a conversational Spanish exam turned out to be a translation nightmare from the bowels of Hell: Translate in one hour a 500-word passage about the history of journalism from the time of Julius Caesar. Um, I don’t usually talk about the “foro romano” with my mother-in-law. What is worse is that I only had a very wee Spanish-English dictionary. So that didn’t go well.
Later I found out it is a scam. They want you to fail so that you have to pay for and pass the class. On principle, I refused to take the class. Instead, I bought a larger dictionary and vowed vengeance.
Before (left) and after (right)
I took the exam again on Oct. 21. Though I had studied up on my Roman history in preparation, they had a new passage for me to translate. It was a forward to a contemporary collection of essays about journalism. I breezed right on through.
Today I received notice in a mass e-mail that I passed:
Recipients of this message have PASSED the Spanish Reading Exam. Congratulations. Please respond to this e-mail to acknowledge receipt of this mail and include again the name of the faculty member to whom I should send the letter for your file.
Y había mucho júbilo.
Observe and report 
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