I have a friend, He Who Shall Not Be Named, who enjoys pointing out every mistake I make on Facebook or in this blog. What? You say you are surprised I make mistakes? Oh it is true.
I often make mistakes when my iPhone is involved. It is the spell check feature trying to be helpful. “Thing” turns into “think,” and “the” turns into “Tje” (whatever that means). If I don’t use it, though, “Heidi” becomes “Gefidi.”
I’m not making excuses. Like everyone else, I need to proofread. When I can, I have someone else proofread my work. It is almost impossible to catch all mistakes in your own work by yourself.
It may come as another surprise to learn that I cut people slack in text messages and on Twitter and Facebook. I know people are usually entering status updates on their phones, and may only have a few minutes of attention to spare.
But I often point out (and make fun of) mistakes in the wild, such as ones on signs, fliers, menus, etc., because people have spent money and/or time and effort to create something permanent.
For example, I love Zunzi’s because the food is fantastic. I don’t like to look at the menu because it makes me want to scream.
What is the salad possessing (besides an apostrophe that shouldn’t be there)?
So He Who Shall Not Be Named, you had a typo in one of your Facebook comments this morning. I didn’t point it out. But if you ever make a mistake on a sign or menu, I’m on it like fur on a weasel.
Observe and report 
Okay, I deserved that (and am honored, really). But I explicitly disregarded your typo!
My job title has to do with HSE. Every time I try to type that on my Blackberry (like just now), it automatically changes it to “SHE,” which makes me the (presumably misogynistic) SHE Manager. So I am completely sympathetic, in spite of my abusive postings, Sister!
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Okay, I deserved that (and am honored, really). But I explicitly disregarded your typo!
My job title has to do with HSE. Every time I try to type that on my Blackberry (like just now), it automatically changes it to “SHE,” which makes me the (presumably misogynistic) SHE Manager. So I am completely sympathetic, in spite of my abusive postings, Sister!
By the way, the other day, I saw an advertisement for “Sign’s” and thought of you immediately!
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Tried to post this via my Blackberry (BB), but I think it didn’t work…either that, or it will soon show up 3 or 4 times.
So okay, I certainly deserved that. But in my defense, I was explicitly DISregarding the typo…at least in the case noted.
My job title has to do with “HSE.” Every time I try to type that on my BB, it automatically changes it to “SHE,” which makes me the (presumably misogynistic) SHE Manager. So I really am completely sympathetic, in spite of my abusive posting, Sister!
By the way, the other day, I saw an advertisement for a company that makes “sign’s,” and I thought of you immediately!
I am honored, in all sincerity, to be a subject of your exceptional blog and to not have to be eaten by a chicken-loving dog for that to happen.
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Dammit, sure enough. 3 times.
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Would this be the “mysterious” Jack?
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“Nameless”: How are you so sure it is you? Feeling guilty, are you?
Kelly: Not Jack. I’d call him out.
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Beth, trust me, this is not the first time I would be left feeling guilty, nor the first time I have had to go nameless!
But somewhat in my defense, I looked again at the posting I left on the other blog page. I think it could be read with at least two possible (and quite differing) meanings.
The first might be read like this: “I find it hilarious that you, a literature/writing professor, would disregard your own typo in your own blog.” That would, indeed, be mean and petty.
On the other hand, the same posting might be read as follows: “In spite of the fact that an insignificant typo (which shall be disregarded) somewhat obscures the meaning, I find it hilarious that you, a literature/writing professor, would celebrate the fact (or at least express relief in the fact) that your own children can not yet read.” That, I believe, would not be considered mean. Snotty maybe, but not really mean. That was, in fact, the intent of my posting.
The fact that my posting was read, however, with the former interpretation, rather than the latter, suggests to me that it may be time for me to recalibrate both the tone of my online postings and the clarity of the shorthand I tend to use therein. So I appreciate the warning!
It must be noted (and, therefore, I will) that I encounter people every single day who are breathtakingly grammatically challenged, and I never bring attention to their errors, unless they work for me, and they are on the verge of issuing a fatally flawed e-mail to other departments (dontcha just love a good run-on sentence?). I do, admittedly, send rather frequent jabs in your direction, but that is not because I see myself as superior, nor because I see you as arrogant and in need of deflation. No, I point out your little faux pas solely as a reflection of the fact that I find your writing truly excellent and humbling in many ways, and that is the only context in which the challenges and the banter could possibly be enjoyable for me.
So I am just sure it’s me! Or the chicken.
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Lord, Man! Relax! I am not (and was not) offended, hurt or anything else. I knew what you meant about the kids and reading. Take deep breaths. In with the good air, out with the bad.
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Aha! So it WAS me!!!
I knew I could get you to admit it.
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Not so fast. I didn’t admit anything. I said I wasn’t offended by the comment about the kids. Remember what Carly Simon sings …
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I’m going to go drink a lot of my honey whiskey now. See you in a few days (assuming I am me and you are you).
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Honey whiskey? Sounds divine. Can you smuggle some in for breakfast?
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Gotcha covered. For you or Dominic?
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For all of us, please. There isn’t anything a good shot of honey whiskey can’t cure.
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Ya know, if I had it all to do over, I think I would have to name one of my children Gefidi.
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