Is it wrong that I am counting down the days until school starts again? I am teaching three online classes so I can be home with the kids every day during the summer.
And that was a mistake.
I am not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. I admire women who are. And those women who homeschool have my ultimate respect.
Let me assure you that I love my children with all my heart. I think they are funny, interesting little people. I would take a bullet for them. I adore them. However, my amount of patience is inversely proportional to the amount of time spent alone with the boys during the summer when they have extra energy and less self-control. And the days are longer.
Women don’t like to admit stuff like this. They pretend they are always so Zen with their kids. And maybe some are. But I’m not, and I want to talk about it because I know I’m not alone. This sounds like some kind of addiction meeting: “Hello. My name is Beth, and my kids drive me crazy.”
Every day, I say one of the following sentences. (See this related post for sentences I never thought I’d say.)
1. Leave the dog alone.
2. Stop standing on the furniture.
3. Please stop yelling.
4. Keep your hands to yourself (and its corollary: Leave your brother alone).
5. If you don’t put those toys away, I’m getting a trash bag and I’ll put them away for you.
This week, I’ve also been saying this every day: “No, we can’t watch ‘Land of the Lost.'”
Loss of patience can lead to mother rage. That concept is addressed in a hilarious manner by Anne Lamott in this post that is rather old, but still apropos.
Can I get a “Holla” here? Anyone?
Observe and report 
Been there (and there again with granddaughter). As Margaret used to say when she was little, “My mamma just doesn’t have the nerves for that.” She was referencing anything from breast feeding to being a room mother for a day or my ultimate favorite the “home art project,” NOT.
My saving grace was camp(s). One year she went for an entire month.
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Thank you, Nancy, for backing me up! I looked into camps this year, but Gideon is still too young. Next year …
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A modern day Erma Bombeck.
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Only once a day? I am shocked as I think those gems would be much more frequent. Consider a mother’s helper (an extra pair of hands in the house while you are there). This person is a salvation because you are still at home, but there is someone else to run the little ones ragged while you get the serious work done.
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I just said “every day” but I didn’t specify how many times. Certainly not once a day. Probably closer to 36 times a day. I do need an assistant …
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AMEN! Especially to the garbage bag solution. I have taken to giving myself times-out. (Grammar check? Oh, Syntax Maven…) Often, these happen in the pool. It’s relatively quiet down there. And I know you have a lake. For your own sanity or semblance thereof–GO JUMP IN IT.
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I have my bathing suit on right now, and I am ready. I am waiting for them to clean up their toys. SIGH.
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I work from a home office and I am still paying lots of dough for both of my girls to go to daycare/camp for the summer. It’s all I can do to get through the weekends. I think that the time I spend away from my kids makes the time we do spend together more special – especially since I am closer to sanity after my “little breaks”….
I love them to death but they will be the death of me. Put these on the list of things I’d thought I’d never say:
“Do you want a spanking?”
“Let’s have a quiet contest”.
“If you two keep that up I am going to spank the living daylights out of you”.
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AMEN to all!
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amen, beth! My husband always says, “maybe one day you won’t have to work and can stay home all day with John.” Using my best ‘you’re making me a broken record’ tone, I reply, “Even if that day should come, I will still work. I am not, nor will I ever be, a stay at-home mom.”
Although, I am just like you. I admire my homeschool mom-friends or full-time at-home mom friends. Best to know your strengths, then make someone suffer through your weakness.
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Oooh — great comment! I’ll have to use that!
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Beth,
My mom said those exact phrases through gritted teeth. A personal favorite: “You kids are driving me to drink!”
She still says that when I talk to her on the phone everyday, even though I’m 28.
Also: “You’re going to give your father a coronary!”
It appears that raising children heightens health risks like alcoholism and heart disease.
Good luck.
Jenny, who has no children, and has never even changed a diaper.
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It’s true that you become your parents. I have said phrases that I distinctly remember my mother saying (screaming, muttering, hissing), such as “Calm down, right this moment” and “Stop crying before I give you something to cry about.” Reread that one. Genius phrase, no?
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agreed. genius.
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I still remember the day I had more than I could handle. I didn’t want to scream at the kids, so I locked myself in the bathroom and screamed like a madwoman. I guess I was temporaily insane. When I walked out, the kids were saying “Are you okay? We’re sorry, we’re sorry.” I definitely think mom time makes it easier to have great family time.
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You are better than I am. I have been known to scream at the kids!
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