Dear Dad*,
I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is you’ll be able to see your grandsons more than once a year because we are not moving to Saudi Arabia.
The bad news is that Eddie and I are divorcing (which is OK under Deut. 22:13-21 because, well …). In the course of our research into how we should be behaving, we realized that we shouldn’t be married at all (Ezra 9:1-2). I had no idea I wasn’t supposed to marry a foreigner (and those Puerto Ricans are most definitely foreign to me). Plus, the Apostle Paul specifically states that light should not have fellowship with darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14). You’ve seen Eddie.
As it turns out, gay marriage does indeed lead to a Pandora’s box of heinousness such as group marriage, pedophilia and bestiality.
In our case, just talking about it led to this:
He says her name is Michelle and they are very happy together. I’m devastated, of course, but putting on a brave front for the kids’ sake (our kids, not hers).
Thanks for your support in this difficult time.
Love,
Beth
* Clarification (I can’t believe I need to provide one): This post and the preceding one are completely satirical. Please don’t send me hate mail.
Observe and report 
I absolutely love your blog! I am shocked that you had to actually put a disclaimer … maybe somebody forgot their funny bone! 😉
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Thank you! Yes, some people didn’t get the joke. Sad.
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Do you mind if I facebook this? I have some friends that would absolutely love this!
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Please do! I’m honored.
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Beth, I have never seen this funnny side of you. Both articles were great and I
sure am sorry about Eddie and the Goat. You are so much prettier. Jody
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Thank you. I’m jealous of her silky pelt.
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Dear Beth: I’m sorry for the situation you and Eddie are going thru.
Dear Eddie: Michelle looks hot! Does she have a sister?
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Thanks David! Eddie said there’s a whole litter.
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I can’t help but to think that I and my people are responsible in some way. Our pursuit of equality has driven Eddie into the…uh..”arms” of another!
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You and your agenda. I mourn the loss of our happy hetero home! Thank you. So much.
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