Observe and report

Dear Annoying People in and Traveling to/from New York City:

Perhaps you are unaware that you live in a world with other people. You do not operate within a movable cone of silence. Here are some tips (prescriptive and restrictive) for existing in harmony with others:

On an airplane

• Put your smartphone game on mute, especially if you are going to play it for the entire two-hour flight.
• Do not speak loudly in Portuguese with your friend to combat the loud English-speakers seated in front of you.
• Never hum throughout the flight.
• Please be aware of how much room you take up when wearing a backpack. Be careful when turning as your backpack might hit (repeatedly) the person in the seat next to you.

In an airport bathroom

• Step out of the way to have a conversation to allow others to use the sink and hand dryer.
• The bathroom stall is not the place to hold a conversation on your cell phone, especially when there is a line of people waiting.
• Wash your hands, for Pete’s sake. Clean hands save lives!

In public places

• Allow at least a foot of clearance between yourself and the person standing in front of you.
• Do not “tsk,” sigh loudly, rifle through your handbag, talk with your friend, or otherwise disturb others during a tense documentary. The movie theater is not your living room.
• It is OK to remove your leather jacket at a concert if you get hot. There is no need to sweat inside it, causing a cloud of body odor to emanate from you.
• If you leave your spot in front of the stage at a concert, you forfeit rights to that spot. You can’t keep coming out and going back into the crowd. It is never OK to push people out of the way.
• Do not breathe forcefully on the arm of the person next to you at a concert.

In the nail salon

• Treat your customers kindly. Nail polish should not take hours to dry. If a customer complains about a problem with the manicure that resulted from many layers of polish not drying quickly, do not say to her, “You not careful.”
• Toes are attached to feet. Do not try to wrench them off customers during a pedicure.

Thank you for your consideration,
Beth