Observe and report

Dear Vegas,

To borrow the words Adam Levine used to describe Nicholas David on “The Voice,” you are so strange and beautiful.

I visited you in April and had a wonderful, over-the-top time. I think, though, that once a year (or even once every year) is my limit.

I visited you last weekend to represent my university at a conference, and you were just overwhelming.

What looked pretty from my hotel room at night was just too much sensory overload — by day and by night. Too much to take in. Everywhere I looked, I saw something out of the ordinary. But that’s how you are. Only in Vegas would you see:

The Grinch hanging out with Alan from “The Hangover.”

Spider-Man watching a breakdancer.

A man wearing a half shirt sleeping at the bus stop.

A window display proudly featuring animal carcasses.

One thing that you can find in any city though, is a crowd of people losing their minds over free stuff at a convention. At the one I attended at the MGM Grand, the swag-happy brought suitcases — suitcases! — to carry their loot.

(The tall woman in red is serving as the relayer, passing the boxes of free books to a herd of her compatriots.)It was a feeding frenzy. No exaggeration. And then there was a line at the business center of those same people shipping the swag home at exorbitant rates.

Just too much. I couldn’t take it. I was in bed by 9:30 each night. I’m sorry I wasn’t mentally prepared and able to take advantage of your varied nightlife: shows, showgirls, strippers, etc. Not that I wasn’t invited to partake … repeatedly.

Thanks anyway.

(And I’m also thankful that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. I rather like my regular, quiet life.)

See you in a couple of years when I can build up my tolerance for your neon jungle.
Beth