Observe and report

Dear Jinichi Kawakami,

I’m writing you on behalf of my son Dominic and his friend Christian. They plan to be ninjas when they grow up, and would like to start training. As you are the 21st head of the Ban family, one of the 53 families that formed the renowned Koga Clan of ninja, you are in a position to help them realize their dreams.

Despite the fact that you told American Public Media Marketplace, “You cannot make a living being a ninja!,” the boys would like to try. Their plans originally included buying a blimp and flying over Switzerland to look for any suspicious activity. They abandoned the idea when I mentioned the following:

1. Blimps are hard to come by. It’s not like they could go to O.C. Welch’s Used Blimp Lot and pick one up.
2. If Christian and Dominic and their friends are off ninja-ing, there is no one to fly the blimp, or park it, so to speak, in the airspace over the area that needs ninjas.
3. Though there likely is suspicious activity in Switzerland, there are other areas that need greater scrutiny. Washington, D.C., might be a good place to start.

The new plan is to purchase an RV to serve as home base for their clan of ninja. It offers easy access for potty breaks while they are getting in a full day of surveillance. The boys plan to serve as vigilantes: rescuing the helpless, punishing evil-doers, and generally righting society’s wrongs. Like any good shinobi, they plan to do this through espionage, infiltration and even open combat, if necessary, all while dressed in the finest of ninja outfits. (Dominic’s will be green, he says, to better blend into the natural environment.)

You and I can both agree that there is still a need for ninjas today, even though I have mentioned to them your assertion that they will need day jobs. Rest assured they are taking this to heart. Christian plans to be a lawyer and Dominic intends to be a park ranger or artist.

I urge you to rethink your refusal to take on a protégé for the deadly art of ninjitsu. I can recommend two aspiring ninjas who would thrive under your tutelage, and could carry on the tradition in an appropriate and respectful yet modern way. Please let me know if I can provide more information regarding their ninja candidacy.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Beth

*Yes, I know that is a “Kung Fu” reference and has nothing to do with Japan and ninjas.