Dear Apostrophe:
You really need a vacation. You clearly are overworked. I’ve lost track of all the times you’ve had to show up unnecessarily on a sign.
Here’s an example of what I mean:
I guess the sign’s writer thought the S would be lonely without you. You and I both know that the letter can get by on its own. No need to call you in.
I wish you could assert yourself. Just say “no” to incorrect possessives. I wish I could do something to help beyond calling attention to your situation with this blog.
Take some of your friends — the quotation marks for example — and run away for a while to rest up. They need a vacation too:
There’s more wrong here than just quotation mark overuse. (Photo courtesy of Karla Knudsen)
I hear the Maici River in Brazil is lovely this time of year. You’d get a welcome respite among the Pirahã.
Just know I’ll only request you in an emergency. You know, one of the following situations: showing possession (“Is that Gideon’s dirty sock?”), making contractions (“No, it’s Dominic’s dirty sock.”), and indicating when a letter is deliberately left out (“Did Eddie just call me a dirty ol’ ‘ho’?”). And you never have to worry that I’ll mistake you for your doppelgänger, the single quotation mark.
Wishing you a happy vacation,
Beth
Observe and report 
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