Dear Brain:
Listen, you’ve got to stop. This middle-of-the-night cry for attention is getting old.
What’s that? You don’t know what I’m talking about? Let me remind you:
- I don’t want to think about my ever-expanding to-do list at 2 a.m.
- I won’t tell off that person I can’t stand. You and I both know it, so quit thinking of clever things for me to say.
- Stop interrupting my dreams of Johnny Depp to remind me that I need to pay for my children’s after-school care. That’s just wrong.
- I ate plenty of food at dinner. You and my stomach don’t need to invent hunger.
- Just decide whether I’m hot or cold and stick with it.
- I don’t need you to overwhelm me with guilt about abandoning this blog for so long. We both know why, so leave it alone.
- Yes, I set my phone alarm.
- Yes, I locked the front door. Shut up! I don’t even use the front door.
- No, you don’t hear a kid crying.
- No, that’s not an odd scratching sound outside.
Please, I’m begging you: Go to sleep and stay there!
Thanks,
Beth
Observe and report 
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