Dear Revelers in Room 479:
I’m so glad you are having what appears to be a rip-roaring time. I wanted to invite the front desk person to your party, but (lucky for you, I guess) he/she did not answer the phone.
Here’s a tip for your next party: Don’t have it in your hotel room at 4 a.m. Parties like that tend to raise the ire of people in other rooms — say one across the hall and down four doors down.
It was kind of a shock to be startled out of a sound sleep by slamming doors and hollering by grown men and women. It took me back to my college years in Traer Hall.
Thank you for giving me that extra time to get in a few more levels of Candy Crush before my early flight. I think I’ll leave you a thank you note when I head out of the hotel.
With malice in my heart,
Beth
Observe and report 
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