Observe and report

Dear Fellow Moms of Boys:

I need to talk to you. I need some commiseration time. I need to know that I’m not alone in Crazy Town.

Please tell me that you also have to deal with:

1. Dirt everywhere: skin, nails, various orifices

2. Constant wiener grabbing (It’s still there, I promise! It hasn’t fallen off since you checked the last time!)

3. Watching truly dreadful movies like “Mortal Kombat” and “Mortal Kombat: Annihilation” (and then dealing with the aftermath of reenactment during bath time)

4. Noises

5. Minecraft

6. The world broken into good and evil (That’s it. No middle ground.)

7. Constant sibling harassment

8. Nerf guns and lots of them

9. Constant eating

10. Critters everywhere (“Look, Mama! I found a [frog, caterpillar, worm, roach, dead bird, tadpole, strange-looking bug, piece of trash that looks interesting because it looks like a bug]!)

11. Shoes that wear out in exactly 10 days

12. Knee holes in every single pair of pants (Ladies: Amiright?)

They are either turned up to 11 or asleep.

I feel like a stranger in my own house because I am missing a particular apparatus. Then I think about the alternative. Do I really want to deal with pink overload, dress-up clothes and Barbies? (Yes, I’m stereotyping AND generalizing. Sue me.)

Help me, ladies! While I endure the aforementioned “Mortal Kombat” sequel, remind me why having boys is a good thing.

Their unbridled love of adventure is infectious? Yes.
They simply don’t care about cleanliness? Yes.
They love their mamas? Yes.

Sigh. They really are inspiring. Fine. OK. I cry, “Uncle.”

See you soon; I’ll be out making mudpies.
Beth