Dear Readers:
Writer’s block is a nasty beast. It periodically leaves me incapacitated, as is the case lately.
As I’d like to retain the few of you I have left, I present to you a personal essay from the past that has never seen publication. It’s a seven-part series, so I’m set for a while. (Me = drunk on content!)
Warning: The series is likely to offend anyone and everyone.
Enjoy!
Beth
City Hall, Garden City, Georgia
Sentenced to Church, Part I
Police laser guns are not infallible and neither are their operators. This is what I tell the Garden City, Georgia, judge when I dispute my ticket for going 41 in a 35-mile-per-hour school zone. It is possible the officer tracked another car, but blamed me, I said. Plus, the school zone ended at 8:30, which is the time I was pulled over.
My argument sounded lame, even to me, but it was all I had. The judge took pity and dismissed the ticket on the condition that I complete a certain task: I must attend six church services over the next six weeks and bring proof of my attendance in the form of bulletins.*
Um. What? Isn’t there supposed to be a separation of church and state? And what does speeding have to do with religion anyway? In a small town in Georgia, I guess anything goes.
Though friends and relatives advised me to contact the American Civil Liberties Union, I was just happy to have avoided the $114 fine and the blot on my perfect driving record.
I decided to look at the sentence as an anthropological assignment. I chose to attend six different churches to contrast and compare.
Up next: “Señor Jesus, muévame!”
* True story. I promise.
Observe and report 
I remember you telling us about this! Can’t wait to read what happened.
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