Dear Parents of Boys,
A little more than eight years ago, I posted my Top 10 recent quotes as a mom. I thought of that list this week because I could not believe some of the things I’ve had to say to the boys, now 11 and 13. Here’s the 2018 expanded version:
- Put on some pants before you hug me. I don’t want you to drape your wiener across my leg.
- Esmeralda* is off today. Get this underwear off the floor.
- Please clean your bathroom. There’s all sorts of fluid all over the mirror.
- I’ve clocked out for the night. Ask your father; he’s on call.
- It’s not appropriate to flick food across the cafeteria.
- Please get your hands out of your pants.
- Be quiet! You sound like a howler monkey.
- Stop eating — it’s almost bedtime!
- You have to open this door and let the air circulate. It smells like ass in here.
- You can’t watch “Game of Thrones” with us. (And no, I don’t like Jon Snow better than Daddy!)
- Yes, you have to go to school today.
- No, you cannot eat granola bars for dinner.
- No, you cannot watch yet another episode of “Teen Titans Go!“
- It’s time to get off the Xbox. Yes, now. I don’t care about your “Fortnite” mission.
- Keep your hands to yourself. (How often do I say this? Every. Single. Day.)
Not much has changed from 2010, really. (And yes, I also tell them regularly that I love them.)
Please tell me I am not alone. What things have you said recently that you never thought you’d say? Tell me in the comments.
In the meantime, I’ll pray for you if you pray for me!
Sending strength,
Beth
* The name of our make-believe housekeeper
Observe and report 
“Stop touching Jackson’s penis, you have your own.”
Whit is 18 months old. Jackson is our Goldendoodle. This has happened on multiple occasions.
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Ahaha! So great!
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