Observe and report

Dear Jenny,*

Thanks for the tour of the Missouri State Penitentiary Saturday night. You took 28 people on a wild ride through the site’s terrible past. More than 168 years of torture at the hands of the government and factory owners. Delightful!

The tale of the young woman starved in the “blind cell” was more horrifying than the prospect of any phantoms, as was the experience of being in there — especially knowing that of the thousands of keys needed for the prison doors, there are only four left. Four!

What was as incredible as your stories was the fact that I was the only guest wearing a mask.

Not only is COVID not gone, but I’m not interested in breathing in 168 years of lead paint, asbestos and general prison dust.

Thanks, but no thanks.

And it’s not like anyone was social distancing either. Not even the ghosts.

While you were at one end of Death Row talking about shifting floor shadows, I was having my own spooky moment.

I moved to the back of the tour to get away from a lady who insisted on being right at my elbow. I wasn’t alone. There were about four or five people on my left, with everyone else on the right.

You made us all put away our phones, and you turned off your flashlight.

It was so dark.

But I felt fine. I was surrounded by people, after all. I FELT THEM near me.

But then my left side got really cold. Just my left. My right was warm.

The guy on my right took out his phone.

In the light from it, I realized there was NO ONE STANDING NEXT TO ME ON THE LEFT SIDE.

So that was fun. 😬

I was glad when the tour got going again.

The last stop was the gas chamber — same as it was for 40 inmates.

No ghosts here, which is surprising.

I was also surprised to learn that residents nearby were told to leave their houses for four hours when an execution was scheduled.

Cyanide in sulfuric acid is a bitch.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your knowledge. We all learned something and some of us even got the ghost add-on package.

Your creeped-out guest,
Beth

*I cannot hear this name without hearing it the way Tom Hanks says it as Forrest Gump: “JEN-AY!”