My car arrived. I returned the RV. The boys left. The moving truck arrived. I lost count of how many boxes I opened in my quest to settle in. I gained a hundred bruises on my body. I lost weight via sweating.
It’s starting to come together, but it’s been a long week.
The house provided to me has not been loved for some time. I’m grateful for it, but it’s clear it has been short-term housing. I want to be here long-term. I want to leave it better than I found it.
So I painted the living room and dining room by myself.
Look at this nonsense I found while preparing to spackle:
Come ON!Who paints a living and dining room this yellow anyway? Yes, I know gray has a bad reputation, but it’s better than yellow.
I haven’t painted walls in YEARS. My body was a wreck afterward.
But it looks good.Sadly, there’s nothing I can do about the Blair Witch basement. Except not EVER go down there at night.I also met the neighbors.
I haven’t even started work yet, but I had a work event last night. My new university is home to a large wine festival. There is a salmon bake. I was invited to mingle with trustees and donors.
I hadn’t put on makeup and nice clothes for about two weeks.
I even got all the paint out of my hair!
I don’t know what I expected, but it was not the huge event that it was.
Look at all these people!Meat for milesThe salmon bakeAll local produce. Delicious!
I’m so glad I went. It was nice to be among people again after a week spent with boxes and Leo.
Things started looking up, scenery-wise, once we started driving along the Columbia River.
Once again, Leo could not be bothered.
That mouthJust LOOK at him!
Everyone perked up when the landscape started looking like what you would expect from the Pacific Northwest.
Mt. Hood welcomed us.Sasquatch hasn’t … yet.
We drove up to my new digs and got the key.
It’s got some things going for it (a big front porch, good size overall) but some things against (no central air, bathrooms are on the first floor while bedrooms are on the second).
And this kitchen — while fine — is nowhere near as great as my St. Louis kitchen.My St. Louis kitchen. See what I mean?
In fact, I missed my kitchen so much that I CRIED when my utensil organizer wouldn’t fit in the drawer.
It wasn’t about the drawer, though.
It was THE MOMENT that it all became real. I live here now.
It was cold in Yellowstone last night. I was thrilled about that. We slept in and got a late start.
Our first stop was Old Faithful. We did not time it well. According to the online predictor, it wasn’t scheduled to erupt for another 90 or so minutes after we arrived. (I wish I had discovered the predictor before we headed out.)
So this is what we saw.We made the best of it.**Eddie most of all.
Our next stop was the Grand Prismatic Spring. We decided to do the overlook hike.
Totally worth it.
The rest of the drive to the West Entrance of Yellowstone was lovely.
Once again, Leo could not be fussed.
This cat. Lord.
He also completely slept through the bit of engine drama. We had gotten gas (again) and were back on the road. Suddenly, the cruise control failed, and I got an error message that said, “Service Advance Trak.” The ABS light also came on.
We pulled over, and I called Cruise America. Despite the rep insisting we had been buffeted by wind (we hadn’t) or driven with a wheel on gravel (nope) or made a sudden swerve (wrong again), he told us how to reset everything.
The instructions are below. And I’m not exaggerating.
Turn the ignition off and on again five times, waiting four seconds in each position.
Drive 40 mph for 2-3 minutes.
Turn off the ignition and back on again.
People, believe me when I say that NO ONE was more shocked than I was when it worked.
I deliberately scheduled a limited-drive day. I figured we road warriors would need a break.
Merle in repose
The scenery from Cody into Yellowstone is SPECTACULAR. That’s why people make the trek.
Leo, of course, could not be bothered.
What a life.
On this journey, we have seen flora, but not fauna. So when we finally saw bison, we lost our minds.
Like Leo, the bison were completely unconcerned about our existence.
I really expected to see more critters. Maybe the rangers still have them locked up.
See? Dipshits abound.
We set up camp at the Yellowstone Fishing Bridge RV Park. We did laundry. Made lunch. Walked to said Fishing Bridge.
Gee, they aren’t related AT ALL. /sUm …
Photos do not do this place justice. The word “breathtaking” doesn’t do it justice. Yellowstone is one of those places you really have to see for yourself.
But beware of sticky tar-like substances that resist removal efforts.And birds practicing target practice.
I tried to upload my blog post, but service was spotty. Huge national park. Nature. Go figure. 😉
Dominic, a typical teenager, was bothered by the lack of connectivity.
“What am I supposed to do? ENJOY NATURE?”
All kidding aside, it is beautiful, and we did need to disconnect.
This is Merle the RV at home in the Rushmore View RV Park. Merle seems like he’s old, fat and sleeps naked. You’d never know that Merle came in under cover of night and rain.Merle is basically parked in the lot for this place. Do NOT use a black light in any room.
We decided to eat breakfast in the thriving metropolis of Keystone.
Along the way, we saw more interesting chainsaw sculptures.
But we were there to see two much bigger sculptures.
Mount RushmoreCrazy Horse
I did enjoy seeing both these monuments. However, my experience was marred by a few things:
The oppressive heat. Surely I must have lost 10 pounds in water weight from sweating.
People. The older I get, the less I like crowds. And as these are tourist attractions, there are many people there. I think one person out of five operates on one brain cell. So you get hundreds of people together, and you are bound to have a pack of idiots.
Flies. The house fly must be the South Dakota State Insect.
The admission price. It cost $35 to get into the Crazy Horse Monument. That would be a good price if I liked museums or movies about history. I don’t. The family doesn’t. I think we should have saved money and just driven by. But we didn’t.
This photo cost $35. 😉
We got on the road to Cody just after noon. Wyoming makes South Dakota seem wildly overpopulated.
There aren’t even any billboards!
It’s flat for miles, then suddenly there was a canyon.
Eddie to me, the driver: Slow down, please.
Me: It’s fine. It just feels weird from over there.
Him: The brake isn’t working.
Me (alarmed): What do you mean?
Him: The brake over here (gestures to the passenger floorboard).
We rolled up to the Cody KOA at 6:52 p.m. When I checked in, I found out that there is a free shuttle to the Cody rodeo every night during the summer.
A RODEO!
But the shuttle would be leaving at 7 p.m.
Eddie didn’t want to go, so he said he’d handle setup. The boys and I ran over to the bus.
You KNOW I wasn’t going to miss my chance. I haven’t seen a rodeo since I covered one in Ludowici, Georgia, when I was a TV reporter.
I was DEFINITELY more excited to be there than they were.
The only bad thing is that the clown co-MC’s jokes were SO OLD. For example:
What do OJ and that Bronco running around there have in common?
Get ready, people: This place has everything: saloons, Costner merch, a building decorated with corn, taxidermy (yay!), a massive jackalope sculpture, and an out-of-place T-Rex.
The first night in the RV went well. We had pride in a job well done, as we had never hooked up an RV before. It wasn’t hard at all. I was worried for nothing.
The RV is spacious. It should be at 30 feet long.
Everyone has a space of his/her own.
I’m on the converted dining room table. (The photo didn’t turn out.)
Leo, as you see, is everywhere.
He’s a bed-hopping whore. Leo, not Dominic. (I don’t think Dominic is, anyway.)
You may wonder why Eddie and I aren’t sharing.
Well, it’s because we are divorced. I know that may come as a surprise as I’ve never mentioned it publicly. It’s private.
It’s also obviously amicable, as we are on this road trip together (mutual choice). I mean, we were together for nearly 30 years. We are part of each other’s lives. We are coparenting. And we still like each other!
Anyway, we started in Onawa, Iowa, and made our way through South Dakota. So many things to see along the way.
Starting with this fine specimen at a rest stop.80 mph speed limit!Corn Palace!Is it a gym? A theater? No, it’s a gift shop.Want more info? Here you go.We also stopped at 1880 Town.This is the main attraction, apparently.I don’t really care about the movie or Kevin Costner.
But I DO care about a cool Wild West town.
And that I have a son in jail.That’s what happens when you raise criminals.I also care about my new side hustle.
The saloon was a big draw. That’s where the refreshments were. No beer, though, which seems like a missed opportunity.
There also was live music.
“Live”
As soon as Gideon saw the performer, he said, “Yeah, he was born here.”
Unadvertised attraction: unfettered goat action
Our next stop was Wall Drug. There had been 423 billboards advertising it, including one with a command.
We did as we were told.
Narrator: They could have missed it and been fine.
I enjoyed the massive jackalope, but the rest was just shopping.And bad animatronics.And taxidermied bison.And this. Just why?
We decided to eat at the Badlands Saloon and Grille. Sadly, our server, Mateo, had no sense of urgency regarding our food and hydration needs.
The delicious Mac and Cheese Burger nearly made up for Mateo.
Thanks to our extended stay in the restaurant, we arrived later than we wanted to the Rushmore View RV Park. We had to set up camp in the dark in the rain. (View? What view?)
Coming soon: Our gang pays a visit to George and his gang.
*This was on a T-shirt at the Corn Palace. Seriously.
It was weird to watch my car drive away without me.
I packed the remaining stuff for the RV and worried about space.
The next day, the epic road trip started out fine. I had to pick up the RV in Kansas City, so I hitched a ride with my brother who was headed there for a gig.
Look at me with Lodell: fresh faced and ready for adventure.
Why did I have to get it in Kansas City? Good question. Cruise America doesn’t have any locations closer to St. Louis. It was KC or Chicago. Weird, but ok.
While on the way, Gideon was updating me on the flight. Allegiant flies direct from Savannah, Georgia, to Belleville, Illinois, (close to St. Louis) seasonally. No frills, of course. It’s a sky bus.
Despite my flight tracker saying they were en route and the Allegiant app saying they were on time, they were delayed. No explanation.
According to Gideon, for a moment, it looked like they were going to board. But then, the flight was canceled. No reason given. No attempt to reschedule: Sucks to be you; we’ll give you a voucher.
The next flight out on any airline that would get them there that night was $1,319 per ticket.
Mama ain’t got that kind of cash.
Survey says: Delta for $259 the next morning.
I arranged all this while sitting on a stack of furniture pads in the RV place that doubles as a UHaul rental center.
So that was fun.
They headed home. So did I.
Despite being 30 feet long, the RV is easy to drive. It’s not cheap, though.
Yikes. That’s about 10 miles per gallon.
What I had been counting on was having help loading the beast for the trip with everything the movers didn’t take.
Thar she blows!
But that wasn’t the case. My next-door neighbors took pity on me and helped me with some of it.
Observe and report 