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Archive for July, 2024

Are you ready for some football?* Er, soccer. #SundayStories

Posted in Friends, Random, tagged , , , , , on July 28, 2024| Leave a Comment »

Dear Wrexham Women:

I’m a fan. That’s why I badgered my friend Jason into seeing you take on the Portland Thorns on the Wrex Coast Tour.

But it wasn’t the Thorns. It was the Thorns Academy. Like high schoolers.

Should have been an easy win, right.

Yeah, not so much.

When we left (early, because we are old and wanted to “avoid the crowds” as our dads used to say), you were down 4-0. One goal happened because your goalie was way out on the field.

I was, as the kids say, SHOOKETH.

It’s like you had never played the game before.

But I know from “Welcome to Wrexham,” that you are really good.

So WTF?

Did you want to save yourselves an injury? Didn’t work. No. 10 left with a knee issue.

What was the purpose? You didn’t get new fans, and current ones were disappointed. (It was a wreck and then some. Wreck-some. Har har.)

Good thing I didn’t really care about the game.

I cared most about hanging out with Jason. We had a great time! Just look:

We’ve been friends for more than a decade, but are now up in each other’s business because we live in the same place again.

(Side note to Jason: our friendship is over if you send me that lactation pod photo again. 😂)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed your jaunt on the West Coast.

Maybe I’ll see you on your home turf someday and be impressed.

Sincerely,
Beth

*Hank, of course.

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The heat is on* #SundayStories #Summertime

Posted in Home Sweet Home, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 14, 2024| 7 Comments »

Dear Summer,

Listen: I know plenty of people like you. We were all conditioned to like you because that is when we finally got a break from school.

But imma** be real with you: I hate you. You can GTFO.

I don’t like to sweat. It’s why I prefer exercising in the water.

I don’t want to lie in the sun and bake.

I’m not a fan of wearing shorts.

I moved to the Pacific Northwest where I was promised clouds and rain.

Yet here you are, Summer. Coming in hot.

Literally.

It was above 100 degrees for a few days last week.

My office is on the third floor of an old building with no air conditioning.

My house does not have central air.

Many places here do not have AC.

Why? It was never needed.

Now it is.

For you MAGA idiots who “do your own research” squawking that climate change isn’t real, let me tell you something:

It really f—ing is.

I have a degree in meteorology. For real.

(Ok, I’m breathing. Deep breaths. In with the good air; out with the bad.)

Anyway, no air.

When I got here and noted this travesty, people said to me, “But Beth, you are from the South!”

Yes, and we have air conditioning everywhere. In fact, the AC is so strong that you keep a sweater in your car just in case.

Not here. I even took the usual sweater off my naked cat so he could stay cool.

It’s not over yet. Tuesday will be hot too.

And I remember last year when we had 107-degree temps for a week in August. Fun.

So, Summer, please go. Fall, you’re the one that I want.

Kthxbyeeee,
Beth

*Glenn.
**Stealing from kids today.

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