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A show that really takes the biscuit* #SundayStories

March 3, 2024 by Beth

Dear British Folks:

You know how I love your TV shows. I can’t get over the full frontal on regular TV.

Even your reality shows are so different from ours in America. They are just so civilized. I mean, just look at the “Great British Bake Off.” The competition is with THEMSELVES. “Oh this tart. It’s just not my day” and the like.

But then there is “Four in a Bed.” I saw a side of you people that shocked me to my core.

(Interruption for people who aren’t familiar with the show: Four innkeepers take turns staying at each other’s places then rate them on facilities, breakfast, host attitude, etc. They also pay what they think the stay was worth. There’s a winner at the end.)

In Season 14, Episode 1, Mandi didn’t like that Natalie, who wears the pants in her relationship with Mark (contestants noted this repeatedly), deducted some points for cleanliness because there was a dust layer on the nightstand.

Well. That meant WAR.

When it came time for the stay at Mark and Natalie’s, this lady stood on the nightstand to find cobwebs on top of the four-poster bed. She was on her hands and knees in the bathroom to look close enough to find wee stains in the toilet grout. She deducted points for two hairs on the carpet. A six for cleanliness was a low blow, considering she only gave a two to “Sleeperdorm” that actually had a wee-stained mattress and suspicious drips down the wall.

I’ve never seen a more vicious show in your country.

And I watch plenty of British TV.

Anyway, thanks for making me feel better about our miserable Housewives and whatnot.

Tra!
Beth

*Love me some slang.

Posted in Cultural differences, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

In the Navy* #SundayStories

February 25, 2024 by Beth

Dear RDC Jarmon:

Thank you for leading my son. Dominic clearly looks up to you and credits you with helping him get through Navy basic training.

I guess I should blame you for my tears.

😉

To be fair, they were happy tears. And they were at an appropriate time: Pass-In-Review on Thursday.

I was so proud of Dominic. He was proud of himself too.

Dominic marches with his division.
See?! Proud.

What’s funny is that people have asked me if we are a Navy family — if that’s why Dominic enlisted.

“No, not really,” I’d say. Both of my fathers did a stint in the Army. Eddie’s sister too. My nephew was in the Marines. I have good friends who were in the Navy, but no family.

Then my mom sent this photo:

I was wrong. That’s my grandfather!

So Dominic comes by it honestly.

Now he’s in Coronado, California, for pre-BUD/S.

Yeah, Dominic wants to be a SEAL.

If anyone can do it, he can. He has the determination (read: stubbornness). When Dominic wants something, he will not rest until he gets it. (Trust me: I’m his mother. I’ve seen it.)

And when he does become a SEAL, we will have you to thank for helping him on his journey.

Thanks again,
Beth, a proud mama

*A classic.

Posted in Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Dance the night* #SundayStories

February 4, 2024 by Beth

Dear New Friend Sarah,

Thanks for inviting me to Boots & Bottles last night.

Dry January was easy until the last week. It was nice to hang out with you and Mindy, and finally enjoy a glass of wine.

I had fun, but I will say that it felt very much like a high-school dance when I arrived.

But unlike a high-school dance, people there were ready to hit the dance floor immediately.

I feel like I got some cardio in, so that’s good.

I had no idea when I moved here that line dancing was SO POPULAR. I would never have guessed. I mean … in OREGON!

Anyway, thanks again, and I’ll see you next weekend for Diva Drag Brunch.

Your friend,
Beth

*Dua Lipa. Love her.

Posted in Friends | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you* #SundayStories

January 21, 2024 by Beth

Dear Friends and Family,

Remember that promise I made to get out more? Well, sometimes that leads to questionable decisions. Like last night’s.

My neighbor Amy and I went to MicroMania in Salem.

I’m going to pause here to let you follow that link.

Yeah.

It seemed like a great idea, then I had regrets. So many regrets before the show started.

The merch made me cringe.

One of the biggest regrets was not reading the show poster correctly.

It CLEARLY says doors open at 7. But Amy and I got it in our heads that the show STARTED at 7. So we got there there 2.5 hours early.

As a result, we got second-row seats. But we also had to kill time. As I’m doing Dry January, drinking wasn’t it.

So we played homemade Bingo.

And listened to BAD jokes by the emcee.

What’s the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Very little.

Terrible.

I seriously contemplated leaving. I was afraid I was participating in one of those awful shows from the late 19th century.

But then the show started. The performers were spectacular. In on and pushing the joke.

I mean, they came out to a medley of songs such as “It’s a Small World” and “Follow the Yellow Brick Road.”

And the crowd was loving it. Not in a mean, weird way.

I also did the math and realized how much the performers were potentially banking. It’s not a small amount. (Sorry. I got caught up.)

The ring was set up where the line dancing happens.

The man in front of us was LOSING HIS MIND with joy. He recorded every moment of every match.

This wrestler’s stage name is 25 Cent.

There also was a significant amount of audience interaction.

It had so many moments you would expect wrestling matches to have.

I know you know what will happen next.

A guy behind me shouted “Bring out the tables!”

So, you know, standard wrestling.

It turned out to be a fun night. Not sure I would go again, though. I need to find a new hobby to keep me occupied.

Don’t judge me.

With a little love from Oregon,
Beth

*Yes, they played that song too.

Posted in Random | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Let it snow! #SundayStories #SnowDay

January 14, 2024 by Beth

Dear Friends and Family,

I experienced my first snow in Oregon. It snowed all day yesterday. As the temperature is not going to get above freezing for a few days, I’ll get to enjoy it for a bit.

I’m a Southern girl. This is a big deal.

I decided to walk into town to explore — something I haven’t yet done, despite having lived here for nearly six months.

The key to being comfortable in any weather is the right gear.

I have a new Columbia Sportswear waterproof jacket with the baked-potato lining and Sorel boots (bougie, I know).

My sweatshirt has a pouch for a beer. As I’m doing Dry January, this pouch served as the perfect carrier for Stumptown cold brew instead.

I was almost too warm on my journey.

Here are some scenes from my walk:

No snow plows/gritters in this place.
When I first moved here, the trains that use these tracks seemed SO LOUD to me. Now they are just part of the fabric of my life.
It’s like “It’s a Wonderful Life” out here.
I love signs and murals on the sides of buildings.
Don’t worry: This pooch wasn’t out there for long.
About half of the places were closed because of the weather or permanently because of sheer small-town economics.
This is exactly what I would expect from a gift shop in Oregon: crystals and coffee accessories.
… and Sasquatch-related things.
Sometimes it’s nice to really notice what is around you.
Home Sweet Home
Cat Weird Cat

Looking forward to experiencing all the seasons here.

I’ll report back. 

Staying warm, 
Beth

Posted in Home Sweet Home | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Party in the USA* #SundayStories

January 7, 2024 by Beth

Dear Savannah Friends,

Many of you expressed concern about my social well-being when I saw you over the holidays.

Fair.

I do need to get out more. Try to meet more non-work people.

So this week, I did two things in two different places with two different sets of people:

Line dancing in Salem and a drag show in Portland.

How is that for running the gamut?

Those of you who have known me a while know that I haunted Stetsons in Savannah for line-dancing nights back in the day.

Salem, Oregon, is apparently a hotspot for line dancing. (Who knew?)

The colleague who told me about this event did provide some additional information.

It was great! I had fun and got some exercise. People were very welcoming.

That was Thursday night. I went to Darcelle XV in Portland on Friday night.

It was not like any other drag show I’ve seen. I’m used to acrobatic, can-pass-as performers working the crowd. This show was more like a cabaret stocked with Joan Crawford/Bette Davis clones in evening gowns. To tip, you threw your money in a bowl at center stage.

It was a good evening with friends, but I probably wouldn’t go back to the regular show. There’s an “open mic”-style drag show on Tuesdays that looks more interesting.

Still, I could have had a terrible time at either or both of these places and been happy to be out.

My next big event out should be a doozy:

Stay tuned.

Love,
Beth

*Love me some Miley.

Posted in Friends, Music | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

From SAV to RTC #TuesdayTraining

December 26, 2023 by Beth

Dear Dominic,

I’m so glad you were able to call me yesterday. It was the one present I wanted on Christmas, but didn’t think I’d get.

Hang on. There’s something in my eye.

OK.

I’ve sent three letters to you at Navy boot camp, and you had the nerve to tell Gideon on the call that you really wanted letters from him and your dad.

“Not that I don’t love your letters, Mom,” you said.

Sure.

And yes, I’ll send plenty of pictures of Vince. That dog misses you, for sure.

I do too.

It’s crazy that so much has happened since I saw you for Thanksgiving.

I mean … so much. The Monday after Thanksgiving, you passed another PST, got your orders the following week, and shipped out about 10 days later.

To be a Navy SEAL is a difficult path, and few make it. You are stubborn, though, and will follow through if it is your idea and something you want.

I’m proud of you.

I miss you.

I love you.

Hope to hear from you again soon. Be careful.

Love,
Mama

Posted in Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Ho, ho, holy heck: What is that song?! #SundaySongs

December 22, 2023 by Beth

I start listening to Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving. It’s all I listen to the whole month. I’m not ashamed.

Some songs I like much better than others.

Here are my Top 10 “classics” (30+ years old):

  1. “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” Andy Williams. When I hear this, I know we are in my favorite season.
  2. “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas,” Bing Crosby. A true classic.
  3. “Do They Know It’s Christmas,” Band Aid. Nothing says Christmas like the “clanging chimes of doom.” Don’t listen to the lyrics. Just enjoy Boy George, Bono, George Michael, Sting and Simon Le Bon, among other ‘80s faves.
  4. “Winter Wonderland,” Eurythmics. I’m a child of the ‘80s. “A Very Special Christmas Album” is canon.
  5. “Sleigh Ride,” Ronettes. It’s so peppy.
  6. “Christmas Wrapping,” The Waitresses. It’s the bass line for me.
  7. “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” by Brenda Lee. Try not to dance to it. I dare you.
  8. “You’re a Mean One,” Thurl Ravenscroft. The Grinch is the OG of holiday crankiness. I love him, but I don’t identify with him until his heart grows three sizes.
  9. “Merry Christmas Darling,” The Carpenters. Karen had some pipes.
  10. “All Alone on Christmas,” Darlene Love. I can’t explain why I like this one. I just do.

I also like “new” stuff. These are my favorites:

  1. “Underneath the Tree,” Kelly Clarkson. Love her in general. She seems normal.
  2. “Mistletoe,” Justin Bieber. Don’t say a word to me. I have no shame.
  3. “Like It’s Christmas,” Jonas Brothers. Again, no shame.
  4. “You Make It Feel Like Christmas,” Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton. It feels so HAPPY!
  5. “Merry Christmas,” Ed Sheeran and Elton John. I like Ed in general. Can do without Elton. But I like this song.

I just heard another contender today: “Fancy Like Christmas” by Walker Hayes. I love the original song (“Fancy Like”). This is a fun take.

Of course there are songs I hate too. I’m not even going to link them. I love you all too much to torture you.

  1. “Blue Christmas,” Elvis. Just the WORST. Draggy and thoroughly unenjoyable. The song itself isn’t bad. This rendition is dreadful.
  2. “Feliz Navidad,” José Feliciano. I just hate it. Only a few words over and over.
  3. “Little Saint Nick,” The Beach Boys. It feels like it’s stuck in first gear. Never gets going.
  4. “Winter Wonderland,” Katy Perry. I love her. I don’t love this. It’s not her best work.
  5. “Santa Baby,” Eartha Kitt. Yes, she’s a legend. But this song is lifeless. I prefer Madonna’s version. See No. 4 in the top 10.

Please tell me your favorite and least favorite in the comments.

Happy holidays!
Beth

Posted in Music | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Rock down to Electric Avenue* #TuesdayTrouble

December 18, 2023 by Beth

Dear Thrifty Car Rental:

Do not rent out electric vehicles. Seriously.

I’m a fan of them, in general, but they are not suited for the rental market for two main reasons:

  1. Miles possible on a charge.
  2. Availability of charging stations.
  3. Time to charge.

Ok, so let’s discuss No. 1. I was told at the JFK rental counter that the Chevy Volt that was forced on me** would get 250 miles per charge.

Perhaps that’s true if the owner takes care of the car. But this Volt was a rental. I was told it was fully charged when the rental fellow turned over the keys.

It didn’t look charged to me:

It looks like it has just over half a charge, but what do I know?

So I went on my way to visit my father on Long Island.

That brings us to No. 2. Random charging stations are available here and there, but there are only a few plugs at a time. With more and more people driving electric vehicles, sometimes there is a wait to charge. There’s also the No. 3 issue. I’ll get to that in a moment.

I found a charging station six miles from my father’s house. It was in a parking lot near a fire station. Luckily, he was able to go with me to set the car on charge, then we drove around and had lunch.

What if that hadn’t been an option?

And here’s the biggest problem: Time to charge (No. 3).

We left the car charging for 2.5 hours. And that wasn’t enough to get it fully charged from a 65-mile drive.

2.5 HOURS!

I had to find another charging station on the way back. (Why? To avoid the $60 fee for bringing it back on less than 100 percent charged. Seems like you REALLY like that dollar figure.)

This time, I managed to find a fast-charge place by a mall. There were five charging units, but only three were working. I had to wait to get one.

I plugged in the car, and waited. Tethered like a teenager to TikTok.

The charging unit said one hour to 80 percent charge. The Volt said 34 minutes to full charge.

Can you guess the Volt’s problem?

My guess is battery health.

It’s not like these cars are cheaper or cooler to drive. And you still have to pay for charging, so there’s no major saving over gas.

Home use is a great idea. I borrowed my friend Marlane’s Kia EV over Thanksgiving, and it was fantastic. I set it on charge in the garage overnight once it got low.

But for a rental? No thanks. Bad idea.

If you won’t take my advice, please just make a note in my file that I never want to rent one again.

Thanks,
Beth

*A classic.

**I got the manager’s special rate with the best available car. The Volt is what was offered. I asked (read: begged) for a regular car. No, ma’am, unless I wanted to pay $60 extra.

Posted in Advice, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I’m baaaack! #SundayStories

December 10, 2023 by Beth

Hello Readers!

Not sure I have any left. That’s understandable. I’ve been MIA for WEEKS.

Why?

Consequences of the decision to move to another part of the country, start a new job AND take two courses to finish my Explosives Technology graduate certificate.

It’s been an exhausting time.

Classes are over, though, and I earned my certificate. I knew I’d be fine in the Commercial Pyrotechnics course because I did well in the Stage Pyrotechnics and Special Effects course.

Demolition? Not so much.

At one point, I thought I was going to fail.

Not only did I not fail, I earned an A in the course — due in large part to the final project, which was a group project to create a bid to demolish the St. Louis Arch.

Three twentysomething engineering students and me. We spent weeks working on this project via email, Zoom and group chat. (Our group name: Arch Nemesis, Inc. — yuk, yuk.)

I needed a nearly perfect score to get an A. I had come to terms with getting a B. Then we presented our work. The professor had nothing but good things to say about our bid presentation.

Y’all. He gave us extra credit.

I am so proud of us. I’m proud of myself.

Maybe you can hire me for your next explosive event. Or not. I think I’m done with this chapter of my life.

Now that this semester is over, I may get back to writing regularly.

See you soon (?),
Beth

Posted in Education | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

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