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April 22, 2010 by Beth

We are dogsitting this week, so that means our grand total of dogs is three. Those of you counting at home may say, “What? I thought ‘plus one’ would be four!”

Vince went to live with my father. Maggie and Vince had an extended stay at Grandma Dad’s because Eddie and I were traveling so much. Vince got along so well with my dad’s girlfriend’s dog “Li’l Bit” that it seemed like a good idea for him to stay. And it helps ease the pain from my dad having to put his dog Rufus to sleep yesterday.

RIP Rufus (1996-2010)

So that leaves Maggie, Mona and Jack, the visiting Cocker Spaniel. Mona also is supposed to be just visiting, but … well.

Maggie is on the naughty list, though. Here’s why:

We closed Maggie in our bedroom yesterday to keep her away from Jack. She must have spotted something in our backyard that needed her attention, so she just headed right out through the screen.

Handy Manny is not pleased

Luckily, we just happened to have some screen on hand, so Eddie fixed it quickly.

Eddie replaces the screen while Mona investigates

He’s really tired of fixing things around the house, though. I can’t blame him.

Posted in Random | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments »

Words I hate

April 21, 2010 by Beth

Some students in my classes have asked for a list of words I hate. Here are the ones that are always at the top:

Currently

If there is a verb in the sentence, then you don’t need that adverb. It is redundant.

Incorrect: Beth is currently a writing professor. “Is” means it is happening right now. “Currently” is overkill.

Correct: I can’t think of an occasion where you would need it.

Hopefully

This is one of the most misused words in the English language. People use it to mean “I hope.” If that is what you mean, then use, “I hope,” for Pete’s sake! It is an adverb, which means it needs to modify a verb.

Incorrect: Hopefully, the envelope contains a bonus check. How is the envelope behaving in a hopeful manner?

Correct: She looked hopefully at the envelope, convinced that it contained a bonus check.

Utilize

I’ve mentioned it before, but it bears repeating: There is nothing wrong with the word “use.”

Incorrect: Utilize your knowledge of grammar to start a blog.

Correct: Use your knowledge of grammar to start a blog. See? “Use” is a perfectly good word.

Nauseous

People use this word to mean “I am sick to my stomach.” But what they should say is “nauseated” because that is what they are. If they are nauseous, then they cause nausea in others.

Incorrect: “I’m nauseous now,” said Eddie after riding The Flying Critter at the fair.

Correct: “The Flying Critter made me nauseated,” he said.

Partner

This is a noun, not a verb. Stop trying to “partner” with people, and just team up, join them or just combine completely in the sentence.

Incorrect: The SCAD writing department is partnering with the graduate studies department to present a lecture by Rebecca Skloot.

Correct: The writing and graduate studies departments are sponsoring the lecture.

There’s more, but this list has made me nauseated, and I need to lie down.

Posted in Grammar, etc. | Tagged , , , , , , | 25 Comments »

Secrets of a Soccer Mom

April 20, 2010 by Beth

I’m about to take Gideon to soccer practice. I always feel like an elephant at the rhino watering hole when I go to soccer practice. I just don’t fit in.

But I do like to watch my kids having fun.

Trish the Human took this picture of Dominic in his first game. Notice the concentration.

Also notice something else. It’s on the left. What is this?

Does this woman not own a mirror? Make sure to look at the back view, people!

Posted in Random | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments »

Chickzilla!

April 19, 2010 by Beth

AAAAAAAAHHHHH! (Is that how you would write a guttural scream of mortal fear?)

That’s just Shelly in shadow, but it’s a pretty creepy photo.

I imagine that is how I seem to Shelly and Jeanne. Every time I come near their enclosure, they freak out. I try to talk to them and handle them every day, but they are just more skittish than Trish ever was.

Sad.

I brought Jeanne over to the couch tonight to hang out with us, and Maggie looked over with interest. Eddie said, “Go lay down, Murderer!” And she kind of hung her head and walked away.

They are growing fast and soon will be headed out to the coop.

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Say it with songs

April 16, 2010 by Beth

Warning: This post contains language that may be inappropriate for some readers.

I’ll bet that got your attention. Certain things get my attention too. Like the names of songs spelled out on my satellite radio screen.

And this one is classic too:

I think 7 a.m. may be too early for that.

It is a good think my kids can’t read yet.

Posted in Random | Tagged , | 7 Comments »

Home improvement needs improvement

April 14, 2010 by Beth

Why are home improvement projects always so fraught with disaster?

Take our back door, for example. It was supposed to be a simple matter of replacing the old door because the bottom had rusted. But Lowe’s ordered the wrong size, something you don’t really know until you get it home. Maybe their slogan should be “Let’s Build Something Together, But We Won’t Really Help You At All. So Really,  You Should Build Something Alone.”

So Eddie placed it temporarily in the frame, and went to call Lowe’s to complain and reorder the right size. And this is what happened:

That’s $250 in shards.

Today, we had to get an electrician to come over to help us with our outdoor lighting. The geniuses hired by the previous owners had simply buried the electrical cable in a shallow grave. Lightning likes electrical wires. So that was the end of the outdoor lighting.

Eddie had to buy PVC pipe and new, thicker cable, and then dig up the back yard to bury the new cable. And he promptly hit an irrigation pipe.

And so the electrician is here. I’m looking through the back door, and I see plenty of frowning. There’s some pointing and gesturing. And now Eddie and the electrician are digging. That can’t be good.

Update: The electrician said, “Let there be light.” And there was. And it was good.

Posted in Random | Tagged , , | 4 Comments »

New cast members

April 12, 2010 by Beth

I hadn’t planned on it when I woke up, or even thought about it during most of the day. But at 4:30 this afternoon, I decided I needed to get new chickens.

Jeanne and Shelly are Araucanas (blue eggs!) and came from Economy Feed and Seed on Carolan Street. Originally, Shelly was going to be named “Patty,” as a nod to Patricia (otherwise known as Trish the Chicken’s namesake), and Gideon wanted the other to be named “Mike.” (Why? I don’t know.) But “Patty and Mike” just didn’t sound right. And naming one “Mike” would ensure we would end up with an unexpected rooster.

I named our previous chickens after live people, and they ended up dead. So this time, I named them after dead people in the hope that the chickens will stay alive. Shelly was Trish’s mom, and Jeanne was mine.

The boys and I are excited.Eddie has registered his concern and dismay. Noted. And obviously ignored. (Sorry, Sweetie!)

Posted in Chickens | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Rocky Mountain high

April 10, 2010 by Beth

This was SCAD’s first year at the AWP conference, and it was a success. Dr. Lough (my department chair) and I talked to dozens of people about the SCAD program — many of whom did not even know we offered writing as a major. And we tried to ignore the rampant pretentiousness inherent in writing conferences (especially one filled with academics).

We even managed to fit in some sightseeing. He took me to Boulder, which is where he grew up. Here he is in his natural habitat:

Dr. James Lough, Boulder, Colorado

And here are the Flatirons (photo taken around the corner from his old house).

Flatirons, Boulder, Colorado

In Boulder, he showed me the house they used for the exterior of “Mork & Mindy.”

"Mork & Mindy" house

And — from whimsy to the grisly — the house where little JonBenét Ramsey was murdered.

Ramsey house

Today, a tour of Denver, complete with this gem:

"Non Hippy Bus," driver's side

The sign in the window in the photo below says “Non Hippy Bus.” For real.

"Non Hippy Bus," passenger's side

All of this was lovely, but I’m ready to go home. Here is what I missed:

Gideon and Dominic

Posted in Random | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments »

An AP abuse alarm

April 8, 2010 by Beth

A news organization’s improper use of AP Style is apparently enough to get me out of bed earlier than planned.

I checked my iPhone when I woke up, as is my habit, and found this:

It is from the Savannah Morning News, of course. And the person who posted it on the Web probably just cut and pasted from a press release. But that person should have copy edited the entry (and the person who wrote the release also should use AP Style, as it is what media folks use). Here is what I would have done:

As I’ve said before, the Web deserves copy editing too.

Posted in Grammar, etc. | Tagged , | 2 Comments »

I’m talking to you, 27B

April 7, 2010 by Beth

You, madam, are a bitch. There is no other way to put it. You pushed your way down the aisle to get to your seat as if someone had plans to snatch it. You didn’t want to let me into my seat, which was, unfortunately, 27A.

You read the paper with your spidery hand extended very near my face. You sighed loudly at the things you read, made clucking noises, and laughed loudly — all without acknowledging there were other humans near you. You ignored me, which was fine because I am not a flight chatter, but I sensed contempt.

I tried not to touch your leathery, chapped elbow as you took up more than your share of armrest. I pretended I was on a recliner in first class. Alone.

When we landed, you leaped into the aisle like you were Maurren Higa Maggi. I never expected that someone of your advanced age could be so spry.

But you still had to wait to get off the plane, just like everyone else. And you are still a bitch.

Posted in Random | Tagged , , | 7 Comments »

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