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April 7, 2010 by Beth

I am on my way to the AWP conference in Denver. My boss, James Lough, Ph.D., and I will meet and mingle with other writers and professors, and talk to folks about SCAD. I’ve never been to the AWP conference, so I’m pretty excited.

I love traveling in general. I’ll go anywhere, anytime. I don’t love packing (and unpacking), though. It makes me cranky.

I love airports and flying. I don’t love road trips, especially ones that require me to drive.

I love watching fools at airports. I don’t love when these fools are in front of me in any kind of queue. Like the mother and son in front of me in the security line.

I am the best person to be behind in the security line. I wear slip-off shoes, pants that don’t need a belt, and toiletries are in a bag and on the conveyor belt before you can blink.

The pair in front of me may never hve been in an airport before. Their carry-on bags were filled with a Macy’s-worth of cologne/perfume, hair products and lotions — all loose in the bags. Everything they had on was metal. I half expected the woman to take off her leg after her fourth failed attempt to pass through the scanner.

But I love traveling, so I smiled my most benevolent smile and waited patiently. And tried not to think about my bare feet sucking up all the germs from the floor.

And now my germs and I are in first class, and life is very good.

Posted in Random | Tagged | 6 Comments »

Concept vs. reality

April 5, 2010 by Beth

It seems so idyllic: A mother helps her young children color eggs for Easter. And this is a happy-looking scene:

The reality is that this was one of the only peaceful moments. For 95 percent of the afternoon, it was a cacophony.

“Mama! He’s got my crayon!”

“I wanted the blue!”

“Get your egg out of there!”

“Stop slinging the dye!” (OK, that was me.)

And I also had to explain what the Easter Bunny has to do with Jesus. Like Christmas, Easter is a holiday of mixed messages: “Eat candy and think about Jesus.” Kids are right: It doesn’t make any sense. But as adults, we kind of go along with it.

I wasn’t going to give them Easter baskets because my kids don’t need candy. Don’t say, “Aww, that’s mean,” unless you know them. And if you know them, you wouldn’t say it. I caved and made small ones for them. Shortly after they hunted those slimy eggs and tore into the baskets, I regretted my decision. Their shrieks nearly made my ears bleed and their playroom looked like a Toys R Us had exploded.

I may have gone a little berserk. I may have smashed one of their toy guitars like I was Pete Townshend. I may not invite the Easter Bunny over again.

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Add homonym

April 2, 2010 by Beth

I just read a newsletter that featured the word “complementary” (an accompaniment) when the writer really meant “complimentary” (free or offering praise). Many people have a problem with those words, and other homonyms. So let me explain.

Homonym: umbrella category for words that sound the same or are spelled the same.

Fuzzy Wuzzy (Wuz a Bear)Homograph: words that are spelled the same and sometimes sound the same, but have different meanings

Examples: bear (to carry)/bear (Fuzzy Wuzzy)  and wind (air)/wind (crank)

Homophone: words that sound the same, may be spelled the same, but have different meanings

Examples: they’re/their/there and you’re/your and bear/bear from above. Bear/bear is a homophone and a homograph.

Easy way to remember:

HOMO (same) + PHONE (sound) and HOMO (same) + GRAPH (writing)

OK, now it might get confusing. Also under the homonym umbrella are heteronym and heterograph.

Heteronym: words that are spelled the same, but have different pronunciations and meanings. Notice this is the same definition as “homograph.” “Heteronym” is a subset of “homograph,” which is a subset of “homonym.” Heteronyms are always pronounced differently.

Example: wind (air)/wind (crank) — this is both a homograph and a heteronym

Heterograph: pronounced the same, but spelled differently. Notice this is the same definition as “homophone.””Heterograph” is a subset of “homophone,” which is a subset of “homonym.” Heterographs always have different spellings and meanings.

Example: you (gentle reader)/ewe (lady sheep) and bare (nekkid)/bear (aforementioned Fuzzy).

Luckily, there is no such thing as a heterophone to confuse the matter any further.

Here’s a Venn diagram of the above for you visual folks.

Venn diagram by Will Heltsley

The only problem is that the diagram makes it look like homonyms are only words that are both homophones and homographs. Homonyms are really the whole shebang.

And that’s different from “ad hominem,” which is a logical fallacy that is an argument against a person.

Sigh.

Posted in Grammar, etc. | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments »

The real April fool

April 1, 2010 by Beth

I’m not a fan of April Fool’s Day. I think I have a good sense of humor, but I don’t think pranks are funny.

If someone is going to be a fool, then I hope there is a camera around to capture it (I am the target audience for America’s Funniest Home Videos and the like).  But I don’t like pranks because I feel sorry for the victim, and it is really the prankster who looks the fool.

Maybe it is the role of the prankster to put life in perspective with humor, but this party pooper thinks there are better ways. Harumph.

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Beach bums (and fronts, ears, eyes, etc.)

March 29, 2010 by Beth

Today was the first day of beach season for us. So begins a summer of sand-filled crevices.

In honor of the water-loving that is beginning everywhere, I’m sharing this sign I’ve been saving (thank you, Carrie):

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Love is in the air

March 27, 2010 by Beth

Arranged marriages are not an American thing, but Eddie and I are considering it for our boys. We have a coterie of long-time friends who all have pretty little girls: Patrick and Petra have Mia, Billy and Miwa have Niina and Mana, and Eggy and Sophia have Ava. Gideon has already chosen Mana with no nudging from us.

Gideon and Mana, his future wife

Dominic informed us that he was going to marry Niina. But now I think he is exploring his options. He seems to be smitten by Baby Ava.

Dominic and Baby Ava

Interesting. Very interesting.

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Mandolin range

March 25, 2010 by Beth

In the midst of Eddie’s hospital drama, my niece sent me this photo:

Lt. Mark Greenlief, the executive officer for Bravo Company, 1st Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, takes a break from his duties in Marjah, Afghanistan, on Saturday, March 20, 2010, to play a mandolin sent to him by his in-laws in the United States. From http://blogs.mcclatchydc.com/kabul/2010/03/scenes-from-marjah-madness.html#ixzz0jCO4p262

It totally made my day, because I am the in-law who sent it! Well, I sent it, and my dad donated it.

My dad met Mark at Thanksgiving, and they bonded over a shared love of music. So when Eddie and I started asking around about a ukulele, maybe, to send Mark in Afghanistan, my dad offered the mandolin that had been in my family forever. He played it, my mom played it, I played it, etc. A great idea!

I was worried about sending an antique instrument into combat, but I must have packed it up well enough for it to make it in one piece. YAY!

So that’s why I was so thrilled to see that photo. It made everything better this week.

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“Heart procedures” for $200

March 23, 2010 by Beth

Being a “frequent flier” in Memorial’s heart wing has its perks. I was able to be in the room with Eddie while they prepped him for his ablation, and even take pictures.

Here he is in what he refers to as “The Matrix Room” with his new buddies, Robb and Cynthia.

Robb and Cynthia shooed me out right before the procedure began, and I hung out in the special waiting area. In a couple of hours, his doctor appeared to let me know the ablation was over, and was a success. They found the rogue spot quickly and zapped it. Then he said he poked around in there to see if he could get something else going. He did, and took care of that spot too. This should be it. Operative word: “should.”

Eddie is now resting comfortably to the sounds of the Braves vs. the Mets. You can see he doesn’t want anyone to take away his remote:

He might even get to go home by the time the game is over.

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I’ll take “heart procedures” for $100, Alex

March 23, 2010 by Beth

Memorial Health University Medical Center has Wi-Fi, which is quite nice. You would think all hospitals would have it, but you’d be wrong. Because of my mom, dad and Eddie, I’ve sampled many hospitals.

Anyway, thanks to Memorial’s Wi-Fi, I’m able to write and upload this post. Eddie is having his third, and last (I hope), cardiac ablation today.

What’s that? Well, it is a procedure where a cardiologist (as opposed to a dermatologist, or someone who stayed at a Holiday Inn) threads a catheter into the heart and burns the crap out of the part of the heart that is causing it to beat irregularly. Read this for a more technical overview.

Eddie has had this procedure twice already, so I don’t know how much non-scarred tissue there is left. After each ablation, the doctor has said, “That should do it.” And it hasn’t. Yes, we got a second opinion. The second doctor just wanted to keep shocking Eddie’s heart back into rhythm, all “ER” style.

Anyway, here we are, at Memorial again, and hoping for the best.

Posted in Random | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment »

Otherwise known as armor

March 22, 2010 by Beth

I present Dominic’s latest essay. Please ignore the pronoun mangling. He’s learning.

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