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Posts Tagged ‘Apartment life’

‘Miss me wit that’ šŸ™„ #SundayStories @ScaryMommy

Posted in Parenting, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , on December 6, 2020| 4 Comments »

Dear God,

My mother said she prayed to you that I would have a child just like me. I recognized that as a threat by an aggravated woman.

You delivered.

But I think you went too far.

I had common sense, at least.

Dominic does not have common sense.

Here’s why I know this to be true:

1. The exchange below. Context: I set up a new Google Voice number for students in my class to use. I asked the family to test it.

2. The fact that he came into my bedroom at 9:30 Thursday night holding a package of turkey bacon without the packaging. That’s right: 10 or so strips of bacon in his bare hands.

Him: I opened the refrigerator, and this fell out onto the floor.

Me, stunned: Well, don’t bring it naked and dripping INTO MY BEDROOM!

I wish I had taken a photo. I was too revolted at him turkey touching everything to think about that.

He does make up for it by making me laugh with things like this:

And remember our Rock City visit? This is how he ruined an artsy shot I was trying to take:

Yes, that’s his shoe. šŸ™„

This kid.

So thanks, I guess, for giving me Dominic in all his glory.

Sincerely,
Beth

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Giving thanks for the small things #Thankful #Thanksgiving

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 26, 2020| 7 Comments »

Dear Friends and Family,

Though this year has sucked in ways large and small, I’m thankful for all of you. I have big emotions regarding a few of you, but I’ll save that for a later post.

On this day of Thanksgiving (glossing over the actual horrific origins of this celebration), I’m thankful for small things (in no particular order):

  • Apothic Red for just $10
  • Jeans that fit
  • Fozzy
  • Gideon’s eclectic taste in music
  • Dominic’s dry comments
  • Eddie’s workout habits
  • Purple nail polish
  • Massage therapy
  • Airpods
  • Uno
  • Alexa (but not Siri, sorry)
  • Twitter
  • Apple Music
  • FaceTime, Skype, What’s App, Zoom and Houseparty
  • Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime and Disney Plus
  • “I have spoken.”
  • Bubble tea
  • Gus’s chicken
  • Writing ability
  • Cooking skills
  • That I can drive a stick shift
  • Ancestry.com
  • The election is over (It is. For real, Donnie.)
  • “Saturday Night Live“
  • “The Amazing Race“
  • “Jersey Shore Family Vacation“
  • Rollerball pens
  • Fleetwood Mac
  • Panhandle Slim
  • Frequent flier miles that don’t expire
  • Friends who invite me over just to drink
  • People who have given me a chance to grow as a person and a professional
  • The fact that the first “Happy Thanksgiving” texts I received were from the moms of my sons’ friends (three of them!)
  • A balcony with lounge chairs and good Atlanta weather so I can be outside
  • Fellow bloggers (like this one and this one)
  • The cute but not functional scarf Goat-yoga Lisa made me

Adorable, right? In the background is the not-cute-but-functional blanket I made.

For what are you thankful? Tell me in the comments.

All my love,
Beth

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The power to change @GeorgiaPower #FridayFeeling

Posted in Technology, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on October 30, 2020| 5 Comments »

Dear Georgia Power,

We all knew Zeta was coming. We all knew there would be rain and high winds. We all knew the power would go out (because it goes out here if someone coughs too violently).

As a result, this family has a propane stove, a generator, hurricane lamps and many portable phone charging blocks.

So it was not a surprise to wake up yesterday at 6:13 a.m. with no power.

What was a surprise was that there were no updates from you on your website ALL DAY LONG.

There is no ERT.

I looked at Twitter, expecting to find more information.

Nope.

Your first tweet was at 10:05 a.m. — nearly four hours after 600K+ Georgians lost power.

And this ridiculously late attempt directed people to the outage map that had NO INFORMATION.

Much later, you tweeted this gem:

No shit, Sherlock.

I couldn’t resist replying.

Here’s the thing: I do not doubt your crews in the field and in the office are working very hard to restore power.

But in a crisis, you have to communicate to your stakeholders. This is PR 101. And THIS is why I’m dogging you.

Whoever is handling your Twitter account tweeted only 13 times in the space of 24 hours.

People are freaking out and you traffic in sporadic platitudes?

Come ON!

You can do better. You should do better. Millions of Georgians rely on you.

Next time, I hope your response team includes a dedicated crisis communicator.

Sincerely,
Beth

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Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones* #SundayStories #NoSundayStroll

Posted in Apartment life, tagged , , , , , , on October 11, 2020| 2 Comments »

Dear People Who See Me in Person,

Though there will be only a handful of you over the next couple of weeks, let me answer the inevitable questions now:

  1. Yes, I broke my ankle.
  2. No, it’s not a good story.

I wish I could say I broke it doing something exciting, like glacier hiking in Iceland, cliff diving in Bermuda or rappelling off the Empire State Building (if that could even be a thing).

But no.

I tripped on some uneven pavement and rolled my ankle.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty.

The ligament actually broke the tip off my fibula.

I broke the piggie who ate roast beef a couple of weeks ago. Same foot. My first two broken bones.

I guess if I’m going to damage myself, during a pandemic is as good a time as any. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.

This splint is my sexy new accessory for the next few weeks.

Dr. Peter said the bone will heal in about a month. I asked how long I should try to stay off my foot. He said:

Let pain be your guide.

Isn’t that true for so many things?

Anyway, I’ll be fine.

And also, it’s good to see you.
Beth

*Remember that song?

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Happy trails to you!* #SundayStories

Posted in Apartment life, tagged , , , , , , , , , on September 20, 2020| 5 Comments »

Dear Tony, Spike, Ulysses, Rolfe, Verna and friends,

I found out this week that you likely will be leaving me soon to go to Mexico.

That makes me sad, but I understand. You have places to go and other people to see.

I know I’ll see you in the spring.

I’ll miss you. I’ll leave the feeder up just in case anyone still around needs a snack. (Suddenly I’m thinking of that Motel 6 commercial.)

Thanks for visiting.

Your friend,
Beth

* Thanks to Dale Evans and Roy Rogers.

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Never underestimate the youngest child #SundayStories

Posted in Parenting, tagged , , , , , , , , , on August 30, 2020| 2 Comments »

Dear Gideon,

I missed you when I took Dominic to Savannah.

I missed your non sequiturs.
I missed the odd comments.
I missed our inside jokes.

Luckily, you gave me all three starting the second I got home.

For the first, there’s this:

For the second, I especially like comments that make you sound like an old man. Like what you said when you got home from work yesterday:

I can’t wait to take my socks off!

To be fair, you get that particular thing from me. I prefer being barefoot.

And for the last one, I submit this exchange:

Me, outside your bathroom door: Are you taking a bath?
You: Yes. I’m in the hot TUB.

The emphasis is on “tub” because of this SNL sketch (one of our favorites).

You make me giggle all the time.

I missed you.

Love,
Mama

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When things go bump in the night #WednesdayWounding

Posted in Parenting, tagged , , , , , , , , , on August 26, 2020| 2 Comments »

Dear Dominic,

Sometimes I forget how great you are and how well we get along. (Having to bark at remind you to take out the trash and recycling takes its toll on both of us.)

But as we were leaving our place this morning to head to Savannah, I saw you at your best.

Wee morning hours are not great for me. It’s my own fault: We needed to get to the McKinnons’ house before all my Zoom meetings began.

As I was trying to get my watch charger in the dark, I whacked my forehead on the nightstand.

I was still rubbing my head when I told you it was time to go.

You saw the lump that had formed immediately.

You: What happened to you?
Me: I banged my head on the nightstand.
You: Come here. (Gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead.)
Me: Did you just kiss my boo-boo?
You: That’s the treatment!

That was very sweet.

But then later when I took the ice pack off, you went back to normal.

Me: How do I look?
You: Like Voorhees.

Thanks so much.

Sigh.

Love you anyway,
Mama

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ā€œI can smell trouble right here in this apartment.ā€ ā€”Stella, ā€œRear Windowā€ #SundayStories

Posted in Apartment life, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 23, 2020| 2 Comments »

Dear People in the Condo Building:

I’m truly fascinated by your lives. Every time I go to our place to clean for a new guest or just hang out, there’s something going on.

It’s very “Rear Window.”

I’m here today because I have so much work to do, and I needed peace (read: time away from Dominic complaining about the Wi-Fi).

It’s a nice day, so I’m on the balcony. I’m worried about getting a contact high from the clouds of chronic. (New building name: Chronic Condo. Or THC Towers. Or High House.)

The last time I was here to get work done, I got to party with Cardi B, along with everyone else on their balconies.

One time, I was having a girls’ night with my friend Becky (with the good hair).

Some guys two floors down and two balconies over saw us.

Dude 1: Hey Ladies!
Dude 2: You with the hair!
Dude 3: We’ve got weed. Come on down!

Becky and I are middle-aged women. We are not going to party with random guys — in a pandemic, no less.

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t weirdly flattered.

Anyway, thanks for providing plenty of entertainment.

Love,
Beth

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Be True to Your School #TuesdayTruth

Posted in Parenting, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 18, 2020| 2 Comments »

Dear Dekalb County School System:

Thank you for starting the school year online rather than face to face. Thank you for not caving to pressure from the COVIDiots Thank you for keeping all of us safe.

We are still in a FREAKIN’ PANDEMIC!

If people had buckled down and done what they should have in March/April, we might be closer to being back to normal.

But no.

Sigh.

Anyway.

My boys went back to school today. Usually I’d post a photo from their first day of the new school year on social media. This year, it seems silly.

Their bedrooms are their school.

Here it is, for what it’s worth:

Dominic is in 10th grade. Gideon is in ninth.

They are feeling overwhelmed. Seven classes each. All virtual. Mostly asynchronous.

(I’m even overwhelmed by the number of parent emails and texts I’m getting.)

There are thousands of kids doing the same thing, so the network was overloaded. Dominic was in a synchronous classroom by 9 a.m.

It took Gideon until 11 to get online.

But this is the way it is right now. I’m not complaining.

One of the cool things is that they decided they wanted to go to the store to get their own supplies. No ridiculously long and detailed supply lists this year. Thank GOD. (They rarely even used most of the things we just HAD to get.)

One of the not-so-cool things is that we ended up going to Walmart. (Shudder. Big stores now give me anxiety.)

On the way home, Dominic and I had this conversation:

Him: I really would prefer actually going to school. I’ll take my chances with the virus.
Me: Great! So you want to put your brother at risk, me at risk, and also your father who has asthma and likely would get the worst of it and die.*
Him: Well, when you put it like that, I guess virtual is fine.
Me: Mmmhmm.

So, DCSS, keep up the good work. Difficult times call for creative solutions. We will persevere.

You know that adage: What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

Sincerely,
Beth, DCSS parent

* Yeah, I exaggerated, but not by much. Eddie has had so many colds that graduated to pneumonia.

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Be the host with the most! #SundayStories #SundayStupidity

Posted in Advice, Travel, tagged , , , , , , , , , on August 16, 2020| 4 Comments »

Dear New Airbnb Hosts:

Welcome to the club! It’s a good way to make some money, and the Airbnb platform usually makes life easy. Sometimes the guests don’t, though.

I advise you to set clear house rules. Here are mine:

Even then, I’ve had people leave:

  • Frat-party levels of empties.
  • Multiple bags of trash even though the chute is right outside the door.
  • A weave.
  • Dirty underpants.
  • A burn mark on the bathroom mirror.
  • The balcony door open with A/C, fans and lights on.
  • Bleach stains on the towels.
  • A pile of wet towels in the bedroom closet.
  • Balcony furniture in the bedroom.
  • Something orange and sticky on every surface.
  • Cigarette stench that required days of airing out and a trip to CVS for three styles of air freshener.

Someone also left an unopened package of bacon, which did not upset me at all.

One thing I didn’t realize when I first became a host is that guests can be dumb. Really dumb. Like how-can-they-live-their-lives dumb.

Take, for example, the woman who is in our place now. She called me at 10 last night because she couldn’t figure out how to turn on the light in the bedroom.

I had no idea of the rarity of an overhead fan with a remote control that features a lightbulb icon.

šŸ™„

But there is a different woman who has the honor of being the dumbest person so far.

Here is the full exchange (I didn’t leave anything out, except part of the map I sent):

She needs one of Bill Engvall’s signs. Right? Or am I just being mean?

Anyway.

Now you know better what you are getting yourself into as a host.

Good luck!
Beth

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