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Posts Tagged ‘Bright ideas’

Symbol of thanks

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , , , , on November 25, 2010| Leave a Comment »

On this day of thanksgiving, I am thankful for family, friends, health, a great job, and all of the usual things.

And I’m also thankful for punctuation.

  • Quotation marks: Thank you for telling us when someone else starts talking and finishes, helping us recognize exact language in other instances, and also when a word is not being used in its usual sense. I feel awful that people incorrectly use you to emphasize a word.
  • Parentheses: Without you, we would not know that the writer is offering an aside (information that is useful, but not crucial).
  • Brackets: You are underused, I think, because people don’t know what to do with you. You set text apart, insert some information, identify clarifications, enclose missing material, and help out in math. Perhaps you are not as common as [several other marks] but you are useful nonetheless. Thanks!
  • Ellipsis: People like to add to you. But it’s nice that you have just three simple characters … and that you show that the writer omitted something.
  • Hyphen: Thank you for connecting words to modify a noun. Without you, the phrase “dirty-movie theater” wouldn’t be as interesting. We also appreciate the way you create numbers, show time periods and create fractions.
  • Dash: You are another mark with substance — like a super hyphen — to show change in thought or that the speaker has been interrupted. Thank you for your heavy lifting. (Note: I’m talking about the “em dash” here. AP Style doesn’t recognize the “en dash,” so I don’t either.)
  • Question mark: Do you know how useful you are? Thank you for allowing us to ask a question. And in Spanish, you get all fancy!
  • Exclamation point: You are the sad victim of abuse. It’s terrible! When used sparingly, you provide an element of excitement. Thank you!
  • Apostrophe: Thank you for letting us know what belongs to whom, and when some letters are missing. You’re the best!
  • Comma: We appreciate your ability to link similar items, but also show difference.
  • Semicolon: You’re like a super comma; we celebrate you because you are completely awesome.
  • Colon: You are more substantial than a comma or semicolon, but not quite as burly as a period. In addition to making introductions, you do other important things: separate hours from minutes, chapter from verse, and two numbers in a proportion. Thanks.
  • Period: We celebrate your ability to end a thought. Period.

Thank you, handy symbols — not just today, but every day!

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Not quite ready for MMA*

Posted in Random, tagged , , on November 18, 2010| 4 Comments »

You may have noticed in my posts about going to the dreaded gym that I had not attended a kickboxing class. And kickboxing is kind of a staple of every group class lineup.

OK, I was afraid.

And it seemed weird because that’s what Eddie teaches at Club SCAD. I’m not about to take one of his classes, for reasons that are probably obvious to married couples.

That all changed Tuesday when the kickboxing groupies at the Y sort of swept me into that class after the “Awesome Abs” class. I rationalized it as a good way to continue lowering my cholesterol. (The doctor said my elevated cholesterol could be genetics, or might not be. That’s doctor-speak for “Put down the bacon, Woman.”)

I lasted 30 minutes in the class. There was a lot of kicking and pseudo-boxing, naturally, and some jumping jacks, which equaled uncomfortable jiggling.

That could be me in the green, checking to make sure the leg's not broken.

The moves were easier to pick up than Zumba, so I think I might grow to like it.

I’ll just wear a better bra.

 

* Mixed martial arts

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For those about to mock (I salute you)

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on November 14, 2010| 5 Comments »

Gideon has been very interested in music lately, and I’ve been playing all sorts of music for him. I try to give him a little history of the song and the artist as we’re listening.

I’ve been feeling very Jack Black from “School of Rock” (which I watched again today).

My musical taste is all over the place — everything except rap and classical. Yet I’m afraid my favorite songs can be classified as white girl music.

To illustrate this, and to make a cheap ploy to get comments on my blog (even if they mock me), here is the list of songs I listen to in hell (ie. The Gym).

I refuse to be ashamed that Britney Spears and Hanson are on this list. Let the mocking begin.

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Apostrophe catastrophe

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , , on November 8, 2010| 5 Comments »

Loyal reader Tom requested — nay, commanded — that I return to the topic of grammar. Here’s his full note:

As you wish, Tom. How about a grammar subset?

Let’s talk about apostrophes, as they seem to be the bane of the existence of many.

Apostrophes have two major jobs: They show possession or they indicate that something is missing.

Job 1: Showing possession

Many of the signs featured on this blog show words with apostrophes where there shouldn’t be any. Why? I don’t know. Maybe the sign creators thought, “This looks boring. Let’s spice it up with something unnecessary and wrong.”

Maybe the sign creators at Goodwill just got confused:

The way it reads now makes me ask, “Goodwill salutes veteran’s WHAT? Ability to shop?” (I will not get into the various other atrocities on this sign, such as the use of “currently,” the misspelled word, and the incorrect abbreviation. Well, I guess I just did.) “Veteran’s Day” also is incorrect (should be “Veterans Day”), but I can understand the thought process behind that.

Remember: Use an apostrophe when you want to show that something belongs to someone. Think carefully about who is possessing what. For example, I could write that I belong to the PTO at Dominic’s school.

  • Is it a parent’s association? That would be a group belonging to one parent.
  • Is it a parents’ association? That would be a group belonging to two or more parents.
  • Is it a parents association? Yes, because it is a group made up of parents.

Job 2: Indicating missing characters

Contrary to popular belief, “It’s” is not the possessive for “it.” Only use “it’s” as the contraction for “it is” or “it has.” The possessive of “it” is “its”: The beast went back into its lair.

A common phrase in the South is “y’all.” Note the apostrophe. “Y’all” is a contraction for “you all.” The apostrophe indicates that “o” and “u” are missing.

 

The Oak Ridge Boys have written it correctly.

 

 

So has Toby Keith, but he has made a different mistake. Read on.

 

Similarly, if you want to talk about the 1980s, and you want to use an apostrophe to shorten it, you would write “’80s” because the “1” and the “9” are missing.

Toby Keith has abbreviated “shocking,” so he really needs an apostrophe before and after the “n” — similar to “rock ‘n’ roll.”

See how easy that is?

I realize that these rules don’t explain things like “won’t.” I can’t explain everything.

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Glinda and Elphaba’s double date

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on November 1, 2010| 6 Comments »

I love Halloween. Fortunately for me, I have family and friends who like it too. Before the kids arrived on the scene, Eddie and I hosted a big party every year (Frankenparty). Now we just put our energy into costumes.

This year, we teamed up with two other families and went as the cast of the “Wizard of Oz.” It took more than a month of construction for Eddie, the Tin Man.

It took an hour and a half to get Eddie into the costume, and there was tape involved.

The end result was worth it:

Here’s the cast list:

Us:
Tin Man: Eddie
Toto: Dominic
Lion: Gideon
Glinda: Me

Friends:
Scarecrow: Eggy
Wicked Witch: Sophia
Dorothy: Ava

Family:
Munchkin: Carmen
Flying Monkey: Daniel

We were a big hit in the neighborhood.

We lost track of how many people asked to take pictures of us.

After trick or treating, it was time for four of the adults to enjoy some treats of their own. Carmen and Daniel, Eddie’s sister and brother-in-law, agreed to watch the kids so we could go to my friend Terri’s party.

Getting there was … interesting. We couldn’t use ruby slippers or a broom, so the Element had to do.

It took about 15 minutes for us all to reassemble ourselves once we got to Terri’s house.

But the night didn’t end there. Oh no. We were so happy to be out that we even went to see a movie: “Paranormal Activity 2.” The witches definitely needed a break!

Witches’ Night Out

After all, Glinda and Elphaba hadn’t been able to spend much time together since college.

Next year: Sesame Street. Oh, it’s on!

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Observe and report

Posted in Grammar, etc., Random, tagged , , , , on October 25, 2010| Leave a Comment »

My time in California was all about observations.

I observed nature at its best.

I observed punctuation at its worst.

And I observed the habitats of the best and worst celebrities — at a safe distance.

Steve Carell's house

George Lopez's house decked out for Halloween

Miley Cyrus' gate

Yes, let’s call it “observation” and not that unpleasant other term: stalking.

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A Depend-worthy occasion

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on October 22, 2010| Leave a Comment »

One of the greatest parts of my job — and there are many great parts — is that I get to travel to different high schools to give workshops about writing. Today, I was at Idyllwild Arts Academy to talk about writing for the Web and new media.

The school reminds me of the Camp Fire Girl camp I used to attend: Camp Toccoa. They are both all woodsy and have log cabins and wooden signs. Idyllwild is sleepaway high school, otherwise known as boarding school.

Here’s a view toward the library where I gave my presentation.

I’ll bet you couldn’t tell that Idyllwild is in Southern California. It’s in the San Jacinto Mountains between Palm Springs and Los Angeles. That scenery is VERY different from the landscape I drove through to get there. What follows is my interior monologue as I made my way from I-10 to California 243:

Scrubby scrub tumbleweed dust dirt this place is so dry tumbleweed loofah scrubby scrub scrub hey now here are some boulders wow there are lots of boulders is that a joshua tree this is getting kind of high this road is curving what is the speed limit great now my radio station is gone but I’m not going to stop to fix it let’s shut it off who is texting me right now must focus on this expletive road and holy cow this road is steep and expletive there are no expletive guard rails why wouldn’t they put in guard rails oh my God it’s raining now too and this road goes on forever and I’m afraid I’m going to drive off the side there’s expletive fog expletive now fantastic where is this expletive place I don’t want to die holy expletive elevation 6,000!

There are no guard rails in places I think there should be guard rails:

And this part of the trek reminded me of the Blue Ridge Mountains in Georgia, and the road to El Yunque in Puerto Rico:

It was a harrowing journey in the fog in a rental car. Clearly I made it alive, and the students in the workshop were worth the trek.

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Rejecting the rejector

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on October 19, 2010| 2 Comments »

My fat took the letter well, and seems to be going away quietly. At least according to the YMCA scale, which reveals that there’s five pounds less of me.

Yay.

The miracle of eating heathfully and exercising more. What a novel concept!

Since I began my exercise class extravaganza, I’ve also invested in more appropriate outfits to replace my T-shirts and sweats.

My taste runs more along the lines of this:

Rebecca Romijn, appropriately clothed

rather than this:

Kim Kardashian. Oh HELL no.

And you will NEVER catch me dressed like this, even if I manage to lose every single ounce of fat:

Jamie Lee Curtis in "Perfect," wearing an outfit looking not-so-perfect in the glow of 2010

Struggling through the torture of “Awesome Abs” today also helped tamp down a minor disappointment: McSweeney’s* did not like my open letter as much as my friends did.

 

Oh well. Rejection is nothing new for a writer.

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
~Samuel Beckett
Or, alternatively,
I discovered that rejections are not altogether a bad thing. They teach a writer to rely on his own judgment and to say in his heart of hearts, ‘To hell with you.’ ~Saul Bellow

 

* A friend suggested I submit it for their “Open letters to people or entities who are unlikely to respond” section.


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The Case of the Cranky Cottonhead

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on October 8, 2010| 4 Comments »

I finally had a Friday off and I spent most of it going to two more group exercise classes: Pilates and Line Dancing. (In case you are counting, that makes five group sessions this week. Five!)

To me, Pilates is what we used to call “calisthenics” back in the ’80s. We weren’t all fancy then. All we had was Jane Fonda and her legwarmers.

Now there are balls, mats, elastic bands, weights, etc. At this class, there was also a sweaty, inflexible man next to me who grunted as he exhaled. Jane never grunted. I don’t think she ever sweated either.

By the time my abs were screaming a sound only dogs could hear, it was time for the next class. Even though it’s supposedly geared toward seniors, I was excited about line dancing. I still mourn the death of Stetsons on Mall Boulevard, which is where, many years ago, I two-stepped my little heart out a couple of times a week.

The class consisted of the instructor, me and two other ladies. I had what I never want in a group exercise session: individual attention. And I was the youngest by at least 20 years.

Subtract two, add me, and that's the class.

At least I didn’t complain. Eleanor complained. Loudly. About a variety of things. Some elderly ladies seem sweet and kind, like Betty White. Eleanor was like Betty White’s older, bitter, spinster sister.

I shouldn’t judge, though. At least she was there and trying to stay active. Rock on, cranky cottonhead!

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Goldilocks and the evil chair

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , on October 5, 2010| 4 Comments »

Working my way through the YMCA group class schedule makes me feel like a certain girl who has a fondness for bears (and breaking and entering).

Stacie’s Zumba class was too fast.
Bobbi’s Zumba class was too slow (and filled with snotty women).
Ellen’s MVE Pilates class may be just right.

I’ll still go to the Zumba classes — snotty be damned — but I may go more often to MVE Pilates. MVE stands for “maximum versatility exercise” and there is a torture device involved: a special chair for all kinds of acrobatic work.

I did this maneuver, but with much less grace.

Oh HELL no.

























After 15 minutes of Cirque du Soleil, I was questioning my sanity. After 30 minutes of trying various “poses,” including the especially heinous one that is pictured second from the right in the collage below, I had sweat dripping off my nose. My nose! And my nose was running too!

But the instructor and other victims were very nice and helpful, and I feel like I got a great workout. And I didn’t die. So I’ll be back.

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