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Posts Tagged ‘Country music’

Just a joke* #SatireSunday

Posted in Politics, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 23, 2025| 2 Comments »

COMING THIS SUMMER!

BIG DON and LITTLE BUDDY’S

A new theme park for true patriots only!

Now — a theme park for the most important people of all: STRAIGHT WHITE MEN.

Only STRAIGHT WHITE MEN are allowed — preferably married men wanting to get away from the ol’ ball and chain. Leave that shrill harpy HOME where she belongs!

Only AMERICANS — except for TYRANT TUESDAYS when Americans can bring a straight male friend from one of the following countries: Russia, South Africa, and Hungary.

Only the RICH. You must make more than 360 large. NO POORS. Show your bank statement with your ticket.

Nothing WOKE here. WE GUARANTEE. You never have to see a Pride flag or a black face.**

NO DEI either. Our rides are run by the cream of the crop: TEENAGE INCELS.

Get 20 percent off OLD GLORY merch at the GRIFT SHOP and a coupon for free FREEDOM FRIES at the GUANTÁNAMO BAY BISTRO when you give the Sieg Heil at the gate.

RED, WHITE, AND BLUELAND is affiliated with the ALL NEW John F. Kennedy and Kid Rock Big Ass Honkytonk Center for the Performing Arts and Rock ‘N’ Roll Steakhouse. The MARCH LINEUP features Kid Rock, Jason Aldean, Lee Greenwood, Ted Nugent, Billy Ray Cyrus, John Rich, and Monster Truck Action with the WORLD-FAMOUS TRUCKASAURUS. Also, David Copperfield.

‘MURICA!

*For now. I think. If you like this idea, you might be a racist. If you are offended, ask yourself why.

**But if you want to wear blackface, that’s totes fine here at RED, WHITE, AND BLUELAND. It’s not just for Halloween anymore!

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Not my first rodeo #SundayStories

Posted in Cultural differences, Random, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 4, 2024| 3 Comments »

Dear Yamhill County Fair,

You have everything I would expect in a county fair:

Rides assembled and operated by ex convicts
Parking in a field
Odd signs (“shave ice”)
“Food” in the form of corn dogs and funnel cakes
White people in overalls

You also have some things I didn’t expect:

Hats with fake Trump hair
Goats with unusual pelts
The biggest trough of curly fries I’ve ever seen
A rodeo (photo by Amy)
Me as a chicken (photo by Amy)
Inflatable cattle
Sleepy pigs

And Sir Mix-a-Lot.

Thanks for an interesting time!
Beth

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Beaver state of mind #SundayStories

Posted in Friends, Home Sweet Home, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2024| 2 Comments »

Dear Oregon,

I think we are going to be ok together. I’m feeling optimistic.

It’s probably because the sun is back.

Or the fact that I realized I’ve had nearly two full weeks of social activities, including:

Line dancing with Henry, a friend from college who was passing through.
Karaoke with coworkers and friends old and new.
Games with long-time friends from my Savannah days.
A huge wine-tasting event I was able to attend for free with another coworker.
Line dancing at a new-to-me club in Salem: Silver Spur.

About that club …

It was packed with folks aged 25-35.

Hence, not folks like me. 😂

I enjoyed the people-watching.

But then this happened:

I have thoughts.

  • This is LINE DANCING, not a sporting event. No need for the national anthem. (I would argue that we don’t even need it at sporting events.)
  • This is HOURS into the night. Why play it THEN?
  • Is this girl signing the anthem? If so, is that RIGHT? It looks made up. Like this lady. (Based on this, I think she’s full of it.)

In addition to the fascinating fauna people, the flora is pretty great too.

Double-flowering plum trees are everywhere.
They are lovely until a stiff wind comes by.

In general, I’m happy. Everything is going to be ok.

Thanks for being patient with me.

Your new friend,
Beth

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Dance the night* #SundayStories

Posted in Friends, tagged , , , , , , , on February 4, 2024| 5 Comments »

Dear New Friend Sarah,

Thanks for inviting me to Boots & Bottles last night.

Dry January was easy until the last week. It was nice to hang out with you and Mindy, and finally enjoy a glass of wine.

I had fun, but I will say that it felt very much like a high-school dance when I arrived.

But unlike a high-school dance, people there were ready to hit the dance floor immediately.

I feel like I got some cardio in, so that’s good.

I had no idea when I moved here that line dancing was SO POPULAR. I would never have guessed. I mean … in OREGON!

Anyway, thanks again, and I’ll see you next weekend for Diva Drag Brunch.

Your friend,
Beth

*Dua Lipa. Love her.

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I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you* #SundayStories

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 21, 2024| 5 Comments »

Dear Friends and Family,

Remember that promise I made to get out more? Well, sometimes that leads to questionable decisions. Like last night’s.

My neighbor Amy and I went to MicroMania in Salem.

I’m going to pause here to let you follow that link.

Yeah.

It seemed like a great idea, then I had regrets. So many regrets before the show started.

The merch made me cringe.

One of the biggest regrets was not reading the show poster correctly.

It CLEARLY says doors open at 7. But Amy and I got it in our heads that the show STARTED at 7. So we got there there 2.5 hours early.

As a result, we got second-row seats. But we also had to kill time. As I’m doing Dry January, drinking wasn’t it.

So we played homemade Bingo.

And listened to BAD jokes by the emcee.

What’s the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Very little.

Terrible.

I seriously contemplated leaving. I was afraid I was participating in one of those awful shows from the late 19th century.

But then the show started. The performers were spectacular. In on and pushing the joke.

I mean, they came out to a medley of songs such as “It’s a Small World” and “Follow the Yellow Brick Road.”

And the crowd was loving it. Not in a mean, weird way.

I also did the math and realized how much the performers were potentially banking. It’s not a small amount. (Sorry. I got caught up.)

The ring was set up where the line dancing happens.

The man in front of us was LOSING HIS MIND with joy. He recorded every moment of every match.

This wrestler’s stage name is 25 Cent.

There also was a significant amount of audience interaction.

It had so many moments you would expect wrestling matches to have.

I know you know what will happen next.

A guy behind me shouted “Bring out the tables!”

So, you know, standard wrestling.

It turned out to be a fun night. Not sure I would go again, though. I need to find a new hobby to keep me occupied.

Don’t judge me.

With a little love from Oregon,
Beth

*Yes, they played that song too.

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Party in the USA* #SundayStories

Posted in Friends, Music, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 7, 2024| 4 Comments »

Dear Savannah Friends,

Many of you expressed concern about my social well-being when I saw you over the holidays.

Fair.

I do need to get out more. Try to meet more non-work people.

So this week, I did two things in two different places with two different sets of people:

Line dancing in Salem and a drag show in Portland.

How is that for running the gamut?

Those of you who have known me a while know that I haunted Stetsons in Savannah for line-dancing nights back in the day.

Salem, Oregon, is apparently a hotspot for line dancing. (Who knew?)

The colleague who told me about this event did provide some additional information.

It was great! I had fun and got some exercise. People were very welcoming.

That was Thursday night. I went to Darcelle XV in Portland on Friday night.

It was not like any other drag show I’ve seen. I’m used to acrobatic, can-pass-as performers working the crowd. This show was more like a cabaret stocked with Joan Crawford/Bette Davis clones in evening gowns. To tip, you threw your money in a bowl at center stage.

It was a good evening with friends, but I probably wouldn’t go back to the regular show. There’s an “open mic”-style drag show on Tuesdays that looks more interesting.

Still, I could have had a terrible time at either or both of these places and been happy to be out.

My next big event out should be a doozy:

Stay tuned.

Love,
Beth

*Love me some Miley.

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Ho, ho, holy heck: What is that song?! #SundaySongs

Posted in Music, tagged , , , , , , on December 22, 2023| Leave a Comment »

I start listening to Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving. It’s all I listen to the whole month. I’m not ashamed.

Some songs I like much better than others.

Here are my Top 10 “classics” (30+ years old):

  1. “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” Andy Williams. When I hear this, I know we are in my favorite season.
  2. “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas,” Bing Crosby. A true classic.
  3. “Do They Know It’s Christmas,” Band Aid. Nothing says Christmas like the “clanging chimes of doom.” Don’t listen to the lyrics. Just enjoy Boy George, Bono, George Michael, Sting and Simon Le Bon, among other ‘80s faves.
  4. “Winter Wonderland,” Eurythmics. I’m a child of the ‘80s. “A Very Special Christmas Album” is canon.
  5. “Sleigh Ride,” Ronettes. It’s so peppy.
  6. “Christmas Wrapping,” The Waitresses. It’s the bass line for me.
  7. “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” by Brenda Lee. Try not to dance to it. I dare you.
  8. “You’re a Mean One,” Thurl Ravenscroft. The Grinch is the OG of holiday crankiness. I love him, but I don’t identify with him until his heart grows three sizes.
  9. “Merry Christmas Darling,” The Carpenters. Karen had some pipes.
  10. “All Alone on Christmas,” Darlene Love. I can’t explain why I like this one. I just do.

I also like “new” stuff. These are my favorites:

  1. “Underneath the Tree,” Kelly Clarkson. Love her in general. She seems normal.
  2. “Mistletoe,” Justin Bieber. Don’t say a word to me. I have no shame.
  3. “Like It’s Christmas,” Jonas Brothers. Again, no shame.
  4. “You Make It Feel Like Christmas,” Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton. It feels so HAPPY!
  5. “Merry Christmas,” Ed Sheeran and Elton John. I like Ed in general. Can do without Elton. But I like this song.

I just heard another contender today: “Fancy Like Christmas” by Walker Hayes. I love the original song (“Fancy Like”). This is a fun take.

Of course there are songs I hate too. I’m not even going to link them. I love you all too much to torture you.

  1. “Blue Christmas,” Elvis. Just the WORST. Draggy and thoroughly unenjoyable. The song itself isn’t bad. This rendition is dreadful.
  2. “Feliz Navidad,” José Feliciano. I just hate it. Only a few words over and over.
  3. “Little Saint Nick,” The Beach Boys. It feels like it’s stuck in first gear. Never gets going.
  4. “Winter Wonderland,” Katy Perry. I love her. I don’t love this. It’s not her best work.
  5. “Santa Baby,” Eartha Kitt. Yes, she’s a legend. But this song is lifeless. I prefer Madonna’s version. See No. 4 in the top 10.

Please tell me your favorite and least favorite in the comments.

Happy holidays!
Beth

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Local woman attends winery event #SundayStories

Posted in Friends, tagged , , , , , , , , , on August 27, 2023| Leave a Comment »

MCMINNVILLE, Ore. — An Oregon woman who calls herself “Auntie Beth” emerged from her work/home loop Saturday to visit a Willamette winery, according to a source close to the woman.

“She’s lived here for more than a month already,” said the source. “We were about to do a welfare check.”

Lured by an advertisement touting “live music,” Auntie Beth arranged to meet up with a new Facebook friend. This friend, Wendy, and Auntie Beth were surprised and dismayed to discover that the music genre was jazz.

Still, they stayed until the event was over, then continued the evening at Lumpy’s Tavern a short distance away.

This dive bar featured many local craft brews on tap, a variety of interesting people, three pool tables and karaoke.

Auntie Beth arrived home safe at 1:30 a.m. — four hours past her normal bedtime. She and Wendy are expected to repeat the evening in two weeks.

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This ain’t my first rodeo #WednesdayWandering

Posted in Parenting, Travel, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2023| Leave a Comment »

Captain’s Log, Day 4 (375 miles logged)

This is Merle the RV at home in the Rushmore View RV Park. Merle seems like he’s old, fat and sleeps naked. You’d never know that Merle came in under cover of night and rain.
Merle is basically parked in the lot for this place. Do NOT use a black light in any room.

We decided to eat breakfast in the thriving metropolis of Keystone.

Along the way, we saw more interesting chainsaw sculptures.

But we were there to see two much bigger sculptures.

Mount Rushmore
Crazy Horse

I did enjoy seeing both these monuments. However, my experience was marred by a few things:

  • The oppressive heat. Surely I must have lost 10 pounds in water weight from sweating.
  • People. The older I get, the less I like crowds. And as these are tourist attractions, there are many people there. I think one person out of five operates on one brain cell. So you get hundreds of people together, and you are bound to have a pack of idiots.
  • Flies. The house fly must be the South Dakota State Insect.
  • The admission price. It cost $35 to get into the Crazy Horse Monument. That would be a good price if I liked museums or movies about history. I don’t. The family doesn’t. I think we should have saved money and just driven by. But we didn’t.
This photo cost $35. 😉

We got on the road to Cody just after noon. Wyoming makes South Dakota seem wildly overpopulated.

There aren’t even any billboards!

It’s flat for miles, then suddenly there was a canyon.

Eddie to me, the driver: Slow down, please.

Me: It’s fine. It just feels weird from over there.

Him: The brake isn’t working.

Me (alarmed): What do you mean?

Him: The brake over here (gestures to the passenger floorboard).

We rolled up to the Cody KOA at 6:52 p.m. When I checked in, I found out that there is a free shuttle to the Cody rodeo every night during the summer.

A RODEO!

But the shuttle would be leaving at 7 p.m.

Eddie didn’t want to go, so he said he’d handle setup. The boys and I ran over to the bus.

You KNOW I wasn’t going to miss my chance. I haven’t seen a rodeo since I covered one in Ludowici, Georgia, when I was a TV reporter.

I was DEFINITELY more excited to be there than they were.

The only bad thing is that the clown co-MC’s jokes were SO OLD. For example:

What do OJ and that Bronco running around there have in common?

Neither one wants to go to the pen.

Yeah.

Still. A good time was had by all.

Coming tomorrow: Yellowstone

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Oregon Trail: Now With Less Dysentery (I hope) #SundayStories

Posted in Parenting, Travel, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 12, 2023| 3 Comments »

Dear Readers,

In about a week, I’ll be on the road again. While Willie just can’t wait, I am not similarly excited.

I will be embarking on my sixth move in as many years.

This time I am headed to Oregon. A university there made it very worth my while.

So I’m packing up AGAIN. This time, I’m hiring movers to help me. HOWEVER, moving still belongs in the first, fifth and seventh circles of hell.

And while I’m leaving much of it to the professionals, I still plan to move some personal things, things they won’t take (my wine!), and this guy:

I’m renting an RV to make the cross-country trek with Eddie and the boys. I’m hopeful it will go more smoothly than that other trip we were supposed to take in an RV.

There are a handful of states I haven’t visited, and most of them are in that upper chunk of the United States. So here we go! Adventure awaits.

I’ll be sure to tell you all about it.

Wish me luck (and retained sanity)!
Beth

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