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Posts Tagged ‘Disorders’

I’d like my taco to go …

Posted in Politics, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2025| 5 Comments »

Dear Trump (aka Tacolini):

I was at your birthday “party.” It was an accident, believe me. I booked a flight months ago to go to Washington, D.C., for a conference. It was only a couple of weeks ago that I realized I’d be flying in on the day of your vanity parade.

What a waste of taxpayer money. It’s as bad as your weekly golf trips.

Yet we can’t afford cancer research, SNAP benefits, Medicaid, an HIV vaccine, etc.

Sure. 🙄

Anyway.

I’m staying up near DuPont Circle, which was a ghost town. I assumed it was because everyone was still at a No Kings protest or at your thing.

Maybe the former, but certainly not the latter. Admittedly, I got there near the end. (Yes, I went because I’m nosy).

I expected to see a whole bunch of your acolytes. I saw maybe three obvious ones and a couple I suspect.

Maybe these folks? 🤷🏻‍♀️

It seemed … poorly attended. I thought I must be missing something. I had a look at social media to see.

Oooh. That’s got to sting.

Oh, yes. Look at you:

Sour Puss next to Whiskey Pete, the DUI hire

It couldn’t happen to a worse person. I hope you had a terrible day. Sorry, not sorry.

I have never liked you. That’s never been a secret. You are everything people teach their kids not to be: greedy, petty, vindictive, boastful, willfully ignorant, etc.

And your policies actively hurt most people and help only very rich people.

[For people who say I have Trump Derangement Syndrome, and my life is better because of Trump, you can f—- all the way off. I know my life, and it was made worse by this idiot’s policies the first time (taxes, work experiences), and already this second time (work repercussions).]

I mean, look at you already backing off your immigration stance.

It’s only because you realized it was hurting your wealthy friends who employ undocumented workers.

As I was walking around, I was pleased to see a few things, such as these lightpost signs:

And then, I saw this:

Awww. So much empty.

There was a significant police presence, but not enough humans around to justify.

I heard some sirens and noise, so I followed the sound and found some people leaving the Washington Monument area.

It was a mix of people leaving the parade plus leftover No Kings. Then I went down the block a bit.

Some chanting, that’s it. Peaceful protest.

I was wearing my “Maybe today, Satan” shirt, but I did not get involved. Frankly, in my heart I know not ACAB, but I saw what enforcement folks did to reporters and regulars in L.A. I have a conference to attend, and I can’t do it from the hospital or jail.

Maybe. Maybe not.

So I left, and I ate a lovely dinner at Nando’s. Did NOT raise a glass to you.

I hope you are miserable knowing that millions of people turned out in cities large and small in the U.S. and abroad to protest you and all those who enable you — your junk drawer of a “Cabinet,” the spineless sycophants in Congress, your donors, and anyone who voted for you and still supports you.

I hope you had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

With no regards,
Beth

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Just a joke* #SatireSunday

Posted in Politics, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 23, 2025| 2 Comments »

COMING THIS SUMMER!

BIG DON and LITTLE BUDDY’S

A new theme park for true patriots only!

Now — a theme park for the most important people of all: STRAIGHT WHITE MEN.

Only STRAIGHT WHITE MEN are allowed — preferably married men wanting to get away from the ol’ ball and chain. Leave that shrill harpy HOME where she belongs!

Only AMERICANS — except for TYRANT TUESDAYS when Americans can bring a straight male friend from one of the following countries: Russia, South Africa, and Hungary.

Only the RICH. You must make more than 360 large. NO POORS. Show your bank statement with your ticket.

Nothing WOKE here. WE GUARANTEE. You never have to see a Pride flag or a black face.**

NO DEI either. Our rides are run by the cream of the crop: TEENAGE INCELS.

Get 20 percent off OLD GLORY merch at the GRIFT SHOP and a coupon for free FREEDOM FRIES at the GUANTÁNAMO BAY BISTRO when you give the Sieg Heil at the gate.

RED, WHITE, AND BLUELAND is affiliated with the ALL NEW John F. Kennedy and Kid Rock Big Ass Honkytonk Center for the Performing Arts and Rock ‘N’ Roll Steakhouse. The MARCH LINEUP features Kid Rock, Jason Aldean, Lee Greenwood, Ted Nugent, Billy Ray Cyrus, John Rich, and Monster Truck Action with the WORLD-FAMOUS TRUCKASAURUS. Also, David Copperfield.

‘MURICA!

*For now. I think. If you like this idea, you might be a racist. If you are offended, ask yourself why.

**But if you want to wear blackface, that’s totes fine here at RED, WHITE, AND BLUELAND. It’s not just for Halloween anymore!

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Truth is stranger than fiction #ThursdayThoughts

Posted in Politics, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2025| 6 Comments »

Isn’t FOX News basically a scam targeting seniors? I can see why this administration wouldn’t want seniors to recognize a scam — like voting for a con man.

Hey kids!

Auntie Beth has a fun new game for you. It’s called Truth AND Consequences.

We’ll start with a scenario. You decide if it’s real or if Auntie Beth’s fertile imagination made it up Onion-style. Here’s an example:

Trump administration fires more than 300 staffers at the National Nuclear Security Administration. Rehires them the next day when they realize those people oversee America’s nuclear weapons. But wait: They can’t locate their personal contact info and are asking remaining employees for help.

Is this real or fake news?

If you answered real, you are RIGHT!

Are you ready? Here we go!

USDA accidentally fired officials working on bird flu and is now trying to rehire them.

REAL!

A reality TV star in charge of transportation weighed in on autism research promoted by an anti-vax former (?) heroin addict in charge of health.

REAL!

Trump just delegitimized a vaccine he was proud of getting to the public quickly.

REAL!

A non-elected, non-government person with no oversight has been given broad access to internal, confidential U.S. government databases and is making sweeping decisions on funding programs based on whether he thinks they are valuable or not. Oh, and he makes $7 million per day from the very same government.

FAKE NEWS! Elon Musk makes $8 million per day from all his federal contracts.

VP Vance refused to meet with the Chancellor of Germany, but did meet with the leader of the far-right German party who calls Holocaust remembrance a “guilt cult.”

REAL!

Speaker of the House Mike Johnson and Senate Majority Leader John Thune said that Trump cannot continue to govern through Executive Orders — that they are done being “his bitches,” and he must work with Congress.

Please. Are you kidding? That’s as FAKE as RFK Jr.’s tan. Those two couldn’t find a spine if they were locked overnight in the Brooklyn Bone Museum.

The man above was busted for:

A. Serving minors in his bar.
B. Drinking on the job.
C. Cheating on his taxes.
D. Causing an international PR crisis.

This is a toughie. It’s D for sure, but also likely C and B (though it LOOKS like A if you happen to just glance at the TV*).

Old man who has been accusing everyone of spending too much money spends $5 million for a joyride around a racetrack.

REAL!

Two Republican reps have introduced legislation to increase your bank fees.

REAL!

And one wants to rename Greenland to “Red, White, and Blueland.”

REAL!

A woman reported to be a Chinese spy has been chosen to head national intelligence for America.

FAKE NEWS! Tulsi Gabbard allegedly works for Russia.

The President of the United States of America declared himself king.

REAL!

The Internal Revenue Service is about to lay off 6,000 employees in the middle of tax season.

FAKE NEWS! It’s closer to 6,700.

The image above is of:

A. Mr. Potato Head in human form.
B. A man who claimed that advising people of their rights is a crime.
C. A contributor to Project 2025.

The answer is both B and C, but A also appears to be true.

The wheelchair-bound governor of Texas signed a bill overturning the very policies that are supposed to help disabled people get a fair shake.

REAL!

How many out of the 15 did you get right? (Were you even able to add up your score through your tears and/or blinding rage?)

This is America, y’all. Schoolhouse Rock didn’t prepare us for this bullshit.

The United States has three branches of government. At the moment, only the executive branch and judicial branch seem to be active. The Republicans in Congress seem to be OK with Trump governing via Executive Order.

Auntie Beth says if you don’t like it, call your Senators and Representatives. Auntie Beth knows that a woman’s place is in the resistance.

*According to my friend John.

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Stupid is as stupid does #TuesdayTantrums

Posted in Education, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 3, 2024| 9 Comments »

Dear People Who Like To Be “In The Know,”

With all the drama surrounding the Biden pardon*, you may have missed the other big drama unfolding on the platform formerly known as Twitter:

A woman defended her dissertation and posted about it. Normal people would say “Congrats!” and go on with their lives.

But on Leon’s platform, no one behaves normally.

People lost their ever-lovin’ minds.

Categories of outrage:

  1. She should be having kids, not studying anything.
  2. ⁠Her topic is stupid.
  3. It’s stupid and WOKE.
  4. ⁠Taxpayer money (! – from the stupid Americans, of course) spent on stupid topic. (Note: She’s in the UK.)
  5. ⁠She’s seeking validation and is therefore stupid.
  6. Her topic is stupid, and therefore I’m smarter (the “I” here being the outraged respondent).
  7. A degree is a waste.

You don’t believe me? Here is a quick sample:

(Note that all these accounts have Leon’s blue check, indicating they pay for the “privilege.” 🙄)

The one that takes the cake is the one she references here:

I mean: WHAT THE ACTUAL F—-?!

One of the main through lines here is that people do not understand that dissertations are always relatively niche. They cap a broader area of study.

It’s not just that they don’t understand. They also are completely unwilling to learn.

The anti-intellectualism, anti-science, anti-knowledge, sheer-contempt-for-education bent that many people seem to have is on full display.

I waded in when I saw this:

Um … WHAT?!

What benefit does anyone intend to bring to the world with our education and, ultimately, our job?

Well, Marilyn, who claims she worked successfully as a technical writer at a Fortune 300 company without needing more than a high-school degree, thinks that Dr. Louks can’t write, isn’t a deep thinker, wasted her time on an advanced degree, and won’t get a job.

Note that Dr. Louks already is teaching at Cambridge, but why let a fact stand in the way of Marilyn’s superior opinion?

Before I go on, let me remind you that our Marilyn was a technical writer (so she says). And she is criticizing Dr. Louks’ writing ability. DEAR GOD. My copyediting brain is going to explode.

I tried to share information with her. I can’t help it.

I tried because I would consider myself knowledgeable about the subject at hand:

1. I wrote a dissertation and earned a Ph.D.
2. I work in higher education.
3. I hire newly minted academic doctors all the time.

My brothers and sisters in Christ, I’m sure you can imagine that it did not stop there. There was a fair amount of back and forth where I explained that some jobs do indeed require an advanced degree, that I have one (an advanced degree AND a job) in higher education, and that Dr. Louks will be OK.

Here we are nearing the end where I finally gave up.

<RECORD SCRATCH>

I DON’T? I literally spend half my waking hours working in the education system.

So I said it’s my field, not hers. That she’s doubling down on being ignorant, and I was done trying to help her understand.

You can’t fix stupid.

She’s still on there making these insane claims. She’s learned nothing.

Meanwhile, I’ve learned that I really do need to stay on Bluesky where it’s civil. It’s like the early days of Twitter. No “premium” subscription needed.

Please check it out before the trolls take over. Or Leon buys it and ruins it like everything else he touches.

See you there!
Beth

*BTW, let’s put that in perspective:

Donald Trump pardons Steve Bannon, Roger Stone, Michael Flynn, etc.
MAGA: THIS IS HIS RIGHT!

Joe Biden pardons Hunter Biden.
MAGA: THIS IS SO WRONG!

(credit to @JoJofromJerz)

“BUT JOE LIED! He said he wouldn’t!” Yeah, well, things change. Trump and his cronies said they were going after Hunter and many others as soon as they get in. Also, Trump lied more than 30K times during his term, so maybe take a seat. Or several.

Finally, Hunter’s punishment didn’t fit his crime. Talk about a witch hunt.

So if you support the felon (convicted, I’ll remind you, by a JURY) and his cabinet of rapists/thugs/sycophants/donors (including daughter’s father-in-law — also a felon whom he pardoned), zip it about the pardon.

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We are Family* #ThursdayThoughts

Posted in Parenting, Politics, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 31, 2024| 5 Comments »

Dear Eddie,

Thanks for coming to Family Weekend to surprise Gideon. He loved having you here and being able to talk to you about his classes.

I love that we can still spend time together like regular people/parents even though we are divorced. It’s good for us and for our kids.

Gideon and Mikayla even ditched a Halloween party with their friends to hang out with us and play cards.

(And no, you are not the reigning Uno champ in anyone’s record book. Ask Uncle Pat.)

I was glad you were here this weekend for another reason: I got to see your reaction in person to this:

“Comedy” at its finest, amirite?!

(To all people defending him and the rally in general: Explain the joke. Tell me like I’m five how it’s funny and not offensive. And if it’s that he’s a “shock comic” that took aim at everyone, tell me why there weren’t any jokes about white people. Seriously.)

I could almost see the blood boiling beneath your skin.

One thing Trump didn’t do at the rally, surprisingly, was repeat his stupid claim that children go to school for gender reassignment surgery.

Trump’s team saved the lie for a text blast AFTER the rally. Great. Also, HOW did I get on their list?

Me: Can you imagine? The school wouldn’t even give Gideon a Tylenol for a headache without a note from me!
You: But yet they have surgery suites with doctors and nurses in one of the classrooms. Sure.
Me: And all within a school day! When teachers are buying supplies out of their own pockets. Right.
You: How can anyone believe this?

It was just like old times.

The good news is that Gideon is just like us.

After I texted him what I said to a high-school “friend” who called the MSG rally “patriotic” (the same rally that one of the speakers — radio host Sid Rosenberg — called “a Nazi rally“), he texted the following. (We all curse like sailors so I sanitized it for publication.)

Thought I’m a fan of his POV, I’d love some punctuation.

By the way, did I tell you that he sent in his request for an absentee ballot back in September and Georgia (specifically Chatham County) STILL hasn’t sent it? Same for Mikayla. He’s been calling to no avail. It’s maddening. And Georgia is a swing state too. SIGH.

Anyway, thanks again for coming. It was good to see you.
Beth

*Now you’ll be singing this all day.

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George Soros paid me to write this* #SundayStories

Posted in Education, Friends, Politics, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2024| 9 Comments »

Dear Certain Facebook Friend,

I really think you need a hobby that does not involve using an “independent browser.” You’ve gone way down the conspiracy-theory rabbit hole.

In addition to hopping on board the HAARP bandwagon, you are, naturally, an antivaxxer.

You posted this recently. Are you really wanting to go back to 1890s knowledge? They were still using cocaine as an all-purpose pain reliever, for crying out loud!

There doesn’t seem to be a conspiracy theory you don’t embrace.

Sigh. Where to begin with this?

Oh. My.

Here are SO MANY tinfoil-hat buzzwords:

Later in the post, you mention the Deep State (of course).

AND, the grandpappy of them all, GEORGE SOROS.

Lord have mercy.

Let me get this straight:

COVID was a well-planned global conspiracy coordinated via the corrupt George Soros-owned media and search engines. The mRNA-DNA altering injections (i.e., vaccines) were sold for massive profits — killing people with the “Pfizer clot shot” while the unvaxxed were hunted.

This is what you said.

OK.

So.

Let’s put aside simple facts such as mRNA doesn’t alter DNA, the vaccines were/are free, and no one hunted unvaxxed folks. There are a couple of other issues:

All the countries of the world agreed to do this: Russia, Ukraine, North Korea, U.S., China, etc.? And they all worked together well and kept it a secret? Like I told you, I can’t even get three people to keep a secret about a Christmas present.

Who exactly benefited from this plot? COVID crashed economies. What’s the point of killing so many people with COVID or with the vaccine? Were they enemies of the DEEP STATE? Did they KNOW TOO MUCH? Somehow I doubt it.

Why is anyone hunting unvaxxed people? There’s no need. I mean, I believe in survival of the fittest. You don’t want to get vaccinated? OK. Polio, measles, cholera, etc. will take you out soon enough.

I’m surprised you didn’t mention THE LIBERAL ELITES.

Side note: All “experts” are not in academia. Look at all the scientists, economists, etc., all over the world.

You know, I have a good position at a university. Shouldn’t I be part of this club? I’ve been working in higher education for nearly 30 years. Shouldn’t I have gotten an invitation by now? I’m a little put out. How am I supposed to know how to indoctrinate students without the official guidelines?

Um … didn’t this dude go to Yale?

I’m also surprised you didn’t warn me off my Alexa. You’d be right about surveillance, though: I’m sure that old ‘ho IS listening all the time and making notes.

Fine. I don’t care. What’s she tracking? When I need cat food? Good.

If Bill Gates wants to implant a chip in me and track my movements, he can go right ahead.

It’s not like I’m plotting a global conspiracy.

Back to that.

Let’s say, just for kicks, that you are right — that you and the rest of the 5G nutters have stumbled onto the truth of a cabal and exposed their machinations. (You haven’t, but let’s pretend.)

So what?

What are you going to do about it?

What if the earth IS flat? (It’s not.)

So what?

How does it affect you?

What if the moon landing WAS fake? (It wasn’t.)

So what?

How will your life change?

It won’t.

It genuinely does not make a difference to you or to me or to anyone in our daily lives. We are still going to go to work, hang out with friends, take care of our families, clean our houses, plan vacations, pay bills, go to dinner, etc., every day whether George Soros buys another TV station or not.

So my recommendation is to get off the Internet (dark web, light web, private browser, whatever) and go get some fresh air. Have a few analog days. Or weeks. Or maybe even months.

When you come back, take a page out of Finland’s playbook for its schoolchildren and practice critical-thinking skills.

With genuine concern for your health,
Beth

*He didn’t. Obviously.

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Gypsies, Tramps, Thieves, Liars, Fools and Marjorie Taylor Greene* #SundayStories

Posted in Education, Politics, Technology, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2024| 8 Comments »

Hey kids!

Auntie Beth is back to help you make sense of the weather.

If Marge from the holler is trying to tell you the gub’ment is controlling the weather, don’t believe her.

This is the same person who thought that Jewish space lasers caused California wildfires.

Also, she’s PART of the government.

Also, she’s said humans don’t cause climate change (but if they did that it’s good for us.).

But humans DID cause Hurricane Helene?

Really, it boggles the mind.

But MTG isn’t the only halfwit out there tweeting (er .. Xing) nonsense.

  1. Application (louder for people in the back)
  2. Abandoned
  3. Sound waves
  4. Joins applications for fun things like time travel and invisibility cloaks and urinal headrests
  5. Can’t we get rain over deserts?

But wait, here’s more:

Ok, y’all: I’m going to address just one thing to bring the rest of this nonsense into focus:

These storms brewing in the Atlantic at the same time? Not a coincidence.

That’s right. That’s because IT’S HURRICANE SEASON.

Hurricane season runs June 1-Nov. 30 EVERY YEAR.

It’s at its most active in late August and September when water temperatures in the Gulf and in the Atlantic are at their warmest.

(Reality check: When was Hurricane Katrina? Aug. 29, 2005. Who was president? George W. Bush. When was Hurricane Andrew? Aug. 24, 1992. Who was president? George H. W. Bush.)

Facebook reminded me I was worried about the path of Hurricane Matthew at this time eight years ago.

So a little check back around this time every effing year would find a few storms brewing in the Atlantic. These storms have gotten more intense. Why? CLIMATE CHANGE, YOU ABSOLUTE TURNIP.

(Ok. I’m breathing. I’m breathing. In with the good air. Out with the bad.)

Back to the U.S. government controlling hurricanes. Does it? No. Did it? If you count some light cloud seeding back in the 1960s-1980s? Still no (it didn’t work).

Auntie Beth recommends you stop believing complete buffoons and liars and start believing and helping people who want to do things such as:

  • Reduce carbon emissions
  • Replace and repair critical infrastructure
  • Find and fund insurance for homeowners and renters in areas potentially most affected
  • Build storm-resilient structures
  • Develop new clean-energy sources and technology

If you can’t do that, at least stop sharing misinformation on Leon’s sinking barge of barf.

Auntie Beth thanks you.

*Sorry, Cher.

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Hurt people hurt people* #ThursdayThoughts

Posted in Politics, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on September 19, 2024| Leave a Comment »

Dear Trump Fans,

Before you think, “Oh, here she goes again — another political post,” let me assure you that it’s not. No policy points here. It’s about personality. It’s about Trump the man.

I don’t like him at all.

I know, I know: I’ve hidden it so well. 😉😂

The only time I even liked him a wee bit was when he wore a yellow suit on SNL.

So my genuine question for you: Why do you like him? As a person? Not as a candidate.

I’m going to make some general sweeping assumptions. I might be wrong on a few when it comes to bets on you, but I’m not wrong on him. See links.

He’s just so different from you (and from me) as a human being.

You worked hard for your money. He didn’t.

You pay taxes. He doesn’t.

You pay your bills. He doesn’t.

You work to keep your business afloat. He doesn’t.

You love spending time with your family. He doesn’t.

You have friends. He doesn’t.

You don’t mock people with disabilities. He does.

You don’t lie. He does.

You have to work at least eight hours a day at your job. He didn’t.

You don’t call people names. He does.

You wouldn’t take a bribe. He likely did.

You give to charity. He misused charitable funds.

You likely have pets. He doesn’t.

You might be able to dance. He can’t.

You wouldn’t bury your dead ex spouse on your land. He did.

You don’t cheat on your spouse.** He does.

You aren’t gross about women in general. He is.

You haven’t raped anyone. He has.

You haven’t been convicted of a felony. He has.

I would hope you aren’t racist. He is.

A couple of these on the list might not be a problem. I mean, not everyone can dance. Some people are allergic to pets. But a collection of more than four or five, and we are starting to get into weird territory.

And those last three are deal breakers for my fan club threshold.

You might say, “But Beth, I don’t have much in common with Taylor Swift either.” Yeah. But she has friends. Cats. Gives to charity. Works hard. Ticks off a number of “like us” boxes.

He’s not like you. Like me. I’m sure you are a good person with a good work ethic and good friends/family.

Have you ever seen this man laugh really hard at anything? Have a genuinely good time? Can you imagine him drinking a beer and playing Uno? Riding a rollercoaster? Wearing a bathing suit and playing in the ocean with Barron?

Some of this can be traced back to his roots. To paraphrase Roxie Hart, he didn’t get enough love in his childhood.

Fine. Fair. But break the cycle, man.

He seems exhausting to be around. No fun whatsoever.

So why do you like him?

I hope the answer isn’t, “He says what I’m thinking.” THAT would be awful (because … that last point, y’all).

I guess I don’t really expect an answer, but I also really don’t understand.

Mystified,
Beth

*Origin (?) of the phrase

**And if you do, it’s not likely to be with a porn star.

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(No) Poker Face* #WednesdayWomen

Posted in Politics, Random, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 11, 2024| 6 Comments »

Ladies, do you suffer from FAFO Face like VP Harris?

I know I do.

If you try to stop your face from moving, your thoughts come out through your eyes.

Trust me. I nearly killed a coworker last week, Homelander style.

In its mildest form, it manifests as RBF.

So what can we do?

Not a damn thing. Folks need to get over it. (Or stop doing stupid stuff to cause the face. 😄)

Here’s a handy decoder:

“Oh you think so, do you? FAFO.”
“Let me get this straight.”
“Bitch, please.”
“I’m laughing at you, not with you.”
“Come on, now.”
“This MFer.”
“Do tell.”
“I’m just going to look down at my notes, because my face has nothing nice to say.”
“Oh, honey. I actually feel sorry for you.”

Now let’s test your knowledge. What is my face saying to you?

A. This bar is great.
B. The decor is unique.
C. I found love in a hopeless place.
D. I want to murder this man who sat four inches from me despite the fact that there were 10 empty seats at the bar.

If you said D, then winner, winner, chicken dinner!

Whatever you do, don’t be this guy:

It’s misogynistic and akin to “you should smile more.” Frank, how ’bout you train yourself to STFU.

If you need it, here’s a dude saying roughly the same thing:

It’s an extra layer of communication. Useful, I’d say.

I mean, just think about how moms operate. All you needed was THE LOOK from your mom, and you stopped your buffoonery immediately.

In retrospect, I should amend my first line. I do not “suffer” from FAFO Face. I actually celebrate it! I have the ability to communicate effectively without words.

But here are three:

Bite me, Frank. 😉

*Lady Gaga gives good face. That arched eyebrow!

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I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you* #SundayStories

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 21, 2024| 5 Comments »

Dear Friends and Family,

Remember that promise I made to get out more? Well, sometimes that leads to questionable decisions. Like last night’s.

My neighbor Amy and I went to MicroMania in Salem.

I’m going to pause here to let you follow that link.

Yeah.

It seemed like a great idea, then I had regrets. So many regrets before the show started.

The merch made me cringe.

One of the biggest regrets was not reading the show poster correctly.

It CLEARLY says doors open at 7. But Amy and I got it in our heads that the show STARTED at 7. So we got there there 2.5 hours early.

As a result, we got second-row seats. But we also had to kill time. As I’m doing Dry January, drinking wasn’t it.

So we played homemade Bingo.

And listened to BAD jokes by the emcee.

What’s the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Very little.

Terrible.

I seriously contemplated leaving. I was afraid I was participating in one of those awful shows from the late 19th century.

But then the show started. The performers were spectacular. In on and pushing the joke.

I mean, they came out to a medley of songs such as “It’s a Small World” and “Follow the Yellow Brick Road.”

And the crowd was loving it. Not in a mean, weird way.

I also did the math and realized how much the performers were potentially banking. It’s not a small amount. (Sorry. I got caught up.)

The ring was set up where the line dancing happens.

The man in front of us was LOSING HIS MIND with joy. He recorded every moment of every match.

This wrestler’s stage name is 25 Cent.

There also was a significant amount of audience interaction.

It had so many moments you would expect wrestling matches to have.

I know you know what will happen next.

A guy behind me shouted “Bring out the tables!”

So, you know, standard wrestling.

It turned out to be a fun night. Not sure I would go again, though. I need to find a new hobby to keep me occupied.

Don’t judge me.

With a little love from Oregon,
Beth

*Yes, they played that song too.

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