Thanks for going on a road trip with me to bring Eddie some stuff that ended up with me in St. Louis.
It was a great bonding experience for you and your new brother.
It took nearly 16 hours of driving (should have been 12), but we made it manageable with stops in Chattanooga (no time for towing, sadly) and Atlanta (so you could harass all your school friends).
Barb the Minivan (rental) served us well. She was spacious enough to allow for a litter box for Leo’s bathroom breaks.
It turns out that he’s good on car trips.
Just so everyone knows, I don’t usually put clothes on pets. But Leo is naked, and it was cold when we left St. Louis.
So thank you for making the trip with Leo and me. Next time, I promise we will stop in at a ridiculous museum that will amuse us both.
I enjoyed meeting you for five minutes outside the Greenville, S.C., airport as I adopted your cat son Leo. Thank you for posting him on a rescue site and choosing me as his new parent.
Those after-dinner hours (7-9 p.m.) are really quiet/lonely. I can only watch just so much “Ozark” and “Great British Baking Show.” And my house is VERY clean.
I found myself talking to — and responding to — myself. Out loud. Uh oh.
And I missed taking care of critters (i.e., Dominic and Gideon).
I haven’t had a pet in 11 years. It’s been 16 since I’ve had a cat. That’s weird in itself, as I had a cat or cats my whole life. At one point, Eddie and I had four dogs and four cats.
We had a temporary cat at the time of this Christmas card photo, and Maggie the Boxer hadn’t joined us yet. The photo gives you an idea of the craziness, though.
I’ve been wanting a Sphynx for more than five years — haunting rescue sites because I wasn’t about to spend more than $2K on a damn cat.
Luckily, you started to travel more and felt guilty about boarding him all the time.
So now he’s mine. Traumatized, but mine.
Things are going great.
He is aggressively cuddly. He gets right in my face. Breathing in my mouth to steal my soul.
And has to be ON ME at all times.
I mean. LOOK AT HIM.
Look at this FOOT!
I don’t know how you were able to give him up, but I’m so glad you did.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Beth, Leo’s new mom
I had no idea this place had COVID repellent. They need to bottle it and sell it.
I mean, CLEARLY they have some kind of protection because there were 4,352 people inside and no mask in sight.
Yikes!
I walked in and started hyperventilating. I told Lodell that he’d be the last person I’d see pre-infection.
It was a super-spreader event, for sure. Great for the band to have so many fans. Not great for my health.
But you showed up and normalized mask wearing.
The fear is real.
I am grateful.
I’m also oddly grateful to the nearby couple who decided a Southern rock show was a good place to practice the dance moves they learned after Bible study.
They were fascinating.
And Freebird USA put on a great show.
I’m a fan.
I’m willing to go out again, but only if you are with me in mask solidarity.
Thanks so much for inviting me on your trip to Costa Rica with Sister Kara, and your friends Sharon and Brad (aka Bardo). Though you, Kara and Aunt Beth visited me in Atlanta for Mother’s Day last year, this is our first trip together.
I admit that I was a little sad to miss the huge winter storm in St. Louis (it would have been my first). Then I saw these stats: Missouri State Highway Patrol responded to 1,578 stranded drivers and 556 crashes.
Now, my Southern ass wouldn’t have been driving around in that. But Brother Lodell sent video of his freshly shoveled driveway re-covered with another five or six inches of snow.
I don’t have a snow shovel.
So.
It’s best we are here.
No snow. Ever.
And Juancho’s Rancho via Airbnb doesn’t suck either.
Except for the couch. The couch sucks. The couch sucks HARD because it IS hard.
WTF, Juancho?! This is like a park bench!
We had to get a cushion for this monstrosity.
It was nice to meet Juancho. He’s MUCH YOUNGER than any of us expected. A bit of a hottie too. He suggested we go into Jaco for dinner, but you weren’t having it.
You: Not tonight, Juancho. Me (suggestively): Not tonight, Juancho. Kara: Said no one ever.
Kara and I went to bed laughing most nights. Why? Because of stuff like this (so stupid):
The way of life here is much slower than anything American. While waiting for breakfast to be served, Brad and I had plenty of time to notice our surroundings.
Braclets AND necklesses? Wow.
And debate the differences among words.
Por ejemplo: Homeless=circumstantial, not a choice Hobo=homeless with a goal Bum=homeless without a goal
Thank you for letting Kara and me retire to the AC and the dark like mole creatures when we were done peopling for a while.
And there was much rejoicing on the last day when I finally saw a monkey.
Infinite sadness in those eyes. Probably because there’s no monkey dental plan.
Anyway, it was great. Thanks again for the invitation. Let’s do it again next year!
I was so happy to see you and your brother this weekend. Gideon is pubescing HARD, so I didn’t see him much. You, though? Plenty of contact. The whole “Peacemaker” series so far, as one gauge of time.
(Five stars. Would recommend. Would recommend for the awkward dance routine intro alone.)
I loved spending time with you.
I do want to say I’m having a really hard time keeping my mouth shut about your hair.
It’s a tension as old as time: Parents disapproving of hairstyles. Or lack thereof.
But look:
What animal died on your head, Dominic? And can I taxidermy it instead?
I know, I know: A girl (or maybe two) said it looked good.
And here we are.
I don’t know why you care what a girl says. You clearly aren’t interested in dating at the moment.
I mean, you quickly shut one girl down about prom. Full stop.
Poor thing. You don’t even have her saved as a contact in your phone!
(Also, what the heck, Dominic?!?)
Are you sure you’re MY son?
But you know, I love that you and your friends are into something so wholesome. Spider-Man fandom is infinitely preferable to any typical teenage interest.
I’m a fan. (Not of Spider-Man — please* — but of you and your friends.)
I love you, and I’ll see you soon. Mama
*Look. Listen. He’s one of my least favorite characters in the Marvel universe. Give me Tony Stark, Black Widow or Thor any day! Spider-Man is … fine.
Maybe you do have a cold. But also, you might have COVID. Let’s recap the Omicron symptoms:
Cough
Fatigue or tiredness
Congestion and runny nose
That’s right: Also symptoms of a cold.
So before you get around anyone, TAKE A COVID TEST. They are available in stores (you can use your FSA/HSA), and there are free testing sites all over the place.
If it’s positive, ISOLATE, FFS.
And let’s be clear: You shouldn’t be around anyone if you have a cold either.
It’s because of one of you that my son and sister in law had a lonely Christmas.
Gideon hung out with some friends. Two days later, he didn’t feel well. Typical cold symptoms. We sent him to his room. Tested him: positive. Then Eddie, Dominic and I tested ourselves: negative. We waited a day. Tested again. Negative. Waited. Tested. Negative.
Only then did we feel like we were safe to be around other people.
Even though we didn’t have any symptoms.
See how that works? Protecting others?
We just tested again to be safe.
Waiting for resultsStill negative
But Christmas 2021 is the one Gideon will remember as the one where we made him wear what amounted to a HazMat suit to open his gifts.
Poor Positive Gideon
I haven’t ever gotten Coronavirus [knocks wood], and I don’t plan to get it. I’m not taking chances.
The bottom line: If you think you have a cold, get tested anyway. Don’t be a Typhoid Mary.
You may be wondering where I’ve been. I’ve been in Hell. Specifically, I’ve been in the First Circle: Limbo.
I do not do well with uncertainty. And finding a place to live in St. Louis has come with SO MUCH UNCERTAINTY. And dealing with people who hang out in the Fourth Circle: Greed.
First, I was going to rent. Then I saw howexpensive rent is here. (It’s not as bad as Atlanta, but considering we are paying for two places to live, it’s bad.)
I decided to buy a cute condo downtown. Until I saw how much HOA fees are. (Hint: They are not cute.)
My brother said, “For that amount, you can buy a nice house.”
But I didn’t want a house. A house comes with upkeep.
My realtor said, “For that amount, you can hire someone to do the upkeep.”
So I found a house and decided to buy it. It’s adorable. It’s on a street that reminds me of Savannah, and the neighborhood brewery is a one-minute-and-20-second walk away. (For real. I timed it.)
But.
BUT.
The inspection found a few issues in this 1891 gem. We negotiated like mad to work it out.
But then, a new problem:
The seller got a divorce. Never took the ex off the deed.
Uh oh.
That delayed closing a week. Meanwhile, we had to get out of the place in Atlanta. No problem: Seller was going to grant possession prior to closing (as she should: It was her fault). But she wanted to charge $83 per day.
Excuse me?
As my stuff was in a moving truck and ready to go to St. Louis, I was in a tight spot.
Sigh. FINE.
Then — as Eddie and I were driving separate UHauls to Missouri (another terrible story), the seller changed her mind.
SHE CHANGED HER MIND.
Now, I need you to know this: I discovered (because I did spend many years as a reporter) that the seller would be my next-door neighbor. SHARING A WALL, as it is a row house.
So this woman fully knew she would be royally screwing over her soon-to-be-close neighbor. And she did it anyway.
(This is not even the climax of the story, in case you are wondering. We have a ways to go to the denouement.)
My GOD.
Now entering Fifth Circle: Anger. Please keep hands and arms inside the vehicle.
As the owner, it was her prerogative. For sure. But also a dick move.
So.
I’m nothing if not resilient. While driving the truck, I booked a storage unit in St. Louis and hired some folks for the next day to help us move my stuff into it.
Recalculating. This route avoids the Seventh Circle: Violence.
On the day I was supposed to move in, we ended up staying with my mother. Thankfully! And made the best of it.
I did close on the house a week later. Her decision cost me a week and SO MUCH MONEY because I had to hire actual movers, instead of abusing my family.
That experience was atrocious on its own. (Hence my comment about the climax.)
The good news is that the house is mine. I’ve been here two weeks. And my neighbor hasn’t dared to show her face.
Are you surprised? I’m not. She knows what she did.
But I have a place to live. And a forwarding address. Finally.
“Fake” ones rely on jump scares, which are too much like pranks for me.
However, when your children — whom you haven’t seen in almost two weeks — want you to go with them someplace, you say, “Yes.” Or at least I do.
Our group consisted of three moms and five teenage boys, ages 15-16.
Someone needs to shave.
Here are the things that I found scary upon arrival:
The ticket price. It was $30 each. Yikes!
The porta potties outside didn’t have lights inside them.
The lack of masks indoors. COVID isn’t gone, y’all!
Once inside, there were other things to scare me:
Just as I started to walk in, the dude pulling back the curtain stuck his hand in front of my face. I screamed from shock. Then giggled because HOW DUMB?!?
A huge animatronic demon face bum-rushed me and shoved me into a wall.
The floors were designed to match the “rooms.” Squishy flooring to represent grass in a cemetery, for example. What’s scary about that? The broken-ankle potential. I don’t need that again.
There was a corridor of clowns. HORRIFYING. I loathe clowns.
Each of the two haunted houses ends with a chainsaw-wielding madman. Or three. I loathe chainsaw-wielding madmen. (That comes from a certain movie seen at an impressionable age.)
One of the boys’ friends putting on a badass act. “What? I can’t help it if I’m not scared.” OK, then, Buzzkill.
I did have a good time, though. One of the best things was the boy banter.
Dominic: Gideon, be careful they don’t put you in one of the exhibits. Gideon: What? Dominic: “Oh, here’s another skeleton.” Dylan: More bones, all Fernbank style. Gideon (laughing): My superhero name can be Bones. Dominic: I feel like this right here is a villain origin story.
Observe and report 