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Posts Tagged ‘Food’

Faithful readers will remember me writing about my eating disorder. Unfaithful — er, occasional — readers may not, so here is the original post.

My new crush: Cheetos Flamin’ Hot Puffs.

The Flamin’ Hot Crunchy version is easy to find. The Puffs, not so much. I found them in the same convenience store where I saw Billy Dee Williams. (It was a very good day.) I bought every bag they had, and now I’m down to my last one. I feel shaky. I’ve been to five convenience stores in the past two days looking for them.

Luckily, Frito Lay has a “Where to Buy” feature on the website. It appears I’ll be headed to the intersection of Hwy. 80 and I-95 sometime today …

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Sometimes I love (LOVE!) living in the South.

One reason: The annual Redneck Games in East Dublin.

They began in 1996 in response to the jokes about Rednecks hosting the official Olympic Games in Atlanta. They feature stellar events such as Redneck Horseshoes (with toilet seats), Armpit Serenade, Bobbin’ for Pigs’ Feet, Watermelon Seed Spitting and the Mudpit Belly Flop.

I’ve wanted to go for years, but something always happens to ruin my plans.

This year, I was determined to go. I started badgering Trish two months ago to go with me. I finally got her to commit yesterday. Yesterday! She’s from Iowa, and I think Rednecks scare her.

I almost couldn’t sleep last night. It was like Christmas.

Let me share this magical day with you via a photo essay. Come on the amazing journey, and learn all you should know. (TH=Trish took the photo, BC=I took it)

It began with gator kabobs. (TH)

All dressed up with somewhere to go. (TH)

No festival in the South is complete without the General Lee. (BC)

The band knew their Skynyrd. (TH)

And we knew how to fit in. (BC)

I found a replacement for Eddie. (BC)

And Eddie can have her. (BC)

Or maybe we could join this family. (BC)

Let the games begin with the Watermelon Seed Spitting Contest. (TH)

Overheard: "Where'd she spit it?" "She swallowed." (TH)

Nothin' like bobbin' for pigs' feet. (BC)

This girl could hold her own. (BC)

But this guy was the clear winner. (TH)

How could this lady be napping? And is that underwear on her face? (TH)

Soon it was time for the Mudpit Belly Flop. (TH)

Competitors displayed many techniques. (TH)

The couple that flops together stays together. (TH)

The odds on favorite was the "Redneck Granny." (TH)

Though she clearly isn't as agile as she used to be. (TH)

Redneck Granny still took the top prize. (TH)

And then it degenerated into a mêlée. (TH)

Pretty Princesses of the Pit. (TH)

And their handsome princes. (TH)

We went to the event, and all you get is a look at this lousy T-shirt. (TH)

And a gander at this guy's very chic, very permanent tattoo. (BC)

Stay classy, Dublin!

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Brokeback wrap

It is Tuesday, July 6, and the last of the house guests just pulled out of the driveway. Almost one whole week of multiple comings and goings of great, longtime friends. Whew!

Guests in the house included the following (most at the same time):

Eggy, Sophia, Ava, Alex, Ida, Billy, Miwa, Niina, Felipe, Mana, Brenon, Janet, Brian, Joel, James R., Patrick, Petra, Ryder, Mia, James G., Deb, Bear, Cassie, David, Cissy, Salua, Aisha and Sasha.

That’s a grand total of 28 unique visitors. And then add the four of us. And three dogs.

There were two tents in the back yard, filled with four guys one night (with surround-sound snoring provided by Alex and Billy), and five the next. (“Ennis, quit yer hammerin’ and get in here!”) Note: Pat bailed at the last minute. I was like Goldilocks in my own home. My room was too loud because it contained Brannens. Sophia’s room had an early-rising Baby Ava. So Ida and her air mattress became just right. Cozy!

The distance award could go to Billy and his family, as they flew in from Abu Dhabi. But they were coming anyway. So the award should go to Brian, who flew in from Santa Monica.

Injuries were minimal. Eddie has a pressure-washing slash thanks to Eggy, and the trampoline only claimed two victims: Billy and me. I did not break my toe (it was just bruised) and Billy’s strawberry (see below) is almost gone now. Brenon did not get injured. It’s a miracle!

Eddie says the injuries were limited because we didn’t put out the Slip ‘n’ Slide. He’s probably right.

There were numerous dogfights, but not the illegal gambling kind. Maggie and Pearl did not bond, and Maggie kicked her ass a couple of times. Then Maggie kicked Mona’s ass for good measure. Pearl also has a small singe mark from the fireworks (her own fault).

Facilities crew reunion: (left to right) Pat, Brenon, Alex, Bear, Eggy, Eddie, David, James, Billy, Brian, Joel and James. And there's Sophia horning in on the right. Holla!

There were lots of laughs, and that’s the whole reason Eddie wanted to stage this whole shebang. Maybe next time the ladies should buy plane tickets and send them out of town …

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Eddie and his friend Eggy are in outdoor clean-up mode in preparation for Brokeback Weekend. The kids were driving me batty inside, so Sophia (Eggy’s wife) and I decided to take Ava, their daughter, and Dominic and Gideon on an adventure: We went with the McKinnons and their two kids to the water park in Statesboro.

Splash in the Boro. Oh my. Where do I begin?

There’s clearly no shortage of food within a 50-mile radius. Or tattoo ink. Or Lycra. The kids had a lovely time in the splash pool while I dodged pale lady flanks. The boys and I did enjoy the “lazy river,” even though I felt like a Cheerio in a crowded cereal bowl.

We went early, but there were still WAY too many people in one place. The good thing is that if I had any body image issues, they’re all gone now. Next time, I’m wearing a bikini too!

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It seems so idyllic: A mother helps her young children color eggs for Easter. And this is a happy-looking scene:

The reality is that this was one of the only peaceful moments. For 95 percent of the afternoon, it was a cacophony.

“Mama! He’s got my crayon!”

“I wanted the blue!”

“Get your egg out of there!”

“Stop slinging the dye!” (OK, that was me.)

And I also had to explain what the Easter Bunny has to do with Jesus. Like Christmas, Easter is a holiday of mixed messages: “Eat candy and think about Jesus.” Kids are right: It doesn’t make any sense. But as adults, we kind of go along with it.

I wasn’t going to give them Easter baskets because my kids don’t need candy. Don’t say, “Aww, that’s mean,” unless you know them. And if you know them, you wouldn’t say it. I caved and made small ones for them. Shortly after they hunted those slimy eggs and tore into the baskets, I regretted my decision. Their shrieks nearly made my ears bleed and their playroom looked like a Toys R Us had exploded.

I may have gone a little berserk. I may have smashed one of their toy guitars like I was Pete Townshend. I may not invite the Easter Bunny over again.

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My niece, Nina, created a list of things soldiers need. For most of us in our comfortable homes in our comfortable lives, it is hard to image that the troops need such simple things. Get ye to Walgreens (I hear they give you a discount on purchases for soldiers)!

  • Robitussin (single dose, box of 10)
  • Hot hands (hand warmers)
  • Wisps (disposable tooth brushes)
  • Charmin travel rolls
  • Small compact mirror (for shaving)
  • Cough drops (with Vitamin C)
  • Protein bars (meal replacement)
  • Granola bars
  • Pop-Tarts
  • Mini bagels
  • Travel packs of tissue
s
  • Tuna in foil packaging (not canned)
  • SpaghettiOs, ravioli, etc., in pull-top containers
  • Instant mac and cheese
  • Ground coffee (Dunkin’ Donuts)
  • Pepto Bismol
  • Alka Seltzer
  • BC powder
  • Aleve
  • Immodium
  • Carmex lip balm
  • Medicated foot powder
  • Candy and gum
  • Ziploc bags
  • Salt and pepper
  • Sewing kits
  • Bengay
  • Beef jerky and summer sausage
  • Dried fruit
  • Gatorade or Propel (singles)
  • Instant drink mix
  • Eye drops
  • Hand sanitizer
  • Antibacterial wipes
  • Sunflower seeds
  • Trail mix
  • Deodorant
  • Mouthwash
  • Dental floss
  • Nail clippers
  • Socks
  • Dog food pouches (there are lots of stray dogs around)
  • Books and magazines

Remember: Happy and healthy troops can make progress and get home soon!

Lt. Mark Greenlief tries to make friends with the locals

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Trish gets demanding

I realized that Trish had not made an appearance in a while. And this blog IS supposed to be about grammar and chickens. So here it is, Trish’s latest escapade:

The cookie container is what we use to hold her feed. And that is why she is perched above and eyeing it.

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Thanks to my friend Heidi, I am now wearing my mascara in a variety of places. She directed me to a site that has me weeping: http://engrishfunny.com/

Here is a sample of what you will see on this site:

Enjoy!

Update: Here is a similar site, courtesy of my friend Billy: http://engrish.com/

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We interrupt the Beth and Eddie story with a brief word from our chicken.

Trish has not made an appearance in a while, either on this blog or in real life. It’s been too darn cold, and she has been holed up in her coop. I wanted to make sure she was OK, so I went out bearing a seed treat for her. She charged out of her coop and flew up onto my arm like some kind of parrot.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled blogging. Part III will appear tomorrow.

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Dominic asked me last night what I asked for from Santa Claus for Christmas. I said I had everything I needed. That’s true. But like most folks, I have an Amazon wish list in case Santa wants to reward me for being a good girl this year. (Though I’m sure I’ve spent time on the naughty list too.)

There are a couple of things I can’t add to Amazon, though, that are in keeping with my role as the grammar guru. One is a Grammar Nerd Corrective Label Pack. (I actually thought about making my own.) In that same vein, another site sells copyeditor marks, but the site appears to be down right now (in the biggest purchasing season of all, no less). And there are a bunch of other funny grammar-themed items out there. There’s also the AP Stylebook iPhone app. For regular readers of this blog who wondered if I won the Thanksgiving contest with my haiku, I did not. I was a little pissed, because I did not think the winning entries were better than mine. Yes, I know I’m biased. Judge for yourself. Here are the winners:

What I really want is time. Or maybe a clone. The clone could work on the research for my dissertation, and I’ll do the fun stuff like teaching, preparing for class, and hanging out with Eddie and the boys. I implemented a No Work Week this week, and I plan to make gingerbread people with the boys today. Wish me luck!

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