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Posts Tagged ‘Kids’

Emotions? I don’t need no stinking emotions!* #WellnessWednesday

Posted in Advice, tagged , , , , , , , on October 9, 2019| Leave a Comment »

The above is from The Pattern, an iPhone app that freaks me out daily. And this is accurate.

Dear Emotions:

You know I don’t often truck with the seven of you, with the exception of Joy. Joy and I get along GREAT!

As a matter of fact, Joy and I hung out this morning when my niece Chelsea sent me this delightful video:

Yessss.

The rest of you can shove off. I’m the worst at allowing myself to consider any of you. I don’t know if it is a woman thing or a mom thing or just a me thing, but I usually think about myself and my own feelings last.

But.

I showed a speech in my Public Speaking class yesterday that featured Psychologist Susan David noting that we human beings need to do a better job of acknowledging our emotions.

And my friend Brian told me the other day that I needed to “roll my feel window down.”

Fine.

So here are the six other feelings I tend to — or try to — ignore:

1. Anger
I married into a family that goes from zero to 60 in a hot second. So I try to tamp this one down as hard as I can so things don’t escalate. All bets are off with Dominic, though, when he refuses to help around the house but then asks for a replacement phone when he shatters his. For the fourth time.

2. Contempt
I reserve this for Mitch McConnell.

3. Fear
I’m an extrovert in general. But, as I revealed to my Public Speaking students, there is one scenario I find surprisingly crippling: receptions/networking events. I just have the hardest time walking up to a closed group of people and inserting myself.

In fact, I was faced with this scenario Monday during a Rotary meeting. I walked into the room, saw about 30 groups of two to three people close-talking, and decided to visit the restroom and breathe into a paper bag.

Not really, but I did give myself five seconds of panic like Jack in “Lost.”

4. Disgust
This emotion only manifests while I’m watching “Ridiculousness.” Or the aforementioned Mitch McConnell.

5. Sadness
This one is kin to disappointment, which I feel all the time but pretend I don’t. I try to avoid this emotion by managing my expectations. Sometimes it works. (I don’t really expect to win the lottery.) Sometimes it doesn’t. (Want me out of your life? Break a promise.)

6. Surprise
I’m rarely surprised in a bad way (see above for managing expectations) or in a good way (see my post about a recent holiday). But, I was surprised not too long ago that someone I trusted at work could not be trusted. At all. So that was a shock that quickly led to No. 5 before I could put a cork in it.

Yeah. The truth is that I experience all of you but I either pretend that I don’t OR bottle you up as quickly as you appear.

According to Dr. David, I’ve got to do a better job of prioritizing emotional truth over (sometimes false) positivity.

So.

The truth is that sometimes I’m not OK.

And that’s OK.

I guess that means I’ll be hanging out with all seven of you more often. That’s a crowded house, but a richer, more honest one.

My feel window is open.

Come on in,
Beth

 

* Apologies to “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.”

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From feeling fat to feeling PHAT: What a difference a year makes #SundayStory

Posted in Advice, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 8, 2019| Leave a Comment »

I’m about to do something I’ve never done. See below. (And I’m not sure why my hair looks gray on top. It’s not.)

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen on the Weight Struggle Bus:

I know your pain. I was with you in more than spirit a year ago. As a reminder, here’s a photo from Trish the Human’s wedding on Sept. 9 last year:

I cringe when I see that photo. I’m clearly trying — and failing — to hide behind Dominic.

Here’s a photo from a year earlier:

Notice the body language. (I’d say to notice the dark, slimming colors, but I wear black despite how much of me there is.)

I was MISERABLE. How to hide in photos was the least of my worries.

Bigger worries:

  • High cholesterol
  • Inability to give campus tours without getting out of breath (especially up one particular hill)
  • Ridiculous amount of self consciousness
  • Negative self talk
  • Wardrobe reduced by 80 percent
  • Snoring
  • Sleeping even less than I do now
  • Hot all the damn time

I’ve shared with you my turning point. It’s different for everyone, but let me say this about that:

It is NEVER going to get easier.

There is no magic pill.

Surgery can be a fix for some but still requires changes in eating habits.

You have to decide you are going to do something about your health. Then DO IT.

The program I chose worked for me*, but may not work for you.

Despite the fact that I’m married to someone in the CrossFit Cult (or maybe, actually, BECAUSE of that), I hate exercising. I lost almost 50 pounds by controlling what went in my piehole.

Now that I’ve lost the weight, I go to the gym three times a week for my Biddy Boot Camp.

I hit my goal weight in April, and I have maintained it with very little effort.

I FEEL GREAT!

That’s what I say to anyone who will listen. People not even living with me notice the difference.

To that end, I’m going to do something I’ve never, ever done — and never would have done if I hadn’t lost the weight: Publicly post a bikini pic. No filter. No cropping. No Photoshop.

Here we go.

I know I still have some work to do, but I feel more confident than I have in more than 15 years. I’m brave enough to take and share this photo, anyway.

And if this move inspires even ONE of you to make a change for your sake and for the sake of your family, then my nervousness at doing it will have been worth it.

If I can do it, you can too. I believe in you.

Love and all my best wishes for a healthier you,
Beth

 

* Eddie is now a coach in the program. Send me a message if you want me to hook you up.

 

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An update on life with the teenager #SundayStory

Posted in Parenting, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on September 1, 2019| Leave a Comment »

Dear Friends,

Back in my day (someone get me my walker), we cruised around Stone Mountain Park after school.

Now the Dunkin’ Donuts is the hangout.

According to Dominic, the crowd is hit or miss.

Last Friday featured quite a crowd, though. When I went to get him and Gideon, I decided I needed an iced coffee.

Inside, I practically needed a machete to hack through the hormones in the air.

As soon as I got back in the car, I got hit with this:

Dominic: At least the thots we liked last year were cute. These are obnoxious and covered in acne. These seventh and eighth graders are awful. Gideon is more mature than any of them.

Gideon, an eighth grader: I really am. It’s true.

Dominic: He can take a hit too.

Me: Wait. What?

Apparently they went to a nearby park before DD to play football.

And that’s why they didn’t want me to pick them up too soon. And ignored my texts.

Dominic: I saw your question mark. Mama, we was out with the boys.

(Gideon informed me it’s supposed to be written this way: “We was out wit da bois.” Shudder.)

During said football game, Dominic had a run-in with a tree.

He saw it as an occasion to go into full drama mode.

I do have to tell you all that he’s been mostly great since he started ninth grade. More from Friday:

Dominic: There are three girls who said they caught feelings for me.

Me: Do you like any of them?

Dominic: Naw. I gotta get me those As.

(Not with that grammar you don’t. But I digress.)

It’s true that the notifications I’ve been getting from Campus Parent have not made my blood pressure spike.

And I made him laugh this week too. We were trying to edge into traffic, and I wanted to slide in front of a particular car.

Me: I’m going to slip in here because Drake isn’t paying attention.

Dominic: [Looks up from his phone to see my reference.]

Me: [Pulling in front and waving] Thanks, KeKe!

Dominic: [Looks at me in shock and actually chuckles.]

Me: You’re impressed I knew that aren’t you?

Dominic: Yes, because you listen to this [referencing The Pixies coming out of the speaker]!

Me: Listen: They were a seminal act of the late ’80s.

Dominic: [Exaggerated eye roll]

So, friends, I’m hoping we’ve turned a corner. (Don’t tell me it won’t last. Let me have my delusions.)

Cautiously optimistic,
Beth

 

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Cabs are here! A night out with @DJPaulyD #JerseyShore

Posted in Music, Parenting, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 25, 2019| 2 Comments »

Dear DJ Pauly D,

Thanks for a great night! The only thing that would have made it better is if you had brought your boyfriend and mine: Vinny.

As everyone who knows me and/or reads this blog is painfully aware, I love “Jersey Shore” and all the permutations. Your bromance with Vinny gives me life.

Knowing my jones for Jerzday, it should be no surprise that I HAD to go see you when you came to Atlanta.

I would have loved to take Gideon. We’re couch chooches. But it was a 21+ show, and he’s 13. Eddie was my lucky Plus One.

As I walked out the door, Gideon demanded photos and videos. Of course I obliged.

If only he had written, “Yeah, Buddy!”

Contrast that with my other son, aka Captain Crankypants.

He’s also punctuation challenged.

There was a lady in the loo who was challenged too — challenged by the soap dispenser. She kept banging on it and hollering, “I need soap! I need soap and Jesus!”

I’m not sure if she got either. I left to see the rest of your set.

It was everything I hoped it would be and more.

You spun for hours. I was impressed.

And even sported a Braves jersey!

Your other buddy was represented well too.

Thanks for putting on a fantastic show!

Love and fist pumps,
Beth

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Oh yes, it’s ladies night*: Behind the scenes #girlsnightout #Tuesdaytruth

Posted in Parenting, Random, tagged , , , , , , on August 20, 2019| 6 Comments »

Dear Dudes,

When you hear “girls’ night out” or “ladies weekend,” what do you think goes on?

One of my friends said, “Hair braiding and pillow fights in lingerie.” He’s been watching too much … of a certain … uh … genre.

Another said, “Drinking and dragging guys. And dancing too.”

In my experience, the latter is more accurate. But perhaps I don’t get out enough. Or it’s that I have fairly tame friends.

Here’s a peek into what happened at a recent get-together with some female friends of mine. We’ve been friends since we bonded in some work trenches more than 15 years ago.

THE GOOD

1. Pedicures. No ladies weekend is complete without a trip to the nail salon.

2. Exercise. All of us got in a little exercise by walking and talking on the beach.

Goat Yoga Lisa went a little further (naturally): Pushups at 10 p.m. Aimee provided resistance. I provided Eddie via FaceTime so he could critique her form.

THE BAD

1. Junk food. This was not a time to be healthy.

 

Just look at the food and beverages visible in this photo. Note that Becky has thoughts on Oyster Bay: “It’s no Sutter Home.”

2. Adult beverages. Some people come prepared.

THE UGLY

1. Celebrity behavior. If the trashy magazines we purchased with the wine and junk food are any indication, you are not allowed to pull your bathing suit out of your butt. For shame, Britney! (Just kidding. That’s normal behavior for all of us.)

2. Everyone but us. This is the real story of ladies weekend: It’s a time to vent and commiserate. Stop, collaborate and listen.

Becky regaled us with stories of the Top Tier Type A moms at her children’s school who are wound up about pee on the seat in the bathrooms. Apparently Decatur and East Lake are filled with choice personalities who are EXTREMELY involved in a variety of aspects of community life. One of her friends is consumed with a street sign.

Aimee: Does she have a lot of time on her hands?
Becky: Well, she’s single and has no kids.
Lisa: That means yes.

And speaking of kids, yes, we tell those tales too. We’re trying hard not to scar them like we were scarred.

Aimee: When I was 12, my stepfather gave me a shirt from Hooters that said “More than a mouthful.”
The rest of us: <Loud groans of dismay>

The bottom line?

Yes, there was some drinking and dragging.

A couple of us did a few steps of “Single Ladies,” but I’m not sure I’d classify that little bit as dancing.

I did toss a throw pillow at Lisa, but we didn’t braid each other’s hair.

The sleepwear of choice was the T-shirt/pajama pants combo, not lingerie.

So, there you have it: A peek behind the ladies weekend curtain.

Probably not all that you thought it would be.

Sorry, not sorry.

They don’t exist to please you. In fact, you guys are more often than not the reason they exist.

🙂

Love you anyway,
Beth

 

 

* Thanks, Kool & The Gang!

 

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Dispatches from the Pool: Season 3, Episode 2

Posted in Apartment life, tagged , , , , , on August 11, 2019| Leave a Comment »

EPISODE 2: All’s Quiet on the Chlorine Front
Rated G for give a girl some space

EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX POOL – LATE SUNDAY AFTERNOON.

Enter MOTHER and her 13-YEAR-OLD SON. (When asked if he wanted to go, her 14 YEAR OLD on his Xbox said, “I don’t know.” And that was that.)

Despite the fact that it is prime sunning hours, the pool is nearly deserted.

MOTHER notices a leathery GRANNY is in residence in the corner.

This is exactly where this woman has been every single time MOTHER has been to the pool this season. MOTHER wonders if she should be concerned. Perhaps this woman doesn’t have a home beyond the pool.

On a lounge chair a mere four feet away is a THIRTYSOMETHING WOMAN reading a book.

A MAN IN SHORT BATHING TRUNKS enters the pool area, and chooses a lounge chair in the same strip as the WOMAN.

MOTHER wonders why he has to be all up on her when there are dozens of other chairs.

Perhaps WOMAN thinks the same thing, as she quickly departs.

When she leaves, SHORT SUIT moves a chair within five feet of MOTHER.

MOTHER sighs. She is not a fan of people being too close to her.

MOTHER and SON and FATHER who has appeared in the interim decide they’ve had enough of the pool and people being too close and leave.

No drama. MOTHER didn’t want to start anything. (Sorry.)

END SCENE

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(I) need a little patience*: The 14 year old strikes again

Posted in Parenting, tagged , , , , , , , on July 28, 2019| Leave a Comment »

Dear Dominic,

Sigh.

You’ve been so great for the past few weeks. Why did you have to ruin it?

I woke you up yesterday at 10:30 because our friend Harry was taking us on his boat. Let me remind you of our conversation, as your memory is trash.

Me: “Get up. We’re leaving to go on Harry’s boat in an hour. You need to get breakfast and get all these clothes off the floor.”

You (loud): “Why do we have to go? I don’t want to go! Can’t just you and Gideon go?” (Insert more bitching.)

Me: “Do you realize how stupid you sound? You are mad that I’m trying to get you to go on a boat on Lake Lanier, possibly even go water skiing! What’s wrong with you?”

(Side note: Eddie is out of town.)

This is what’s wrong with you: You don’t get enough sleep.

Once you got a few snacks in you, you were fine.

(Side note 2: Why do you have to eat like a savage?)

And that gave you enough strength to go water skiing.

I know you were sorry you acted like such a butthole, because later, when we were swimming, you would not leave Harry and me alone. You were all up in our conversation.

Harry and I have been friends for 27 years. We have things to discuss that don’t concern you.

So next time, could you PLEASE save your anger and drama for AFTER you see if you hate the activity?

Kthxbye,
Your aggravated mother

* Nod to Guns N’ Roses

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‘Ride Wit Me’ on our family night out, annotated @Nelly_Mo #ThursdayThoughts

Posted in Parenting, Random, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 25, 2019| 5 Comments »

Dear Cellairis Amphitheatre at Lakewood:

I had never visited you before last night, but I’m old enough to remember when you were just the Lakewood Amphitheater — much less fancy, and inexplicably easier to get to via public transportation.

(Side note: What is Cellairis? A constellation? Anxiety drug? Wiener go-go juice?)

Anyway, a $20 ticket special for Nelly, TLC and Flo Rida was enough to get me off my couch and onto your lawn — with the kids even.

However, when the first cloud of weed smoke wafted over, I began to question my parenting choices.

I’m not the only one who should question choices.

Take, for example, this scene:

Let’s break this down.

In blue, a gaggle of girls in Uniform 1.

In red, a gaggle in Uniform 2.

In green, the one dork they brought along to be their Snap photographer.

They didn’t even talk to each other. Or listen to the music. They just took photos for 30 minutes.

And let’s talk about the booze. Everything seemed sold out in the concession area, but you could buy plenty on the lawn.

Anyway, Nelly was great, and helped me redeem myself with Dominic, who thought I was dragging him to a country concert. (He’s lazy, I’ve told you. Too lazy to Google, apparently.)

But my main interest was TLC. T-Boz and Chilli have still got it, from what I could tell. (Your acoustics made them sound like they were singing out of a portable speaker at a pool party.)

Once we heard “Waterfalls,” we bounced — along with hundreds of other ’90s music lovers who had to work the next day.

So thanks for an entertaining night. It’s unlikely I’ll be back. I guess I just prefer smaller, more intimate venues.

It’s not you; it’s me.

😉

Your friend,
Beth

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What’s this? The teenager is maturing? #ThursdayThoughts

Posted in Parenting, tagged , , , , , on July 18, 2019| 2 Comments »

Dear Dominic:

Your time with the ingrates camp children changed you for the better. Thank GOD.

For one thing, it taught you a little responsibility.

It also taught you a wee bit of patience. For example, renewing your passport took nearly two hours.

To your credit, you bore it better than I did.

And as a reward to both of us, we greased up at The Varsity.

(Absolutely not on my diet. Totally worth it.)

And then last night you snuggled up to me while we were watching “Stranger Things.” I was startled, to say the least. And I was afraid to snuggle back for fear you’d retreat. Trying to love you is like trying to feed a feral cat: I have to be patient and let you come to me.

You didn’t even mock me for declaring my love for Steve, single mother of five.

We haven’t argued in weeks. It’s some kind of record.

I’m not complaining.

In fact, I’m pretty damn happy.

Keep up the good work.

Love,
Mama

 

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The troublemaker meets REAL troublemakers: 3-5 year olds #SundayRead

Posted in Parenting, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on June 30, 2019| 2 Comments »

Dear Karma,

Sometimes I don’t think you really are a bitch. But then there will be an experience that renews my faith in you.

I had one of those experiences this week.

Or rather, the troublesome 14 year old in my life did.

We shipped Dominic off to stay with cruise friends Patrick, Petra, Ryder and Mia so that Ryder and Dominic could be counselors at a summer camp together.

I didn’t hear from Dominic all week, so I checked in.

So I asked the head camp lady if he could come back in two weeks. She said she would love to have him, but didn’t have anything for him to do. No room on the schedule for him.

I’ve raised a resilient, motivated, intelligent child, right?

Not so fast.

He still has trouble following directions. When to get off the bus, for example.

Also, look at what he did to himself in a bike accident:

How? He was rooting around in his backpack while driving the bike instead of paying attention. The speed bump won.

Anyway, thank you, Karma, for avenging me. For all those times he drove/drives me crazy, thank you for sending a plague of toddlers.

You’re the best.

Back to believing,
Beth

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