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Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’

Glinda and Elphaba’s double date

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on November 1, 2010| 6 Comments »

I love Halloween. Fortunately for me, I have family and friends who like it too. Before the kids arrived on the scene, Eddie and I hosted a big party every year (Frankenparty). Now we just put our energy into costumes.

This year, we teamed up with two other families and went as the cast of the “Wizard of Oz.” It took more than a month of construction for Eddie, the Tin Man.

It took an hour and a half to get Eddie into the costume, and there was tape involved.

The end result was worth it:

Here’s the cast list:

Us:
Tin Man: Eddie
Toto: Dominic
Lion: Gideon
Glinda: Me

Friends:
Scarecrow: Eggy
Wicked Witch: Sophia
Dorothy: Ava

Family:
Munchkin: Carmen
Flying Monkey: Daniel

We were a big hit in the neighborhood.

We lost track of how many people asked to take pictures of us.

After trick or treating, it was time for four of the adults to enjoy some treats of their own. Carmen and Daniel, Eddie’s sister and brother-in-law, agreed to watch the kids so we could go to my friend Terri’s party.

Getting there was … interesting. We couldn’t use ruby slippers or a broom, so the Element had to do.

It took about 15 minutes for us all to reassemble ourselves once we got to Terri’s house.

But the night didn’t end there. Oh no. We were so happy to be out that we even went to see a movie: “Paranormal Activity 2.” The witches definitely needed a break!

Witches’ Night Out

After all, Glinda and Elphaba hadn’t been able to spend much time together since college.

Next year: Sesame Street. Oh, it’s on!

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Parenting 101

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , on October 11, 2010| 7 Comments »

Perhaps I’m too strict. Or perhaps I had kids late enough in life that I remember that people without kids don’t usually like to be bothered by kids. And sometimes even people with kids don’t like to be bothered by kids.

Eddie and I do not let our children run amok in restaurants. We refuse to be that family with the ring of detritus around the dinner table. I don’t need extra napkins because my children WILL NOT make a mess.

Yes, maybe I’m too strict. Or maybe I’m considerate.

I certainly would not allow Dominic and Gideon to amuse themselves by turning deck lights at Tubby’s Tank House off and on, off and on, etc. The mother of young Artemis and Arcadian (yes, those were their unfortunate names) had no such qualms.

My friend Pam and I were trying to have a nice quiet evening. Thank you, idiot mother, for ruining that plan. It will not scar your children for life for you to tell them to “cut that out right now.” You can correct them. That’s your job. Artemis and Arcadian will have plenty of friends in their lives (well, maybe). They only have one mother. Show them how to act!

And if you are unable to make them behave in public, stay home.

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Murder, she wrote

Posted in Chickens, tagged , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2010| 6 Comments »

Convicted serial killer accused of fifth slaying

From Staff Reports

BLOOMINGDALE, Ga. — Convicted serial killer Maggie The Dog is the only suspect in the murder of Shelly The Chicken. Shelly’s father, Eddie Concepción, found the bird’s body Sunday night in the back yard of the family home. Maggie’s younger sister, Mona The Dog is listed as an accomplice.

“I knew the dogs were a little too anxious to go outside,” he said. “Mona was not returning to the house, so I got the flashlight and started shining it around. I saw the two legs and knew.”

Warning: Graphic image

Concepción reported that Shelly must have left the side yard while the family was at a birthday party at Monkey Joe’s. When the family came home, it was dark. According to Concepción, they did not know of Shelly’s escape when they let Maggie and Mona outside.

Shelly’s mother, Beth Concepción, was clearly distressed. “We had a breakthrough yesterday,” she said. “She finally came up to me and wanted to be petted. We were making such progress on her socialization!”

According to the family, neither Shelly nor her sister Jeanne had ever left the side yard. However, sources close to the investigation reveal that Beth had said both chickens were about due for a wing clipping.

Beth reports that Jeanne, who shared a coop with Shelly, is holding up well under the circumstances.

“She just seems really sad and lonely,” she said. “I’m afraid this tragedy also will push back egg production.” Neither chicken had produced an egg yet.

Maggie had been convicted of the March 2010 murder of Trish La Gallina and the April 2009 murders of Trish’s three sisters. She had done time inside the house and outside on a leash before being released on parole.

On behalf of his delinquent dogs, Eddie is asking for understanding and forgiveness.

“I don’t think we should have chickens. Either train them to be guard chickens or get rid of the dogs. Chickens and dogs cannot coexist,” he said. “Apparently, there is some kind of code we don’t know about that Maggie is forced to enforce.”

Eddie’s son Dominic took additional steps to ensure peace in the Concepción household.

“Dominic had a talk with Maggie and he said that she’s not going to [kill] again,” Eddie said.

The family held a private service in conjunction with trash pickup.

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Hookups in the animal kingdom

Posted in Random, tagged , on October 1, 2010| 4 Comments »

I’m in trouble. Dominic is following in my footsteps. He wrote and illustrated a story I’d like to share.

Disclosure: His teacher wrote most of the words from his dictation.

"The Happy Little Snake," written and illustrated by Dominic

It was a hot day. He woke up and slithered through the forest.

Then he saw a big tree. The bush looked like an ostrich.

He slithered over a grass hill and saw a ladybug. He slithered some more. The ladybug followed him to his home. They slept together.

So. The snake is happy because of some ‘ho ladybug.

Great.

(To those who read my stories in grade school: Do you see why I’m worried?)

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“Wuv, twu wuv”

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , on September 12, 2010| 9 Comments »

So sayeth the “Impressive Clergyman” from “The Princess Bride.”

Eddie and I celebrated 15 years of “mawwage” on Thursday. We chose an easy-to-remember date — 9.9.95 — because neither of us has a good memory for important dates. (Charlotte, you can attest to that.)

A marriage that lasts this long is, sadly, rare among people our age. However, we are fortunate to know plenty of couples who are still married after many years. And then there’s Al Gore. Why would he and Tipper divorce after 40 years? That makes me sad.

We were at a wedding last weekend (congrats Deanna and Chris!) and the DJ asked married folks to dance together while he noted total years married. Couples were supposed to leave the dance floor when he passed their total. Most of the couples left the dance floor after he said, “Five years.” After “10 years,” we were the only ones left of our generation. Everyone else had a good 15 years on us.

An anniversary is a good time to reflect on the good times and the bad. Eddie and I have had our share of both. Our trip around the world was a good time. Watching my mom die was bad. So bad.

Some of our friends are going through a rough patch, and some are planning a wedding. If any of these friends asked us for words of wisdom, here’s what we’d say:

  1. Real life is not Hollywood. You don’t ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. You can be happy, but it takes work.
  2. It is the hardest, but most rewarding work you’ll ever do.
  3. Make sure you know how to work together and how to argue constructively before you have kids.
  4. Kids do not help a relationship, so don’t have them trying to “fix” it. (We didn’t do this, but we know plenty of people who did.)
  5. You can’t change the other person, you can only change how you react to him/her. (And you can gently point out some modifications you’d like to see.)
  6. A marriage is not only a love relationship, but a roommate situation as well. You are not always going to get along, but you need to learn to pick your battles. Argue about the things that really matter, and argue to compromise, not to win. (And if you say you do always get along and never argue, then you are either lying, or one of you has stopped caring enough to argue.)
  7. Some days you will not like the person you married. You will love him/her, but you will also want him/her to get the F out of your face. That’s OK, because you’ll feel differently the next day. Or the day after that.
  8. Trust is crucial. Live your life as if your partner is there at all times. If you wouldn’t do something (or say something) in front of your partner, then you shouldn’t do it at all.
  9. Because he/she is not there all the time, you have to be honest, especially if there is any potential weirdness. (For example, if I went out of town for a conference, and went to dinner with an old friend who happened to be male, I’d tell Eddie in advance. Like this: “Eddie, I’m going to LA at the end of October and I’m going to hang out with Matt.” See, that was easy.)
  10. Take time to cultivate. Especially when children are involved, life can turn into one big “to do” list, and conversations more often start with “Can you …?” or “Did you remember to …?” Remember why you married this person in the first place, and spend some alone time doing fun and/or romantic things.

Remember to always “tweasure your wuv.”

So sayeth The Rev.

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“She hates time, make it stop”

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on August 22, 2010| Leave a Comment »

For reasons that should be obvious from some of my earlier posts, my anthem for this summer is Bowling For Soup’s 1999 song “1985.”


These lyrics in particular really resonate with me lately:

She’s seen all the classics, she knows every line
Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, even St. Elmo’s Fire
She rocked out to Wham!, not a big Limp Bizkit fan
Thought she’d get a hand on a member of Duran Duran

Where’s the mini-skirt made of snake skin?
And who’s the other guy that’s singing in Van Halen?
When did reality become TV?
Whatever happened to sitcoms, game shows, on the radio was

Springsteen, Madonna, way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie and music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school they tell her that she’s uncool
‘Cause she’s still preoccupied with 19-19-1985
(Woo hoo hoo)

She hates time, make it stop
When did Motley Crue become classic rock?
And when did Ozzy become an actor?
Please make this stop, stop, stop!

I can’t stop time, and I can’t go back to my 20s, so I must find joy in the present. And in the present, I find joy in little things.

Here’s a non-comprehensive list in no particular order of 50 things of things that make me happy.

  1. Doing impressions with Eddie of Tim Gunn.
  2. When Gideon yells “I love you, Mama” in crowded places.
  3. A hot, hilarious, handy husband
  4. Deciding to give up hoping that certain people will stop saying mean, untrue things about Eddie and me.
  5. Realizing that my best will never be good enough for some people, and coming to terms with that (a corollary to the above).
  6. Greek yogurt
  7. Greek yogurt with pomegranate
  8. Montessori school
  9. An iTunes playlist on which artists such as Lady Gaga, Will Smith, Amy Winehouse, OK Go and the Dixie Chicks live together harmoniously.
  10. Kenny Chesney’s “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy“
  11. When my mother-in-law isn’t speaking to us
  12. “Everything” bagels
  13. That my father found a woman who makes him happy in his post-Mom life.
  14. Shopping for groceries
  15. Trying new recipes
  16. Having friends over
  17. Close female friends I’ve had for years who “get” me (Trish, Linda, Julia, Tina, Khaki, Heidi, Sophia and Terri come to mind)
  18. Funny male friends (Royce, Billy, Edgar, Alex, James, Ed, Michael — I’m talking about you)
  19. Facebook and Twitter
  20. Certain past and present students
  21. My Beer of the Month Club membership
  22. Grammar, punctuation and spelling errors in the wild because it means fodder for this blog
  23. Hearing the kids sing along to Owl City’s “Fireflies“
  24. Primary colors, especially blue
  25. Coffee, specifically in a Starbucks frappuccino
  26. That I killed a venomous snake by myself
  27. Entertainment Weekly and People magazines
  28. AP Style
  29. “Amazing Race,” “Survivor,” “Project Runway,” “Top Chef”
  30. Knowing how to make certain meals, such as empanadas with Spanish rice, without a recipe
  31. Dominic’s interest in science
  32. That Eddie and I know what each other is thinking with one look (a code look)
  33. Cheese
  34. Cranium
  35. Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Puffs (of course)
  36. Chickens
  37. That I can figure out a way to get to New York roughly twice a year
  38. Week 10 of the quarter
  39. Apple products
  40. Leaves changing in the fall
  41. Christmas Eve
  42. A quiet house
  43. Candles
  44. Living near lakes, the ocean, and people with pools
  45. Petra’s strawberry cake
  46. Ida’s Iranian cutlets
  47. Dragonflies
  48. Zunzi’s
  49. “Walter the Farting Dog“
  50. Bedtime

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Avatar: The Last Sharpie

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , on August 12, 2010| 6 Comments »

Dominic and Gideon wake up before Eddie and I do. We’ve been strongly encouraging them to stay in their rooms and play quietly.

This morning, Eddie left very early to open the gym. Usually, the kids are up when he leaves at 6:30. Not this morning. I was pleased, thinking they were playing quietly or still sleeping.

I should have been worried.

About an hour later, I woke up again — this time to Dominic yelling, “Mama! I made Gideon look like Aang!”

Aang is the main character in “Avatar: The Last Airbender.”

And here is Gideon as Aang.

Yes, that is Sharpie permanent marker all over him (it was in Gideon’s room to mark his height chart). Here is the back view for your enjoyment:

(I promise we feed him. He’s going through a massive growth spurt.)

So cute. So awful.

The "artiste," "Aang" and Mona (who doesn't care what kind of crap anyone has on his face)

Dominic realized he had made a mistake when he saw the look on my face. He started saying he was sorry, but what could I do? I laughed. I laughed to keep from crying.

I guess I should be happy he has artistic talent.

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Around Atlanta in 60 hours

Posted in Grammar, etc., Random, tagged , , , , , , , , on July 29, 2010| 6 Comments »

Some friends of ours returned from Abu Dhabi for the summer, and wanted to take a family trip to Atlanta.

It was an opportunity we could not refuse.

We stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn because of its proximity to the places we wanted to visit, and because Hilton was offering a package called “The Great Getaway” that offered free breakfast. Sign us up!

Here are the places we visited:

In addition to all the wonderful beasts of the waterways, the aquarium also has a whale slide. Billy, who is not a small man, decided he would try it out. Dominic said, “The whale’s gonna choke!”

Gideon and Mana enjoy some alone time.

It’s less a museum and more an educational Monkey Joe’s. Lots of screaming, running, banging, etc. And the kids made noise too (ba-dum-dum). Let’s just call it “collaborative learning.”

Gideon plays with the moon sand.

That place seemed so much bigger (and cooler) when I was an elementary school kid on a field trip. We saw the Galaxy Gameshow at the planetarium. I think the kids enjoyed it, but I don’t really know. I was asleep. And so were the other three adults. In fact, Eddie said as we left, “So we paid $12 for a nap?” Yes, yes we did.

Fernbank is to the American Museum of Natural History as CitiTrends is to Henri Bendel.

It’s my favorite mall in Atlanta, and I used to work in one of the clothing stores when I was in college. (I won’t say which store because it is just too embarrassing, even for me). We weren’t really there to shop, though. I had to get the hinge on my MacBook Air fixed. While I was doing that, everyone else ate ice cream.

The screaming stopped when they got ice cream.

This is my favorite hotel in the world, and I love this restaurant. It’s a little pricey, but it is worth it for the view.

Lunch over Atlanta

On the way there, I noticed this sign.

Only in the South, y’all.

No visit to Atlanta is complete without a naked dog with cheese, fries and an FO (Frosted Orange). Of course, then I slip into a grease-induced coma, but I don’t care.

The plan was to go to The Old Spaghetti Factory (cheesy but yummy and cheap) but it was closed. (For those of you keeping count, that’s the fourth of my favorite restaurants that has closed in the past year. Am I bad luck?) So we went across the street to Mary Mac’s. Despite it being an Atlanta landmark, I had never eaten there. It is Mrs. Wilkes’ Dining Room and The Lady & Sons restaurant in a larger environment. A butter-induced coma ensued.

  • The hotel pools

There were two pools — one outdoor, one indoor — and a jacuzzi. With five kids in the party, though, there are bound to be time-outs, even at the pool. The award for Best Actor in a Dramatic Role goes to my son Gideon for his role in “Pool Party, Pity Party.”

Time-out, party of four

I found another lovely sign here also.

Does the “mangement” handle identifying the “persons with communicable diseases” using the pool?

Overall, it was a fun trip, but also very exhausting. I think Dominic would agree.

All tuckered out

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Snakes on a Plane! (um … patio, that is)

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , on July 24, 2010| 1 Comment »

When I let the dogs out this morning, I decided to go out also to check on my (rather pathetic excuse for a) garden. It is a good thing I did. Look what I found:

“COPPERHEAD!” my inner girly voice shrieked. The mom, independent woman and rational voices immediately gave that other one the smackdown.

Eddie was taking his Saturday morning constitutional with the SCAD Bike Club, so I was left to my own devices. Ordinarily, I’d leave a snake alone. This one was on my patio, though. I have kids to protect.

So, I looked in the shed for our hoe or shovel, but they were nowhere to be found. Plan C was the post hole digger.

I calmly approached the interloper with my chosen weapon (which was freakin’ heavy, by the way). It saw me coming and slithered under the carcass of the blow-up water slide that has been on our patio for weeks (a sore subject for another time). I beat the snot out of that section of the slide with the post hole digger.

Slowly, I lifted the corner. The snake was not there. I lifted the corner a little more and saw it. My flailing had delivered only a flesh wound.

It coiled and tried to strike. I went berserk.

I think it's dead now.

I turned around and Dominic was looking at me through the window. His eyes were very wide. I couldn’t tell if he thought it was cool, funny or frightening.

Great. He’s probably scarred for life.

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A mother’s confessional

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , on July 14, 2010| 16 Comments »

Is it wrong that I am counting down the days until school starts again? I am teaching three online classes so I can be home with the kids every day during the summer.

And that was a mistake.

I am not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. I admire women who are. And those women who homeschool have my ultimate respect.

Let me assure you that I love my children with all my heart. I think they are funny, interesting little people. I would take a bullet for them. I adore them. However, my amount of patience is inversely proportional to the amount of time spent alone with the boys during the summer when they have extra energy and less self-control. And the days are longer.

Women don’t like to admit stuff like this. They pretend they are always so Zen with their kids. And maybe some are. But I’m not, and I want to talk about it because I know I’m not alone. This sounds like some kind of addiction meeting: “Hello. My name is Beth, and my kids drive me crazy.”

Every day, I say one of the following sentences. (See this related post for sentences I never thought I’d say.)

1. Leave the dog alone.

2. Stop standing on the furniture.

3. Please stop yelling.

4. Keep your hands to yourself (and its corollary: Leave your brother alone).

5. If you don’t put those toys away, I’m getting a trash bag and I’ll put them away for you.

This week, I’ve also been saying this every day: “No, we can’t watch ‘Land of the Lost.'”

Loss of patience can lead to mother rage. That concept is addressed in a hilarious manner by Anne Lamott in this post that is rather old, but still apropos.

Can I get a “Holla” here? Anyone?

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