Now — a theme park for the most important people of all: STRAIGHT WHITE MEN.
Only STRAIGHT WHITE MEN are allowed — preferably married men wanting to get away from the ol’ ball and chain. Leave that shrill harpy HOME where she belongs!
Only AMERICANS — except for TYRANT TUESDAYS when Americans can bring a straight male friend from one of the following countries: Russia, South Africa, and Hungary.
Only the RICH. You must make more than 360 large. NO POORS. Show your bank statement with your ticket.
Nothing WOKE here. WE GUARANTEE. You never have to see a Pride flag or a black face.**
NO DEI either. Our rides are run by the cream of the crop: TEENAGE INCELS.
RED, WHITE, AND BLUELAND is affiliated with the ALL NEW John F. Kennedy and Kid Rock Big Ass Honkytonk Center for the Performing Arts and Rock ‘N’ Roll Steakhouse. The MARCH LINEUP features Kid Rock, Jason Aldean, Lee Greenwood, Ted Nugent, Billy Ray Cyrus, John Rich, and Monster Truck Action with the WORLD-FAMOUS TRUCKASAURUS. Also, David Copperfield.
‘MURICA!
*For now. I think. If you like this idea, you might be a racist. If you are offended, ask yourself why.
**But if you want to wear blackface, that’s totes fine here at RED, WHITE, AND BLUELAND. It’s not just for Halloween anymore!
Isn’t FOX News basically a scam targeting seniors? I can see why this administration wouldn’t want seniors to recognize a scam — like voting for a con man.
Hey kids!
Auntie Beth has a fun new game for you. It’s called Truth AND Consequences.
We’ll start with a scenario. You decide if it’s real or if Auntie Beth’s fertile imagination made it up Onion-style. Here’s an example:
Trump administration fires more than 300 staffers at the National Nuclear Security Administration. Rehires them the next day when they realize those people oversee America’s nuclear weapons. But wait: They can’t locate their personal contact info and are asking remaining employees for help.
A non-elected, non-government person with no oversight has been given broad access to internal, confidential U.S. government databases and is making sweeping decisions on funding programs based on whether he thinks they are valuable or not. Oh, and he makes $7 million per day from the very same government.
FAKE NEWS! Elon Musk makes $8 million per day from all his federal contracts.
VP Vance refused to meet with the Chancellor of Germany, but did meet with the leader of the far-right German party who calls Holocaust remembrance a “guilt cult.”
Speaker of the House Mike Johnson and Senate Majority Leader John Thune said that Trump cannot continue to govern through Executive Orders — that they are done being “his bitches,” and he must work with Congress.
Please. Are you kidding? That’s as FAKE as RFK Jr.’s tan. Those two couldn’t find a spine if they were locked overnight in the Brooklyn Bone Museum.
The man above was busted for:
A. Serving minors in his bar. B. Drinking on the job. C. Cheating on his taxes. D. Causing an international PR crisis.
This is a toughie. It’s D for sure, but also likely C and B (though it LOOKS like A if you happen to just glance at the TV*).
Old man who has been accusing everyone of spending too much money spends $5 million for a joyride around a racetrack.
How many out of the 15 did you get right? (Were you even able to add up your score through your tears and/or blinding rage?)
This is America, y’all. Schoolhouse Rock didn’t prepare us for this bullshit.
The United States has three branches of government. At the moment, only the executive branch and judicial branch seem to be active. The Republicans in Congress seem to be OK with Trump governing via Executive Order.
I read your blog, posts, etc., because your beliefs are so different from mine. I’m really trying to understand. To find some common ground. It’s really hard, though.
And you clearly aren’t seeking dissenting voices. (I’ve mentioned before how you won’t approve comments that disagree with you. That’s your prerogative, of course.)
In your latest post, “The War For Young Minds” (no hyperbole there 🙄), you lament a part of “Hocus Pocus 2.”
Unpopular opinion: Your mistake was watching “Hocus Pocus 2” and not because of any drag queens. The original “Hocus Pocus” is unbearable.
But I digress.
Here’s the thing (and what I wrote in a comment that you deleted):
This doesn’t affect you. Drag queens do not impact your quality of life. A trans person living his/her/their life does not harm you in any way.
Let’s talk about the pejorative “woke.” Why is it so wrong to show people who are different from ourselves on TV and in movies? Why is representation threatening to you? Why does it bother you that a person wants you to use preferred pronouns in reference to him/her/them?
I know you are super religious, so let’s talk about a quality of God you’ve mentioned: never making mistakes.
You know what does affect children? The fear of being killed in school. There was a shooting Monday at a school three miles away from my house. That’s 40 school shootings this year, in case you are keeping track.
For someone who is so devoutly pro life, I would think you would care about that.
I have never once worried that a drag queen was going to kill me or children. In fact, drag queens have improved my life with meat prizes.
You know what else affects children? Predatory behavior.
I would think that Christian Republicans like yourself would care about that too. But no, that concern is selective, political, engineered and manifested for personal gain.
I have never once worried that a drag queen was going to molest my children.
So spare me your outrage. All I see is hypocrisy.
If you profess to care about children, you need to care about the children going to school worried about their safety. And children being preyed upon by grown men. And the ones who are LBGTQIA.
Some children may even grow up to be drag queens. If they are lucky. 😉
How do you explain to a kid why men are dressed as women? You say, “Because they want to.”
It’s as easy as that.
I mean, who cares?
Right. You do. Too much.
“Woke agenda.” Sigh. Drag is “harmful.”
Look. Listen.
Raise your children the way you want. Have the experiences you want to have. Surround yourself with likeminded people. Believe in and celebrate God. That’s your privilege. But know that it is YOUR responsibility to watch over your children, not Disney’s.
Someday, I hope your view of what’s appropriate, acceptable, “normal” and worth attention will change.
I would never have known about it. That’s what neighbors are for, I guess.
I had no idea that hundreds of naked people would be riding along the street that is perpendicular to mine: tits and bits mere steps from my front door.
Naturally, we pulled out the chairs to watch the procession.
I had a moment of concern as I had Gideon, 16, with me. But I’m not prudish, and he has access to PLENTY through his phone.
Here they come!
I needn’t have been worried at all. It was not, IN ANY WAY, a sexualized, deviant event.
In fact, the ride might have put all of us off sex for a very long time. 😉😂
There they go.
Good for all the riders for promoting body positivity and the reduction of our carbon footprint.
And thanks, neighbor, for making sure I know about crucial local events. This one was (as you well know) right up my alley.
Your water fitness class almost made me tap out. That would have been a first.
I don’t know if it is because it has been a while since I went to a class (<cough> six months <cough>) or whether it is because you are hard core.
Either way, I had jelly legs at the end of the class.
So thank you.
This pool is great for families (see water slides) but not so great for fitness courses in the deep end. I actually accidentally touched another participant because of the proximity. EEEK.
Not your fault.
I laughed when you shouted, “We always like men in here” to the man picking out a water noodle. To be fair, he did suggest he could be a shark among the mermaids (yuck).
And I appreciate that you gave the chatty ladies hell. (No, lady with pink hair, I don’t want to hear another word about your elbow, thankyouverymuch.)
Anyway, as that great sage Arnold Schwarzenegger said: “I’ll be back.”
I’m very sorry my public reply to your public question to AITA on Twitter upset you so much that you blocked me.
I’ve never been blocked before — not to my knowledge, anyway.
Maybe you block people regularly, so you don’t remember our exchange.
(And if you do block people regularly, perhaps you should stay off Twitter. Or stop commenting on tweets from popular accounts.)
To remind you, @AITA_reddit posted a selection involving a grown woman whose teenaged boys were mortified by her One Direction decor in one of the bathrooms.
As a mother of teenaged boys, and as someone who loves One Direction, I was interested in the post and fully on her side (as most people were).
But there’s always one person who wants to make it awkward.
That person was you.
It seemed like quite a leap from liking a band to being a pedophile. I’m shocked 584 people implied they agreed with you.
I was compelled to respond. (Because of course I was.) But I wasn’t the only one.
1. Target sold these candles.
2. I guarantee you that most moms of teenaged boys are not into thinking sexually about teenaged boys. They are gross.
3. Yes, I know some women do. That’s gross too. And, thankfully, not that common.
I think you are too sensitive to be on a public forum. You also seem to be projecting.
I am a middle-aged woman who thinks Harry Styles is very cute. He does not meet the age requirement (half my age plus seven) for naughtiness, and also, HE’S A CELEBRITY I’LL NEVER MEET.
Harry IS dating an older woman in the age-gap allowance (Olivia Wilde), so good for her.
(Side note on the age thing: I’m very excited to know that I can date all those hot middle-aged men when I’m 80. Cougaring FTW!)
When my aforementioned teenaged boys were young, they liked to watch iCarly. So I watched too. I thought Freddie Benson was adorable, but I did not want to sleep with him.
Now?
Hello, Freddie!
But no. Still not in the acceptable range. (Also, I’m married. Hi, Eddie!)
My point?
You can think someone is cute and not want to groom them for sex.
Just because a grown woman likes a boy band does not mean she is a pedophile.
I’m sorry if that’s hard for you to believe. And that, sadly, says more about your life.
I’m sorry my response upset you enough for you to block me. You didn’t need to worry, though: I had not planned on having any subsequent interaction with you.
May your future responses to @AITA_reddit bring you more peace, joy and solidarity than this one.
This guy. Rep. Barry Fleming. UGH. He’s from the Georgia city that has the Laurel & Hardy Museum. His efforts would be a comedy if his fellow Republicans weren’t serious.
Dear Georgia GOP,
Hey, y’all! Georgia voter here. What you are doing with your omnibus elections bill is ridiculous. I know you are upset that President Biden won the state in November and Senators Ossoff/Warnock won their seats in January, but you can’t just change the rules because you lost.
Except you can, because that’s what you do (*cough* gerrymandering *cough*).
Stop being sore losers. Just mobilize your base and register new voters. You know, like Stacey Abrams did.
I’ve voted in every election. I voted absentee in November because, you know, PANDEMIC. I took a picture of myself at the ballot dropbox because I know how y’all like to pretend ballots are being returned by others. 🙄
Forcing a voter to make a copy of his/ her/their ID or get a witness for a signature IS NOT GOING TO STOP FRAUD.
Reducing early voting IS NOT GOING TO STOP FRAUD.
Eliminating no-excuse absentee voting IS NOT GOING TO STOP FRAUD.
It just makes voting a hassle for everyone.
Even the Georgia Secretary of State — a man in YOUR PARTY — says y’all lost because of unfounded conspiracy theories, not because of fraud.
Stop making it harder for people to vote. You should be reducing barriers. But I guess you aren’t interested in a fair fight. You want to rig the system.
Observe and report 