As soon as I found out about this festival and realized it coincided with the day my son Dominic and I planned to drive from Atlanta to Savannah, I knew it was on the agenda.
I’ve been to many festivals and fairs. I have expectations. I can manage those expectations depending on the scope of the venture. Claxton Rattlesnake Roundup? It’s an annual, small-town, lookie-loo event. No expectations. McMinnville UFO Festival? Bigger event with a parade and a weekend of planned speakers. Higher expectations.
The banana pudding festival appears to be an annual state event with enough social media presence to get on the radar of someone in Oregon.
I had expectations.
I did not expect to wait 20 minutes on a two-lane road to be directed into a field to park — one of three, all off this same two-lane road.
I did not expect to wait another 30 minutes in line to pay a $10 entry fee. (Who charges an entry fee at a festival like this?!)
I did not expect to wait another hour in line to pay $10 to sample banana pudding along the “Puddin’ Path.”
This is the line for the Puddin’ Path.Dominic is so happy to finally be able to eat some pudding.
What — and I mean this sincerely — the fuck?!
One hour and $10 to sample eight versions of banana pudding, two of which were inedible? [One was “sourdough” (What? No. Stop.), and one was pecan praline (so sweet that I immediately contracted diabetes).]
And that’s it. Those eight samples equaled the only banana pudding available at the Georgia State Banana Pudding Festival.
You are deeply unserious festival planners. Clearly.
So what did our entry fee get us?
A vendors fair with all manner of offerings, including “sassy sewing.”A variety of wood creations and whatnot for sale.A few people with festival spirit.Hate crimes in merch form.An obstacle course driven by a blindfolded tractor driver.The ability to take this photo.
Not pictured: the 30-minute line for two porta-potties. Yes: TWO.
Also not pictured: The person running for Secretary of State who talked to us about his immigration stance, assuming we had the same political beliefs. Sir, I’m not your target audience, for a variety of reasons.
You know what WAS worth it: Spending this time with Dominic grousing about how lame your festival was. We are two of a kind and ended up having a great time.
Welcome, everyone, to the award ceremony for the first National Championships for the Mental Gymnastics!
(pause for applause)
The competition is complete, and we have our winners. Here are the following champions:
POMMEL HORSE: All the people killed, beaten, sprayed, pushed, detained, abused, etc., by the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement “officers” who have taken over Minneapolis, Minnesota. ICE has pommeled them repeatedly.* Congrats to these folks, mostly U.S. citizens! (So much winning! Are we great yet?)
STILL RINGS: Texas and Florida (tie). It takes immense strength and control to somehow avoid an ICE invasion when there are nearly 2 million and 1.2 million (respectively) undocumented residents, compared to Minnesota’s 130,000. How did they manage to come out on top? Their coach, Pam Bondi.
VAULT: ICE (and the DHS overlord Kristi Noem). They manage to vault right over the First, Second and Fourth amendments to the U.S. Constitution every day!
PARALLEL BARS: Kamala Harris. In a parallel universe — one without Elon Musk — she won the election and none of this is happening. Fun fact: Before the election, the right, with help from FOX News, said the Democrats would strip away the Second Amendment, jail us for what we say, drag us into more foreign wars, and cover up a sex trafficking ring, among other atrocities. Huh. Lookee here.
HORIZONTAL (HIGH) BAR: Joe Biden. He was crucified and had to drop out of the 2024 presidential race because he had a bad performance at a debate. Meanwhile, Trump sends the following letter to the Norwegian prime minister, and it’s just another Monday. Ho hum. Seems fine. Totally sane.
FLOOR EXERCISES: These were canceled as senators and representatives controlling Congress cannot be bothered to do the jobs outlined in the Constitution.
UNEVEN BARS: MAGA.
No foreign wars, unless Trump wants to start something with Venezuela or Denmark or Iran.
“America First,” unless Trump wants to give money to people in Greenland or Argentina.
No one should speak ill of Charlie Kirk because he was a husband and father and cared about his community, but Renee Good — also a mother and wife and someone who cared about her community — is fair game.
(Left) Kyle Rittenhouse meets with Donald Trump at Mar-a-Lago after acquittal. (Right) Alex Pretti documents ICE activity in Minneapolis Jan. 24 moments before he was killed, with the Trump administration claiming he was brandishing a gun.
BALANCE BEAM:No winners. Only losers. There is no balance, only hyperbole. For example, the rhetoric around immigration that led to the ICE buildup.
JD Vance claims there are 30 million undocumented immigrants in America. The number is closer to half. And they have been painted as rapists and murderers. According to extrapolated numbers out of Texas (the only place that really tracks), the number is 1.9 homicides per 100,000. There are more than 22,000 ICE agents. ICE killed 32 people in 2025. That’s about 1 per 688. I’d rather live next door to an illegal immigrant than an ICE agent.
*Side note: I can’t believe I have to say this but law enforcement officials are not allowed to execute “guilty” people either. We have a whole judicial system to determine guilt and punishment. Good and Pretti should be alive. For those of you saying, “FAFO,” I have a question and a comment. The question: Why are you defending these thugs? (Is it because if you admit they are wrong, you also are wrong for voting for this? Because you knew exactly what was going to happen. Or is it because you too were a high-school bully, and you love the violence?) The comment: Fuck all the way off with your inhumane self.
I was at your birthday “party.” It was an accident, believe me. I booked a flight months ago to go to Washington, D.C., for a conference. It was only a couple of weeks ago that I realized I’d be flying in on the day of your vanity parade.
What a waste of taxpayer money. It’s as bad as your weekly golf trips.
Yet we can’t afford cancer research, SNAP benefits, Medicaid, an HIV vaccine, etc.
Sure. 🙄
Anyway.
I’m staying up near DuPont Circle, which was a ghost town. I assumed it was because everyone was still at a No Kings protest or at your thing.
Maybe the former, but certainly not the latter. Admittedly, I got there near the end. (Yes, I went because I’m nosy).
I expected to see a whole bunch of your acolytes. I saw maybe three obvious ones and a couple I suspect.
Maybe these folks? 🤷🏻♀️
It seemed … poorly attended. I thought I must be missing something. I had a look at social media to see.
Oooh. That’s got to sting.
Oh, yes. Look at you:
Sour Puss next to Whiskey Pete, the DUI hire
It couldn’t happen to a worse person. I hope you had a terrible day. Sorry, not sorry.
I have never liked you. That’s never been a secret. You are everything people teach their kids not to be: greedy, petty, vindictive, boastful, willfully ignorant, etc.
And your policies actively hurt most people and help only very rich people.
[For people who say I have Trump Derangement Syndrome, and my life is better because of Trump, you can f—- all the way off. I know my life, and it was made worse by this idiot’s policies the first time (taxes, work experiences), and already this second time (work repercussions).]
I mean, look at you already backing off your immigration stance.
It’s only because you realized it was hurting your wealthy friends who employ undocumented workers.
As I was walking around, I was pleased to see a few things, such as these lightpost signs:
And then, I saw this:
Awww. So much empty.
There was a significant police presence, but not enough humans around to justify.
I heard some sirens and noise, so I followed the sound and found some people leaving the Washington Monument area.
It was a mix of people leaving the parade plus leftover No Kings. Then I went down the block a bit.
Some chanting, that’s it. Peaceful protest.
I was wearing my “Maybe today, Satan” shirt, but I did not get involved. Frankly, in my heart I know not ACAB, but I saw what enforcement folks did to reporters and regulars in L.A. I have a conference to attend, and I can’t do it from the hospital or jail.
Maybe. Maybe not.
So I left, and I ate a lovely dinner at Nando’s. Did NOT raise a glass to you.
I hope you are miserable knowing that millions of people turned out in cities large and small in the U.S. and abroad to protest you and all those who enable you — your junk drawer of a “Cabinet,” the spineless sycophants in Congress, your donors, and anyone who voted for you and still supports you.
I hope you had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
Some of you still have a few brain cells to rub together. I’m happy to see that.
But some of you are COLOSSALLY DUMB.
I mean, you can blame your lack of knowledge on the media you consume, but at some point you have to take responsibility.
The whole internet is RIGHT THERE. You can search for accurate information.
Use the critical thinking skills that set us higher vertebrates apart.
To make it easier for you, here are some facts:
Russia invaded Ukraine. No one disputed that until Trump started using Russian talking points. You know what would end the war? Russia can get the F out of someone else’s country.
Our allies support Zelenskyy. Russia doesn’t, obvi. But RUSSIA is not our ally in this conflict. Or wasn’t.
Trump/Vance are not the good guys on the world stage. They also are not the good guys at home for the 75 million Americans who did not vote for them. Also, please remember why Trump was impeached the first time.
The budget bill the Republican-controlled House just passed 217-215 will add $5 trillion to the deficit. It will require cuts to programs such as Medicaid yet the top tier of earners and corporations make out like bandits. Why do y’all ever put Republicans in charge? They screw the economy every time.
These two images represent what’s happening with Trump/Musk/DOGE:
Many people are pissed at what’s happening — people on the right and the left. They don’t like Musk. They aren’t happy with what Trump/Vance did to Zelenskyy. They are going to any town halls that reps are having, and they are voicing their displeasure. The Republican response? Stop going. Can you believe it? They are also saying that the people attending are either Democrats or are paid/bussed in by the DNC. Three thoughts: (1) Probably not. I saw one town hall video where Kansas Sen. Marshall walked out immediately after a man said, “I’m not a Democrat, but I’m worried about the veterans.” (2) Democrats are constituents too. I’ve been calling my reps every three or so days for the last couple of weeks. (3) I don’t care. The reps still need to answer questions publicly. They need to stop hiding behind social media accounts and their PR people.
Trump is a pathological liar. For example, his approval ratings are in the toilet, unlike what he tells everyone. The only president who had lower ratings was him in his first term.
When I write posts like this, I always think, “This time. This time, it will work. This time, people will see reason: I will have found the right combination of images, links and text.”
But then I have interactions with those of you like this:
And I see that there is genuinely no hope for some of you.
If I were in a club bathroom with America, I’d say, “Girl, you’re in trouble.”
WAKE UP.
At least stop existing on a diet of whatever FOX, the former Twitter, Facebook, your church, etc., feeds you.
Now — a theme park for the most important people of all: STRAIGHT WHITE MEN.
Only STRAIGHT WHITE MEN are allowed — preferably married men wanting to get away from the ol’ ball and chain. Leave that shrill harpy HOME where she belongs!
Only AMERICANS — except for TYRANT TUESDAYS when Americans can bring a straight male friend from one of the following countries: Russia, South Africa, and Hungary.
Only the RICH. You must make more than 360 large. NO POORS. Show your bank statement with your ticket.
Nothing WOKE here. WE GUARANTEE. You never have to see a Pride flag or a black face.**
NO DEI either. Our rides are run by the cream of the crop: TEENAGE INCELS.
RED, WHITE, AND BLUELAND is affiliated with the ALL NEW John F. Kennedy and Kid Rock Big Ass Honkytonk Center for the Performing Arts and Rock ‘N’ Roll Steakhouse. The MARCH LINEUP features Kid Rock, Jason Aldean, Lee Greenwood, Ted Nugent, Billy Ray Cyrus, John Rich, and Monster Truck Action with the WORLD-FAMOUS TRUCKASAURUS. Also, David Copperfield.
‘MURICA!
*For now. I think. If you like this idea, you might be a racist. If you are offended, ask yourself why.
**But if you want to wear blackface, that’s totes fine here at RED, WHITE, AND BLUELAND. It’s not just for Halloween anymore!
Isn’t FOX News basically a scam targeting seniors? I can see why this administration wouldn’t want seniors to recognize a scam — like voting for a con man.
Hey kids!
Auntie Beth has a fun new game for you. It’s called Truth AND Consequences.
We’ll start with a scenario. You decide if it’s real or if Auntie Beth’s fertile imagination made it up Onion-style. Here’s an example:
Trump administration fires more than 300 staffers at the National Nuclear Security Administration. Rehires them the next day when they realize those people oversee America’s nuclear weapons. But wait: They can’t locate their personal contact info and are asking remaining employees for help.
A non-elected, non-government person with no oversight has been given broad access to internal, confidential U.S. government databases and is making sweeping decisions on funding programs based on whether he thinks they are valuable or not. Oh, and he makes $7 million per day from the very same government.
FAKE NEWS! Elon Musk makes $8 million per day from all his federal contracts.
VP Vance refused to meet with the Chancellor of Germany, but did meet with the leader of the far-right German party who calls Holocaust remembrance a “guilt cult.”
Speaker of the House Mike Johnson and Senate Majority Leader John Thune said that Trump cannot continue to govern through Executive Orders — that they are done being “his bitches,” and he must work with Congress.
Please. Are you kidding? That’s as FAKE as RFK Jr.’s tan. Those two couldn’t find a spine if they were locked overnight in the Brooklyn Bone Museum.
The man above was busted for:
A. Serving minors in his bar. B. Drinking on the job. C. Cheating on his taxes. D. Causing an international PR crisis.
This is a toughie. It’s D for sure, but also likely C and B (though it LOOKS like A if you happen to just glance at the TV*).
Old man who has been accusing everyone of spending too much money spends $5 million for a joyride around a racetrack.
How many out of the 15 did you get right? (Were you even able to add up your score through your tears and/or blinding rage?)
This is America, y’all. Schoolhouse Rock didn’t prepare us for this bullshit.
The United States has three branches of government. At the moment, only the executive branch and judicial branch seem to be active. The Republicans in Congress seem to be OK with Trump governing via Executive Order.
Trump fans: “Gas is too expensive. I can’t afford eggs! Trump is going to help the regular folks.” Trump nominates billionaires to cabinet positions and invites others to his inauguration while — quite literally — leaving regular folks out in the cold. Trump fans: “Sounds great! They will put America first.”
Musk is really smart but not smart enough not to do what looks just like a Nazi salute? And I know many autistic people who don’t run around doing that gesture. Make it make sense. Satan, is this your idea of Hell on Earth for me outside of Florida?
Succeed in what, Leon? SUCCEED IN WHAT?
There’s an excuse for every damn thing. No one ever says, “Yep. That was wrong. I don’t agree with it.” It’s always, “But Biden did this thing … “ or “I work for Trump.” No, you work for the American people.
Requiring all federal workers to return to in-person work, as well as a directive to address the cost-of-living crisis. I’m sure that order is going over well with workers. And I’m no genius like Musk, but I’m thinking that the cost of living is much lower in rural areas instead of cities where federal workers might have to be in the office. If they could work from home from these areas, it might kill two birds with one stone. But what do I know?
Ending birthright citizenship protected by the 14th Amendment. Nice try, but Trump can’t change the U.S. Constitution with an Executive Order. Both chambers of Congress would have to pass the amendment with a two-thirds majority, plus at least 38 states would have to approve. Not so easy peasy. Fun fact: People have said that four of his five kids won’t be citizens anymore, but that isn’t true: One parent had to be a U.S. citizen at the time of the child’s birth. But guess who WOULDN’T be considered a citizen anymore? Kamala Harris (probably why petty Mr. Trump is so keen on getting rid of the protection). You know who else? Vivek Ramaswamy. Oh, and new Secretary of State Marco Rubio. C’est la vie!
Withdrawing from the World Health Organization. Why? Because they hurt Trump’s fee fees during the COVID pandemic for how he handled it? If the United States is out, it’s likely China will step up. That would give them more worldwide influence. Is that a good idea?
Renaming Gulf of Mexico and Denali to Gulf of America and Mount McKinley respectively. Regarding the first, GTFO. ARE YOU SERIOUS? I mean, fine. I guess Trump can make the United States do what he wants, but he can’t make the world call it that. Regarding the second, there is some ridiculousness at play here. Just look at this from the White House website:
Denali already is named to honor our nation’s history — Native American history as it comes from Alaska’s KoyukonAthabascan people, translating roughly to “The Great One.” A prospector named Dickey started calling it Mount McKinley in 1897; the federal government officially named it McKinley in 1917. Alaska reps started trying to get the name changed back to Denali beginning in 1975 and finally succeeded in 2015, over the protests of the reps in McKinley’s home state of Ohio. OHIO. By the way, McKinley never even set foot in Alaska. So which history is Trump honoring? A president who only served for four years (1897-1901) or, you know, an entire people and country that existed before white folks showed up? That’s a rhetorical question. I know whom Trump likes.
I genuinely think Trump does and says crazy things every day so that he keeps the focus and also so that no one has time to really give any of these things full attention. Nothing gets even one full news cycle. Not that the national news is doing any kind of real news reporting. (And I say that as someone who was an actual news reporter.)
Handouts include removing the estate tax for millionaires, lowering the corporate tax rate to 15 percent, and repealing the corporate profit minimum tax of 15 percent. Cost? $1.2 trillion.
Ways to pay for it? Well, they aren’t going to turn around and tax those same people. Guess who pays? I’ll take “working families” for $100, Alex.**
How? By removing the mortgage interest deduction, raising taxes on single parents, raising taxes on college students, eliminating the tax credit for child care. Oh right, and the tariff on imports, which will be passed along to consumers because THAT IS HOW TARIFFS WORK.
Satan, you have really done a number here. You convinced so many people to vote against their own best interests. Congratulations! Really, good job! During the election, there was one candidate promising $25K toward a down payment for a house. Now the one who won — your buddy! — is taking away a tax credit for people who somehow manage to actually own a house. Delightful!
Really spectacular work. You’ve gone above and beyond.
I’m SO EXCITED to be living in this timeline, Satan. Thanks so much for your machinations.
(Maybe I should have added a trigger warning for extreme sarcasm.)
Sigh.
At least this train wreck can’t go on indefinitely. For you to get a soul, the person has to … expire. No one lives forever.
Not that I’m wishing death on anyone or anything. Of course not.
Maybe good ultimately will win.
Maybe some people in power will discover they have spines.
Maybe you’ll get distracted by a Georgia kid named Johnny or something.
Taxpayer money (! – from the stupid Americans, of course) spent on stupid topic. (Note: She’s in the UK.)
She’s seeking validation and is therefore stupid.
Her topic is stupid, and therefore I’m smarter (the “I” here being the outraged respondent).
A degree is a waste.
You don’t believe me? Here is a quick sample:
(Note that all these accounts have Leon’s blue check, indicating they pay for the “privilege.” 🙄)
The one that takes the cake is the one she references here:
I mean: WHAT THE ACTUAL F—-?!
One of the main through lines here is that people do not understand that dissertations are always relatively niche. They cap a broader area of study.
It’s not just that they don’t understand. They also are completely unwilling to learn.
The anti-intellectualism, anti-science, anti-knowledge, sheer-contempt-for-education bent that many people seem to have is on full display.
I waded in when I saw this:
Um … WHAT?!
What benefit does anyone intend to bring to the world with our education and, ultimately, our job?
Well, Marilyn, who claims she worked successfully as a technical writer at a Fortune 300 company without needing more than a high-school degree, thinks that Dr. Louks can’t write, isn’t a deep thinker, wasted her time on an advanced degree, and won’t get a job.
Note that Dr. Louks already is teaching at Cambridge, but why let a fact stand in the way of Marilyn’s superior opinion?
Before I go on, let me remind you that our Marilyn was a technical writer (so she says). And she is criticizing Dr. Louks’ writing ability. DEAR GOD. My copyediting brain is going to explode.
I tried to share information with her. I can’t help it.
I tried because I would consider myself knowledgeable about the subject at hand:
1. I wrote a dissertation and earned a Ph.D. 2. I work in higher education. 3. I hire newly minted academic doctors all the time.
My brothers and sisters in Christ, I’m sure you can imagine that it did not stop there. There was a fair amount of back and forth where I explained that some jobs do indeed require an advanced degree, that I have one (an advanced degree AND a job) in higher education, and that Dr. Louks will be OK.
Here we are nearing the end where I finally gave up.
<RECORD SCRATCH>
I DON’T? I literally spend half my waking hours working in the education system.
So I said it’s my field, not hers. That she’s doubling down on being ignorant, and I was done trying to help her understand.
You can’t fix stupid.
She’s still on there making these insane claims. She’s learned nothing.
Meanwhile, I’ve learned that I really do need to stay on Bluesky where it’s civil. It’s like the early days of Twitter. No “premium” subscription needed.
Please check it out before the trolls take over. Or Leon buys it and ruins it like everything else he touches.
See you there! Beth
*BTW, let’s put that in perspective:
Donald Trump pardons Steve Bannon, Roger Stone, Michael Flynn, etc. MAGA: THIS IS HIS RIGHT!
Joe Biden pardons Hunter Biden. MAGA: THIS IS SO WRONG!
“BUT JOE LIED! He said he wouldn’t!” Yeah, well, things change. Trump and his cronies said they were going after Hunter and many others as soon as they get in. Also, Trump lied more than 30K times during his term, so maybe take a seat. Or several.
Finally, Hunter’s punishment didn’t fit his crime. Talk about a witch hunt.
So if you support the felon (convicted, I’ll remind you, by a JURY) and his cabinet of rapists/thugs/sycophants/donors (including daughter’s father-in-law — also a felon whom he pardoned), zip it about the pardon.
Auntie Beth knows the holidays can be polarizing, and it’s not just because of voting habits.
It’s the cranberry sauce.
There will never be peace between the warring factions of jarred vs. whole berry.
For the record, Auntie Beth likes them both.
Grandma Kathy’s is a whole-berry house.
Let’s start there and examine the Thanksgiving staples:
Whole-berry cranberry sauce FTW.Also polarizing: green bean casserole. Auntie Beth is a fan.Not a fan of gravy, though.Mashed potatoes with the secret ingredient: cream cheese. Not great for the waistline, but worth it.Mac and cheese with about 27 different kinds of cheese.Dressing (NOT stuffing as it didn’t go in the turkey).Keep the carb fest going with rolls.Roasted carrots with sage and brown butter.A little salad so folks can pretend to be healthy.THE MAIN EVENTPumpkin pies: Libby’s regular on the left, fresh on the right.
For this Thanksgiving, we also had some different choices:
Brie and fig jam puffsDeviled eggsWhatever these are (delicious)
What are some dishes you can’t live without for Thanksgiving? Tell us all in the comments.
Notice that I did not say “experts on the internet.” There is a difference. Just because you have access to all sorts of information, that does not mean you are an expert on various topics.
Case in point: 45 (incoming 47) spends loads of time on his phone, could Google “tariffs” if he wanted, but does not seem to understand how they work. Fact: Other countries do not actually pay the price.
(And those who think tariffs won’t drive up costs ALSO could have done a quick Google search BEFORE the election when it would have been most helpful, not afterward.)
I read a surprising exchange on the platform formerly known as Twitter. A person actually said that having a degree in a subject doesn’t make you an expert.
Um. What?
I’ll allow that maybe it doesn’t make you THE expert, but it does make you AN expert. You certainly would be better versed in the subject than some rando.
In the runup to the election, I had friends of Facebook friends — people who didn’t know me — trying to tell me about the “woke liberal media,” “fake news” and media ownership.
I wanted to scream, “I worked in media for 30+ years. I literally wrote the book** on media ownership. SHUT UP.”
When did people become so anti-science and anti-knowledge? When did people stop listening to people who have experience and expertise and KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT?
Can you imagine someone who has never done your job telling you they know more about it than you do? You would be outraged. And rightfully so.
So why, dearest Internet Expert, do you think it is OK to do this on social media?
Look at this exchange about COVID (which, by the way, is still around and killing people, even though we like to ignore it):
So let’s recap: A person with an advanced degree in virology is being told by these “Internet Experts” that she:
is giving terrible advice.
lives in a fantasy.
is a low IQ individual.
doesn’t know anything.
Her actual job for more than 10 years is studying viruses, but yet she doesn’t know as much as these three fools?
GTFO.
For kicks, here are their profiles:
So they seem fun.
Honestly, where do people get off?
I saw this just today:
I’m all for people having opinions, but come on: We are not equal in all areas. There is and should be a hierarchy of knowledge.
For example, I will listen to my doctor about my health over WebMD. (It’s better that way anyhow: WebMD always says I’m dying tomorrow.)
My point? Stay in your lane. I’m sure you have an expertise. We will trust you in that area. In return, please trust others who are experts in their fields.
Google is a great tool, but it is no match for a true education.